


all that glitters is not gold

by tinyglamdramaqueen



Series: all’s fair in love and war [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adultery, Angst, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Creampie, Cunnilingus, Drama, Exhibitionism, May/December Relationship, Mile High Club, Multi, Older Man/Younger Woman, Open Relationship, Public Sex, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Sex Parties, Sex Toys, Spanking, Threesome, Throuple, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Sex, age gap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:13:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 127,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26010202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyglamdramaqueen/pseuds/tinyglamdramaqueen
Summary: (SEQUEL TO all’s fair in love and war)The story continues as both James and Y/N face the consequences of their actions. The story intensifies as they fight against greater odds.Will she be more than just a mistress?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Series: all’s fair in love and war [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887835
Comments: 133
Kudos: 216





	1. venice

**Author's Note:**

> I do not have a fixed face claim for Bucky Barnes, nor the other characters in the MCU, so if you want to change it in your mind, feel free to do so.
> 
> I mention this in the story, but calli are the streets in Venice. That’s what they’re called in Italian 💗

**_10:43, 09. July 2018_ **

There were a lot of thoughts racing in her head, the primary one being:  _ what the fuck _ . 

The last person she expected to be right in front of her at that moment was James. It was her worst nightmare. 

He had no place being there in her corner of paradise. 

She knew Steve being there with her was a bad look. A very bad one. 

Especially as he had his hair wet and disheveled. He came right out of the shower. Completely unaware of what was happening. 

She hoped James didn’t start assuming things, though she wasn’t sure why she cared so much about what he thought. 

She didn’t. 

The past three weeks had been heaven. Granted the first week she was there she felt like a fish out of water, but that had more to do with the fact that she was in one of the world’s most beautiful cities with a broken heart. 

Though she had come to terms with what she had discovered that day when she visited Connie, she still couldn’t process it. The more she thought about it, the more it consumed her. 

James was a liar. And a cheat. But she knew all of that already. An honest man wouldn’t start an affair in the first place. 

So those weren’t the reasons why she was upset at him. Angry, even. 

It was that one not so tiny detail that changed everything. What she had seen when Connie opened the door to her house. 

She more than gladly drowned her sorrows in gelato and limoncello, whilst FaceTiming Nat. Though she still found the strength to get out of her room at the bed and breakfast and explore the city. 

That was just the first two and a half days. After her funk, she found herself stuck in a new routine. Do as much as possible in order to not think about James and his big secret. 

And it was working. 

_ Day eight _ into her new adventure, she was reverting back to her old self. Connecting with locals, even with the little italian she had learnt on YouTube and on language learning apps. 

It had finally sunk in that she was in Italy. Far away from everything that bothered her. 

At about noon she found herself in St. Mark’s Square, contemplating whether visiting the Doge’s Palace was worth the long queue. 

And whilst she thought about it, or pretended to, she took out her phone and snapped a few pictures to keep as memories of her trip, as she hadn’t taken many since she had arrived. 

“Excuse me ma’am, do you want me to take a picture of you?” Someone asked from behind her. A voice so apparent in her memory, she couldn’t help but freeze at the thought of its owner. 

Then her heart started beating uncontrollably like it hadn’t in a very long time. 

“Steve?” 

There he was. Like he promised. And looking good as always. She could help but beam at the sight of a friendly face, and immediately hugged him. Taking him by surprise. 

  
  


The last thing she expected to find in Venice was Steve. He had told her that he might visit, but usually people never kept their promises. 

And suddenly, she no longer felt lonely. 

That was two weeks ago. Since then a lot had happened. She had fully immersed herself in the culture. She soon realized water buses made her seasick, but water taxis didn’t. 

Though there was nothing better than walking around the city. The best restaurants were found hidden in the  _ calli _ , far from tourist attractions. Though no one cooked better than an Italian  _ nonna _ , which she learnt one very lucky afternoon when a nice elderly lady invited Steve and her for lunch at her place. 

Gondola rides were a ripoff, but it didn’t stop them from going on one of them. What she loved about it were the many pictures Steve took of her. He was such a good photographer. 

And gelato tasted better in Italy. Especially the one Steve had gotten and let her taste. Though she accidentally ate most of it.

They visited all of the tourist attractions twice, whilst being fully immersed in the culture. They walked around the city together, and she saw how the other women looked at them. 

She knew she was lucky to be by him.

All the while she moved into Steve’s secret Venetian hideaway. A breathtaking apartment facing the  _ Canal Grande, _ a gift to his mother, Sarah Rogers, by one of her paramours back in the nineties. 

In fact the whole apartment had things of hers. Such as the leather bound classics, and the Tiffany glassware. And there was that picture of Steve and his mother when he was a young boy. 

Steve had once told her, after he caught her staring at it, that the picture was taken when he was twelve. In the garden of his mother’s estate. Even from that picture, she could tell she meant a lot to him. 

The whole apartment was a dream. She couldn’t imagine living there. It was grand in every way. From the marble details in each room, to the grand piano in the living room. 

The freshly picked flowers that lit up the foyer, the ones he’d buy whilst out on his morning runs. 

The guest bedroom she had been given was better than any hotel room she had ever been in. It was six times the size of the bedroom she had in London. 

She would’ve been content with sleeping on the large ottoman that was placed in the middle of the room. 

The bed was upholstered in a rich cream color. She’d always secretly wanted an upholstered bed when she was a child. It made her think of beds actual royalty slept in. Not that she’d know, but it seemed like it. 

In addition to that, and the obvious expensive looking furniture in it, it had an adjoining bathroom, and a walk-in closet. Not of an impressive size, but she didn’t care. 

She had stepped into nirvana. 

On most days, she’d have breakfast on the balcony as she drank her cappuccino, admiring the view it had to offer. And Steve joined her everyday for breakfast after his workout. 

It was a dream come true. 

Besides it was way better than the bed and breakfast she was previously staying in. Usually when a man invited a woman to stay at his place, it meant something. 

But there were no strings. 

There was the occasional flirtation, but than that, it was all pretty tame. Even though there was that one time he had left the door to his bedroom open while he got changed and saw his ass, by mistake. Though she couldn’t deny she looked at it for a few seconds. 

It was the perfect summer. Spent with a handsome man who was nothing more than a good friend to her in her time of need. 

  
  


**_11:10_ **

“ _ Buck _ .” He used a nickname. Surprising, as they weren’t friendly. “Come in. Make yourself at home.” 

There were times she loved Steve’s optimism. She could only hope it rubbed off on her whilst they were living together. It didn’t. 

The last thing she needed was to have James around and for Steve to know they were involved.

“What are you doing here?” 

He didn’t respond. It seemed like he was trying to, but since Steve was there, he didn’t know how to answer her without revealing everything. 

Though his eyes did the job quite well. He looked like a complete mess. And she couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him. Despite everything that happened between them. 

_ Was this his attempt, albeit a little too late, to fight for them?  _

“We were just going to make lunch. Please. Join us.” 

_ Join us? _ Really? She couldn’t believe their lunch was going to be interrupted by him. 

She stayed in her loungewear, which were made up of Steve’s Saint Laurent shirt and her plain black panties. It wasn’t her fault. 

It was just that when she had brought clothing, she had assumed she’d be licking gelato off of an Italian man’s body. Which usually meant the absence of clothing indoors. 

  
  


She stared at the knife on the cutting board, as the two men talked in the living room. God only knew what they were talking about. It was so careless of James to show up unannounced. Unfortunately, it was exactly the kind of thing she hoped he’d pull weeks before. 

It was different. She didn’t know why he’d show up like that, but she wasn’t ready to forgive him. Or talk to him for that matter. 

She let out a sigh, as she headed towards the fully stocked fridge, and took out a couple of vegetables out of the fridge and washed them in a colander. 

She couldn’t even concentrate on one task. She hated James with every fiber of her being. 

He had most likely run out of women in London to sleep with. So he figured he could find out where she was so he could get some. She wouldn’t let him of course. She respected herself enough to not go there with him anymore. 

She had promised herself she’d forget him. And so far, she was succeeding. 

It was just a minor bump in the road. Once she’d leave Venice for somewhere else, she wouldn’t have to see him. 

“ _ Are you really wearing that shirt to cook? _ ” 

Steve interrupted her thoughts, stepping into the kitchen. She couldn’t help but smile, and look down at the shirt she was wearing.  _ His shirt _ . 

He had lent it to her to sleep in one night, and she had kept it since. She had intended to give it back, but she liked how it felt on her skin. His smell was on it, which soothed her, and made her sleep better. 

“Why? Doesn’t it look good on me?”

He opened a drawer, and handed her an apron. The apron they had gotten the day before. In one of the many souvenir shops the city had to offer. They had gotten one for each. 

Hers had the marble body of a statue, complete with micro dick, and his apron had huge cartoon boobs. They had bought it as a joke. 

“Is this better?”

She asked as she put her apron on, though failing to keep a straight face. 

“Nice body.” 

“Are you objectifying me?” She feigned offence, dramatically placing her hand on her chest, making him laugh a little. 

And yet, she couldn’t laugh. She was tense. James was there, in Venice. 

She hadn’t processed it yet. She wasn’t sure how she’d react if she was put in front of him. 

Thankfully, Steve was there to do most of the talking. 

“I thought this was supposed to be your secret hideaway…” She spoke before she could process what she was saying. 

“He knows about it. We used to go to boarding school together. We came here when we ran away together because we didn’t study for a math exam.” 

“You two?” She found it hard to believe that there was a time James didn’t dislike him. It was probably because Steve was Steve. 

She could see how men would feel threatened by him. 

“We grew up together, first in New York then we went abroad.” He explained as he passed behind her, lighting brushing up against her. There were many instances like that during her stay. Though he had never crossed the line. “And then there was Oxford.” 

With that, Steve picked up the jar of sundried tomatoes and tried to open it. Without much luck. 

“You need help with that jar?” She raised an eyebrow as she watched him try again. 

“No… why do you ask?”

“Remember last time?” 

They both chuckled at the memory of the time Steve had attempted to open a jar that was sealed shut with (supposedly) slippery hands, which ended up shattering on the floor. 

That night they cleaned up for a while, especially as red sauce had ended up in places she didn’t expect. 

“In my defense, my hands were slippery.” 

“Whatever you say.” 

  
  


**_11:44_ **

He could hear her chuckles from where he was sitting. It was a relief to hear her laughing. She was happy. He could tell. 

Except for when she was around him. He had screwed up big time on that aspect. He had been so fixated on getting her back that he hadn’t considered the fact that she could have moved on. 

And so soon. 

He figured it would’ve taken her more time to recover from their breakup. Turned out it only took her three short weeks. 

With Steve of all people. He was such an obvious choice.  _ Mr. Perfect swooping in to save the day.  _

He didn’t want to think the obvious, she wasn’t his type. Though he was definitely hers. But he couldn’t ignore the obvious. Two people sharing the same space for weeks. The tension. 

There was no way they hadn’t had sex. They most definitely had. 

And sex was just sex. But he also knew Steve. And while he used to have quite a few one night stands, back in the day when he just started going to the gym and gained a little muscle, he never fell for them. 

Steve wasn’t an idiot, though he liked to think he was. He knew that sex was just sex. 

Except for when he got to know the person. It didn’t matter how wretched the other person was. If they had one positive quality in them, he focused on that, whilst building a whole fantasy around it. 

Thus falling head over heels for them. 

The problem was Y/N had more than one good quality. In fact she was perfect in his eyes. And if he, a commitment-phobe could see it, Steve, the sappy romantic could definitely see it. 

The fact that they slept together broke him. Because he knew it meant more than that to Steve. And perhaps to her too. 

  
  


**_12:09_ **

“What brings you here?” Steve asked him, once they had sat down at the table. She had started shovelling food in her mouth, a good method for not talking to someone she didn’t want to talk to. 

“Dot asked for a divorce.” 

She immediately looked at him. She didn’t know why she cared so much. Perhaps because she thought it would have never happened in a million years. 

_ Good for her _ . God knows how many years she had to endure his lies. Dot wasn’t a bad person. At least not to her. She had been nothing but helpful. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“It’s actually a good thing. We’ve been emotionally divorced for a very long time.” She tried avoiding his gaze. It was like he wanted Steve to know about them.  _ What used to be them _ . “I just needed to get away for a while before the proceedings commence.” 

It was truly over. If not he wouldn’t have told Steve. 

“Good luck… for everything.” He said sincerely. She knew Steve like everyone else believed James and Dot had the perfect marriage. Like when she thought Steve and Peggy were the perfect couple. 

Which turned out to be a bunch of conspiracies and rumors. 

What she learned from her experience was nothing was ever what it seemed. Only the people involved could know what truly happened. 

Unfortunately she was one of those people. She got caught in the middle of a war between a husband and his wife.

  
  
  


**_13:17_ **

After lunch, he went out for a walk. He felt like he was intruding when he stayed there, though Steve had already offered him the couch for the night. The fact that he was kind to him even though they weren’t close pissed him off a little. 

Of course perfect Steve had to save the day. 

And the worst part was Y/N was there to witness it all. She wasn’t thrilled. He could read it on her face, but he wanted to explain himself. Find a way to make her listen. 

During his plane ride, he had imagined reuniting with her. Maybe she wouldn’t have forgiven him right away, but he expected to be alone with her. 

Until he had gotten there, he hadn’t realized how angry she was at him. 

It wasn’t something he could fix easily. 

He had to work for her forgiveness. 

He had hoped that just him showing up there would show her that he cared. But it wasn’t. And whilst he was gone, he had been replaced. 

Though one thing was certain. He wasn’t losing her to Steve. 

There was no way he was going to let that happen. 

  
  


Which was why it wasn’t easy to see her so happy with him. It was like they were flaunting whatever they had. For example when he came back from his walk, they sat at the piano, as he played the one song he knew how to play. 

The song he had learnt for a woman he used to love. And Y/N was eating that up. She loved it. Just like any other woman on the planet. 

Even at dinner, it was as if he wasn’t even there. They even had inside jokes between them. And they slept together. 

He had managed to have the same kind of relationship he had with her in less than three weeks. 

With that thought always on his mind, he drowned his sorrows with wine. As there was in abundance. 

  
  


**_23:37_ **

It was extraordinary how feelings worked. At times they came back unexpectedly, other times they made one feel confused, unsure of what they were feeling. 

She was convinced she had purged herself of the bad memories. Of  _ him _ . And all the memories that she had with him. There were a few. But she couldn’t bring herself to forget the good ones. 

In the three weeks away from him, she had convinced herself that she didn’t have feelings for him. She didn’t. She didn’t miss him. 

As everyone slept, she stepped out of her room, and tiptoed towards the balcony in the living room. She’d always go out there when she couldn’t sleep. Seeing a city that was not awake at night was relaxing. 

She closed the glass door behind her and breathed in the fresh air.  _ She needed it.  _ Especially after the day she had. 

“Shit.” She gasped a little too loudly as the door closed behind her, alerting her of someone else’s presence. 

“Sorry” 

_ James _ . She had forgotten he was sleeping on the couch. 

“Did I wake you?” She had no idea why there was a part of her still concerned for him. 

So much for not talking to him. 

“No… couldn’t sleep.” 

The tone of his voice was completely different than the one she had grown used to hearing. It was vulnerable. She looked into the distance, unsure of what to say. Part of the reason why she found it so easy to not talk to him, was because it was never just the two of them. 

The problem with him was that they didn’t just share the bad. There was the good too. 

She recalled there was a time he made her so happy. It wasn’t even describable as happiness. It was on a whole new level. 

They weren’t just fuck buddies. She knew that deep down. Sure, it might have started that way, like any other hookup she had in the past. But they had made it more than sex. 

It meant something. At least to her. 

“Can we talk?” 

“Fine.” 

She sighed, as she waited to be inundated by apologies. 

“I’m sorry. For everything.” He started. “I was hurt, but it never occurred to me how much I hurt you.” 

Of course he’d say that. It was easy for him to say as he was the one lying to her. 

“I only slept with that girl because I thought I was losing you.” 

_ Wait _ .  _ That was what he was apologizing for _ ? 

“I wasn’t angry about that.” She raised her voice a little. She didn’t want to get upset, but him completely missing the point, made her angry. “I honestly don’t care how many women you sleep with.” 

“Is it about Connie?”

“Yes. It is about her.” More like what he was hiding from her. “It’s about what I saw when I went to see her.” 

“You went to see her?”

“I did.” 

“Whatever you saw, I can explain.” 

“I'd like to know why you kept something so big from me.” She could see the look of confusion on his face. Either he was a great actor, or he had no idea what she was talking about. 

“I left Connie because I had no other choice.” 

She stared at him blankly. That was the man she loved. A man she was willing to spend the summer with, by giving up on her own plans. 

“I know you have a son.” She said. “ _ Max _ .” 

  
  
  



	2. what she didn’t say

He was trying. He was trying to fix whatever was between them. And that made her angry. What part of over did he not understand? It was her fault. It was her fault for ever loving him. For believing the lies he told her.

He had a child. A child. 

It was a pretty big thing to keep from her. A child. From whom he walked away from. That was what made it worse. The abandonment of a woman with whom he shared so much. 

A child. 

She couldn’t stop thinking about it. In fact she had spent all night thinking about it. Her mind would replay the moment Connie opened the door to her house. 

  
  
  


_“Can I help you?” A blonde woman asked. Blonde . She didn’t have light brown hair anymore. Though she still looked stunning._

_She wore a t-shirt and a pair of casual pants, and yet she still looked like she did in the picture. Though that wasn’t what left her in shock, rather_ _the kid she was carrying on her hip._

_From the looks of it, he looked about two or three years old. Her mind immediately went there._

_It would’ve been a coincidence, if not for the fact that the boy had his same big blue eyes. She could see the similarities._

“ _I…I…” She kept staring at the woman in front of her, who awaited an answer. “I’m sorry I got the wrong house.”_

  
  


It wasn’t something she could forget that easily. 

_**07:00** _

She had slipped out early in the morning to walk around the city, hoping it’d help clear her mind off of things. She loved walking around the city, and seeing things she’d miss if she wasn’t. 

And as much as she loved travelling by water taxi, it didn’t beat walking around and finding hidden gems. It kept her grounded, which she found hard to be ever since she became Steve Rogers’ temporary roommate. 

She didn't know how she could feel and be so comfortable around him. There was just something about him that made her not want to put up a facade just to please him. 

Perhaps it was because she didn’t feel anything for him anymore. 

She had felt a little something. She was human after all, and he was Steve Rogers. 

Though nothing ever happened between them. Partly because she knew he wasn’t like other men she had been with. She still wanted a friendship with him. 

And that wouldn’t have happened if she ended up in his bed. 

She couldn’t deny she had thought about it. Some times. Not voluntarily. Her mind did it’s own thing, not that she was against it. 

But she wasn’t in Venice to sleep with Steve. She was in love with the city. She took in the architecture that had been there for centuries, the locals who went about their daily lives and the tourists who were up early to get to the attractions. 

She didn’t feel like a tourist. She strutted around with confidence, though she wasn’t as informed as a local. 

She’d speak to people with the few phrases she’d learnt on an app and she’d feel good about herself. For a while. That was until James popped back in her head. 

  
  
  
  


_**08:23** _

When James woke up, he had realized Steve was already wide awake, preparing coffee for the both of them. Y/N was nowhere to be found. Though he didn’t seem concerned. He told her she did it sometimes. 

And he had to take his word for it. 

It was strange, being in Steve’s place, in his clothes. Even after everything that had happened between the two of them. 

The place hadn’t changed since the last time he had visited it, though it still retained its beauty. Back then he was still naive, believing life would go according to his rule book. 

He was gravely mistaken. 

But back then he wasn’t bitter, nor about to divorce someone. 

He had always thought Steve was the one who would settle, after all he was always the one who was afraid of ending up alone. And yet years later, he wasn’t still with anyone. 

He always guessed he’d marry Margaret. The only other woman other than Y/N he had brought to his Venetian hideaway. Though he had always considered her to be one of the guys. 

_**09:40. 2004, Venice. Italy.** _

He groaned, as he was woken up early in the morning by Steve pushing him out of bed. He wanted to be conceded just a few more minutes but his wishes were ignored when Steve forcibly opened the curtains, letting the sunlight in. 

They had drunk too much the night before. At least he did. They partied with complete strangers on a boat they had never been on. So he wasn’t ready for the sun yet. Nor people shouting. Though Steve hadn’t gotten the memo. 

“Come on Bucky!” He said a little too loudly, making him groan again. He didn’t have the energy to reply, so he made a few sounds that roughly translated into what he wanted to say. 

He didn’t know how he had the energy to be jumping up and in his room. But he knew he wasn’t usually like that.

“Follow me.” He was dragged out of bed against his will and he barely had time to put a pair of slippers on. 

He was led out on the balcony, where he had to prevent Steve from jumping off of it, as he could barely hold in his excitement. 

“ _Peggy_!” Steve shouted as he saw her approach on a boat, as she waved her arms around. 

He chuckled at him. Of course he was like that because of her. There was no better explanation. 

Steve rushed back in and he watched him as he ran out to help her with her things. He wondered if he was ever going to feel about someone the same way he did for her. 

He decided to stay out there for a little longer, and watched Steve as he rushed out and helped her get out of the boat. 

She was a movie star, but she sure didn’t act like one. Nor she looked the part. 

When she wasn’t filming or at an event, her hair was always out of place, being kept together by a claw clip. 

He knew she was beautiful, he just never thought about her that way. Most likely because Steve always had his eye on her. 

Though Margaret would be busy with filming, she’d always find time in her schedule to hang out. Unless she was doing press tours, or something that kept her away. 

“ _Bucky_.” She greeted him with a big smile, as she hugged him, after dropping her bags by the door. “You look like a mess.” 

“So do you.” 

“Excuse me, I just got off of a plane from Paris after shooting for a whole week.” She replied as she playfully shoved him. “ _Dickhead_.” 

  
  


Since she wasn’t allowed to go out much, for an entire weekend they stayed indoors. But it was the most fun he had in a long time. It felt as if they were kids again. 

He watched Steve, and carefully observed as he seemed to fall more in love with her as the time went by. They’d dance together at night after dinner, and he’d try to learn her favorite songs on the piano. 

They also went to the beach, they’d watch the sunset together. Bucky was far too busy building a bonfire, but he’d see from time to time how he looked at her. 

And he had never seen anyone look at someone like that, like Steve was looking at Margaret. 

  
  


**_09:16_ **

He knew how it ended between Margaret and Steve. He had heard from Sam, and he felt sorry for him. But the last thing he wanted to do was tell Steve that. He knew he wouldn’t have wanted him to. 

He headed out in hopes of catching Y/N, and talking to her after what had happened the night before. 

He wanted a chance to talk to her alone, without Steve around. 

So he waited outside under the sun, just outside the apartment. Hoping he’d get to talk to her. 

The sun was starting to make him sweat, and as much as he wanted to go back inside, there was no way he was missing a chance to explain things to her. 

When he saw her, he couldn’t help but smile. She wore a light beige milkmaid dress along with a straw hat. And he was really happy to see her out of Steve’s shirt. 

“How long have you been waiting?” She asked him as she looked him up and down. He knew he didn’t look his best, but he didn’t care in the least. 

“A couple of minutes...” She raised her eyebrow in doubt. She knew him well. “ _Thirty_.” 

“We need to talk.” He spoke again, and felt hurt when he saw the look of disdain in her eyes. He didn’t blame her for feeling that way. He knew he’d be upset too. 

“We already talked. Last night.” 

“We didn’t. You didn’t let me explain.” 

“There’s nothing to explain.” She replied, whilst shaking her head. 

“I understand you don’t want to see me.” 

“That’s an understatement, but since you now decided to couch surf at Steve’s, I have no other choice but to see you.” 

He sighed. “I’m asking for a few more minutes.” 

“I’m going for a walk.” She stated, as she started walking away before turning back once more. “Another one. You’re free to follow me.”

And he did. 

  
  


**_10:02_ **

It was selfish of him to want to talk to her again. To think he deserved a second chance to explain himself. She thought she had heard everything she needed the night before. 

As they were walking through [_Giardini_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giardini_della_Biennale), she found it hard to keep her cool. She couldn’t stay around him and pretend as if nothing had happened. 

She hated him for taking her happiness away. She hated him because she opened her heart to him and he took advantage of that. 

The gardens that Napoleon had once commissioned was a perfect setting to be mad at him. And to talk. Though she didn’t want to do much of either. 

All she wanted was to sit on the grass and lay there for a while as the breeze blew through her hair. 

“Can we talk now?” 

“Fine.” She still couldn’t bring herself to look at him. 

“I don’t know where to start.”

But she had no other choice. He was a mess, and the petty side of her loved it. She secretly loved the fact that he wasn’t as put together as when they used to be together. 

“You have a son. So why don’t we start from there?”

“He’s not my son.” He stated firmly. 

And it confused her. He didn’t deny it the night before, and the child looked like him, so how could he deny it? 

“Then who’s the child your ex girlfriend was holding when I went to see her?” 

“Max, she had him while we were seeing each other, but I’m not the father.” 

That didn’t make her feel better. Even though she wanted to eat those words ever since she had seen the child. 

“Did you raise him?”

“For a while yes. Then I stopped seeing her and the kid because she got married and started avoiding me.” 

It made her feel worse. She wasn’t happy at all. She felt foolish for thinking the only problem between them was him not telling her about a child that was in her life. 

It was clearly so much more than that. 

“So you gave up on them.”

“No- what even- why are you so worked up about this? It’s clearly none of your business…”

“I had feelings for you. I have no idea how, but I did fall for you. And if that’s how you treat people you care about, I can’t even imagine how you would have treated me.”

“You had feelings for me?”

“Had.” She emphasized. “It doesn’t matter now.”

“It does. Feelings don’t go away that easily.” 

“Well they did. So thank you for being your asshole self, that sure did the trick.” Her voice broke, and she looked away. 

“Then say it.” 

“I don’t think you can handle it.” 

“I can. _Say it_.” He was harsher than he was before. And part of her was scared of that side of him. It was another reason amongst the many it was better to stay away from him. 

“I don’t love you. I don’t think I ever did. _Happy_?”

“Ecstatic.” 

She didn’t recognize him at all. And that helped with the not having feelings part. It sure made it easier. 

“You think _pretty boy_ is gonna make you happy? You’re never going to be satisfied with him.”

She knew to whom he was referring to. And she knew what he had assumed when he had first seen them together. She wanted him to think that, and she was glad his mind went there. 

“Better him than you.” 

  
  
  


_**11:13** _

When she had been invited so kindly into Steve’s home (one of many around the world), she owed him a lot. Though she had no idea what to get the man who already had everything, since he refused to take the money she tried to give him. 

So after several evenings spent at the most expensive restaurants the city had to offer, she decided to cook for him. 

It was one of some things that made her feel good. He always enjoyed everything she made him and ate it enthusiastically. Which was why she loved visiting the open air market, to buy fresh ingredients for him. 

It was the least she could do, since he had been nothing but kind to her. 

  
  


The kitchen was beautiful, as the rest of the house. Though she could tell it was left untouched for a long time. Especially when she had first arrived, it didn’t have much in it. 

It looked like it belonged to a model home. 

She tied her hair up and her apron around her waist. As she grabbed the biggest wooden cutting board she could find, and set it down. She almost had no control of her own body, as her limbs were moving on their own accord. 

As she took out the ingredients and set them before her, she heard footsteps getting near. 

“How was your morning?” 

“Uneventful. But the market was lovely.” She replied and she turned towards him, her back against the kitchen island. “What about yours?”

“I was reminded that I had an invitation to a ball that a good family friend is holding here in Venice.” He told her. “And I’m allowed to bring a plus one.” 

“Is this your attempt to invite me?”

She hoped it was. After all when she used to be a little girl she’d dream about going to a ball, in a beautiful gown with a prince. Just like in a fairytale. 

“Yes… unless you have something else to do that night.” 

“I don’t know… is it boring enough I have to invent some bullshit excuse to get out of it?” 

“I think it’s pretty great actually.” 

“And will I have to wear a mask?”

“That’s not necessary. They just call it a masked ball because it started out like that two centuries ago.” He explained. “You’ll just need a gown.”

“I don’t have one.” 

“Luckily someone owes my family a favor, and they’ve already agreed to send a couple of their newest gowns for you to try on.”

“Look at you…” She couldn’t help but smile. “You already knew I was going to say yes didn’t you?”

“No, I was just hoping you would.” 

“Then it’s a yes.” 

She was over the moon, as she measured out the flour and dumped it out on the cutting board. He always knew how to make her feel better. 

“What are you making?”

He asked her, while she cracked open a few eggs into the well she made in the flour. 

“You mean what are we making.” 

“We?”

“You said you wanted to learn how to cook.” She reminded him. “And I’m going to teach you.” 

“So what are we making?”

“Carbonara.” She said, and his face lit up. “It’s going to be pretty simple.” 

“Easy for you to say.” 

She started kneading the dough, incorporating all the ingredients in it. It was sticky, and she knew it was going to be hell washing it off, but the end result was always worth it. 

Out of nowhere, two other hands came from behind her, and started helping her with the pasta dough. 

“Is this ok?” 

“You’re not pulling the _Ghost_ move with me… are you?”

“I’m not as cool as Swayze though.” 

Her laughs nearly turned into moans as she realized his fingers were intertwined with hers as they kneaded the dough together. It was single handedly the most erotic thing she had done since she had arrived in Italy. 

His breath was hot in her neck as she struggled to breathe. _Was it a move?_ Her judgement was clouded as she had him flush against her back. 

She was enjoying herself a little too much. 

She couldn’t hear anything but the sound of her beating heart. It was definitely not something friends did. 

She didn’t know anymore. All she knew was that Steve made her feel good. 

But she knew she couldn’t act upon her feelings just because it felt good. It wouldn’t have been right. He was just being kind, and offering her a helping hand. 

Besides nothing would have ever happened between them. He said it himself before she left London. She was too young for him. And she respected that. 

After a while, he set the dough aside, and went to wash his hands. As if she could ignore what had just happened. And something did happen. It was something she just couldn’t ignore. 

Her heart was still beating loudly in her chest, as she listened to the water run, the faint splashing as he washed his hands. 

She wanted to ask him what they were, but she was afraid if she did, she’d look like a fool. 

  
  


**_12:07_ **

“You know by learning how to cook, you’d earn some bonus points.” She spoke again after a while as she watched the pancetta cook in the pan. 

“What do you mean?”

“You’re already very attractive, it could do you a lot of favours.”

“You think I’m attractive?” 

“Who doesn’t?” 

That was no secret. There wasn’t a person on earth who would’ve thought otherwise. He looked even more attractive with his sleeves rolled up, as he used the pasta machine as she instructed him to. He was so careful with them, rolling the pasta into little nests. 

He looked down at his phone that he had set on the counter, then looked back at her. 

_Oh his eyes._ She would never tire looking into them. 

“Buck-James won’t be here for lunch. It means it’s just the two of us.” 

“Lucky me.” There was nothing more she wanted than having lunch with Steve, with James out of the way. 

She didn’t want to see him after their confrontation that morning. She cracked two large eggs open in a bowl and whisked them with a fork. Realizing Steve was really paying attention to her every move. 

  
  


_**12:10** _

“Here… you mix Parmesan and pecorino romano into the egg mixture so it won’t cook all at once.” 

She explained as she put the cheese into the eggs and mixed them again. She was moving all around the kitchen, making sure the pasta was cooked enough. 

“Can I trust you?” She asked him. 

“You can.” 

“Then keep moving the pan as you put in the egg mixture and don’t stop until a creamy sauce has formed.” 

In retrospect it might have been a mistake to leave him to that task, but he seemed so happy to be able to help that she couldn’t help herself. 

“Y/N... I don’t think this is right...” She heard him say after a few seconds. 

She looked into the pan where she had previously put in the homemade pasta and pancetta, and started to giggle. 

“Unless the recipe is supposed to be pasta and scrambled eggs.” He laughed a little while still looking mortified, which made her laugh even more. “I fucked it up, didn’t I?” 

“Kinda.” She said once she stopped laughing. “But luckily for you, I like eggs and pasta.“

_And I think I like you too._ She thought to herself. But it was a little more complicated than that. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I love you all. 
> 
> My other series ‘it had to be you’ will hopefully be updated some time this week. 💕


	3. something about the way you look tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader, Steve and Bucky attend a ball in Venice. 
> 
> The song that Steve and Reader dance to is Something about the way you look tonight by Elton John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t wait to show you guys this chapter! I hope you love it.

**_10:12_ **

_ Mozart’s Piano Concerto N°21 _ played throughout the boutique as she wandered around admiring the precious fabrics, amongst them silks and satins, the dresses were made of. 

It barely felt real. She hadn’t grasped it was real just yet. She felt like a kid in a toy store. 

She was attending a ball, accompanied by one of the most handsome bachelors in the world in an expensive gown. 

Steve thanked the boutique owner for lending them her shop as she could barely contain herself from jumping up and down. The selection of dresses Steve’s mysterious family connection sent her were breathtaking. 

She barely felt lightheaded by the champagne, but the dresses did the job. While she was walking around in what seemed to be heaven, Steve sat on the upholstered ottoman. 

She looked at the tag inside the dress and gasped.  _ No way.  _

“Your mysterious family connection is  _ Monique Lhullier _ ?” 

“Yeah, Monique is a good friend of my moms.” 

“And you call her Monique.” 

He laughed at her enthusiasm, as she was shown to the changing rooms and started trying on the first dress. They were just friends. 

Though he was a very generous one. She couldn’t deny how happy he made her feel. Staying in a luxury apartment, trying on opulent gowns… all the while in his company. 

A girl couldn’t ask for more. 

A nice lady helped her into the first gown, a cute light blue one, which made her look like a princess. It wasn’t exactly her style, but she still loved it. 

_ James would’ve loved it as well _ . As he would’ve ripped it off of her and took her right then and there. 

James. She didn’t want to think about him, but she could stop herself from doing so. He had no right about being upset about Steve and her. Even though there was nothing going on. 

But that wasn’t what he thought. 

Instead she chose to replace the thought of him with what was in front of her. The velvet boxes on the glass table, each one containing a necklace from Harry Winston. 

Each one of them was worn by Steve’s famous mother at important social events. She couldn’t believe he’d actually let her wear them. All the sparkle sure made her forget for a while. 

And that was just the beginning. 

“Are you kidding me?” She spoke looking through the dresses she hadn’t tried on yet. “I get to choose which dress I want?”

“And you get to keep it too.” 

As he said that she felt something inside her. If there was something she loved as much as attractive men was beautiful dresses. She was probably never going to wear it again, but she always wanted one. 

“Steve… I… don’t know what to say.” 

“Say you’ll keep it.” 

“I will.” She rushed to hug him tightly. Her arms draped around his neck. It was a friendly hug. Just that. “It’s too much.” 

Just a friendly hug. That was what it was. 

Though she was intoxicated by feeling the warmth of his body against hers, the smell of him. Which wasn’t an overpowering cologne. It reminded her of home. If home was a luxurious mansion in the suburbs. 

They were just friends. The reminder pained her a little. As she knew she would’ve been lucky to have him as something more. 

She was sure he didn’t think of her that way. And she was fine with that. It was Steve after all. She didn’t expect him to like someone like her. He deserved much better. 

So she was fine with them being just friends. 

  
  
  


**_17:47_ **

He adjusted his white tie in the large crystal mirror by the front door. He hated white tie events. He had been to many of them, and all them were pretty much the same. Steve waited beside him. It reminded him a lot of the debutante ball in Paris back in high school, when they were both instructed to escort two of the debutantes. One each. 

Though back then, Steve hadn’t gotten the girl he wanted. Rather the daughter of an aristocrat. Whilst he went with a girl whose name he didn’t remember but whom he had slept with, before sleeping with Steve’s date as well. 

Everything was so simple back then. When Steve didn’t look like he did. 

  
  


His heart nearly stopped as  [ she ](https://moniquelhuillier.com/products/black-embroidered-evening-gown?ref=isp_rel_prd&isp_ref_pos=4) walked out of her room. She walked with such grace, her head held high showcasing the  [ diamond necklace ](https://images.app.goo.gl/xmrrEPBUWrGow5D58) that adorned her neck. She was sensuality incarnate. 

He couldn’t stop himself from staring, as her beauty hypnotized him, and did not let him take his gaze off of her. 

Though his heart fell into a pit as he realized she was smiling at another man, and taking his arm. He followed behind, as if he was a ghost. Unnoticed by the two people in front of him who were lost in each other’s eyes as they walked down the stairs. 

As if every single day he had been in Venice hadn’t been a nightmare. He had to pretend he didn’t notice the chemistry between them, hidden in inside jokes and stolen glances. 

He had to leave the apartment for long periods of time because he couldn’t stand it. He’d walk around the city, or stay at a bar long enough to drink his sorrows away. 

He had no idea why he stayed either. It wasn’t like he didn’t have enough money for a hotel room. He believed a part of him wanted him to suffer. To be tortured by the image of Y/N and Steve together. 

They all stepped onto a water taxi, as Steve helped her with getting on it. And with her dress, she needed help. He didn’t know why he didn’t step in to help her as well. 

Steve asked her something and she nodded with a smile.  _ God she looked so beautiful.  _

He needed the strength to go through the night being their third wheel. 

_ God only knew how much he needed it.  _

  
  


**_18:02_ **

Her jaw dropped when she stepped foot inside the building where the ball was held. A 14th century Venetian palazzo, which used to belong to Italian aristocrats. She could tell by the crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and the paintings of the former owners proudly hanging on the walls, adorned by their golden baroque style frames. 

She looked above her, and admired the painted ceilings of angels and what she presumed to be heaven. 

Some people glanced their way, recognizing Steve. Everyone was looking their very best, men in their white ties whilst women were dressed in gorgeous gowns. 

“Each year the ball opens with a waltz.” He explained as she clung onto his arm. She was terrified. It wasn't an environment she was used to. “The dance partners are assigned ahead of time. It’s tradition.”

Tradition. She didn’t know anything about it. But that wasn’t the important thing she took out of what he had just said. 

“Who did you end up with?” 

“I’m given special treatment since they’ve been good friends to my family. I get to choose who I want to dance with.” 

_ Who was he going to dance with?  _

He kept staring at her as if she had the answer to her own question.  _ Oh _ . Somehow whenever she was around him, she felt like a little girl. Probably due to the fact that he had said she was too young for him. 

But that was back then. While they were still in London. Ever since they had crossed paths in Venice, it felt like they were meant for more. 

He put his hand out in front of him, with his palm facing upwards.  _ Fuck _ . Why was he doing this?  _ And in front of everyone?  _

She felt a lot of eyes on her and she didn’t know what to say. 

“Oh fuck…” Before she could think, words slipped out of her mouth. The worst words she could have said at an upscale event. “I can’t…”

“Are you sure?” 

“I’ll be fine watching you.” She stated as a few people started whispering amongst each other, whilst looking at her.  _ Subtle _ . 

He smiled politely and nodded, before walking over to someone else, and extending his hand to them. 

  
  


**_18:32_ **

“ _ You offended him.” _ James spoke as the music started and the dancers started moving on the dance floor. Steve was dancing with someone else, and that made him feel a little better.

“What?” 

“By not giving him your hand. It’s tradition.” 

“I think it’s fine by tradition, since I’d embarrass him in front of everyone.” 

What he had failed to tell her was that tradition was a little more than that. He knew it well, since he had attended the same event a few times. It entailed him to choose the most beautiful woman there and give her his hand. 

He had never seen anyone turn Steve down, and a part of him was happy she did so. 

Now everyone knew the face of the woman who had refused Steve. 

And somehow he felt giddy about it. 

  
  


**_18:36_ **

She watched Steve dance gracefully, but she soon noticed she wasn’t the only one. As most women and some men, were looking at him in awe, completely dumbfounded by the beauty of his movements, and of his very presence. 

There was no man that looked like him. Sure, they could pretend, but they’d never achieve the same end result. He was so much more than his striking looks. He was kind, in a way that was not forced and to be honest a little annoying at times. He was always happy to learn about new things and welcomed change. 

Perhaps some changes were harder to adapt to than others, as he was only human after all. 

The more she watched him, the beautiful woman he was dancing with, and his adoring fans, the more she became jealous. She could have easily been the woman he was dancing with, but she wanted to avoid embarrassing him. 

As the music swelled, she longed to dance with him. The careful steps he took so effortlessly, gliding around as if it was second nature to him. The strings played such a beautiful melody and the perfect background sound to that very moment. 

A few moments later, it was all over. Everyone clapped, as Steve walked over to the string quartet, and she wondered what he said to them. There was a brief moment of silence, before the music started again. That time, it was a more recognisable tune. 

Once everyone started dancing again, Steve walked towards her. 

“I asked them to put this song on.” He held his hand out again, with a hopeful smile. “ _ Dance with me. _ ” 

She couldn’t help but smile back, taking his hand. Her heart started beating furiously as he wrapped an arm around her waist. His other hand still held hers, as her left hand clutched onto his arm.

She was incredibly nervous. She had never danced before, except for when she had a few drinks. But it was never at a ball. In front of society’s elite. 

As soon as they started moving along with the music, her worries slowly dissipated for all she could see was how gorgeous he looked right in front of her. He led her ever so effortlessly, soon becoming the main focus. 

“People are looking.” She could have guessed what they were thinking, and whispering about. To them, she was a nobody. An unknown. Who despite the odds, was dancing with one of the most eligible bachelors in the world.

She found it hard to wrap her head around that as well. 

She could hardly believe that a few months prior she used to admire him, wishing he’d glance her way. Just like many others did. 

“It’s because  _ you’re gorgeous _ .” She felt herself blush. “I thought I made that clear by my song selection.” 

_ Fucking hell _ . How was he like that? He made her feel exactly like she’d always wanted to be treated, though no one ever did. Until him. 

_ And I can’t describe, but there’s something about the way you look tonight _ . 

She could believe that was the way he felt about her. It was probably because of the dress, but she couldn’t help but feel on cloud nine. 

Every stolen glance, the casual touching had built up to that very moment. And what a perfect moment it was. She wanted to say something. It had been way too long since she had said anything. 

Instead she stuck to counting the steps in her head. As her body moved naturally to the melody of the strings. 

  
  


**_21:24_ **

As he watched her walk to the second floor by herself, unaccompanied by Steve, he decided to follow her. His blood was boiling. He had seen them dance together and that was enough for him to understand that Steve felt something for her. 

He wanted to deny it for as long as it was possible, but he knew what he had just witnessed. 

So with no clear plan on how to face Y/N, he decided to let his emotions take over. 

“You said you forgave me.” He walked up angrily to her. He knew he had no right to act like that, but he couldn’t help it. 

_ He loved her _ . He knew it in his heart that he did. 

“I did.” 

Her voice spoke weakly. He didn’t mean to scare her, but it made him so angry to see her dance with a man who wasn’t him. It angered him because he wanted to be the one to make her smile.

“Was that display of affection a way to hurt me?”

“To hurt you?” She seemed hurt by the accusation. “James… you lost the right to ask me things like this. I cried for you. I bent over myself backwards to you. Honestly I haven’t thought about how you’d feel about Steve because I know what I feel for him.” 

He felt sick of himself. Did he really mistreat her like that? He knew he didn’t do it on purpose, but it wrecked him to know he broke her. 

“And what do you feel for him?” He went on. As if his mouth had a brain of its own. “Because you’re never going to have what we had with him. He’s never giving up the idea of Margaret. You’ll always live in her shadow.” 

“That may be so, but I know this. He makes me happy, and you don’t.” 

  
  


**_21:30_ **

She entered the powder room, which was virtually empty, except for some women who were gossiping in there and walked out as soon as she came in. She needed to be away from the commotion for a while. 

She soon realized the real luxury was to be completely alone, when she noticed someone else was there too. 

In front of the sinks stood a tall woman, she would’ve guessed she was around her age. She was dabbing the corners of her eyes with tissue paper, as she sniffled. She had been crying. 

There was no denying the fat that when she had first seen her she thought she was beautiful. Very doll-like. With big green eyes. Her skin reminded her of porcelain by how smooth it looked. 

She had never seen someone so pretty so sad before. 

“Are you ok?” 

She asked before she could stop herself, and walked up to the sink and stood in front of the mirror. 

“ _ Yes… _ I think so.” Her voice spoke softly, as she fidgeted with the tissue in her hand. 

“I love your  [ dress ](https://www.eliesaab.com/en/haute-couture/spring-summer-2019/12) .” 

“I love your dress too.” She shyly turned towards her and gave her a weak smile. “You came with  _ Steven Rogers _ right?” 

Everyone knew now. She didn’t know how to feel about that. 

“ _ Yeah… _ ”

“I saw you two dancing. I think everyone did.  _ You two make a wonderful couple _ .” 

She didn’t know how badly she wanted someone to say that until someone did. 

“We aren’t…”  _ Did she want that though? _ “Who did you come with?” 

She asked, and immediately realized it was a mistake when her face fell. 

“My boyfriend.” She paused. “He’s a photographer.”

“Is he the reason why you were crying?”

She felt bad for her. Since she had recently gone through a heartbreaking experience as well. 

“ _ Yes, and no _ . He barely has any time for me and once we arrived at the ball he bolted off with some models he has worked with before.” She looked down at her hands. “I haven’t seen him since”

“I talk from experience, guys like this aren’t worth wasting tears over.” She knew who she was referring herself to. The same man who followed her to Venice, nearly a month too late. “I’m pretty sure there are plenty of men who would love to spend their time with you.” 

“Thank you.” She said blushing. She was adorable. “I’m Wanda.” 

“Y/N. Nice to meet you.” 

She smiled, before heading out. She wished her the best of luck, even though she knew she wasn’t going to see her again. 

  
  


**_21:50_ **

“Y/N… I’ve been looking for you.” Steve came to her, leading her back to where the main event was held. People were still dancing, and mingling. “We’ve been invited to watch the fireworks from St. Mark’s Square.” 

She looked at him. He couldn’t have been more perfect. He would’ve been perfect for anyone. But she was afraid if she tried something she wouldn’t have been able to go back. 

She valued their friendship. 

“I’m going to have to pass on the fireworks. I shouldn’t be seen with you.” 

“Why not?” 

“It’s not like that. I’m me. And you’re you.” 

The gist was that, but in truth it was so much more complicated. James’ words still repeated in her head. He wasn’t going to get over Peggy that easily. After all he had loved her for most of his life. And she wasn’t sure she was completely over James. 

There was still something there. That had been overpowered by how happy she was with Steve.

“I think that summarizes it all.”

“For what is worth, you look beautiful.” 

“You keep saying that…” There it was. The moment in which it was hard to deny how she really felt. “But thanks, it took me three hours to look this way, so I appreciate you liking it.”

“Three hours?”

“Yeah three hours. And these heels are killing my feet. I have blisters all over them.” She sure ruined the moment, but it was for the best. “Maybe I shouldn’t be talking about blisters to you.” 

“No please, we’re all human. If you want to go on a rant about heels, then go ahead.” 

“I’m not drunk enough for that. But it’s safe to say I’ll be walking funny for the next week or so.” She commented, making him smile. “I’m sorry… tonight was perfect. You’re perfect…” 

“I’ll call for a taxi.” He told her. “So we can go home.”

“You don’t have to do that…” 

“I don’t think I’ll have fun staying here without you. You’re a really good date.” 

“You flatterer.” 

  
  


**_22:38_ **

The smell of salt water slowly wafted into her nose as the water taxi made its way towards his place. She looked out the window, watching the water move around them.

She looked at him as he looked out as well.  _ What was he thinking about?  _

“Come.” He said, holding out his hand. Though she had no idea where they had to go, she didn’t hesitate to give him her hand. 

They both stood up, and looked out to see the most breathtaking sight she had ever seen. They were right in the middle of the  _ Canal Grande _ , with  _ St. Mark’s Square _ right there in front of them. 

The cool sea breeze blowing through her hair, her heart beating wildly in her chest realising that he was still holding her hand. 

She glanced at him, he looked into the distance. She knew it already, but the day confirmed that everybody loved him. It didn’t matter who he was talking to, everyone was mesmerized by his very being. 

He was charismatic. He was the kind of person who everybody wanted to talk to. But couldn’t, as he seemed too unattainable. 

That was the reason no woman could ever take her eyes off of him. Somehow he managed to be everyone’s type. He was hers too. She remembered well what she thought of him when she first saw him. 

He was this perfect Adonis, she knew she couldn’t never have but couldn’t help but want. 

And there she was, in a beautiful gown, on top of the world, with  _ him _ . The man she had always dreamt of being with. The sky looked particularly breathtaking that night. She wondered if it had to do with the fact that everything went so well. 

“ _ You look so beautiful… _ ” 

He whispered. She didn’t realize how dangerously close he was to her. So close she could nearly hear his heartbeat. 

Her lips parted slightly, letting out a gentle gasp. Deep down she knew what was about to happen and she wanted to hold off of it for as long as possible. 

As she knew she wasn’t going to live it again. Once he closed the space between them, his lips inches away from hers, she knew there was no going back. 

Before she could fully process what was happening,  _ he kissed her. _ It was the single moment she had been wanting since she first met him. His lips were tender against hers, as was the kiss. 

She wouldn’t have called it a kiss, as it was so chaste, she found herself wanting more. But there was something about it that made it so electric, in that moment she only had feelings for him. 

She wanted to be his everything. To give him the world. 

His lips started to part, as she braced herself for the next part. And right before he could start  _ really _ kissing her, a loud sound interrupted the moment. 

_ Fireworks _ . Of course there had to be fireworks. She wouldn’t have expected anything less. She looked at him again. And she felt weird. As if she was in someone else’s body. 

She wanted to be happy. And she was, but not as much as she wanted to. 

“Fuck… I’m sorry. I should’ve asked.” He rambled, after she stayed silent for a little too long. 

It was incredibly adorable seeing a man like him fumble over his words.

“A few months ago, this would’ve been everything I ever wanted. Standing here with you. But now I’m back to square one. I don’t know what I want anymore. I need time to find myself.”

A part of her was cursing at the words that came out of her mouth. She wasn’t ready for a man like him. At least not yet. She could barely handle her feelings. 

“You’re a remarkable woman. I’m sure you will find yourself. And when you do, maybe I’ll try again.”

“You’re really willing to wait?”

“I would be crazy not to.”  _ Holy fucking shit.  _ She wasn’t sure if what was happening was a dream. It sure felt like one. 

What was she doing? Somehow the mature decision at the moment felt like the wrong one. 

“So are we still friends?” 

He smiled, and nodded. “Yes, always.”

“ _ Then kiss me again _ .” 

His eyes widened, not concealing the fact that she had caught him off guard. She needed to feel him again before they were back to being just friends. 

She wanted a reminder that they kissed. The right way. 

“I don’t think that’s what friends do.” 

“Who are you to define what friends do?”

“You’re absolutely right.” He said with a smirk. 

That time it was her who took the leap and kissed him. And she took her time doing so. Though she wanted more, as that was all she was allowed to have of him. She was completely enamored by him, there wasn’t a part of her that wasn’t. 

Their lips moved in sync, as she slipped her tongue in his mouth ever so gently. Though she had been kissed plenty of times, she never had a kiss like that. A kiss that tasted sweet, but full of passion. 

He sure knew how to kiss well. He was so gentle and yet domineering. Steve Rogers was a really good kisser. 

And she was kissing him. 

She wasn’t ready to let go.  _ She needed a few seconds more _ .

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading❤️ If you are kind enough to leave feedback, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.


	4. everything she ever wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone’s a mess. Enjoy.

**_22:35_ **

That world didn’t belong to him anymore. He wasn’t sure if it ever belonged to him in the first place. 

He was luckier than most, he grew up believing he had the whole world on a golden platter. And by believing so, he had unknowingly ruined the lives of countless people. Especially Y/N’s. 

She was right. And he knew it well. He had abandoned Connie. And Max. The kid he had raised for two years as his own. He had loved them both. 

He always regretted how things ended between them. There hadn’t been any sort of closure. And how he went about moving on from them. He didn’t even try to contact them. To fight for them. 

Instead he prioritized things he didn’t really care about. He knew the people at the ball. In fact they smiled at him when he walked by, but it wasn’t like he cared about them. 

And yet they made for such perfect pawns in his game. 

He understood what he had lost. He had lost the one chance he had to be happy. He was given out from a loveless marriage and an unhappy life from Connie, then from Y/N. 

Y/N wasn’t the first woman he ever loved, but he hoped she might be the last. Not just hoped, he wanted her to be the last woman he loved. 

He looked for her everywhere. He wouldn’t have stopped until he found her. And apologized properly. Without shit he didn’t mean flying out of his mouth. 

He didn’t know if it was the thought of losing her, or losing her to Steve Rogers that made him more determined. 

He accelerated his pace, not noticing the young woman who bumped into him. He bumped into her. Accidentally. 

Her clutch bag flew out of her hands and onto the floor. 

“ _ Sorry _ .” He mumbled, bending down to get her her clutch. After all, he was raised to be a gentleman. Though as of late he hadn’t been one. He raised her eyes to the woman, who had since then bent down with him. 

Her eyes were green and doll like. And she gave him a weak ‘thank you’. As if she was the one who had to thank him. 

Pretty, though he couldn’t care less. There could be a thousand beautiful women and he wouldn’t have cared for none of them. 

He just wanted Y/N. He marched on, still on his quest to find her. Not knowing he’d see that woman again. 

  
  


**_23:24_ **

She walked into the shower. She listened to the water hit the tiles underneath her, the tips of her fingers brushing against her lips. Where she had been kissed. 

A sigh fell out of her lips as glass fogged up. She had a lot to think about. The steam, and the warm water caressed her tired body, whilst droplets of water gathered on the glass. 

There was so much to think about. She lathered her body in peach scented body soap as her mind went back to the single moment of that night that made her heart beat like crazy. 

_ The kiss. _

In one second she has changed from someone who was insisting he was just a friend, to someone who was kissing him. 

The first time was nothing, but the second time? There were no words to describe what went down. It wasn’t fueled by lust. It was everything but that.  _ The kiss was just like him.  _

Able to convey so much without a single word. 

It lasted for a while. For as long as she allowed herself to continue. And not once did he try to get her out of her dress. 

  
  


**_22:46_ **

His arms wrapped around her from behind, holding her tightly as the boat took them back to the apartment. Never she had felt so safe, and protected. No man except James had made her feel that way. Though she didn’t feel safe with him either. 

So that made Steve the first one. 

He hummed a tune, though it was nearly inaudible above the roaring of the boat’s engine. As they charged towards the horizon, she looked up at the sky. It was a perfect shade of dark blue, white stars scattered all across the never ending canvas. 

The salty air surrounded them, blew against her skin making her head rest against his chest for some kind of comfort. 

She didn’t know for how long she had been granted that feeling of invincibility. 

He lent her his hand, as she got out of the boat. The gown made it harder for her to step out. But she knew in that moment, that she had never felt like that before.

  
  


**_23:59_ **

She got ready for bed, clutching the dress against her body. She didn’t want to put it away just yet. She wasn’t ready to go to sleep either. There was plenty of adrenaline coursing through her body. 

She slipped into her satin camisole and a pair of white lace panties. Her body already knew where she was headed before her head could figure it out. It was completely devoid of logic, and for the first time, she trusted her feelings. 

She walked barefoot towards his room. The carpet felt nice against her feet. Though it was a little rough. It was still warm. After she took three steps, she was back onto the cold, hard marble floor. 

It was so smooth she felt as if she could glide over it as if it were ice. The cold breeze coming from the open window had pebbled her nipples, making her shiver a little. Though she didn’t mind it one bit. She liked it that way. 

As she found herself in front of the tall white door, she lightly knocked on it, before she entered. Even before anyone could answer. The events that occurred that night had made her behave brazenly. 

Steve was half asleep in his undershirt and boxers. Laying in the middle of his king sized bed. By the time she stepped in, he was more than awake. 

“Can I sleep here?” She asked him as she tugged on her camisole. She was shy again all at a sudden. How could she be? 

“Sure, just sleeping right?” 

“Yes.” She nodded, and he made her understand that he was in agreement. 

She climbed into his bed, her heart racing once again. It must have been a dream. It couldn’t be reality. 

She was going to be dragged out of it soon. She was sure of that. 

But she couldn’t care less. Not when she rested her head on his chest. Listening to his heart beat. It wasn’t racing like hers, but it was fast. His arm was already around her, bringing her closer. 

_ He liked it too.  _

Her leg was instinctively draped over his legs. She had no control over herself anymore. 

She wanted to look at him. To see his beautiful face before she fell asleep. So she looked up, and there he was, Steve Rogers in all his beauty smiling down at her. He had a look in his eyes again. The same look she had noticed when they had first left for the ball. 

And he kissed her again. Slow, and gentle. 

She didn’t want to fall asleep anymore, as she wanted to enjoy the moment for as long as possible. 

“ _ Crazy in Love _ .” He said with a chuckle, his lips still against hers. 

“Huh?”

“That was the song you danced to. At the after party.” She wasn’t quite sure of what he was talking about until it came up in her mind. 

Margaret's after party, which she didn’t even attend. It was the first event James had her attend with him. 

“It was.”

She couldn’t believe he remembered. It wasn’t a long time ago, but it sure felt like it. 

“I remember thinking how young and lively you were, and so fucking gorgeous.” 

If she had told the Y/N who attended that after party that she would’ve ended up in bed with the attractive man she saw play the piano that night, she would’ve never believed herself. 

But life was unpredictable like that. 

She laughed at the memory. “You should’ve kissed me then.” 

“ _ It wasn’t our time. _ ” But he still responded but he wasn’t laughing. He was dead serious, though there was a softness to his voice. “ _ It still isn’t _ .  _ But our time will come _ .” 

Hearing those words from his mouth gave her chills. Did he really mean them? But she chose to believe them. They sounded like the truth coming from him. 

“How can you be so sure?” 

“I’m always right.” 

Perhaps that was what he meant when he said she was too young for him. It was all about timing. And that night, even though she knew nothing was going to happen between them, a seed had been planted. 

A seed that she hoped in the near future would have bloomed into a beautiful flower. 

That said, he shifted towards her, so that he was hovering her. She let him kiss her. Deeply. And ever so passionately. She had already gotten used to the feeling of his supple lips against hers, she didn’t know how she was going to cope without. 

He meant every word he said. 

There was going to be a day in which they would’ve been happy together. She truly believed that. 

  
  


**_07:23_ **

He stumbled back into the apartment in the morning. He wasn’t sure of how he ended up getting back so late. The headache he had was a huge clue. He couldn’t hold his alcohol as he used to. 

He was pretty sure he was still a little drunk. And he wasn’t proud of it. 

He remembered the night in flashes, he had apparently lost his tie, though he had no hopes in finding it. Though his wallet and phone were both in his pockets. At one point he remembered hearing her voice, though that was just his head. 

Even when he tried not thinking about her, he did. 

He groaned loudly, walking towards the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. He was never drinking like that. It had been a long time since he had gotten drunk or had a hangover, but he had a thing with revisiting old habits. 

As he set his half empty glass down on the counter, unable to drink any more, he heard some humming a bright tune.  _ Steve _ . 

He would’ve asked him to keep it down, though since it was his house, and he had been generous enough to let him stay there, he had no choice but to listen. 

It would’ve been fine if the sound didn’t threaten to blow his brain up. 

But there was something different about Steve. Not just the stupid humming and interrupted by the unbearable whistling. 

He wasn’t acting like a cartoon character for no reason. There had to be something. 

And while he wouldn’t have said anything on any other given day, he was already suffering, so he had nothing to lose. 

“You look different.” He pointed out. He did. Although Steve was always quite happy, he hadn’t seen him like that in a long time. 

Not since he had been around Margaret. 

“Last night was great wasn’t it?” 

He didn’t even give him a clear answer.  _ Rude _ . But that was just regular Steve. He walked away, and just as he did, he passed by his room. 

The door had been left ajar, and hadn’t he decided to take a peek, he wouldn’t have had the confirmation of his fears. 

But there she slept soundly in his bed. He couldn’t see anything else but her back, but it was so clearly her. His heart dropped as he took a few steps back. He took in three deep breaths before he ran out of the apartment as fast as he could. 

Without keys, nor wallet. Still in his suit from the night before, he started wandering around the city, the sun making it unbearable for him to stay with his jacket on, but he didn’t care at all. 

He felt so numb he didn’t care about the heat. Something that would’ve bothered him on any other day. 

_ He had lost her.  _

  
  
  


**_10:12_ **

She slept for what seemed to be hours. She didn’t dream. Weirdly so. Though she suspected it had something to do with the fact that she had fulfilled her dream the previous night. It couldn’t be fake, as it all seemed so real. She remembered every detail vividly. 

But they were friends. 

Friends. 

Friends who kissed. And friends who slept in the same bed, albeit not doing much else but kissing. 

Despite that, it satisfied her more than sex with another man would have. Though it could’ve been the fact that she hadn’t slept with a man in a while. 

Her eyes slowly opened realising there was no one else in the big bed but her. She didn’t mind though. She knew she wasn’t crazy. His pillow still smelled like him. As creepy as it felt, she inhaled his scent. 

How was she going to face him? Were they going to pretend as if everything was normal again? 

She wasn’t sure if she would have been able to do that. 

She was fairly new to the whole feelings thing. And was unable to manage them like any other person could have. 

After planning out how she was going to face Steve, her stomach decided for her when it growled. She walked outside of his room, haphazardly adjusting her hair with her hands to make herself look at least half decent. 

When she saw them. Suitcases by the door. 

And Steve. 

Was that because they had kissed? Was it all her fault? But was running away the best option, she might have laughed and found the whole situation somewhat funny if she wasn’t living it. 

But she was just confused, and a little angry. 

“You’re leaving?” She asked, pointing at the suitcases. At that point she was more sad than angry. “Without telling me?”

She knew it was too good to be true. 

“I’ve never been good with goodbyes.” 

“That’s not an excuse.” 

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He apologized sincerely. “You can stay here for as long as you want. I left a phone number in the kitchen, that’s the housekeeper’s.” 

It was incredibly sweet, but she was still confused. Did the night before not happen? Did he even remember what he had said to her?

“That’s very generous…” She was still unable to give him a smile, not even a weak one. “So this is it?” 

“I wanted to give you this.” 

He handed her a sheet of paper he had been holding the entire time. Though she didn’t really care for it until he gave it to her. 

Did he write her a letter? Now she was even more confused than she had been before. 

“What’s this?” 

The question felt stupid, since she knew exactly what it was. But that was all that came out of her mouth. 

“Join me.” 

_ A ticket to London.  _ The only way his promise could’ve become true. 

“If you feel like coming back, know I’ll be waiting.” He told her. “Even if you don’t, I know we’ll meet again.” 

“How can you be so sure?” 

“I told you last night.” 

Fuck.  _ She was wrong. _ He did remember. 

“ _ You’re always right _ .” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter though it was a little shorter. Though next chapter is going to be a big one.


	5. you’ll never love me again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens in this chapter. Brace yourselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thank you to @zeilenkrieg on tumblr who dm’d me a dress that reader wears in this chapter❤️❤️

_**08:54** _

He tried hard to wipe that image out of his brain. Of her sleeping in his bed. It had been just a day since Steve left, and Y/N was already missing him. She didn’t say it, but he knew. 

He caught her staring outside the window multiple times. _Sighing_. He wondered if she did that with him. When they parted ways. 

The day after Steve left, the sky was grey and windy. So she stayed indoors, as did he. Though they were in separate rooms. 

He was angry. She had been with Steve. And he had proof. He had seen her in his bed with his own eyes. And it hurt. It hurt so much he felt like he was going to cry. He didn’t. But it was that bad. 

It wasn’t her fault. He knew that well. And after initially being mad at her as well, he pushed that feeling down. Though he wasn’t going to stop fighting for her. 

He was never going to. His feelings only grew with each passing day, and he hoped now that Steve was gone, he could talk to her. 

  
  


That morning, he had woken up to the smell of pancakes. He remembered them from his childhood, being served to them. 

He leaned against the doorframe, watching her as she flipped the pancakes in the pan. Meanwhile the counter looked like a mess. Everything was still out. The bowl with batter running down its side, the egg shells and the little amount of flour that had fallen onto the floor. 

“Grab yourself a plate.” She told him as she put more batter into the pan. 

_An olive branch._ Even if it was something as simple as pancakes. 

He had forgotten how good pancakes tasted, or maybe it was because she had made them for him, that made them all the more special. 

He licked the residual butter and syrup off of his fork, as he went for another bite. She ate her pancakes whilst she dropped the bowl in the sink, along with everything else she had used. 

She looked at him, as if she was requesting a reaction. So he gave her one. 

“They’re amazing.” 

“Thanks.” 

  
  


**_09:14_ **

Staying in Steve’s hideaway felt a little weird without him. She knew he didn’t leave because he was avoiding her (as the whole world didn’t revolve around her), but it sure felt that way. 

It felt wrong to be there. Almost unnatural. It hadn’t occurred to her before, about how lucky she was. She wasn’t born into wealth, but she sure was good at shoehorning herself in that world. 

After all that was all she did since she had met James. The people she had met, the parties she attended, the opportunities she got to live were thanks to other people. 

She hadn’t thought what her life would be if she hadn’t met James. If the night she went home with him she decided to stay in with Nat and watch a movie. She would’ve eventually had to find herself an apartment. 

As much as she loved Nat, she believed they would have drifted apart if she stayed the whole time at her place. 

She had also come to realize that she didn’t make a lot of important decisions. Even Venice didn’t feel like it was her idea. Sure, she wanted to visit it for a long time, but practically had to escape there in order to avoid James. 

And the day after Steve had left, she had found herself contemplating returning to London. The free ticket was there, where she had left it. On her night stand. After she had spent hours looking at it before she eventually fell asleep. 

She didn’t want to think about London just yet. She was enjoying her present too much to think about the future. Maybe that was what went wrong between them. Between James and her. 

They were planning the near future too much that they forgot they still had the present to live in. 

She ate another forkful of her pancakes, as she watched James eat from time to time. Were her pancakes the equivalent of a white flag? 

Whatever they were, she wanted whatever days she had left there to be peaceful, without much drama. 

“Give me that plate.” He said, and she looked at him confusedly. She looked down at her dirty plate. “I’m going to do the dishes.” 

“I didn’t think you did that.” 

“I do.” He nodded, as he grabbed the plate and put it in the sink. If it was an olive branch by his part, she gladly accepted it. She hated doing the dishes. 

She smiled to herself once his back was turned to her. She stood there, leaning against the counter, wondering what had gotten into him. He was friendlier, not an asshole. And he was trying. 

Was it possible they were on good terms? 

That had never happened between them. Not even when they were sleeping together. There was always something. An untold truth, or a hidden child. 

But now that everything was out, there was no reason for them to be on bad terms. 

“You want to go out to dinner tonight?” 

_Was he asking her out? Fuck, he was._

“Sure, why not.” She responded.“I can use someone else cooking for me.”

_Fuck_. She had to be mad at James, but she found it exhausting. She had no idea how her mother managed to be like that with her father all the time. She didn’t have the motivation anymore. Or she simply didn’t care. 

She liked to think it was the latter. 

  
  


**_18:53_ **

_Six missed calls._ From people he was actively avoiding. Namely his mother, and his wife. Both about the divorce. All he knew about it was that it was going to cost him a lot of money. 

Thankfully, they never had children. Though Dot had always wanted a kid, and would never stop talking about it in the first years of their marriage, once the two month spark had disappeared. He could barely recall those years. 

Back in those years he put much more effort in faking his affections and hiding his affairs, whilst keeping her satisfied with endless gifts. That kept children off of her mind, until she stopped asking when she realized he didn’t want them. 

He was glad they never had them. They would have been awful parents. The kid would’ve been as messed up as he was, and God only knew the world had enough with one of him. 

He wasn’t the fatherly type. Or so he thought when Max was born. It had been a very long time ago, but he still remembered him. He remembered he held him when he was born. 

He couldn’t believe how small a human could be. He remembered thinking he couldn’t love Connie more in that moment. But that was a long time ago. As sad it was, the memory of her faded as each year passed. 

He adjusted his cufflinks before he exited the bathroom, finding Y/N lounging on the chesterfield. She looked up from her phone with a faint smile painted on her lips. 

“Look how the tables have turned… I seem to be waiting for you.” 

She uncrossed her legs, and stood up. She looked beautiful as always. 

“How did you manage to get ready so quickly? And looking like _[that](https://yumikim.com/products/velvet-allure-dress-1?variant=20115019759734&publisherId=73861&clickId=3289843046)_?”

“I have a few tricks up my sleeve. And I’m hungry.” She stated. “What’s your excuse?” 

“I had a lot on my mind.” 

“Well then, you have more time to think on the boat.” 

  
  


**_19:09_ **

It had been an eventful day, though she had to admit every day she had spent in Italy felt like it. Here wasn’t a day she had been bored, sure some days were better than others, but there was always something to do in a city so mesmerizing. 

The water taxi slowed down, as they approached an island. It just cruised along the main canal. It was narrower, surrounded by green. 

She wondered for how long they both could stay silent. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other since they had boarded the boat. Their trip hadn’t been completely silent. 

The sound of the boat speeding above the water had replaced the complete awkwardness between them. Though silence had never been awkward with him. 

It came naturally to the both of them.

“What’s this place?” She finally broke the silence.

“ _Torcello_.” He was brief. “Don’t tell me you haven’t been here before?” 

“I haven’t...” 

“You’re going to love it.” 

And he was right. She loved it. It wasn’t exactly a hidden island, it had been a place frequented by the likes of _Ernest Hemingway,_ but it sure felt like a hidden paradise. 

She hated how he knew her so well. Despite never getting to know each other. Perhaps that was what drew her the most to him. The fact that he could figure her out so easily. 

The wind blew through her loose hair, and she held onto James’ arm for support as they walked upon the stone pavement, towards the restaurant. She looked around her, there weren’t many people. 

None at all. 

  
  


**_19:26_ **

“Mr. Barnes... welcome back.” The maitre d’ spoke politely as they walked into the restaurant. 

“Back?” She raised her eyebrow. “Does it mean you come here often?”

Before James could answer her, the maitre d’ did for him. “Mr. Barnes is our most esteemed guest.” 

“I take that as a yes.” 

They were taken outside, which she could only describe as eden. She would’ve never expected to see such a garden in Venice. The city wasn’t exactly known for its gardens, but a tiny gasp escaped her lips at the sight of so much green. 

She glanced at the intricate arches, and the gravel under her feet, which made it harder for her to walk around. 

She felt bad because she loved it all so much. She felt worse, because she loved to be the woman on his arm. Something she had never been. 

She was always the hidden woman, but now things had changed. She felt like he had a thing for gardens, as they always seemed to dine in them. Memories of their weekend in the English countryside fluttered back into her mind. She had been so happy.

She had never been so glad to sit down, as her shoes were beginning to be a burden. 

“We haven’t talked in a while.” He spoke, once they were seated. She was reluctant to speak as there was a waiter present, who had brought over a complimentary bottle of wine. 

“No we haven’t.” She said, before thanking the waiter who poured her some wine. “How have you been?”

“Not well.” 

He was honest. Something she hadn’t expected from him, as she was so used to his lies. 

“Why not?”

“You don’t want to know.” She didn’t. They were such in a good place. Back to friendly terms, she didn’t want the past to ruin it. A past she was slowly coming to terms with. “And I’d rather not say.”

“Then what would you rather talk about?”

“Everything we haven’t told each other.” 

“If I am to spill my secrets I need something stronger than wine.” 

“Not secrets. Even the smallest things you’d like me to know about you. Since we skipped the whole ‘getting to know each other’ bit.” 

They hadn’t. It was one of the stupid rules they had made when they started seeing each other. Though they had revealed little things, they never sat down and talked about themselves. 

Personal lives were always off limits. Though she had already met his friends, his family, and his soon to be ex wife. 

Some things couldn’t be off limits. 

But first they ordered their food. He did that for her, as he spoke a little italian. She had picked up a little of it, though she wasn’t drunk enough to attempt to speak the language.

“I can do that.” She said. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything.” 

“ _Everything_?” 

“Yes.” 

“That seems a little difficult.” She wouldn’t know where to begin. “I wouldn’t know where to begin.” 

“Tell me about someone you can’t live without.” 

“Nat... she’s been by my side since high school. I truly can’t imagine my life without her.” 

“ _She hates me._ ” 

“She used to admire you.” It was Nat who knew a lot of him in the first place. After all, she was an aspiring journalist. She was very dedicated too. “I still remember the first time we... and I was trying to figure out who you were. Once I did, I called her. Started freaking out and ran out as soon as possible.”

“I remember that.” 

“I tell her everything. She knows everything about me. And I know everything about her. That’s how our friendship works.”

“You mean _everything_?” 

“Yes.” She knew what he was implying by everything, and she had told Nat about every single detail of her life. Though she had spared some. “Don’t you and Sam tell each other everything?” 

“Not really. There are some things I’d rather not know.” She chuckled at his statement. Sam had a rather colorful life, which wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. “And other things I’d rather keep to myself.” 

“How is he?” 

“Last time I heard he was in some island in the Pacific Ocean with his personal harem. He’s fine.” 

“Nothing he does surprises me anymore.” 

“I believe you’re mistaken. If you knew how he used to be when he used to go to university, you'd change your mind.” 

“Was he worse?”

“Not at all. He used to be very normal. He invested a lot whilst I squandered half of my trust fund.” 

“So he’s smart?” 

“Very.” He nodded. “He’s probably the smartest person I know.”

“I had no idea. You met him at Oxford which means you two didn’t go to high school together.”

“No. We met when we were about your age.” 

“I can’t imagine you being my age.” 

“You can’t?”

“No. Somehow I imagine you’ve been the way you are your whole life.” 

“You’re Not completely wrong, at your age I was still a realist. I never was much of a dreamer, though I hadn’t yet gone through the horrors of marriage.” 

“Did you want to get married?” She asked, before she mentally slapped herself. She spoke without thinking. “I realize how inappropriate that is to ask.”

“Don’t worry.” He reassured her. “I never thought about marriage. Never truly believed in it either. Not with the parents I had.” 

“So why did you get married?”

“My mother. She convinced me. I don’t know how, but it probably had a lot to do with the fact that I didn’t want to be alone.” 

“Your mother had a say in it?”

“Things in my family work a little differently than in any other family.” He explained, before taking a big sip. “I was told I could live freely, but I can’t. Luckily I’m getting out of it, but my sister… she’s stuck.” 

“Stuck?” 

“My mother arranged her marriage.” 

“Arranged?” She questioned. “Like they used to do thousands of years ago?”

“Yes. And Beck fell right for it. She isn’t in love with that old man, but he maintains her lifestyle. And she’s happy with it.” 

“I guess that’s the most important thing. That she’s happy. I miss her. She’s so nice.”

  
  
  


**_20:54_ **

By the time their food arrived, they got reacquainted. Y/N carefully listened to him speak in between bites of her salmon. Though he was more looking at her than thinking about what he was saying. 

He was probably telling her about how he used to spend the holidays with Beck and their nanny. As he told the story he had never told anyone else, he realized how lonely he had always been. 

“How was your childhood like?”

“Fun. No one expected much from me.” She spoke. “I barely remember what it was like. It’s sad how you are expected to choose a path as you grow up. Being in school wasn’t something I wanted.”

“What do you want?”

“To live. That I’m sure of. I’m not quite sure of my purpose yet.”

That was the beauty of youth. The uncertainty. He had already known his purpose from when he was young. He was the heir to his father’s empire. He had never known how it felt to forge his own path, as others had made it for him. 

Everything came so easy to him. University, a job, opportunities… he had never worked for any of them. 

That was what he admired most about her. She took a chance on herself. To forge her own future. 

“You’ll figure it out. You’re very smart.” 

“Thank you.” 

  
  


**_22:22_ **

The night was so peaceful they decided to walk by the apartment before they went up to sleep. They spoke about the most random things, and then she’d end up speaking about trains. The conversation had lost its topic. Like all natural conversations. 

In one night they had evolved from strangers, acquaintances, to friends. It was a lot of improvement in one day. Though in reality it had been only a few hours. 

Not talking was the root of every problem they had. And now that they were actually talking, there was nothing that hadn’t been aired out already. 

That was until James decided to speak again once they got back to the apartment. 

“Fuck... I just don’t know how I fucked up so much. I ruined everything.” He said suddenly. It was so sudden, and unexpected, she didn’t know what to say, so she listened. “I tried living a life without you and I don’t want to live it. I can’t fully live knowing you’re not in my life.” 

She had barely had the time to put down her keys on the glass table by the front door when she was hit by his declaration. 

She figured he had that bottled up all throughout dinner. 

“ _I love you_.” There they were. The three words any woman would’ve wanted to hear from a man. She never thought she’d be one of those women. Who’d cry at the mere mention of them. She didn’t cry, but she definitely felt something. “Whether you decide to give me another chance or not, my feelings for you aren’t going to change.” 

“James...” For once she knew for sure he was telling the truth.

He loved her. 

She couldn’t help but shed a few tears of joy. The kind of tears she wasn’t used to shedding. There was a first time for everything. _Fuck_. Now she was definitely that type of woman. 

And they smiled at the same time. They were connected in a way. Two halves of one person. Both immature, cynical, and selfish people. But that was probably the reason why she was so drawn to him. 

He wasn’t a good person, but perhaps he was good for her. 

So she kissed him. She didn’t know what that made them, but she knew she couldn’t stand there in front of him not doing anything, or else she would have regretted it. 

And she was so glad he did. It felt as if no time had passed. And that they had resumed what they used to have. 

Truth was she had never wanted anything so much. Despite all the tears he made her spill, it never changed how she felt for him. His lips felt hot against hers, as her cheeks wet with his tears. 

It was more than enough to forgive him. After all, no man had ever cried for her. That was a good enough reason to take him back.

“ _I missed you so fucking much_.” 

She was reminded of the reason why she was so addicted to him. He might have not known about her well. But he knew her body. He had studied her very carefully. He knew exactly the amount of pressure he needed to apply, where she liked to be touched, and where to suck to make her scream obscenities. 

He carried her into Steve’s bedroom. She knew it was some kind of pissing contest he had going on with him. Perhaps from when they were children. 

But she hadn’t been touched in a while. And if he wanted to take her in his bed, she wouldn’t have objected. She found it extremely arousing how much he wanted her. 

She had long forgotten the events that occurred in Steve’s bed, the same ones she had promised herself she wouldn’t forget. At that moment, she didn’t want to think about anything else but what was happening. 

From every kiss, to every careful touch, it felt as if it was the first time she was going to sleep with him. As if they were starting over again. Maybe that was what they needed to do. 

To erase the past to begin anew. 

He undressed her quickly, but attentively, peppering wet kisses over her exposed skin. 

He kissed down her body, gently. Teasing her nipple with his tongue, his hand made its way in between her legs. His long fingers getting slick with her juices, the tips just entering her but never giving her the satisfaction of feelings his thick fingers fill her. 

“ _James… please._ ” 

She beseeched, spreading her legs wider.

“Patience.” He spoke, bringing his slick covered fingers to his mouth. Tasting her. Just the sight of that made her moan uncontrollably. 

She whimpered at the feeling of emptiness. She never thought she’d be one to beg. 

It was all forgiven. She couldn’t even remember all the reasons why she shouldn’t have been with him, and was reminded of all the reasons why she loved him. She watched him undress, excruciatingly slow. 

She could see his dark chest hair which peeked through his half unbuttoned shirt. Seeing him like that turned her on even more than she already was. She needed him that instant. 

His shirt flew across the room, and so did his pants. Her legs parted involuntarily when she saw how hard he was for her. 

“ _I love you so much_.” He repeated, before he entered her all at once. 

She gasped at the feeling of him filling her up, her walls tightened around him. Sure, she had been with great lovers before, but she loved none of them like she did James. 

She remembered what Nat had once told her, that making love was unlike any other pleasure she had ever felt before, although at that time she strongly disagreed. But she knew what she was feeling was the exact thing Nat had described. 

She somehow recognized it, despite never having felt it. Or maybe she had. 

He sent shockwaves all throughout her body, as she held onto him. She wondered how she could have let it happen. To let herself feel. Every touch was electric, pushing her towards ecstasy. 

He whispered sweet nothings into her ear, gently biting her lobe as he picked up his pace. Her back arched from the mattress, as her breasts were pushed against his chest. 

_There was nowhere else she would have rather been than right there with him._

  
  


**_00:03_ **

She laid beside him, finding herself in a place she had been before. In his arms, her skin glistened with sweat. She never thought she’d be there again, but there she was. Maybe it was where she was meant to be. 

His arm was wrapped around her, he had laid his claim on her. She was his. And his only. 

He hadn’t said it verbally, but she knew. 

He had told her he loved her. Something that made her heart go faster than it ever did before. Perhaps it was something about the Venetian air that made it perfect for romance. 

Their warm bodies were touching underneath a thin sheet. His touch grazed her shoulder, as his lips made contact with her temple. There was something so intimate about that. Even more intimate than what they had just done. 

She looked at him. From her angle his lashes looked longer. She always thought his lashes alongside his eyes were his best trait. That and his whole face. He was just so pretty to look at. 

Their eyes met, and he smiled. He made her so happy. She was happy. 

“ ** _I love you_**.” She whispered as she nuzzled his chest. God he smelled nice. 

“Do you mean that, or is it because I just made you come?”

He asked with a low chuckle. That alone made her want to do it all over again. 

“I do mean it.” She said as her finger drew patterns on his skin.“ I love you James.” 

“Say it again.” 

“ _I love you_.” 

He hovered above her, kissing her again. Slowly and gently. She was never going to tire of that. 

“Again.” 

“ _I love you…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. If you liked the chapter, please leave some feedback, I really love reading your comments. ❤️❤️


	6. here we go again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): handjob on a plane, slight exhibitionism

How could anyone be sure of anything? She wondered as he took her again for the fifth time. As the night went on, she wasn’t sure whether she was even capable of decisions. Maybe it was her cynical side speaking, but was he sincere? Were his tears even real? 

Anyways, she did believe him when he started crying. What if it was all a ploy to get her back into bed? That was horrible of her to assume, but what if it was true? 

If it was, it worked. Growing up she had never seen her father display emotion like that. Nor any other man in her life that came afterwards. 

Was she starved for sex and affection? 

She was, but she knew the words she had said to him were real. She had actually told him she loved him. Something she had never said to anyone before. Except her parents when she was little. 

Though she had said it once when she was in the first grade. However her mother was quick to tell her she was too young to know what love was. 

Now that she was in her twenties, she still felt that way. She was too young to know what real love was. But what she felt with James felt like it. 

She once was given unsolicited advice by someone. That when one was in love, they’d know, because they’d feel it inside. 

_**09:52** _

The previous night played over and over again in his head, and even after all that time, he couldn’t get over how beautiful she was. He had slept with so many women in her absence, in hopes of finding one that resembled her. That felt him feel like she did. 

None of them were it. No matter how young, beautiful or similar they looked. 

It was strange. Before her, he had a specific type, which he usually followed down to a T. His temper fluctuated in her absence. Some days he’d be happy, optimistic, but then by the end of the day after having had sex with the umpteenth woman that wasn’t her, he’d feel awful. 

He’d kick her out, and the cycle would go on and on. It didn’t help when he flew out to Venice to discover she was living with Steve of all people. 

He witnessed her falling for Steve second by second, while he stood on the side as she broke his heart. He had it coming.

But when she kissed him, he had forgotten all the hurt. He didn’t care about Steve. Maybe he did a little when he decided to make love to her in his bed, but all was forgotten by they began with round two. 

He wanted to make her understand how he felt for her. She needed to see how much he needed her. 

And she did. 

He waited for her to wake up, whilst he made himself a cup of tea. The one thing he could make without completely messing it up. 

“What time is it?”

“It’s _**10:00**_.” 

“ _Ten_? Why didn’t you wake me?” 

“You looked so relaxed. I didn’t want to disrupt you.” 

“That’s very kind.” “But I’m afraid I’m going to have to wake up. I have an early morning.” 

“Really? What did you have planned?” 

“Brunch at this cute little place I found in _Campo Santo Stefano._ And then hopefully find a nice apartment I can rent out for a while.” 

“Why rent out a small apartment when you have the keys to Sarah Rogers’ humble abode?”

“This is everything but humble. Besides, it’s Steve’s, and I don’t want to impose. It’s better if I get out of his hair.” 

“Or you have another solution to sleeping in an overpriced shoebox apartment…” 

“What? Living under _Rialto Bridge_?” 

He chuckled. “No. You can live in a beautiful alabaster townhouse.” 

“I haven’t seen those in Venice, and even if I had, I’d never be able to afford it.” 

It was cute how clueless she could be at times. She had those moments, despite being a minx. 

“You wouldn’t have to pay a dime.” 

  
  


_**10:07** _

“Will you come back with me?” 

“Back to London?” He nodded. She didn’t want to talk about it. Not about their future. What mattered was they were living the present together. 

“I-“

“You don’t want London? We can go anywhere you like. The choice is yours.” 

“The problem isn’t where... we didn’t work out the first time we made plans.” 

“Things are different now, I hope.” He spoke nervously. He was still unsure of how to behave himself around her. It was strange since he had no problem showing how much he had missed her. “I bought a ticket this morning. On the same flight as yours.” 

“How-“

“I saw the ticket on your night stand.” He explained briefly. “How about we only think about the present, and live in it. Enjoy it as much as we can?” 

She still didn’t know what to say. She had come to Venice to get as far away as possible from him, and yet there she was sharing a bed with him. But the stakes had been raised. He has gone out and about to show her that he was willing to take a gamble. 

And if he was, why shouldn’t she try as well?

“You already have my heart. Do you trust me?” 

She didn’t know about that yet. She knew she gave into him, _over and over again_ , and she didn’t regret her actions. But if she were to give him her trust, then it would’ve left her vulnerable. 

But he was already vulnerable. He knocked down whatever walls he had built up for her. He showed her how much he loved her. Sure he lied, but everyone did in their lifetime. 

“I trust you.” 

  
  


_**12:20** _

She didn’t have the best history with decision making. But as she sat in the back of a Mercedes on the way to the airport, she had no other choice. 

She was going to trust her gut and go along with it.

What about Steve? He said it himself. It simply wasn’t their time. Besides, she didn’t even know him. Not as much as James anyway. She needed the physicality, the raw passion that only James could give to her. 

He made her feel alive, just through his touch. His voice was like music to her ears. And his words, oh his words, made her a believer. 

Besides, love didn’t have to make sense. She had to admit she missed him. She longed for him the first days in Venice. She was always going to go back to him. She couldn’t be kept away. 

And despite all the other chapters in her short voyage, Peter, Loki, and for a brief time Steve, none of them held a candle to James Buchanan Barnes. 

That was what she told herself whilst she was kissing him on the way to the airport. Her hands roaming all over his body, her leg over his lap in an attempt to straddle him. 

It made absolutely no sense to her. One second she was mad at him, and the next she was all over him. But she wasn’t in control of her emotions. 

Yet she still didn’t know what they were. And though she wasn’t one for labels, she wondered what his impending divorce meant for them. 

_Were they a couple? Were they not?_

The ticket that was sandwiched in between her passport, reminded her of her time with Steve. _Steve_. The man who she thought was her knight in shining armor. 

But they were friends. Like they had both agreed upon, before sleeping in each other's arms. 

Going forward, she knew she had to be more careful though she also knew all of her old rules had to change. 

She strolled around the duty free, eyeing the overpriced boxes of chocolate in their pretty matte black boxes. She grabbed two before handing them to James, who stood there by the perfume section on his phone. 

It took her exactly two seconds and batting her eyelashes to get her way. 

That was the reason why she wanted change. The face he gave her when he grabbed both boxes and headed towards the till. 

She had never felt like that with someone. She knew she was in love with him. 

  
  
  


_**13:47** _

“I’m flying commercial for you.” He pointed out as his hand rubbed her thigh. If he was going to bring up everything he ever did for her to get some, they’d never get out of bed. 

Though she had to admit she missed the thrill of having sex with him. The secrecy, all the places in public they'd do it. 

“I think you can take two hours on a commercial plane.” She chuckled, playfully swatting his hand away. “It’s going to humble you.” 

“Did I tell you I flew to Venice in an economy seat?” 

He whispered so that nobody else could hear. They were next to no people in business class, except for a few tourists, a businessman (who was fast asleep) and an elderly lady. 

His large hand was back on her thigh, squeezing it, making her shift in her seat. 

“You did?” She asked coyly. She already knew where it was headed, so she let him. “Was it humbling?”

“Not really. It was dreadful. Never again.” 

There was something incredibly amusing about the fact that he was so willing to touch her in front of people in such a public place. He had done it before, but she had forgotten how it made her feel. 

“What if I asked you to?” 

“I’d do it.” 

“That’s incredibly sweet.” 

“ _I know.”_

She smiled at him, before she put a blanket on top of his lap, as he watched her quizzically. Though he let her. He was in no mood of questioning her as soon as he realized what she was doing. 

He helped her unzip his pants, and free his semi hard member from its restraints. She felt all of him in her hand, and its ridges, the same ones that made her toes curl and scream obscenities the previous night. 

She understood why it made him so empowered, by the way he made her feel when he was inside her. He littered her body with marks, of all different shades. It took a large amount of concealer to cover the ones on her neck. 

She felt as though she was in high school. If in high school she was ‘cool’ enough to have a boyfriend. 

“ _Fuck_ …” He cursed as she started pumping him slowly, seeing him like that, all flustered and trying to pretend as if she wasn’t touching him was worth the risk of being caught. 

And so what if they were? He was James Barnes. There were no repercussions for people like him. 

“Shh…” 

His face tried its hardest not to control in pleasure, while his breath became more labored. If only they were the only ones there… she would’ve let him fuck her mouth like she had back in Steve’s apartment. 

She had teased him whilst waiting in the business lounge at the airport. She was surprised he had taken her to the restrooms and fucked her there. 

Her hand kept going under the blanket, feeling him tense up. That was it. He was going to come in a plane. It wasn’t quite like joining the mile high club, more like sitting in its lounge, but that more than enough. 

She felt herself getting wetter, and rubbed her thighs together to get some relief, whilst she was pleasuring him. 

It was incredible to see how much control he had over the noises he made, or the ones he did not make. He was practically quiet. But just dying to let out a sensual moan. One that would’ve alerted the other passengers of what they were doing. 

A few more pumps, and he came all over her hand. He was in ecstasy, throwing his head back, his eyes closed shut. 

She would’ve done it over and over again, if it weren’t for the mortified flight attendant who brought her a couple of complementary wet hand towels. 

After she had cleaned him up, the plane was beginning it’s descent. Into their future. 

  
  
  


**_14:24_ **

Arriving back home was made all the more better with her presence. He managed to sneak a little kiss one last time on the plane before they got off. 

He squeezed her hand as they waiting for their luggage. He knew he had made her a promise, but everything was still premature. 

With the divorce, his mother... Everything had to be handled before he introduced her to the world. He pushed the cart with their suitcases towards the automatic doors that had EXIT written on them in bold white letters. 

He smiled, awaiting the surprise he had arranged for her. And when she let out a deafening squeal, he knew he had made the right call.

“Did someone call a welcome wagon?” 

“Sam!” 

“How was Italy?” 

“Amazing. I miss it already.” They started walking away. Though he wasn’t offended he hadn’t been greeted by him. “But I want to hear all about your summer in the Pacific.” 

In all honesty he loved that his closest friend had become so close to her. He appreciated even more since he wasn’t particularly fond of Dot.

“I’ll tell you all about it tonight.” He told her excitedly. “Whilst celebrating your return.” 

“I can’t… apparently running off to Italy as a romantic gesture while you’re CEO is frowned upon. I have a meeting later this afternoon.” 

He told them. It was true. He had received a call from one of the board members that he had to be at the offices to discuss changes that were going to be implemented.

“What about your friend…? The cute redhead.” 

“Nat? She’s still backpacking through SouthEast Asia.”

“Then it means it’s going to be just the two of us.” 

  
  


_**15:23** _

The world of Sam Wilson was much more complex than it looked. It wasn’t at all just filled with expensive champagne, lavish parties and gorgeous women every night. 

As soon as they had dropped James off at his home. The same home she had been in countless times. In fact the last time she had been there she swore she would’ve never seen him again.

Life was funny like that. It never let one decide their fate.

The inside of Sam’s Aston Martin was immaculate. It smelled like leather and a bit of his own personal scent. 

She had always believed that personal objects carried a bit of their owner. The same went for his car. 

Sleek, cool and fast. 

Sam was everything she wanted to be. Every small movement of his, looked planned. As if he had an audience at all times. Though she had spent plenty, but not enough time with him, she wondered whether he could turn off his suaveness and be like everyone else. 

She knew there was more to him than the material possessions he owned, and flaunted subtly on his social media. And the women. So many. 

And who could blame them.

“You want something?” 

He asked her once they sat themselves in a trendy bistro in Mayfair. One which she could only afford the entree at.

“A cup of coffee please. I barely slept during my flight.” 

“I bet.” 

Soon the one cup of coffee turned into a bottle of Dom, shared between the two of them. Which she didn’t mind. That was exactly what she needed at three in the afternoon. And the Dom eventually was joined by a Petrossian caviar tasting, a whole tasting menu. 

“Are you sure you’re ok with me tagging along like an annoying little sister?”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve always wanted an annoying little sister.” 

“No siblings?” 

“Two actually. Older than you are though.” He stated. “None of them have visited me though. They don’t enjoy my lifestyle. They’re both married.” 

“Well I’m not married, and I do enjoy your lifestyle.” She took a long sip of champagne. “In fact I enjoy it so much I’m going to eat some more Petrossian.” 

“I saw Steve the other day.” 

She hoped he didn’t notice that she put her glass down at the mention of his name.

“Oh… Good for you.” 

She hadn’t even thought about what to say to him when and if she ever saw him again. 

She didn’t know what to do. Not after that kiss.

“He was in Italy for the summer, did you know that?” 

“He was? I had no idea.” So much for playing it nonchalantly. He could see right through her act.

“Sure you didn’t.” 

“You know coming back to London not single is the worst thing you can do for yourself.” He picked up an olive and popped it into his mouth. “You can’t enjoy it properly.” 

“Who said I wasn’t single…” 

“Anyways, I was thinking about you staying at my place for a while, until you get your whole living situation sorted.” 

“You’d let me do that?” 

“Of course. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” 

“Thank you. So it’ll be like a sleepover?”

“Promise there’ll be pillow fights in silk negligees.” 

“You in a silk negligee? I don’t think that’s an image I want in my head. Besides you look so much better shirtless.”

“You couldn’t be more right.”

  
  
  


_**17:48** _

Time flew by as they were having so much fun. The champagne had gone to her head, as she giggled uncontrollably at some stupid joke Sam had made. If only she could be regularly happy as when she was in a champagne mood. 

Sam had to drag her out of the bistro as she wanted to stay there longer, as she didn’t feel as tired as she thought she’d be. Between her reunion with James, her unexpected flight back to London, and the countless glasses of champagne, she was sure that night she would’ve fallen asleep as soon as she laid down.

Though there was one more obstacle she had to face before getting some well deserved sleep. 

Sam’s celebration. And she didn’t know what that meant. Being something planned by Sam Wilson, it could have been anything. 

And she was as afraid as she was scared. 

“Can I wear this [one](https://www.farfetch.com/it/shopping/men/alexander-mcqueen-giacca-da-abito-gessata-item-15091571.aspx?storeid=10651)? Or does it have sentimental value?” 

She came out of his walk-in closet with an Alexander McQueen blazer in her hand. She went in hoping she’d find something she could wear. And after looking around for a while, she had settled on a simple black blazer. Which was a little oversized on her, but she knew she could make it work as a dress. 

“Go ahead.” He told her as he unbuttoned the third shirt that he tried on. He sure was indecisive. “I didn’t even know that was in my closet.” 

“You know you have a bigger closet than Dot Barnes right?”

“Oh yes. I had the same interior designer. _Well she stole her from me.”_

“Don’t tell me you slept with her.” 

“Some things are off limits to me too. Namely the people I hire.” That was unexpected, but she figured everyone had their own rules. “But when they no longer work for me that’s a whole other story.” 

“So you let her steal your interior designer so you could sleep with her?” 

“No. _Her daughter_ , not her. And it wasn’t like that.” 

She chuckled, as she walked over to his adjoining bathroom to do her makeup in. 

  
  


_**19:40** _

About two hours later, they were both ready to go out. Sam had given her a vintage [Celine belt](https://www.grailed.com/listings/13108804-celine-authentic-vintage-celine-belt) one of his nightly conquests had left behind. And she was glad she did, since Sam told her she was allowed to keep it. 

“This… looks great on me. I might have to steal it.” She said, referring herself to his blazer. 

“I know where you live.” They looked at each other and they both laughed. 

She was already having so much fun with him, and not a day had passed by yet. 

“ _Don’t tell me we’re going to_ _Valhalla_.” 

It hadn’t occurred to her before that they might have been headed that way. As they had been there quite a few times. 

“Haven’t you heard? Valhalla has been temporarily closed for business.” 

“ _Closed_? What happened?”

“I’m surprised you haven’t heard it yet. Loki was connected to some drug operation in a brothel in Amsterdam.” He told her with a chuckle. “He didn’t get arrested, but some poor guy did since everyone else was too rich and powerful to get charged with anything.”

She wasn’t surprised that it happened to Loki. He didn’t give off good vibes when she was around him, though that might have been because he was relentlessly pursuing her

“And listen to this. Loki tattooed his name on some of the call girls. That’s how word got out.” 

“I guess his ego was his downfall.” She hadn’t met a man yet who had a bigger ego than he did, though James was a close second. “At least it means he won’t be around.” 

  
  


_**21:10** _

“What’s up with you and James flying commercial? I would’ve thought he’d want to travel in style.” He asked her over their first glass of the night. Though not of the day. 

“Well I had a ticket.”

“You were planning to come back?” He grabbed the champagne bottle by its neck and poured more into his glass. “You could’ve told me you know?” 

“I wasn’t planning on coming back. Steve got me the ticket.” 

She had opted with being honest with him, as he had been nothing but nice to her. Or maybe it was the alcohol that was kicking in. She had thought she had built a higher tolerance after drinking so much wine, limoncello and spritz in Italy, but she was wrong. 

“Steve Rogers huh?”

“So you’ve heard.” 

“I heard about your Grand Ball debut. Congratulations.” _Busted_. 

“What were they saying?”

“They’re jealous. As they are with any gorgeous woman around any eligible bachelor.” Jealous of her? Anyways they had no reason to be, as they had agreed to be nothing more than platonic. “What happened between you two?”

What hadn’t happened between them two? She had the time of her life with him. The long nights staying up listening to old vinyls, the stolen glances, and forbidden touches. 

“Why do you think something happened?” 

Because it did. 

“Because I know you. And I know Steve for longer. And the same story I kept hearing from the Grand Ball was that you two danced the night away.” 

“We kissed.” She blurted it out. She wanted someone to talk to about it. 

“Kissed?” He exclaimed. “That’s good isn’t it?”

“What do you think?”

“I think you're officially out of the friend zone.” 

The friend zone. She had managed to get out of it, and had gone back in voluntarily. She felt a little dumb. Steve had finally seen her as more than just a silly little girl. As someone he could kiss, and hold. 

But that was long gone. At least he didn’t see her like a little girl anymore. Not after having had his tongue inside her mouth. 

“Was I ever in there?” 

“For a brief period of time you were. Are you ready for him?”

“No.” 

“And you’re ready for James?” He asked the big question. She knew she wasn’t being very secretive about it. “Don’t even try to deny it. I saw you two glowing at the airport. I know what happened. And I also happen to know he’s getting a divorce.” 

“I know what you’re going to say.”

“No you don’t.” He smiled at her. “I’m just here to toast to your new life.” 

  
  
  


She didn’t remember what happened next, except for the drinks, the crazy dancing and the headaches, but she knew she found herself in a taxi with Sam, and some random girl he had picked up with bright pink hair.

And she couldn’t sleep. Not with the sound of Sam’s bed banging against the wall, and as if that wasn’t enough, the girl was a screamer. And she orgasmed eight times that night. _Eight goddamn times._

Once they seemed to have fallen asleep. She did too. But it was dawn. 

**_08:12_ **

Which was why when James had texted her that he was downstairs, she ran out of Sam’s apartment as fast as possible. 

Flinging the car door open and jumping in the backseat beside him. 

He greeted her with a kiss. Like the ones she had only seen in movies. It was comforting. Though she couldn’t help but yawn as their lips parted. She was tired, and he noticed that. He gave her a smile and a kiss on her forehead. 

It caught her completely off guard. But it made her feel good. Not like sex did, but a different kind of good. 

“How was your meeting?” She asked him as she snuggled into him, she had already rid herself of her shoes. And snuggled up to him. Things were definitely changing between the two of them. 

“Boring. I was looking forward to being with you again. I missed you.” 

“You did?”

“Uh huh.” He pushed away strands of hair from her face. She inhaled his scent. He smelled like she guessed a man smelled like. She wasn’t good with describing scents, but it made her want to tear his clothes off.“Did you mean it when you told me you trusted me?”

“I think I did.” 

“I get it. I’m not a very trustworthy person.” 

“As crazy as it sounds coming out of my mouth, I don’t care. You could break me a thousand times and I’d still come back. To me that counts more than trust.” 

She admitted as she rested her head on his chest, his arm had found its way around her, as his fingers drew circles on her arm. 

“ _Move in with me._ ” 

He said just like that. She couldn’t say she hadn’t thought about it before. It popped up in her mind involuntarily, back when she hadn’t gone to Venice, when they were somewhat happy. 

She knew when she came back things would’ve drastically changed, given the circumstance of his marriage ending, but she was still surprised. 

“James, that's too big of a step.” She looked up to him. “What about living in the present?” 

“I don’t want to live in a present without you around.” 

“Ok _Romeo_. I’ll move in with you.” 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and supporting this story. Your comments always make my day and make me very very happy. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be as motivated to write this.


	7. addicted to love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I felt so inspired to write this story that I couldn’t help but update two times in one week. I intended on updating my dark fic, but ended up writing for this one. The new chapter of the dark fic will come out very soon. I just have to write the last few things, then it’s done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: sex in a bathtub
> 
> This chapter is especially dedicated to the people who always write me lovely comments that always make my day.

**_07:00_ **

_ One downside of being with James Buchanan Barnes?  _ It wasn’t his rapidly changing mood, how he could be hot and cold in a matter of a minute. Nor the fact that he was always at work.

It was the fact that being left alone, meant she had to spend time on her own. And when she did, she’d take time to observe the city around her. Loud and busy. 

As a woman in what seemed to be a relationship, there were a lot of things that needed changing. First of all, she had deleted all of her dating apps on her phone. Something that she never thought would’ve ever happened. 

Secondly, monogamy had changed all of their old rules. The new rulebook consisted of one single rule. No sleeping with other people. Which although was an unwritten and unspoken rule, was fairly obvious. 

Which meant she had to turn down cute guys who asked her out. The really cute photographer she met in the tube on her way to Greenwich and the sales assistant at a soap shop by Oxford Street. 

Though it didn’t mean he took down the pictures of him and his wife around the house. Every corner she turned, she was greeted by her smiling face. Reminded of the previous occupant of the house. With her perfect pearly white teeth, and her enviable shiny red hair. 

It all felt like an ominous warning. 

Much to her luck, there were no pictures inside the master bedroom James and her shared. Which was one of the reasons why she spent so much time there with (and under) him. 

  
  


Mondays were without a doubt the worst day out of the week. It always depended on the person, but most people would have agreed. And they were made considerably worse when James woke her up two hours before her alarm was supposed to go off, to go jogging. 

And insisted on her joining him. 

“No please James... let me sleep.” She whined, as she covered her face with his sheets, only for him to pull them off of her. “It’s too early.” 

“Come on sweetheart. Let’s seize the day.” 

He kissed her forehead, she lived for his small signs of affections. The ones that she had started to see before they drifted apart. 

“We will. As soon as I get my beauty sleep.” 

“I promise we’ll do whatever you want afterwards. I’ll take the day off and we can have the day to ourselves.” 

She reopened her eyes, and smiling as soon as she saw his handsome face. She was never going to get fully used to the fact that he had asked her to move in. She was living in a big townhouse for free, sharing it with a very sexy man. 

She got up with the promise that he would give her more. As if the previous night wasn’t enough. She was pretty sure if the bed wasn’t as expensive as she thought it was, it would’ve broken. 

But she had become addicted to him. 

“Fine. But I won’t be able to keep up.” 

She threw on an old pair of yoga pants she found at the bottom of her suitcase, and an even older t-shirt which she used when she didn’t have men over. 

It was probably the antithesis of what he was used to seeing. When she used to be the other woman, there were certain rules she followed. The whole heels thing, and the dresses, skirts, makeup… he had never seen her so unglamorous before. 

Though she had rushed to the bathroom to wash her face and apply a coat of mascara. She knew it wasn’t practical for doing physical activity, but she wanted to maintain a certain degree of polish. 

“Come on, are you ready?” 

“Yes I am!” She shouted from the bathroom, and rushed down wearing her sneakers. The ones she had completely forgotten. She hadn’t worn them in a long time. 

“Your ass looks amazing in these pants.” 

He commented, slapping her ass, before they headed out. She squealed in delight, hoping that was just a preview of what was to come. 

  
  
  


**_07:43_ **

She fit in his home seamlessly. As if she always belonged there. A house which never felt like a home before, it did with her. The only other instance in which it felt like that was when Connie slept over, but that was before they had gotten an apartment together. 

He had to admit, ever since Y/N had told him about her, he couldn’t help but wonder how she was. 

Not because he still had feelings for her. But because she was the closest thing to a family he would’ve ever gotten. 

After all, he was there for Max’s birth. He watched him live the first years of his life. It was strange how that all seemed to be part of the past. Back then, he would’ve thought that they were his future. 

Somehow he felt as though the James that was in love with Y/N wasn’t the same as him that wanted a family with Connie. They were two completely different people. And yet there were times she reminded her of Connie. Though they were very different. 

Adrenaline pumped through his body, as he thought about the night before. Sweaty bodies on top of each other, the uncontrollable and loud moans, the wanton sound of skin slapping against skin. 

They could barely keep their hands off of each other. 

He looked back, amused at how she ran slower than he did. Her lack of enthusiasm was clearly showing. Though he appreciated how she was doing it for him, and imagined all the ways he was going to show her how much. 

  
  


**_09:27_ **

“I look disgusting.” She panted, she couldn’t believe he made her run so much. And since he was a fast runner, she could barely keep up. One thing about running behind him that she loved, was watching his back, and his ass. 

She was truly lucky. And she hoped her sore legs were worth the reward that awaited her. The one he had promised her. 

“On the contrary, you look gorgeous.” He came behind her, wrapping his strong arms around her. “I can use another workout. Can you?” 

Oh.  _ He meant.. _ . Of course he did. After all that was her reward. It was all they seemed to do together. Which she wasn’t opposed to. After a weeks of abstinence in Italy, all the sex she was having with James made up for it. 

“Depends. What will I have to do?” 

She asked sultrily, trying to show as much composure as he kneaded her breasts. 

“ _ All kinds of things _ .” 

“I’m ready if you are.” 

“You truly are a naughty little minx…” He spun her around. The famous honeymoon stage. She loved it. Feelings were revealed, though they weren't ones to talk about them, rather showed them in bed. “I’m so fucking lucky.” 

“James! I need to take a shower first. I smell like sweat.” 

She protested, but he didn’t let her leave from his grip. He was pretty persistent. 

“You smell delicious to me.” 

“I’m going to take a shower… feel free to join me.” 

“I actually have a better idea…” His eyes glimmered with mischief. “Let’s take a bath together.” 

“ _ You have a bathtub? _ ” 

“I do, downstairs.” 

How big was the house? She had never truly explored it, as the only place she had truly been in was his bedroom and his office. She had also seen the living area, but not the rest. She had to do that once she had settled in. 

She still couldn’t believe she lived there. She never thought she would have ever moved in with a man. Let alone someone like James. 

She sat on the edge of the tub, as she watched the hot water fill it up, as steam rose to fog up the mirrors. 

She had forgotten how fast paced the city was, it felt as if she was under constant pressure. It was nothing like the idyllic Italian paradise she had been hiding in, where everything moved slowly, and the people looked as though they had a deep appreciation of life. 

It wasn’t as if a big city didn’t, but the people were different. People there lived to work. She felt a little because of that. She wasn’t working hard at all. 

She undressed quickly, got into the tub, gasping at the hot water making contact with her skin. She definitely didn’t expect it to be so hot. But that was the extent of her problems. 

She had finally got the guy, the perfect life, and now she didn’t even have real problems. 

Sure, she was happy, but now she felt as though she had no real purpose. Not like she felt she did before. Could she be truly happy, if she was lost? 

“May I join?” He walked in fully nude. She couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he was hers only. No sharing this time around. 

She didn’t know how she managed to share the man with other women. Not thinking about it usually did the trick. But she didn’t want to think about other women touching him. 

She truly had no more real problems. But when it came to him, she was glad. 

He had been nothing but a gentleman ever since they had returned together, and so far, he had been nothing but perfect. Well not perfect, but as perfect as James could possibly be. 

She giggled as he entered the bathtub with her, and as he sat down, the tub overflowed, and the water splattered onto the tiles below. 

“Who’s going to clean that up?” She asked him as he started kissing her neck, which drew out a moan. 

“A maid.” 

“No. You’re going to do it. You can’t ask a maid for everything.  _ You’re a grown man _ .” 

She chided, as she pushed him off of her. He looked at her face amusedly, licking his lips. His eyes went down to his breasts, he wasn’t being serious. Neither was she, but she meant what she had said. 

“You think you can boss me around in my own home?” He asked her playfully. 

“I’m just stating facts. Money can’t be the solution to everything.” 

He chuckled, as if to mock her. Of course he didn’t believe so. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He continued to plant kisses on her neck, down to her shoulder. 

“But it sure helps to have a lot of it.” He replied. “What should your punishment be?”

“Punishment? I just expressed my opinion.” 

“ _ Fine _ , but you still deserve to be punished.” 

“Are you going to spank me?” She teased. When he put his hands on her he knew what he was going to do. He started tickling her, and was relentless. She giggled, trying to free herself from him but he was too strong. 

Water splashed onto the floor as he kept tickling her. 

“J-James! Please stop.”

She squirmed against him, as she tried to tickle him back. Though it didn’t work. After a while of kicking, and giggling, he finally stopped. His breath labored, and his lips just inches away from hers. 

“Look what a mess you’ve made…” he whispered, with a smile on his lips. 

“ _ I’ve _ made? Try y-” 

Before she could finish the sentence, he pressed his lips against hers. Partly because she believed he wanted her to shut up, but partly because he wanted to kiss her. 

**_09:52_ **

He had been dying to kiss her. It was something he wanted to do constantly. There were many kinds of kisses she gave. The good morning kiss, that was reserved for when he woke up. The thank you kiss when he got her something she had asked for or wanted. The kiss she gave him before he went to work, which ended up with both of them fucking by the door. The sneaky kisses for when they were in public, and the passionate ones, in bed, whilst they made love. 

Her touch had become incredibly addictive, so was her presence. So much so that he needed her at all times. And luckily for him, she did too. 

The tub had less water than it did before, as it ended up on the floor. Though that seemed the last of her worries. His hand snaked in between her legs. She was incredibly wet. 

She emitted a cute little moan, which got him going. He didn’t think it was possible to get him harder than he already was, but with her he never knew. She was the most arousing woman he had ever met. 

He teased her slit, whispering all the things he was going to do to her. 

“ _ James… _ ” 

His name sounded so sinful from her lips, something he wanted to hear all day. Her voice whilst he was giving her with bliss was incredibly sensual. He almost derived pleasure by looking at her. 

The wet sound of their lips connecting over and over again, made him realize how blessed he was. His fingers pushed inside her, making her moan against his lips. He let out a chuckle, feeling her walls tightening around him. 

“I’ll never tire of seeing you like this.” 

He told her, pumping his fingers in and out of her. He looked at her lovingly, just like he did when he woke up before her, and watched her sleep soundly. He didn’t care for the leggy brunette that had been recently hired as the CFO’s assistant. 

Not when he had such a beautiful woman wrapped around his finger. Quite literally. 

He hadn’t looked at other women ever since they had returned together. He could’ve lived anywhere in the world, if it meant he could have her. 

She whimpered as her climax neared, and just moments before it all came crashing down, he pulled his fingers out of her. 

“James! Please.” She pleaded and he traded places with her, so that she was on top. Her legs straddled his lap, waiting for him to line himself to her sopping entrance. 

  
  


**_10:16_ **

“Look at me.” He told her with a soft voice, as she lowered herself on him. Her mouth opened to let out a gasp, but she kept her eyes open as he instructed her to. “I want you to see what you do to me.”

His girth stretched her out, being unable to move for a second. She felt him inside her. She felt so full with him.  _ Complete _ . Was that the feeling of completeness she was looking for? 

The feeling of pleasure soon rippled throughout her body, giving her no choice but to move her hips. His cock slid in deeper into her, always hitting her g spot making her hold on tighter to him. 

It wasn’t him inside her that made it so pleasurable. It was, in part, but he had changed how he fucked her. There were instances that made her heart beat fast and her stomach flutter. Such as him looking into her eyes. 

It was probably one of the most romantic instances she had with him. Despite not having that many.

As she sped up her pace, she felt herself at the cusp again. She was still sensitive from him edging her that she knew it wasn’t going to take her long. 

And he knew that by the way he smiled wickedly. “ _ Come on baby, come all over my cock _ .” 

Her entire body spasmed, as her walls clamped around him. He still made her bounce on him, as water moved around them. She couldn’t take it anymore, as she was being fucked through her orgasm, it felt too good. 

And she didn’t hold back. She screamed his name so loudly she was thankful he lived in a house and not in an apartment. It didn’t take him long to come after her, coating her walls with his seed. 

They had returned to the good place they were before all the secrets came out. Spending most of their time indoors having sex. It sure beat yelling at each other most of the time. 

But falling forwards onto his chest, resting her head against his chest and hearing his heart thump, she knew she was in deep. It was much more than sex. But for the first time in her life, she didn’t mind. 

  
  
  


**_14:30_ **

Somehow being in his house reminded her of all the reasons why she thought it wouldn’t have worked in the first place. His history with adultery, the previous mistress who thought she could be in a relationship with him. And there was a kid involved. Though he told her he wasn’t his son. 

Still. There was something that didn’t seem to work as it should have. But there she was. Letting him wash her hair. It was something new, something she hadn’t experienced before, but it made her feel good. 

She thought it would’ve made her feel smothered, trapped. However, it was the complete opposite. 

She felt safe in between those four walls he called home. 

They were doing nothing but lounging on the sofa and watching tv when the doorbell rang.

“Hello? Who is this?” She asked through the intercom. 

“I have a package for Y/N Y/L/N.” 

She buzzed them in, before realizing how odd it was. She wasn’t registered under that address. She wasn’t registered under  _ an _ address. And she hadn’t bought anything online for herself. 

Or maybe James had gotten her something and wanted to surprise her. That must have been it. 

“ _ Y/N who was it? _ ” James called from the living area, as she walked with the fairly light package towards him. 

“It was a package. Addressed to here, to me.” 

“What is it?” He asked genuinely.  _ So it wasn’t from him. _ Then who was it from? 

“I don’t know.” 

She set the box down on the coffee table and opened it with a box cutter she found laying around. Inside, was another box. Cream colored, with a perfect golden box wrapped around it. 

What she didn’t understand was that it was addressed to her… but no one knew she was staying there. Except for Sam. Though she doubted Sam would’ve sent her a gift. Or maybe she was wrong. Maybe he did send her a gift. But a feeling in her stomach warned her it wasn’t. 

She reluctantly pulled out the gift box from the cardboard one, and untied the ribbon on top, and opened it. There was something inside the tissue paper, cream colored like the box. Something else caught her eye that was hard to miss. 

The card that was placed inside, on top of whatever was inside the tissue paper. 

_ ‘it's all yours. old habits die hard. _

_ \- D. Campbell’  _

_ Campbell… _ she had heard it before. She knew she had. It was so familiar. But she couldn’t quite remember. But since it was addressed to her… it only meant that the sender knew who she was. And knew the address. 

The initial… it couldn’t be. Dot Barnes. Campbell was her maiden name. 

She tossed the card aside as she ripped the tissue paper open to get what was inside. 

She could see that whatever it was, it was red. And as she pulled it out, she let out a gasp in admiration. It was a  [ Herve Leger bandage dress ](https://www.yoox.com/IT/15015704/item?tp=182609&tduid=854ce13e848f6bfc4aeda08e574079ef&utm_source=integral&utm_medium=affiliation-rs&utm_campaign=it_3080058&dept=women&utm_content=feed#cod10=15015704AC&sizeId=&sizeName=) . She looked at James, then back at the dress. By the way he looked at it, she guessed it was some kind of message. A hidden one only he could understand. 

By the looks of it, it was clear word had reached the wife. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this chapter please leave feedback! It would encourage me to update more often. And to the ones who always comment on my chapters, I know who you are, and I love you💗.


	8. prisoners of history

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I felt inspired so I had to write a new chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a pretty long chapter. Enjoy the ride.

**_11:06_ **

“How dare you send that to her?” 

He exploded. It had only been a few minutes from when they both sat down in one of her many conference rooms, with their respective lawyers. Not even five minutes in, he couldn’t hold his anger in any longer. 

He knew well it was only the first of many meetings that had to take place to discuss their legal separation as civilly as possible. And he found no better occasion than to wear a four thousand pounds suit than to his divorce proceedings.

“I’m afraid you have to be more specific.” 

“I’m not doing that with an _audience_.” 

“They are my legal team. Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of them.” 

“Fine.” He relented. He had no time for her games. “Your client has sent a message to my... new _partner_.” 

He still didn’t know what their label was. Calling her his girlfriend felt a little juvenile, and they hadn’t discussed it yet. They preferred the whole no labels thing. And there was no way he was going to refer to her as his lover. She wasn’t his mistress either, as he was getting a divorce. 

He wasn’t even sure what that made them. 

“And this message... was it of a hostile nature?” One of the lawyers asked, the tall, lean one with the outdated reading glasses. 

“Why don’t you judge for yourselves?” 

He slid the ecru card across the table, towards one of the lawyers. The one he guessed had more power than the others. He figured the others were there to intimidate him. They were completely unnecessary. But she, herself, was a lawyer so she knew why she was doing. 

The lead lawyer picked up the card and stared at it for a while. 

Maybe at first glance it didn’t look threatening, but he knew Dot. And he knew her team knew too, as they worked with her. 

However she used to be a different person before she got with him. 

  
  


**_24th December 2005_ **

He had avoided returning home that year. Especially since he had no need to return anymore. Christmases were particularly sad. On Christmas Eve, his mother would hold her annual Christmas gala which was everything but intimate. 

Ever since he was a kid he was ashamed that was his tradition, that his family’s chateau in the south of France would be turned into a pompous affair. Whilst other children had more intimate memories with their families, such as snuggling by the fireplace, drinking eggnog and singing Christmas songs. Or whatever everyone else did.

His mother was devoid of any human emotion. Maybe she had displayed some when he was younger, but he did not remember it. The only loving and functional interaction growing up, was from his nannies. 

Sure his father loved him, but he was constantly busy paying any attention to him or Beck. 

Beck was the only reason he flew over to their chateau over the holidays even when he was grown enough to have his own plans. He had to make sure she wasn’t lonely during the holidays. 

Though he knew she was always mesmerized by the lavish gowns the women wore to the gala. She always found the beauty in things. Even in the worst situations. She was his real family, and he did his best to protect her. 

That year, Beck had gone skiing in the alps, with other society girls, which meant he was free to not go home. Which he was content with. 

Coincidentally he was ‘seeing’ someone, and that someone happened to be friends with Margaret Carter. She was some French socialite that had worked as an extra in one of her movies. 

The club music was so loud he could feel the bass reverberating deep in his bones. 

He looked over at Steve, dancing with Margaret. He still couldn’t believe how whipped he was for her. Perhaps it was her fault too. And Steve always mistook her kindness and their closeness for something more than just platonic. 

He almost felt bad for him, even more when he noticed how he was trying to get closer to her… physically. His hands on her hips as he tried something with her. She wasn’t rejecting him, because of how much alcohol they had both consumed that night. 

It never did any good to be too drunk. And Steve was proof of that. 

He couldn’t imagine himself loving someone so much to make a complete fool of himself.

It was a party, like every other one he had attended. It always was the same people, the same drinks, the same music… for once he wished it wasn’t. His life had become so predictable. 

He walked around with a drink in his hand, which was mostly watered down at that point. And that was when he spotted the only other sober person at the party. She was looking down at her flip phone. 

He had been to so many parties he knew there was always someone pretending to be texting someone at a party they don't know anyone at. Which was why he had never seen her before. 

She wore a paisley halter top and low rise jeans with a thin braided belt. He noticed her alluring green eyes, that he could see even under bad lighting, when she looked up to him. 

_She was pretty._

“A party’s no place to be on your phone.” He told her with a smile. 

“ _Sorry…_ ” She apologized as she batted her eyelashes. Though unintentionally. “I’m Dot.” 

“ _Dot_ …” He tried out her name, and rolled out perfectly on his tongue. “Unique name.” 

“ _Dolores_. After my grandmother.”

“Cute.” He smiled, getting closer to her. “So what do you do?” 

“I’m a law student.”

“Ambitious. I like it. I’ll call you when you’re a lawyer. I’m going to need one.” 

“You won’t be able to afford me.” She remarked. She had quite the sharp tongue. He wouldn’t have guessed. 

“I’m very rich. I can afford anyone.” He replied with a wink, making her playfully roll her eyes at him. The things he wanted to do to her were endless. “So what are you doing all alone?” 

Right before she could answer him, a drunken squeal interrupted them. A girl in a sparkly tube dress wrapped his arms around him and mumbled something he couldn’t understand. 

“Baby! I see you’ve met my best friend Dot.” She spoke whilst giggling. It appeared drinks weren’t the only thing in her system. “Dot, this is my boyfriend. James Barnes.”

_Boyfriend_ , was a loose term to him. She was a nice girl whom he had met two weeks ago, and had gone on four dates with. But she was a socialite, they looked nice together, and the sex was incredible. And she spoke French in bed, which was hotter than he had expected. 

“Nice to meet you.” 

“ _Oh my God!_ I can’t believe she showed up!” She gushed, as she ran off in her heels. 

“What? You’re not impressed?”

He asked her once they were left alone again. She displayed a look of distaste, mixed with one of realization. 

“No. It’s because I know you danced to _Bye Bye Bye_ during your mother’s Christmas gala.” She said. “ _Your moves were subpar._ ” 

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t remember me do you?” She scoffed. 

“No…”

“Dolores Campbell.”

“Daughter of Arthur Campbell. _Holy shit._ You grew up.”

He remembered vaguely of who she was, but he knew Arthur Campbell was one of George’s oldest friends. They went way back. And that their family had definitely joined his family on some vacations. 

In fact he knew for a fact that he pulled her pigtails in one of those vacations. 

Back then he didn’t really care for her. She dressed badly and was awkward. Shy, as she always avoided talking to him. Or maybe she didn’t like him that much. 

But now he wanted her, and knowing she was his _girlfriend’s_ best friend made him want her even more. 

There was one thing he loved more than sex, and that was the chase. It made everything sweeter. 

  
  


**_12:37_ **

Having a mistress had been a long practised tradition amongst the elite. It showed a man had enough means to not only support one woman but two or more. 

From politicians to Fortune 500 CEOs, every powerful (and insincere) man had one. 

Most mistresses look forward to the day they got to move up the ladder. To become more than just a dirty little secret. Which was the reason why she decided to meet him at the law firm. His wife’s law firm. The one that had _her_ name on it, sandwiched between two others. 

The divorce was a big deal to them both. It marked a big change in each other's lives. Mostly his. 

And she had met his wife. She wasn’t a bad person, and she knew that well. If she were in her place, she wouldn’t have shown herself as much mercy as she did. 

She wanted him to feel as supported as possible. After all, he had done his possible to make her feel like home in his house, and had told her countless times that he wasn’t getting a divorce because of her, but because their marriage was close to non existent. 

And she couldn’t argue with that. 

He had given her no reason to doubt him, despite his past behavior. No matter how much she believed people never changed, there was a part of her that wanted to believe otherwise.

Maybe the endless amount of affection she had received since moving in with him had gone to her head and turned her brain into mush. 

She didn’t believe that. She was too much of a realist to think so. 

“You don’t look like you belong here.” A tall dark man approached her with an inflated sense of self. He reeked of cologne, and overconfidence. Like most men she had met so far. 

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry. I didn’t expect a beautiful woman like you to be waiting in the lobby… are you waiting for someone?” 

He made it known who was the boss. He was cocky. Almost too much. And he wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that he was staring at her cleavage. 

“As a matter of fact I am, though it’s none of your business.” 

“You’re right.” He nodded. “I work here.”

He told her, reaching for a business car inside his jacket and handing it to her. 

“ _Brock Rumlow._ ” She read the card out loud, making him grin. “Senior partner.” 

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” She introduced herself. “Was that an attempt to show me that?”

“Maybe… are you impressed?”

“Not in the least.” She replied frankly, making him chuckle. 

“What about I take you out to dinner?”

He was persistent. And her old self would have gone for it, after all, it wasn’t like James had explicitly asked her to be monogamous. It was implied, but never said out loud. 

Though she liked to think she changed. 

“As I said, I’m waiting for someone.” 

“Your boyfriend?” He raised his eyebrow, waiting for an answer. 

She knew as much as he did. Which was little to nothing. Her phone buzzed in her hand, and she looked at the notification that had popped up. 

_James._

_‘It’s going to take longer than planned. I called the driver, I’ll see you back home x’_

“Something like that…” 

Though she wished their relationship could be described in one word. They were a whole messy paragraph, however difficult, she would have never tried to change them.

  
  


**_14:25_ **

Instead of going straight home, she opted to go out to lunch. As it had been a while since she had eaten at a restaurant, as with James they mostly ate in. 

She didn’t mind as she knew how smoothly his divorce had to go. He explained to her that as soon as it was all over, he would’ve showed her off to the whole world, which she had no problems with. 

For once she was going to be _the one_. She walked around until she arrived at Regent’s Park. It was a beautiful day, which was incredibly promising. She took the occasion to take pictures with her phone and selfies to show James after when they were in bed together. 

She sang to herself, as she strolled around the park, watching everyone live their own lives. It looked like some gorgeous painting. And she kept minding her own business when her heart dropped into her stomach. 

There he was, just a few feet away from her, in a normal shirt and jeans. _God he looked good. He always did._

Steve _fucking_ Rogers walking Bentley. 

“ _Shit-”_ She said as she turned around hoping he didn’t notice her. But she was wrong. As per usual. 

“Y/N!” 

She heard him say out loud, and by that time, it was too late to run away. Though she couldn’t deny she had thought about making a run for it. The problem with that was that he would’ve probably caught up to her or she would have had to explain why she had done that when they saw each other again. 

“Hi Steve.” She said with a smile. “And hello to you Bentley. I missed you.” She bent down to pet the dog. “ _Yes I did. Who’s a good boy?_ ” 

She was more focused on Bentley than she was on Steve. Which was for her own good. All she could think about when she saw him was his lips on hers. Though she had felt them so many times, like every good memory, she couldn’t remember the details. 

“I- I haven’t heard from you since I left Venice. I didn’t know you came back until Sam mentioned it.” He spoke again, and she made brief eye contact with him before focusing on Bentley. 

Which worked to her advantage as she loved Bentley. 

“Yes... it was a very last minute choice.” She had to have a talk with Sam when she met him. “By the way, thank you for the ticket.” 

“No problem.”

How could it be so awkward between them? They had kissed. And slept in the same bed. In each other’s arms. 

They were back to square one.

“Where are you staying?”

“ _A hotel,_ actually.” She found it scary that she could lie so easily. “I have to meet someone… but it was nice we should catch up!”

With that she awkwardly waved at him and walked as fast as she could, as she still couldn’t sprint in front of him. 

It was definitely not the most grown up approach, but she got through a conversation, of something resembling one, without staring at him. She was going to make it. 

  
  
  


**_23:00, 9th July 2006_**

  
  


“Did you know she was leaving for Sorbonne?” He scoffed, taking an angry swig from his bottle. The whole thing had gone on longer than he wanted. He was in the relationship for four months, and she wanted to go away. 

He didn’t want her to stay because he loved her, as he knew he could find plenty of shallow socialites with a deluded sense of self. But because he wouldn’t have had the satisfaction of ending it himself. 

There he was, during his last day in Ibiza, and he couldn’t even enjoy it in the extravagant villa they had rented. Instead he sat by the pool, looking at the rippling water. 

“She mentioned it.” She spoke softly, probably not to anger him even more. “It’s always been her dream.” 

She was careful in approaching him, but once she realized he wasn’t going to have an outburst, she sat herself down. 

“She could’ve at least told me in advance. I wouldn’t have started something with her to begin with.” He said, letting his anger take over. 

“Maybe this is why she didn’t.” She taunted. “ _You’re an asshole_.”

“Oh really?” He asked amusedly. His anger stopped when he looked at her. How beautiful she looked. 

She smelled like soap. A smell he had come to love whenever she was around him. 

He didn’t think much when he kissed her out of the blue. Her soft lips, the ones he had longed to kiss, were better than he imagined. So pink, and perfect, he wondered what else of hers was better than his imagination. 

Instinctively, she kissed him back. Taking control of the kiss, leaving him completely dumbfounded. He would have never expected her of all people to do that.

The surprise element made it all the better. 

“She’s my friend.” She objected, when she gently pushed him off. His lips were still a few inches away from hers. As he watched her amusedly, trying to make an excuse for why they shouldn’t have been doing what they were doing. “ _My best friend_.” 

What was a friend anyway? But a lover? A lover was so much better. 

“And we’re going to break up. It’s not cheating.” 

That was he kept telling himself. 

  
  


**_08:19, 11th October 2006_**

“I thought you were going to tell her.” Dot spoke as she buttoned her pants, as she watched herself in the mirror. He laid in bed, feeling the best he had ever felt. Though that was the sex talking. 

Months had gone by, and he took every chance it took to sleep with her. The fact that they shouldn’t have been doing it together, made it all the more exciting. 

“I was. But she isn’t going to France anymore.” 

It was clear she felt worse about it than he did. Frankly, he couldn’t have cared less. He didn’t like her friend, he liked her. And it wasn’t just about the sex either. It was about the conversations they had together. 

“What about us?”

“I thought you didn’t want me.” So she said every time after sex. It happened their first time together in the pool house, then again in a broom closet, then at her best friend’s birthday party… 

It happened a lot of times. Though she never truly meant it. 

“I thought so too.” She said softly, as she turned to face him. “I just didn’t want to go behind her back anymore.” 

“I understand… but since my mother hates her, I thought I could bring you to the luncheon tomorrow.” 

He suggested, and he saw how her face lit up. 

“The luncheon? But photographers are going to be there.” 

“And all they’re going to see is you, looking smoking hot in that dress.” He pointed at the large box that had been placed on the ottoman. She may have noticed it, but she never asked about it. That was what he liked about her. She didn’t pry. Amongst other things. 

“You bought me a dress?” 

“I saw it and immediately thought of you.” He spoke, as she opened the box, and took out the dress. A red Herve Leger bandage dress. 

He had no idea how he would’ve managed to keep his hands off of her throughout the luncheon, but he knew she was going to be the most beautiful there. 

He didn’t just know, he was sure of it. 

  
  
  


**_23:12, 14th February 2007_**

Seeing one of his classmates from boarding school get married, made him realize how limited time was. He hated admitting his mother was right. She had always emphasized everything since he had turned eighteen that the woman he was with was a reflection of who he was. 

Him and Dot weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend either. Though he had broken up with his ‘girlfriend’ for her. He liked her. And they had spent a lot of time at each other’s places. 

Him shacking up with Arthur Campbell’s daughter made his mother happier than he had ever seen her. She had even given him the family ring as her blessing. Though he knew how to read the fine print. 

He knew what his mother was asking of him, and at the time, he thought she was crazy. There was no way he was getting married. He was too young to get married. I. In fact he had the rest of his life to do so. 

That was until he received a last minute invite to Greece, where his friend (in truth he had hung out with him only a handful of times) was getting married. He wasn’t the heir to a company worth billions like he was, but there he was, exchanging vows to his bride. 

He knew he had chosen his lifestyle. The endless stream of models, coming in and out of his bedroom, but it didn’t change the fact that when they left, _he was alone_. 

Dot was good to him. She wasn’t a model, but she was smart, beautiful and from a good family. He wasn’t sure if he loved her, but he knew he could learn to. 

“I figure you know already, our parents want us together.” He spoke as he watched people slowly leave the dance floor. Most people had left already, but he wasn’t ready to. “If we get married we’d beat them to the punch.” 

“Are you suggesting we get married?” 

“Yeah. At least we’d be in control of the situation.” He responded. 

“You got to put in more effort than that.” 

“Come on…” he trailed off, as he searched inside his jacket pocket finding the velvet box he had put in there. “I even have a ring. I don’t think I’ve seen my mother smile so much.” 

“So she knows?”

“And approves. She wanted this to happen.” 

He knew his parents had no love for each other. Maybe there had been a small flame that extinguished pretty quickly. As by the time he was a child, he couldn’t remmeber his parents showing affection for each other. 

He was going to do it differently. 

  
  


**_18:15_ **

She felt awful. She didn’t know why she felt that guilty. Especially because of avoiding someone. She avoided people all the time, but that feeling of guilt was there.

Was it because it was Steve? It was. After their vacation together, she didn’t know how to face him. Everything with Steve was always uncertain, which was the opposite of what she expected from him. She expected herself to know exactly what she wanted when he kissed her. 

She truly believed that would have been the end of everything. After all, that worked out for Disney princesses just fine. All their problems were solved when their knights in shining armor showed up. 

Hers just became even more complicated. 

She also felt really stupid for believing she could be just friends with such a gorgeous man. But she was friends with Sam, which meant that was possible. 

Though Sam had never kissed her like that. Or held her as she slept. She hadn’t been lulled into a deep slumber by his sweet words, and tender touch. His warmth, that she still remembered vividly, was something friends didn’t do. 

Friends that didn’t have feelings for each other. 

And it would have been easier if he hadn’t said words that were etched in her memory. 

Something that would always make her hold out hope. 

She realized when she saw him waiting for her, that one could never unlearn feelings for someone. New feelings just piled over it. 

One thing she had never been good at was facing her feelings. She always avoided them, but she could not avoid Steve forever. After all, they hung out around the same people. They were bound to cross paths eventually. 

So she called him and asked him to meet her there. 

After an awkward initial ‘hey’, they sat themselves on a bench nearby, right by the Thames, as they watched the sunset together. Was it possible she had made things worse? That in an attempt of closing herself off to feelings, she did the same thing with Steve’s friendship? 

“You brought Bentley…” She smiled. 

“I did. So you’d feel bad about running away if you did it again.” He told her jokingly. Then his tone completely changed from a semi playful one to a more serious one. “It hurt when you avoided me this morning.” 

“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

“I know.” He said softly. “I don’t regret what happened between us.” 

His cerulean eyes looked deep into hers, as if he was trying to see her soul. He was gorgeous. He was an Adonis, which was what she had thought when she had first met him. Though he was so much more than that, when she had gotten to know him. He was incredibly smart, talented, kind and generous. 

Though he was sensitive, and often liked to live in the last, that never stopped her from liking him. Whether it was in a platonic way or not. She understood why so many people liked him. 

“Me neither...” She shook her head. “I just... didn’t know how to face you after what happened.”

She was so scared of not having him in her life. And she wanted him there, as a permanent fixture, somehow she felt like he was a ray of sunshine in her rainy life. 

“I thought avoiding you was the best course of action.” 

“Look, what’s done is done.” He spoke. “I really do want us to be friendly. But you got to stop avoiding me.” 

“I will. I promise.” 

“Thank you.” He said. 

“For what?” 

“I haven’t been kissed like that in a long time.” 

_Shit_. She’d always like Steve, and appreciated the brief time they had together. She knew when the time came, they wouldn’t have ended up together. He had almost everything figured out in his life, and she was just getting started perhaps not even quite there. 

She knew when she was ready, he would have found the perfect woman for him. One that was as altruistic and beautiful as he was.

“Somehow I find that hard to believe.” 

She wanted nothing but the best for him. And she hoped he thought the same about her. 

“What I told you in Venice... was all true. Every word.” That burned, and left a mark on her, she didn’t think it would. It gave her chills to know he felt that way about her. 

“I’m going to take you up on it one day.” 

He would have been perfect… just not for her. 

“I can’t wait.” He replied with a smile. “Friends?” 

“Yes. _Friends_.”

  
  
  


**_18:30_ **

He was just about to call Y/N and ask her where she was, when the doorbell rang, it’s chime echoing throughout the house. Maybe it was her. He hoped she was. She hadn’t called, nor told him where she was. 

Instead, when he opened the door, he was faced with his past. None other than Dot herself. 

“If you want to fight, you came at the wrong time.” He told her sternly, though he didn’t have the heart to close the door in her face. 

He owed them both to listen to what she had to say. 

“I don’t…” She spoke differently, she didn’t have her walls up. “I came by to leave these. I won’t be needing them.” 

She handed him her keys, and he took them. What game was she playing? He couldn’t quite understand. “I thought we had to run that by our lawyers…”

“There’s no need. I’m conceding this place.” 

“Even after you fought to have those marble columns?”

“I didn’t fight. I insisted.” She stated. “ _You must really like her_.” 

“I do.” 

“Even after all we’ve been through, I don’t hate you. _I think I hated myself because I couldn’t_.” 

He couldn’t help but feel bad at how he assumed the worst. He was used to doing that, living in his world, that was how he got by. That was one of the many reasons their marriage didn’t work out. 

“I swear the dress wasn’t to provoke you. Merely to remind you that you haven’t changed one bit since you bought me that dress.” She said calmly. “I’ll see you tomorrow when we talk about estate acquisition. You can keep the house. But I’ll keep the place in Malaga. I need a vacation.” 

“I’m sorry it had to end this way Dot.” He felt like he had to say so. He wasn’t quite sure if he was apologizing for how it ended, or for how he had acted. Or if he even meant his apology to begin with. 

He knew nothing anymore. He felt like life as he knew it, was rapidly changing. 

She smiled at her nickname. Like she hadn’t smiled in a long time. Like him, she must have forgotten how. In fact it didn’t look like one, but he could tell it was. He knew everything he had done wouldn’t be erased in a day. 

And despite having fallen out of love with her, he knew what they had. And deep down he cared. 

“I think you should be careful.” She said one last time. He wasn’t sure if he was going to see her alone again. If not with lawyers present. “ _You know she sees everything.”_

With that, she left. Leaving him with the all too familiar pit in his stomach. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 💗 if you could leave some feedback, I’d love you forever.


	9. everybody talks

**_08:35_ **

The divorce had gone on as amicably as a divorce could go. He had left her the country club, their vacation homes, and the  _ God awful _ hydrangea painting in their house. She was doing him a favor. 

For once they had set their differences aside, and tried to handle the situation like adults. He knew she was happy with Tom the associate, and she knew he was happy with Y/N. 

And he was. He couldn’t have been happier with Y/N. Though there were still issues between them that were being left unspoken. More like his own issues. 

He knew from experience how hard transitions were. And he knew nothing ever lasts forever. He even knew it when he was at his own wedding, facing the woman he supposedly loved. Back then he thought he did. But love didn’t wear off after two months (after they got married). 

And he didn’t want to admit he had failed at a marriage like his parents.

He hadn’t even thought about taking Dot and his pictures down, until he caught Y/N staring at them. It hadn’t occurred to him because those pictures were as much part of the house as everything else. It was all he knew. 

The life he so used to, was not his own. It belonged to someone else. And yet that was part of his past. He barely recognized himself in those photographs. 

He guessed it was the comfort of knowing he had a plan b. Dot was that. Together, they had a comfortable place in elite society. He still did without her, but now everybody knew about his indiscretions that were plastered all over the city. 

Everyone knew about his exploits at the country club, and everywhere else. It was all everyone seemed to be talking about. And nothing got a bunch of snobby rich people excited than a scandal. 

Dot refused to be a part of it and deny any allegations, as she couldn’t be reached anymore through her personal phone. Though she loved attending events, scandal wasn’t something she wanted. Especially at the beginning of a new relationship. 

  
  


**_08:57_ **

_ ‘The women James Barnes dated’  _ There it was. His past. In the form of a faux article. With a whole slideshow. It wasn’t a topic he wanted to talk about with her. 

There was no past to talk about. He used to do what every heir of a huge dynasty would do. 

He didn’t know how the divorce had blown up as much as it did. Overnight, it had reached every media outlet he knew of. He had a sneaking suspicion there was someone involved behind the media circus. 

Who else would have been actively interested in some rich person’s divorce? When those happened as frequently as he showered. He never understood the fascination people had for other people’s lives. 

He figured that was what reality tv was for. Though he never cared for it. To him it was just a bunch of irrelevant people trying to stay as relevant as possible. Which was something he didn’t want people to think of him. 

“Who knew you‘ve been with so many women?” She said out loud as they sat at the table, eating breakfast. The weather outside wasn’t great, it was the grayest day ever, though he wasn’t quite sure as he had seen many days like it. 

She was in his shirt.  _ His _ . Ever since seeing her in another man’s shirt, he wanted to push that memory out of his mind. He opted for the easy way. Lending her his shirts to sleep in. 

Even shirts he wore often, so they’d smell like her when he wore them. 

“Don’t read that. It’s all speculation.” 

“Speculation?” She bit into a plump strawberry, it’s juices dribbled down her chin. “You’ve been spotted with them.” 

“I haven’t dated all of them.” He told her flatly. Trying to not pay too much attention to it. “Who even wrote that? Journalism  _ is _ dead.” 

“It’s a good distraction from everything that is happening right now.” 

“Who even cares?”

“Apparently a lot of people. You’re a big deal. ” 

“Am I?” 

She grinned at him as she took another strawberry and bit into it, it’s juices once again glowing down her chin. He couldn’t help but lick her clean, which led him to kiss her. 

“Yep.” She spoke once she gently pushed him off of her.“I’m having breakfast you degenerate. Some of us still have table manners.” 

“Table manners? Is that what you call what we did on this very table two nights ago?”

Her legs were spread on the very table they were eating breakfast on, it started with a comment from him telling her how incredible she looked with heels on. The epitome of sexiness. 

Next thing he knew they were ripping each other’s clothes off of one another. 

It was inevitable. 

“That’s irrelevant. You tempted me.” She explained, though he begged to differ. “Now let me finish my breakfast  _ hot shot _ . And you should be getting ready now. You have to get your perfect ass to the firm.” 

“Perfect ass huh? Now who’s the one who’s doing the tempting?”

“How about I come and pick you up when you’re done so we can have fun in the back seat of the Mercedes?” 

_ Good old fashioned car sex. _ There was nothing better to take his mind off of the divorce and the news surrounding it than her. 

“I’d say that’s a brilliant idea.” 

  
  


**_09:21, 23rd November 2008_ **

He felt sick. In fact he puked his guts out in his suite all morning. The pungent smell of his own sickness made him nauseous again. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. 

The bed had barely been slept in. All night he stared at the blank cards his wife-to-be had given him. They were of a smooth cream color, with golden details on the edges, totally over the top, though she would have told him it was necessary for the day to be perfect.

He changed pen a couple of times, from black, to blue, to black again. As if that was going to help him write words that were going to be heard by hundreds of people.  _ Hundreds _ . 

Could they be too sweet? Not sweet enough? There were so many things that could have gone wrong. The days leading up to it, were no cake walk either. He had to face the fact that his face was slapped in front of some newspaper, announcing the world of his impending nuptials. 

Dot was elated. Him? Not so much. Though he figured the happier she was, the happier he’d be. 

He stared at the blank paper, where words had to be written on for a while. And when the sun rose, he still hadn’t written anything. What could he have said to her? That he loved her? Because he did. Or so he thought. 

But that was too cliche. Too expected. 

He had an uneasy feeling in his stomach, even after he took a hot shower to calm his nerves. He had to get it together. He had no other choice but to. 

He never thought he’d be one to get married, but there he was, getting dressed for his own wedding. Despite the happy day, he had a feeling of dread building inside him. It was just nerves. He told himself as he put his shoes on. 

He was going to be happy with the woman of his dreams. They were going to be very happy together. 

“Is the groom decent?” He heard Sam’s voice from outside the room as it followed two decisive knocks. 

_ Groom _ . He had only heard it one other time when he went cake tasting with Dot. The only thing he (sort of) had a say in. It still felt surreal when he heard it. As if it wasn’t referring to him. 

“ _ Fucking shit. _ ” He cursed as he saw the door open as Sam walked in already dressed. “What if I wasn’t decent?”

“Well that was a bridge I was going to cross afterwards.” 

“What do you need?”

“You. You’re late to your own wedding.” 

“No I’m not.” 

“True, but there’s traffic. So we better get going right now.” Sam told him, as he dragged him out of the room, grabbing the key card for him and putting it in his jacket pocket. 

  
  


**_10:02, Present_ **

He quickly stepped into the building, a few blinding flashes going off around him. He knew for a fact that someone was behind it all. Someone who used to be close to him. He kept his head down until he was well out of view. 

They were everywhere he went. Just the day before he went to pick some things up from the store, and realized a couple of people were taking pictures of him. He didn’t say anything, as he had to get home to Y/N as soon as possible, but he knew it wasn’t going to help their budding relationship. 

They had just turned a new leaf, and as much as he wanted to show her to the whole world, he wasn’t quite sure she was ready for it yet. 

He glanced once again at the few photographers outside, and was instantly reminded of a similar day. A long time ago. 

  
  


**_10:00, 23rd November 2008_ **

He didn’t know what he was so afraid of. It wasn’t like it was his death sentence, it was the beginning of a new life for him. As someone’s husband. His palms were getting sweatier as the milliseconds went by, and he couldn’t help but glancing at his watch once in a while. Feeling as though time had stopped. 

The car was definitely getting smaller, as they neared the cathedral. He tried thinking about something else. The whooshing waves in Portofino last year, how simple everything seemed as he rested on the yacht, letting the sun scorch his back. 

The wheels came to a halt, which brought him back to reality. He wanted. To teach for the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Was he dreading marriage so much?

_ He loved Dot. He loved her. He loved her a lot. _

“Are you ok?” Sam asked him, and he looked at him. He didn’t know. He really didn’t. Perhaps it was a feeling every person who was getting married got. It was nothing.

“Yeah I am.” 

“If you want to make a run for it, I’ll book a flight to the Bahamas right now.” 

It calmed him down a little to know he had someone to lean on in the event that things didn’t work out. But they were going to. He was going to suck it up 

“I’m fine, thank you though.” 

“Then let’s get you married.” 

  
  


**_14:30, Present_ **

She knew exactly what to do after he left for the firm, leaving her in his massive house all alone. She was always trying to do her best not to impose too much, after all, it wasn’t her house. It didn’t feel like it. 

Not when the ghost of the previous occupant was still there. Staring at her on every turn. 

Dot had left some dresses there, she didn’t know if it was on purpose, or the fact that she had too many dresses to care for the ones she had left behind. But each one was more lavish than the last. The last place to have a strong presence of her was her walk in closet, it still faintly smelled like her. Some accents of rose, and something else that made it seem like the most opulent smell she had smelled. 

She was a tough act to follow. And so was Connie. James’ last mistress. He had a deep connection with both. One that went beyond physical attraction. 

She wasn’t a mistress anymore. Though she wasn’t his wife either. Not even a girlfriend. She was in a comfortable gray area she was willing to stay in for as long as possible. 

She slipped into something  [ cute and appropriate ](https://images.app.goo.gl/ZU4SHMVsohVSxMPK9) to pick him up. She tied her hair up into a tight low ponytail, which she knew he liked. Especially when they were intimate. 

She hated having her hair pulled, but when he did it, to maneuver her mouth during oral, she liked the slight pain. Or it was the fact that she had been so used to being hurt by him, that it felt like nothing. 

She was greeted by a new chauffeur, than the day before, who opened the car door for her and called her  _ Ms _ . 

In her opinion, she was getting too spoilt by James as she hadn’t used the tube in a very long time. Instead used the town car the CEO of Barnes International had provided for her. Now every privilege his wife used to have, she did. 

There was no hiding that she was his. The diamond necklace that he had given her, and that had been in her suitcase, adorned her neck, was a reminder of that.

It took them nearly an hour to get there, but when they did, she couldn’t believe the number of photographers waiting outside, to catch James or Dot coming outside. But by the news storm circulating him, she guessed they were there for him. 

She texted him, and told him she was outside. She didn’t check her phone when it chimed, as she assumed it was from him. 

And as soon as she heard the commotion, she gathered it was him. The chauffeur drove up as close as he could to where the main entrance was. It was overwhelming, people trying to photograph inside the car, to much avail as they couldn’t see anything from the outside. 

It all happened in a matter of two minutes, the car door opened, slammed shut behind him, and the car drove off. Honking as it warned the paparazzi to move out of the way. Some of them managed to get in front of the car and take some shots from there. 

She could already see the headlines the next day. Or the day after that. 

She didn’t know if she could stomach it. 

“What happened?” She asked him as she lovingly rubbed his arm. 

“Don’t worry… it’s nothing.” 

It didn’t look like ‘nothing’, and by the way he said it, she knew it wasn’t. But she knew better than to pry. So she did her best to get his mind off of whatever was plaguing it. 

“I missed you.” 

From being afraid to say it because it made her sound needy, to saying it every time he left the house. They had both become needy. Living under the same roof did that to them. 

“You’re a saint.” 

“That wasn’t what you said yesterday.” 

He chuckled. In a way that made her go crazy. In truth everything he did made her that way. 

“I’m going to show how much I appreciate you tonight.” 

“Is it  _ dirty _ ?” She asked him, biting her lip. 

“Why do you always assume that?”

“Because we like it like that.” 

“You’ll see.” 

  
  


**_11:56, 23rd November 2008_ **

When he saw her, he swore his heart nearly stopped. There was his  [ bride ](https://www.net-a-porter.com/IT/en/product/1136065*) more beautiful than he had ever seen her. She was a goddess in white. He was nearly sure of his feelings for her as she walked down the aisle with her father. 

They looked perfect together. He had been told countless times by everyone. There wasn’t a couple more perfect looking than them. 

And yet a part of him was so fixed on the idea that he couldn’t let himself love. He saw what it did to the people close to him. It devastated them. 

To calm down, he told himself to remember the day they got engaged. He promised he wouldn’t be like his parents. That he’d be different from them. He wouldn’t have lived in a loveless marriage. 

It was the same day he told her best friend he was getting engaged to Dot. She had called him selfish, as well as every other name in the book. 

But the thing that stuck the most was that he was ‘incapable of real feelings’. The fact that it might have been true, resonated with him the most. 

He made a promise to himself to make it work. It had to. He felt as though everybody expected him to fail. No one believed the story in the New York Times, telling how they had gotten together after meeting at a family event and then bonded through mutual interests. 

He had no idea what her interests were. Though he figured he could learn them when they had gotten married. 

He glanced at his family. At his mother, who seemed to have a faint hint of a smile. Her head was held high as usual, and finally proud of the son she never even cared for. His sister stood by her. 

How he wanted to be more like her at that moment. Less in his thoughts and more in the moment.

His thoughts became all scrambled and he was unable to form a coherent thought, when she was in front of him. He had no choice, but to smile. 

  
  
  


**_19:35, Present_ **

It was the opposite of dirty. It was the best thing he had ever done for her. Just the thought of him calling to make a reservation, and calling the manager to make sure they had a special table for them made her heart go faster. 

They entered the restaurant through a back door, which led them into the kitchen. 

As they passed through the busy kitchen, the amazing smell of whatever they were making wafted into her nose as she was being dragged somewhere. She was already hungry. She eyed the steak that was being basted with some compound butter, making her mouth water. 

She was definitely ordering that. Though she might have changed her mind if other things in the menu looked as amazing as that. 

They exited the kitchen, leading them to a corner of the restaurant. With a candlelit table for two. It was perfect. Just for the two of them. 

**_19:38_ **

“This is amazing. Thank you.” She looked at the table as she gave him a smile, that was accentuated by the candlelight that lit her face. He always knew how lucky he was that she gave him a second chance, but it was those moments which made him extremely grateful for having her in his life. 

“What?” She asked with a chuckle. He had been caught staring at her again. He was completely in love with her. In a way he didn’t think was possible. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” 

“Stop it.” 

She couldn’t stop smiling as she became a little shy. He knew she wasn’t, but he found it cute regardless. 

“Why should I?” He asked. “It’s the truth.” 

“You know, this is the first time you’ve taken me out.” 

“I have taken you out in Venice.” 

“But it wasn’t a date. I was still mad at you.” That and the fact that nobody knew who they were there. Or who he was. Which worked to their advantage. Instead in the city, everyone knew or had heard of his name. “So this is our first.” 

“To our first.” 

“Actually this is our second.” She pointed out, as she swirled around the liquid inside her wine glass. 

“I know it is.” 

“But it doesn’t sound as important as  _ the first _ .”

“I think you know by now the second time around is always better.” 

“What makes you say that?”

“The first time we slept together I left you a wad of cash.” He was actually really embarrassed of that. It wasn’t his proudest moment, but it became a part of their history. 

“ _ You remember that? _ ”

“How can I not?” He laughed a little to hide his embarrassment. “I tried forgetting it, but I can’t.” 

“I mean was I  _ that _ good?” 

She joked, making him laugh again. She was incredible. 

“You are. You always are.” 

  
  


**_21:21_ **

Between the glasses of perfectly aged wine, and the top notch food, the night couldn’t have gone any more splendidly. At a certain point she ended up on his lap as she fed him dessert. A banana cream pie (which he couldn’t stop making jokes about). 

She licked the cream off her fingers seductively, as she kept her eyes on him. It wasn’t like anyone else was there to see them. They were in their own private corner of the restaurant, with their hands all over each other. 

That was how she showed how much she loved him. She had no idea she could be that happy. Her dress rode up to her thighs, as she kissed him passionately. She knew it wouldn’t have been very decent of them if they decided to go at it in a restaurant. At the table. But they had done worse.

His lips trailed down her neck, as his hands fondled her ass making her gently moan at the pleasure she derived from it. 

Nothing could’ve interrupted that moment. They were seconds away from undressing each other. That was until she heard footsteps come near. 

“I’m sorry for the interruption Mr. Barnes.” A voice spoke. She didn’t know who he was, but she assumed he was part of the restaurant staff. “The paparazzi are in front of the restaurant. I wanted to know what you wanted to do sir.” 

“Goddamnit. Someone must have tipped them off.” 

“Uh... you should go.” She told him, as she slowly got off of him. 

“I’m not leaving you here without you.”

“And as sweet as that is, the photographers are interested in you, they don’t care about me. So if you’re seen by yourself, they don’t have a story.” She told him understandingly. It wasn’t his fault. 

“Right. I’ll see you home” He kissed her one last time. Before paying for dinner and following the waiter out. 

As strange as that was, that was her reality. Which felt quite surreal. Like a movie. She was used to being alone, so it didn’t bother her at all. In fact she quite liked it. She sipped the remainder of her wine slowly, before picking up her phone. She was definitely not ready to go back home yet. 

“ _ Are you around? _ ” She asked as the other line picked up. 

  
  


**_21:56_ **

“Since when do you ride a motorcycle?” She asked him as he braked in front of her. Sam had surprisingly agreed to pick her up at the restaurant, and about twenty minutes later, he had arrived. 

“Since I discovered women go crazy for it. It gets them excited.” 

He probably could see her from underneath his helmet, that she rolled her eyes. She wanted him to. He handed her a spare helmet, which she took into her hands very reluctantly. She didn’t know if she could trust him with a motorcycle. 

Not just him. As so many things could have gone wrong. But she was in no place to decline a ride, not when he had picked her up. 

“Forget I asked.” 

“Have you ever ridden one?”

“Nope.” 

Needless to say, once she had put the helmet on her head, she was terrified. 

Straddling the backseat of a motorcycle was completely different from what she had expected. That and the wind blowing against her body as she held onto Sam for dear life. She was still terrified, shaking a little, but she could see why so many people loved riding it. 

It was the adrenaline rush that made it addicting. The danger of it all. The wind blew up her dress, making her shiver a little. 

She could barely take the time to look around her, she assumed everything passed by quickly, though all she could see was the back of Sam’s jacket. 

Less than ten petrifying minutes later, they had arrived at a destination that was unfamiliar to her. A hotel. A rather luxurious one at that, but she didn’t understand why they were there. 

“Where are we going?” She asked as she took her helmet off, then proceeded to adjust her hair. 

“To somewhere private.” 

“Private?” 

“Yeah private.” 

That was a rather enigmatic answer from him, though she assumed it was some kind of party. It was like any other luxury hotel, it was nothing she hadn’t seen before. Though she hadn’t been at that one. Once they arrived at the hotel bar, which was not as full as she thought it would be, she understood why she was there. 

Steve was there. So when she had called him, he was hanging out with him. And she had interrupted them. She felt a little selfish. In fact she knew she had to make it up to him somehow. 

“I picked her up from her date.” Sam announced as he sat down next to Steve. 

“Date?” He asked, though not at Sam. The question was directed at her. 

They were friends. They hadn’t set any ground rules for their friendship, as most friendships didn’t need them to be written down. Though they were definitely not the most conventional of friends. 

They didn’t even feel like friends, at most acquaintances. 

“ _ Yes _ .”

“How was it?”

“ _ Quick _ .” 

“I sure hope you’re referring to dinner.” Sam chuckled. 

“I’ve had a long, hard day.” She sighed. “I’m gonna need something strong.” 

As the night went on, and the more drinks she consumed, she felt lighter. More comfortable around the man she had promised herself she’d be friends with. Sam was as always delightful to her around. 

He had a way of talking like no other. He knew how to get everyone's attention with every single word. He was charming, but more than that, he was a great conversationalist. 

With each word he spoke, she found herself to be entertained, laughing with him as she brazenly ordered more drinks for the table. 

“I’m supposed to be home in a few. I have a special delivery that’s waiting for me.” Sam said once he looked down at the time. It was late. She had to be home too, but she was having so much fun she didn’t want to leave just yet. 

“With him I never know if he’s talking about an actual delivery or not.” 

She laughed. “Same.” 

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” 

Sam told her, and she complied. Tipsy her was much more obedient than her regular self. She stood up, and said their goodbyes to Steve. Before realizing Steve had no intention of leaving with them. He was staying. 

“Isn’t he coming with?”

“No he’s staying for a while longer.” He told her as he walked slowly, guiding her towards the exit. It was odd behavior. And she was suspicious. 

“ _ Alone _ ?” 

“Well… not exactly alone.” He told her, still suspiciously. It wasn’t like him to keep things from her. “You sure do ask a lot of questions.” 

And she was planning to ask a lot more. 

“What do you mean by not exactly alone?” 

Then he looked to the right, where a stunning blonde passed right by, basically strutting her way to where they were previously sat. In other words, she headed right to where Steve was. 

_ Oh _ . 

“ _ Oh… _ ” There was no way Steve was going to sleep with her. He was a romantic. And that was just something she couldn’t see him do. Sam on the other hand, she wouldn’t have been surprised if she had slept with her already in all kinds of positions. “Of course.” 

_ She wasn’t jealous _ . Why should she have been? Was it because the blonde was gorgeous? Had perfectly sculpted eyebrows and walked into the place as though she owned it? 

It wasn’t like that. 

“I shouldn’t have said anything to you. But you showing up wasn’t in our plans.” 

She looked at them. They looked nice together. Of course she was his type. Kind of predictable to be frank. She was flirting heavily with him as he subtly glanced at her plunging neckline. 

As much as she hated to admit it, something was happening. 

“So you were introducing him to your groupies?” She said with a very sarcastic tone. 

She wasn’t jealous. She was the one who rejected him. Not exactly rejected, but she was the one who told him she wasn’t ready. And she wasn’t. They wanted very different things. 

She wanted to have fun and figure things out, whilst he wanted a relationship. Or did he? By the looks of it he had no idea of what he wanted. 

“No. I might have shown him how to use a dating app.” 

Exactly. No idea of what he wanted. 

“No way.”

“Are you sure you want to continue this conversation?” 

He asked genuinely concerned, and she appreciated it that he was looking out for her, but she needed to hear all of it, or else she would have read it on some second rate gossip blog or something. 

“Yeah, I mean… we’re friends now. So whatever he does doesn’t concern me.” 

“That’s a good way to think.” 

“I thought he valued romance.” She said confused. For a man who talked about wanting to find love, he looked like he didn’t know the first thing about it. 

“He does.” He reassured her. Though not much. “But he’s a man. Love and sex aren’t mutually exclusive.” 

“And to women it is? That’s some kind of bullshit.” 

  
  


It was incredibly selfish, but she hadn’t taken into consideration that letting Steve go meant he was free to be with anyone he wanted. 

Like that girl in the tiny leather dress. 

He was an adult. He was free to do as he wanted. So she had no idea why she had a sinking feeling in her stomach. It was probably like that time she had been given an expensive dollhouse for her sixth birthday by one of her relatives. 

She didn’t really care for it, and never played with it. But when her mother had donated it to a local preschool, that was when she threw the biggest tantrum she ever did. 

She remembered that incident because she cried. The first instance of heartbreak. Looking back at it, she realised it wasn’t the dollhouse she wanted. It was the idea of having it that she wanted. 

Steve was her dollhouse. She had expected him to be waiting for her, like he had said. And a naive part of her believed he would. 

Why she did, she didn’t quite understand. She was happy. Maybe she always needed to have something wrong, so she was trying to find a reason. 

No. She was being protective. Protective. That was it. He was her friend. It was normal for friends to be protective of each other. 

In fact she felt a little sorry for him. For once, she had something in her life that he did not. Love. 

And she knew it the second she arrived home. In the warm embrace of James Buchanan Barnes. 

  
  



	10. blind items

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter. It has a lot of ups and downs so be prepared.

**_09:45_ **

She squealed with joy as Nat approached her with her two suitcases. It felt like they hadn’t seen each other in a lifetime. She held two small bottles of champagne she had bought at the airport to surprise Nat with. It was tradition. 

They had done it ever since they had met in high school. And they’d gossip about everything they had been up to during the summer whilst drinking from the bottles. 

Besides she felt like Nat needed the bottle of rose, however small, as she was going to tell her that James and her had gotten back together in Venice. Which wasn’t going to be easy as she knew she wasn’t his biggest fan. 

After their initial squeals, and hugging, they had started to head towards the exit. 

“How was your summer?” 

“Amazing! Backpacking in southeast Asia is something I’ve always wanted to do.” And by the pictures she had sent her, it was one hell of a trip. “I’ve taken so many amazing pictures.” 

Clint had joined her on her trip. Which was incredibly romantic. They were basically a married couple. They had their share of fights, though it was never anything major. 

“How about you? Last time I checked, you had two suitors. Very eligible suitors.”

There it was. She had to tell her the truth. 

“That’s the thing. I started with two, and ended with a question mark.” 

“What do you mean by that?”

“Steve kissed me and I told him I wasn’t ready.”

She watched Nat’s eyes widen and her jaw drop. That was exactly the reaction she wanted. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t told her yet. But she had so much going on, that she had forgotten. 

“What?  _ Steve kissed you?!  _ Why didn’t you lead with that?” 

“Because it’s not something I can spring up on people.” 

“Wait, so he kissed you, and you told him that you weren’t ready? Was it the kiss or him?” 

“I don’t know! I mean everything was perfect. The kiss, the backdrop... but I wasn’t ready to open that can of worms.” 

“You know Steve is nothing like James.” She knew that. Very well in fact. Which was why it was so hard to tell her. But since she was temporarily distracted by whatever she was looking at on her phone, she decided it was the best time to tell her. 

“Speaking of James...” She eased into it slowly. “I’m actually-“

“No way.” But she wasn’t paying attention to her. Her eyes were glued upon her screen. Her face was paralyzed with shock. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” She said almost too quickly. For her to believe her. 

“You just said no way.” 

“Did I?”

“Yes.” Nat had never been very good at hiding things. Which was why she never hid things from her. “Now I have the sneaking suspicion that you’re hiding something from me.” 

“I don’t think you’d want to see it.” 

“ _ I do.” _

“You don’t even know what it is.” 

“No, but the curiosity is killing me.” 

“Fine, but I did warn you.” 

It looked like nothing at first glance, but when she read it, she knew why she didn’t want to show her. 

Her suitor, the only one she was seeing, was apparently seeing some famous actress. It was just a blind item, though clearly alluding to him, and the actress having a secret affair. 

She knew it wasn’t true, since he was seeing her, but that didn’t stop from a burning sensation in her heart to form. 

  
  


**_11:07_ **

When she dropped Nat off at her place, she returned back to James’ with her head plagued with thoughts. Unnecessary ones that had no business of being there. It was just some silly rumor. It was nothing. 

So she tried to keep her mind off of it. Tried was the key word, as she found herself at his computer about to do some more research. 

_ Faith _ . That was a big concept for only five letters. It was the basis of any healthy and well functioning relationship. Though she wasn’t sure that was what they had yet. Though they had moved in, and acted as though in a relationship. It all remained labelless. For now. 

Her stomach stirred as she called him, it rang twice, before he picked up. 

“Y/N… do you need something?” 

“I- I actually do.” She gathered the courage to form the next sentence.  _ Are you seeing other women? _ No. That wasn’t the way she wanted to ask him.  _ Are we not exclusive?  _

If they weren’t, it was her fault for believing that way, but it was also his fault for making her believe so. Did they need to go over a set of rules even after she had moved in? 

“Do you have something to tell me?” She asked. It was the perfect question, not too direct, but also gave him the opportunity to answer her honestly. 

“No?” 

Either he was lying, or he didn’t know about the rumor. After all he had far more important things than to be on social media all day long. 

“I’ll let you get back to work then.” There was a slight tremble in her voice. Though she managed to mask it with a degree of enthusiasm. Before she was left alone once again. 

No one to keep her company. She thought the whole point of living with someone one loved was to never feel lonely. But it seemed that was all she felt. She understood he was busy. She fell in love with a busy man. 

  
  


A busy man who left her in a big empty house all by herself. There was nothing in there to entertain herself. Except for the piano which sat there to collect dust, as it looked like it hadn’t been played in a very long time. 

The books there were in all different languages, ones she could read some words of, and others she couldn’t. But at the end of the day, no one had opened them in a very long time. They smelled like that. 

She took the box that she had been sent. She had hidden it in Dot’s closet behind some other boxes. She didn’t understand why she had been given such a valuable present. Ominous, though she was never one to turn down an expensive gift. 

The fabric caressed her skin as she tried it on, it fit her like a glove. It had a sweet scent, reminiscent of lavender. The red color looked amazing on her. She stared at herself for a while, pulling her hair up then putting it back down again. 

She paced herself as she walked down the stairs, as she always felt the looming presence of Dot Barnes. Her pictures were still hung up, by the stairs. It was always unsettling to have her there when she least expected it. She was leaving James’ life, though it felt as though she wasn’t. 

She abruptly pulled one of the pictures down, though it made no difference. It was as if it was still hung up. 

A constant reminder that she is, and always was going to be the other woman in James’ life. It was just an insecurity that arose when she saw the rumor. She trusted James. And if he wasn’t aware of it, it meant it was nothing. 

There was nothing to be afraid of. Besides, it was just a stupid rumor. 

And by the way his status was going up, there was bound to be some baseless rumor about him. 

It was that. Just gossip. 

She just wished it hadn’t dampened her mood. It wasn’t just that, or the pictures of Dot around the house. The problem laid in the fact that she was living in the house which used to belong to his soon to be ex wife. 

It was stuffy, with antiques accenting every room. From the living room, to James’ personal study. It was reminiscent of the past. She wanted a future with him, or at least the closest thing to the future for them. 

She wanted to feel home. But his house had failed to make her feel her so. Love could only do so much. 

She headed straight for his home office, trying to find what she was looking for. Her eyes scanned down the list of numbers that was left taped on his desk. Her lips curled into a smile when she found what she was seeking. 

She grabbed the home phone and dialed the number, carefully pressing each button to not get her number wrong. Once she was done, she placed it at her ear waiting for someone to pick up. 

“Good morning. This is Y/N Y/L/N speaking. I was hoping I could see some apartments?” “Yes, I was hoping I could see something to Mr. Barnes’ liking… I’d like to surprise him.” 

  
  
  


**_11:36_ **

He had missed the job. He didn’t know how much until he walked back into the Barnes International headquarters at precisely eight o'clock that morning. 

His office. He had missed sitting back on the large comfortable chair, as he signed papers. He knew someone else had occupied it in his absence. Someone appointed by the board to act as interim CEO, whilst he completed his ‘punishment’. 

It was less of a punishment than a lesson. 

He was a different man since the first time he had stepped into that office all those years ago. 

He had just returned to his office from another morning meeting with the board when Y/N had called him. It was sweet of her to check in on him, though she had to tell her to call him on his personal number. Not the office one. 

After all, he was at work. Just because he was the CEO, didn’t mean he could slack off. 

He had to work harder than everyone else just to prove he was worthy of the job. 

“Do I have anything else scheduled for today?” He asked through the intercom. 

“You have a lunch meeting today.” 

His secretary spoke clearly into it. He hadn’t hired her, though she was more than perfect for the position. She was polite, and very well trained. 

“A lunch meeting?” He didn’t schedule that. “With whom exactly?”

“Doesn’t say… but there should be a surname. I’ll send you all the details.” 

Perhaps he had asked to put it in and had completely forgotten about it. Lately he hadn’t been in the right headspace. With the divorce, the press and his new position. 

“Perfect.” 

  
  
  


**_12:05_ **

He was late just for a few minutes. It wasn’t like him to race against time. He never cared about being exactly on time. People always waited for him wherever he went. 

He was just one of those people who could afford to do so. 

Besides, he was a busy man. And whoever he was having lunch with knew that. 

He gave his name to the maitre d’ and he was led to his table. It was right by the large window that faced the sidewalk. He usually didn’t even have to think about it, but ever since his divorce blew up in the media, he had to be more careful of every step he took. 

He valued his privacy. On the topic of privacy, there was a woman already sitting at his table. He looked around for the maitre d’ but he had disappeared. There must have been a mistake, as he knew that couldn’t have been the person he was having a lunch meeting with. 

“James Barnes.” She looked up, with a smile. She spoke with a breathy voice. It was so recognisable. He had seen her a lot in the city. Maybe not her, but there were movie posters with her face on them. 

She was a famous actress. 

“And you…  _ you’re… _ ” 

“Yes I am.” She replied with a chuckle. “In the flesh.”

“Sorry but this is my table. I had a reservation.” 

“So did I.” She replied playfully. “I believe you 're meeting me for lunch?” 

“Meeting you?  _ Why would I be meeting you? _ ” 

He felt as though it was a trap. When she kissed him on both cheeks, it took him by surprise. As he didn’t know her personally. And he was still waiting on an answer to his question. 

“I ordered ahead. The salmon here is to die for.” 

He continued to stare at her, as though she was an alien. He still couldn’t understand why he was having a meeting with her. It was clear it wasn’t a meeting. But how had lunch with such a known actress happened to be in his schedule, he didn’t know. 

She just smiled at him, as she looked at him. She was clearly beautiful. A classic beauty everyone would have agreed with. Probably the reason why she was so well known. 

“Now will you answer my questions?” 

“You really don’t know, do you?” She raised an eyebrow as she watched him shake his head. “You’re here because you have some big secret to hide, and I’m here because of a career opportunity.” 

“ _ Career opportunity _ ?” As he said it out loud, he managed to connect a few dots. Though not all of them. What he understood by that was that he was there because someone wanted him there. 

It was no coincidence. 

“What? You’ve never done this before?” 

“No.”

“The more you do it, the easier it gets.”

“I get it’s not your first time.” He said as they were brought a bottle of wine. 

“No. I’ve done the same thing earlier this year with an actor in the midst of a PR nightmare.” 

“Why do you do this?”

“Mostly PR. I’ve got a big movie coming up.” She explained in between sips. “This is the best press that there is. Unfortunately one can’t rely on talent alone.”

“I’d say it’s a pretty desperate career move.”

“Desperate? I say resourceful. Not everyone can stomach it.” She finished the remainder of her wine, as she briefly looked outside the window. “Now smile. There’s someone taking our picture outside.” 

He looked outside the glass, there was someone taking their picture. She was right about that. That was the last thing he wanted. His face being all over the media 9nce again for something he didn’t want to be a part of. 

“Pretend I said something funny.” 

“Then say something funny.” 

She started saying an overtold joke, laughing a little as she did. She was truly a great actress. Knew how to play a role even without a script. And he was genuinely concerned. 

He would’ve gladly waited for the media storm to blow over, and return to be just another rich man. Out of the spotlight. Though with pictures with an actress going around, he didn’t know how he was going to do that. And yet he found himself smiling. 

He didn’t know if it was genuine, or for the fact that he had been so used to pretending he was happy in front of cameras, that it had become his default. 

  
  


**_14:36_ **

“This is the master bedroom.” She looked inside, stepping into it with caution. She could imagine their life there. Rolling around bed, waking up next to each other… that was what she wanted. 

The life she wanted to have. The house they were living in was plagued by the ghosts of the two most prominent women in his past. The former wife, and mistress. James would have wanted her to be truly happy. He loved her. He would have conceded her a new house for the two of them. 

“We can model the room to your liking, or Mr. Barnes’.”

“It’s perfect.” She said with a giggle. She could already see them both there. If they only believed they could. 

With his many love confessions, it wasn’t so hard to believe her dream might have become a reality. In truth it didn’t matter where they lived, as long as they were able to move forward and had each other. 

“From this room, you have a full view of the St. Katharine Docks. And from the living room, you have a view of the Thames.” 

“This place is perfect.” It really was, it was the perfect place for them to live in together. The exposed brick in the living room gave it a more rustic feel, it certainly more modern than his current house. 

She imagined their life together there. She’d make herself a cup of tea and would stare outside the window, admiring the view they had of the Thames. He’d sneak up behind her, wrapping his strong arms around her. 

She’d have everything she wanted. 

“Well Mr. Barnes had shown interest in it a while back. But it then was bought by another couple.”

“How long back was this?” 

“ _ 2013 _ .” Was he planning to buy it for Connie? Or to appease Dot? Or was it a place he wanted to go when he wanted to clear his mind? Whatever it was, she needed to have the place for them. 

“I'm going to need an answer soon. I have other people interested, and-“ 

‘I thought you’d want to see this.’ The text said, followed by a picture. Pictures.  _ Plural _ . 

James and the actress having lunch together, laughing as though they had no care in the world. There were several like that. Though that wasn’t what made her feel uneasy. It did, but it didn’t prepare her for the last picture. 

Them going inside James’ car. She was sitting in front, right beside him. In  _ her _ seat. 

“I’m sorry… I have to go.” 

With that, she ran out. And she went wherever her feet took her. 

  
  


**_23:49_ **

To say his day had been busy and eventful, would have been an understatement. It was perhaps the craziest few hours he had ever spent. It was all a carefully crafted cry for attention. 

Though he didn’t mind spending time with a beautiful woman. She was pleasant enough to speak to. However he felt nothing when he was around her. They strolled around the city side by side. She didn’t speak much, but she laughed out of nowhere. That was when he knew she was putting on a show.

She took time to take pictures with her fans at the park, as he watched her. How she could live such a life he didn’t know. It wasn’t for him. All he wanted to do was to call Y/N. To warn her about the impending storm. 

But his pockets were empty. His phone wasn’t there. He had probably left it at the office. 

There wasn’t a second that went by that they weren’t photographed together. He already could guess what the headlines were going to be. He wasn’t stupid. 

After they had spent the whole day together, including dinner, she invited him over to her hotel. It was all a stunt to them, but everyone else didn’t know that. Nothing was going to happen if he followed her into her hotel. 

He did think it was completely stupid. But she wasn’t a bad person. And besides, it would have helped him in a way. The whole charade could be the perfect way to be with Y/N out of the spotlight. 

And he loved her. He wouldn’t have done anything to jeopardize that. 

By half past eleven, they were sitting on the sofa with glasses of champagne, just having a talk. In the past he could’ve never imagined himself sitting just a few feet away from a beautiful woman without having the urge to have sex with her. 

But things had definitely changed. 

“You know when your mother called me and told me that-“

“Wait.” He paused. Of course she was behind it. How he hadn’t thought about it before baffled him. “My mother called you.”

“Not me, my manager.” She told him. “I found it kind of odd that your mother was making decisions for you, but who am I to turn down the free publicity?”

“Why would you do this though? Isn’t it going too far to fake a relationship for the sole purpose of publicity?”

“Not really, my movies haven’t been failing with adults lately. Sure, younger people will go to see my movies, but I need to appeal to another demographic.” 

“So that's where I come in.” 

“Exactly. The attractive new CEO of Barnes International who just got out of a marriage. It was perfect. So I took the opportunity.” The explanation was clear. Though he still couldn’t figure out why his mother would’ve gone out of her way to arrange that. He knew it was part of a bigger game, though he didn’t know what she had planned yet. “What about you?” 

“By my mother’s involvement in all this, I’m guessing it has to do with my personal life.” 

“So you’re seeing someone?” 

“Yes I am.” 

“Interesting. So I’m guessing she’s the one you were seeing her whilst you were married. And now your mom and the media is passing it off as though I was the one you were involved with the whole time.” Shè sounded confused. He didn’t blame her. It was a mess. “It’s twisted.” 

“It has Winnifred Barnes written all over it.” 

  
  


**_10:00, the next morning_ **

The official story that had gone around in the few hours they were spotted together was that they had met in March, and had subsequently fallen in love. It had been on and off for a while, but in July, they had made it official. 

That was the story everyone believed. And it was true. Except it was  _ their _ story. And no one else’s. She couldn’t believe he’d do that to her. She didn’t want to be quick to believe in gossip, but she couldn’t help it if there was proof. 

He had followed her back to her hotel after they had dinner together. Leaving her all alone in his home. She had spent the afternoon cooking, in the hope of getting her mind off of what Nat had sent her. 

She had made dinner for them, and yet he never showed up. He didn’t even call her to tell her he wouldn’t be home. Any news about him came from the Internet. The internet knew where he was more than she did. 

And it was embarrassing. 

Especially when she woke up in the morning without him by her side. That was when she knew something was really wrong. It wasn’t like him. Or it was, she just didn’t know. She really thought they were done with hiding things from each other, especially after everything they had been through. 

She realized reading their story on a gossip site, and as she glossed over the same words over and over again, it had been just a few months. It really was a whirlwind romance. 

Maybe she was turning into something he didn’t like. And yes, they were having sex, but not as much as they used to. 

She was lounging in his bed, when she heard the front door open. He was home. And it was late. So late she had thrown his breakfast away in the trash. Like she had done with his dinner. She could have easily put it in the fridge, but he didn’t deserve that. 

Not when new pictures circulated that morning showing James was perfectly awake having breakfast with the same actress as the day before. Smiling, and drinking coffee as though he was with her. 

She was angry. But she wasn’t going to show it. 

“Hey…” He said as he waltzed in the room. As though nothing had happened. Really? Was that how he wanted to play it? 

She ignored him as she continued to put nail polish on her toes, not caring if she accidentally spilled some of it on his sheets. They could use the splash of color. 

“I missed you.” 

He spoke again. He missed her? How cliché was that? How was she expected to believe him? And smile at him? She had to give kudos to Dot, who ignored it for as long as she could. 

_ Was she the new Dot? _

“Missed me?” She asked, not even trying to hide her distaste.  _ Oh well. _ She had tried. “You  _ ‘missed me _ ’?” 

“Where were you this morning?” She asked with a trembling voice.  _ Oh how she hated to be like that. _ She felt so small and helpless. 

“Out on business.”

“Business?” She scoffed. “Is that what you call it?”

“If I say it’s business, it’s because it is.” She couldn’t believe she had the nerve to lie to her right then and there. What happened to honesty? 

“So going out with an actress all day and following her back to her hotel is business?” 

“I don’t owe you an explanation, but you have to trust me.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do.” She argued, but to much avail. “I called you so many times yesterday, and you didn’t respond.” 

“That’s because I didn’t have my phone with me.” He raised his voice a little, bit she was used to that. “And I felt bad when I saw your phone calls until I received an email from my real estate agent.”

He didn’t look happy about that. And seeing how he reacted to her silence, showed her everything she needed to know. 

“Saying that she needed an answer for the apartment. Are you buying a house?  _ With my money? _ ” 

She never felt so embarrassed before. She had made huge assumptions about them. She thought she knew where they were. Turned out she didn’t. She had built everything in her head. And she felt incredibly stupid.

“I only said we were interested.” 

Her voice turned small. She hated it so much. 

“I didn’t say that. What do you think you were doing? Are you that desperate to show everyone that I’m yours? Do you want the whole world to know?” 

He wasn’t showing any signs of slowing down. He just kept going. Taunting her own stupidity. She didn’t expect him to be so harsh with her. Not when she was the one who was supposed to be mad at him.

“No I-“ 

“I have to go to work.” He said with a scoff, disappearing again. “I’ll see you tonight.” 

He left. Like he always did. But that time it left a bitter taste in her mouth. He left because he didn’t want to be around her. 

  
  


She couldn’t even describe what she was feeling. It was a surge of emotions like no other. Betrayal felt terrible. But was it a betrayal? They hadn’t discussed exclusivity, but she had expected it. In fact she went out of her way to adapt into the ‘socially accepted’ monogamous relationship. 

She didn’t need a friend at that moment. She did, but she knew that with Sam or Nat, she would have had to explain what had happened. And she was too embarrassed to do so. 

She needed someone. But not just anyone. Someone she knew could comfort her in her time of need. Someone who would’ve understood what she was going through. 

She knocked the door she had walked to decisively, hoping someone was home. And as the door opened, she sighed with relief. 

“ _ I need a place to stay. _ ” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it id really appreciate it if you left some feedback ❤️


	11. even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: rough sex, one night stand, technically speaking it’s cheating but it’s always complicated between the two of them.

**_10:58_ **

“Y/N... I...” Steve spoke, though it seemed he was unable to find the words. 

Why she decided to go to Steve’s was unknown to her. Especially as their friendship was new. His hair was disheveled, and he hadn’t bothered to button up his shirt. 

He wore sweatpants, which gave her the indication that he must have thrown on the shirt a few seconds prior. He wasn’t alone. She knew that when she saw someone walking behind him. A slender figure, in yoga pants and a tight ponytail. 

He had someone over. Of course he did. He was a bachelor. He was free to do as he pleased. 

But she didn’t care about that. She had bigger issues than Steve’s newfound bachelorhood. 

“Please? I need a friend right now.” She begged. Usually she would’ve not done that, but as she had been through enough humiliating moments as of late, she didn’t care. 

“Ok... come in.” 

She walked into his house, recognising the faint scent of perfume as belonging to the woman who had spent the night there. Though usually that would have gotten her attention, she was too shaken up to mind. 

She walked past him, as she sat herself down on his couch. She couldn’t believe how emotional James had made her. Before her she was used to not feeling anything, and now she was shaking like a leaf. 

How she missed the good old days, the ones in which she carelessly picked the wrong men, though never reaping the consequences. She’d never let them stay around long enough for her to let them treat her poorly. 

A few minutes later, it started raining like hell. It felt like some sort of sign. She was curled up on his couch, with Bentley resting his face on her lap. 

Steve walked in with a hot mug of milk with a spoonful of honey, handing it to her. And she felt like a child again. When everything seemed so simple. She had not one worry in her mind. 

The beverage was warm, and comforting. Just like he was. He didn’t speak. They just exchanged some glances. She wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. Though she felt like a huge imposition. Especially when he had a guest over. 

When the woman was ready to leave, as the taxi she had ordered had arrived, she walked to the door, gave Steve one last kiss, and left. Not before thanking him for the time they had spent together. 

“So you had someone over...” She spoke, once the door had closed shut, running her finger around the brim of the ceramic mug. 

“Yes I did.” 

“And how was it?”

She figured they had to talk about something. She had already accepted he was going to sleep with other women. 

He looked at her surprised. He didn’t expect her to ask him that question. Neither did she. Though she didn’t expect to run to him that day either. It was a day of firsts. 

“Do you really want to talk about it?”

“We’re friends. We should be able to talk about these things.” 

“Well... she was  _ nice _ .” Nice? Well he sure didn’t have a way with words. He was probably trying to be very poor with his wording so as not to hurt her. She thought it was sweet of him. 

He always was. She just forgot at times. 

“Nice...? That’s all?”

“I don’t know, it’s been a while since I’ve done this.” He sat himself down on the armchair, spreading his legs wide, making himself comfortable.  _ Which was quite distracting, _ but she knew it was going to take time for her to be less interested in him… physically. Though that might have been impossible. “The whole dating app thing is new to me.” 

“Careful... you’re starting to sound like an old man.” 

“It’s true. When I was your age I went out to meet new people. Now you can find people just a click away.” 

“Now you really do sound old.” She chuckled and took a long sip. “If I were you, I’d refrain from starting sentences with ‘when I was your age’.” 

And they laughed. They hadn’t done that since Venice. After that, she was afraid they had lost their spark. The thing that she loved most about their interactions together. She would’ve gladly given up the kiss if it meant having that again. 

“What about you?” 

“What about me?”

“Why are you here?” She couldn’t tell him. No matter how hard they were trying to mend their friendship. “I seriously doubt it’s to talk about my personal life.” 

“I just needed to clear my head.” She said as an excuse. “I couldn’t go to Sam, nor Nat’s.  _ Too many questions. _ ” 

“So you came here.”

“Yes. And for Bentley too.” She pet his head that was still on her lap. She didn’t want to move if not she would have disturbed him. “Especially for him.”

  
  
  


**_14:07_ **

It was still raining, she wondered how the city could reflect how she was feeling on the inside. Grey, and cold. She needed some warmth that day. She was desperate for it. But as much fun Steve was, she knew she would have tried to look for something more. 

After all, they had shared something. Though it might have been something small, it was still something. 

She didn’t know why she felt like such a little girl with him. She didn’t feel like that with James. To be honest she had no idea how she felt with him. But with Steve, she felt considerably younger. It was his maturity in certain aspects that made her feel juvenile. 

Their age gap was made even more prominent when they were around each other. 

It was the little things she did. The whining. She hated whining, especially to him, but she felt no shame that day. 

She felt slightly better after lunch. Steve had decided to cook for her. It wasn’t much. Just fish, with vegetables, but she appreciated the effort. Whilst they ate, they didn’t talk much. Which made her miss the days they used to be close. Venice had been the closest they had ever been. Up until the kiss, everything was perfect. 

They listened to a bit of music, to which she danced a bit, whilst they cleared the table together, and for a minute there she let herself go. 

By the time they were done, and she was drying her hands, she felt like herself again. There was still some kind of awkwardness between them, though she didn’t expect that to go away any time soon. 

She also felt like a huge imposition on him. She knew he was too nice and polite to say anything, but she didn’t want him to entertain her just because she showed up. So she left under the excuse that she needed to go shopping even though she didn’t. 

She had no idea whether he believed her, but he smiled and she thanked him. It was definitely not the way she had intended her morning to go, but she was grateful he was there for her. 

She had found shelter in a coffee shop near Oxford Street, when she had received a call from Sam. Quite unexpected, though always welcome. With a deep sigh, she finished her coffee, and ventured back out in the rain. 

Only to find a town car waiting for her. Sam really did think about everything. 

  
  


As soon as she stepped into Sam’s penthouse, she was greeted by a series of muffled moans. Curious by where it came from, she walked towards the living area, where she realized who was making the noises. 

She saw a woman sprawled out on his couch, his head in between her legs as he feasted on her. Leave it to Sam Wilson to know how to start an afternoon. 

“Is everyone getting laid today?” She asked out loud, alerting Sam of her presence. “Except for me?” 

“Y/N! Didn’t expect you here.” 

She grinned at his reaction. He was not that surprised though. Almost as if he wanted her to see his prowess. The woman was shameless too. She stayed there, naked as the day she was born, not bothering to cover up. 

“You called me.” She said as she tried to look elsewhere. “You seriously don’t remember?” 

“I sent a town car didn’t I?”

“Yes.” She walked hurriedly towards the sliding doors that led to the kitchen. “I’m going to let you finish up. I’ll be waiting in here.” 

  
  


**_14:37_ **

Turned out waiting for Sam to finish up with his lady in the kitchen wasn’t such a good idea. As of late she was short of them. She rolled her eyes at the umpteenth time the woman praised his stamina. 

_ She got it. _ He was an extremely gifted lover. 

Instead of waiting any longer whilst doing absolutely nothing, she opened his fridge, and took a tub of ice cream. He never said she couldn’t. Besides, she needed something to keep herself busy whilst he entertained his guest. Which to her guess was going to take a while. 

She opened the half empty ice cream container, as she scooped some into her mouth. It wasn’t exactly the afternoon delight she had in mind. She wanted what Sam was having at that second. Hot afternoon sex on the couch. Or any couch for that matter. It didn’t matter the place. She just wanted him. Horizontal and sweaty. 

Instead of being at a friend’s house eating ice cream. All because of him and that stupid actress. 

Why should she let him explain? He would’ve only told her what she wanted to hear to cover his tracks. 

All the thinking, and eating, she hadn’t realized the sex sounds stopped, and the sliding door opened, to reveal a shirtless Sam walking into the kitchen. He was glistening with sweat as he grabbed a glass of water for himself. 

“What happened with blondie?” 

“What happened with James?” 

“You heard?” She sighed. She didn’t want him to know she was having problems with James. Not when she had just gotten back with him. 

“James called me this morning… asked me if you were with me. Trouble in paradise?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“If you want we can eat our feelings.” He suggested. “Though If we do, I’d have to hit the gym twice as much.” 

“You go to the gym?”

Well it was quite obvious he did. Though she imagined him to be one of those naturally perfect people. 

“Of course. How do you think I look this good?” He bragged, flexing his muscles. “Sex doesn’t replace cardio.” 

“But it does a body good.” 

“That it does.” 

He reached for the open ice cream tub, dipping a finger in, and licking it. Then he did it again. 

“So how are you?”

“ _ Me _ ? Well I’ve started the afternoon with  _ Miss August, _ so I can’t complain.” 

“Look at you. How are you so happy?” 

“Because I’m at a point in life where I’ve figured everything out.” He told her in a more serious tone. Though still soft. He was always kind to her. She was fairly certain if they hadn’t developed a friendship that she would have crushed on him, like everyone else did. “I already tried the feelings thing. While I get it’s appeal, it’s not for me.”

“You had feelings for someone?”

“Multiple people.” He admitted. “But I was so unhappy. Then I realized the whole bachelor thing made me happier.”

“That’s your secret? Not having feelings?”

“Not really. It’s to never ask for more when I’m happy. I’m perfectly content with what I have right now.” 

“Wow. I didn’t expect to hear those words from you.” She was truly enlightened by his words. Maybe she had to be content with what she had too. Though she didn’t know what it was. “When did you get so wise?” 

“I once slept with a psychology student. Her idea of pillow talk was psychoanalysis.” 

She let out a chuckle. “Never change.” 

“I don’t intend to.” 

She licked her spoon clean, and got up to place it in the sink when Sam interrupted the brief moment of silence that was between them. 

“Where were you this morning by the way?”

Should she have told him the truth? It would have been easier that way. No secrets. 

“Around. Just window shopping.” 

“In the rain?”

“It’s therapeutic.” She lied. She didn’t know why she did that but her running to Steve in her time of need didn’t look so good. But it shouldn’t have been a problem since they were friends. Just friends. 

“There's a party going on tonight.” 

He went on to say. And she nearly let out a sigh of relief. He wasn’t going to interrogate her. Though he wasn’t the type to do so. 

“Who’s throwing it?”

“I have no idea. I just get invited to these things.” 

“Well lucky you.”

“So are you up for it?” He asked her even though he knew the answer already. 

“Yeah of course. I don’t have anything to wear though. I kinda ran away without bringing anything with me.” 

“I can send someone to get your stuff.” 

“You’d do that?” 

“Of course. We’re friends.” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And in her time of need, Sam was exactly what she needed. 

  
  


**_21:03_ **

“Look at this.” He showed her an article on his phone. The top ten most eligible bachelors of the city, and he was number one. 

At least someone was getting good press. 

She took Sam’s phone from her hand, and scrolled down the list. Among the names were Sam’s and Steve’s. In the first two places. She should have guessed. By how many conquests he had. He probably had every woman in the city. It wouldn’t have surprised her if he did. 

Though that list gave her ideas. There was bound to be more than just eight eligible bachelors, excluding her friends. And they weren’t even counting the married ones. She always figured her first married man would’ve been the hardest. With all the inexperience of dealing with someone who was taken but now that she was somewhat of an expert it must have been easy. 

Besides she knew for sure there was bound to be more than one unsatisfied married man in the city. 

“Nice dress.” He commented, as he put his phone away. 

She had decided to wear Dot’s dress. As it was the most recognisable thing she had at James’ place. Sam had hired someone to go and get it. The Herve Leger. Iconic. Hard to miss. 

“Thanks.” 

“Herve Leger huh?” He said as though he recognised it. “Dot had one exactly like it.”

“She gave it to me.” 

“Ominous.” He was right. She didn’t know why she was given that dress, but it probably had something to do with James. “She's a smart girl. I doubt it’s a coincidence.” 

  
  


**_22:28_ **

He didn’t expect her to call him. Not after how he had treated her. He had lost all control over his words when confronted. He just didn’t know what to tell her. As  _ ‘I’m sorry my mother’s a psycho’ _ would have certainly made her want to run for the hills. 

And he wouldn’t have blamed her. Out of all things, he hadn’t inherited his temper from her. She never flinched or at least made sure no one ever saw her do so. He hated her. He always had. 

He was just never brave enough to say it out loud. He poured himself a drink, as he sat alone, in the living room. The only light source in the room came from a small lamp. One of the many wedding gifts he had received. 

His life felt like one big joke. He had no real purpose. Everything in his life was bought or given to him. He loved Y/N because she never had a role in it. She didn’t have a role in his misery, and yet he took it out on her. 

He hated how even indirectly  _ she _ had her way with things. So he decided to call the one person he knew would have understood him. 

“I said something awful.”

“Context please. Also you got to stop calling me without telling me first.” As soon as he heard Beck’s voice, he smiled. “I’m kidding. Call away.”

“Have you seen…?”

“Page Six? Clearly. As has everyone I assume.” Just like it was planned. He was so stupid. “Your right is your least flattering side. I hope you know that.” 

“Charming.” He appreciated her effort to make him smile. She always did that when they were younger. “I don’t know what to do. Y/N won’t speak to me.” 

“I bet… the pictures are extremely convincing. Especially the one of you and her in the hotel lobby. Who’s not going to think something’s up?” 

“That’s exactly  _ her _ intention isn’t it?”

“It’s her work?” She scoffed. “I'm ashamed I didn’t recognize it sooner.”

She paused, and he waited for her to say more, he could tell she was thinking. Or that she had a lot on her mind. After all, she had already been through it herself. 

“You got to admit it’s genius” 

“I would if it wasn’t at the expense of my relationship.”

“Relationship? You mean…”

He hadn’t told her yet. Because they had loved in the moment. Enjoyed every single second that he forgot to tell people. He was never one to announce things. He reckoned that his private life should have remained that way. 

But he had no say on that matter. 

“I love her. I already lost her once, I don’t want to again.” 

“You really want to be with her?” 

“Yes... I do.” 

“Then you gotta be honest. Prepare her for what life would be once you get together.” Her voice was tainted with woe. He wasn’t sure if it was for him or for herself. “It’s not going to be easy.”

“I can’t see a reason why she’d want to stay if I tell her.”

“ _ Jamie _ …” He chuckled at his childhood nickname. She had given it to him, after he had insisted on calling her Beck as to mock her for her less than feminine tendencies. “In any relationship you either sink or swim.”

“Except even if she chose to swim it’d be with the sharks.” 

“Then protect her.” 

“I can’t if it goes beyond me.”

“Then do your best.” She whispered. “Don’t let her drown.” 

“I won’t.” 

“You call me as though I’m an expert on relationships.” 

“Well you certainly are. More than me at least.” 

“So how are things with the husband?” 

“Great. He’s in Argentina. Or Ecuador. I can’t keep up.” He knew his sister had no love for her own husband. All because of their mother. Though she insisted she was 

happy. 

She was tough, she always had been. But he always feared that one day she would break. 

“If you ever get bored talking to house staff, call me. And I’ll send the company jet over.” 

“Thank you Jamie. I’ll consider taking you up on that offer.” 

  
  


**_22:51_ **

The alcohol made her even more confident than usual, as she started dancing with a bad copy of Steve Rogers. But she figured he was cute enough to have a little fun with. And she was having a lot of it. His hands were all over her, and she let him. It was harmless. A good way to get her mind off of things. 

She moved her hips to the beat of the music. It was the first time in so long that she was being careless. 

She was inside the home of some rich person she didn’t know. Neither did Sam, though he was the one who was invited. She could get onboard with the whole not doing anything whilst squandering a trust fund. Though she didn’t have one, she could imagine how easy life must have been for them 

The one percent. She didn’t feel like she was part of that world. No matter the people she had affiliated herself with, she didn’t feel like a part of it. It was a surreal world, completely detached from the outside world. 

Situated in a perfect glass bubble. Unaffected by the unrest that surrounded them. The people who lived in the idyllic bubble were only concerned about money, and about spending it as well as earning it. 

The dress she wore was an illusion. She looked like she belonged. Partly because everyone was drunk, so she was sure they couldn’t tell she didn’t. But it was more than that. 

She held a Grey Goose bottle as she had some carefree fun. She had no more worries. Just the fact that she had to sleep with the man she was dancing with. She had already established that when she felt his semi when she ground her ass against him. 

“I thought you weren’t single.” Sam pulled her away from the blonde guy. She knew he was being protective, but he was being a wrench in her not very well thought out plan. 

“Well there was some miscommunication. Turns out I am.” 

“If you say so.” He grabbed the bottle of vodka from her hands, and put it down. “You know the whole actress thing with James is probably just some stupid PR move right?” 

“Even if it was, I don’t think we’ve ever spoken about exclusivity.” It was partly her fault. As she was so eager to jump back into things with him. She had no clue about why she had such bad judgement when it came to him. 

She was a fairly clear headed person, unless it had to something to do with James. 

“He loves you. I can tell.” 

“Then he has an odd way of showing it.” 

“It’s James. He isn’t in touch with feelings.” 

She had so much she wanted to say, but if she said them to him, she would’ve been talking to the wrong person. James was the one who needed to hear what she had to say. 

“I’m going out for some fresh air.” She announced abruptly. She needed the fresh air. And frankly some water to clear her head. 

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No… I’ll be fine. You focus on the women who have been staring at you for the past twenty five minutes.” She pointed at the group of women who were glancing at him every chance they got. 

“How many?”

“Four.” 

“That’s my lucky number.” 

  
  
  


She walked around the house, trying to look for someone to get out that wasn’t out on the street. A roof would have been perfect, or a balcony. She wasn’t too picky. She walked up the stairs, careful to take each step, as it was quite dark. 

On the second floor, which seemed to be devoid of any life, unlike the first floor, where the party was going on, she realized she had stumbled upon someone’s living quarters. It should have been off limits, though she was curious and a little tipsy enough to have the courage to walk around. 

She still needed that air. 

Along the weirdly placed hall, there was a small balcony. Big enough for one person. Or two. It had a view of the street below, dark and silent, as was the whole floor she was on. She hadn’t seen anyone until she walked towards it, but there was a man, standing outside, the wisp of smoke went up, and then disappeared into thin air. 

“Do you have a cigarette?” She asked him, alerting him of her presence. 

He looked at her, and gave her a grin. Not one of those goofy ones, but one of those one would want to receive from a man. From a handsome man. He went into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of Marlboro Reds. 

She picked one out, the one in the middle. And placed it between her lips. 

She wasn’t a smoker. Never was. The smell of it made her queasy. The only time she smoked was when she was stressed. And she guessed, she was. 

“I know who you are.” 

He spoke as he lit her cigarette. By just the glimmer in his eye, she knew what he wanted. 

“You do?”

She knew who he was too. The lawyer she had met at Dot’s firm. The senior partner.  _ Mr. Brock Rumlow _ . 

“You’re  _ Barnes’ girl _ .” 

“No I’m not.” She scoffed. She didn’t belong to anyone. She never did. 

“You’re not? Last I checked you were.”

“Are you keeping tabs on me?”

“It’s my job to know everything about everyone. That’s why I’m the best goddamn lawyer in this city.” Smoke escaped his lips again. She didn’t know why he was so good whilst doing so. But he did. “What are you doing out here? The party’s downstairs.”

“I needed the fresh air.” She sighed as she took another drag. “Honestly I had to stop myself from making a huge mistake. I’ve had a stressful day.” 

“So I’ve heard.” 

She raised her eyebrow and looked at him amusedly. So he did know everything. 

“What about you? Not enjoying the party?”

“Not really... it’s not my usual scene.” 

“And what is that? Dinner parties and exclusive social events?” 

He chuckled. It had stopped raining, though there was still the smell of it, paired with tobacco. The breeze was starting to make her cold, and it made her come to her senses. There were so many eligible men in the city. Not just the ones on the list Sam had shown her. 

“So you claim to know everything…” 

“It’s because I do.” 

“If you do, answer me this question.” She said coyly. “ _ Where am I going after this _ ?” 

  
  


**_23:27_ **

The man smelled of smoke, and tasted of top shelf whiskey. He expertly unzipped her dress as he continued to kiss her neck. He had done it before. She could sense it. After all, he was a successful, attractive man. She had no doubts that women were attracted to him. 

She had taken a second to register where she was. His place. It was probably his move. 

He probably did it with everyone. But she didn’t care. She wanted to be amongst the many girls. She had felt so much pressure being the only one, that she wanted to not matter to a man anymore. It certainly was easier that way.

Her back was pressed up against his living room wall, as he was still fully clothed. Her nipples hardened underneath her bra, as he handled her roughly. He liked it rough. It was just what she needed. 

It was definitely a bad idea. But she made so many bad decisions that it seemed like a good one at the time. It made her feel good. That was all she cared about. 

Her own pleasure. She had missed sleeping with a stranger. The lack of connection during sex. Back when it meant nothing to her, and she could just hop from one bed to another. 

Her panties were ripped off of her, and before she could say anything about it, his fingers entered her unexpectedly, and she felt full all at once. It was all so quick, and uncaring.

His fingers pumped in and out of her with force, each time hitting her g spot making her legs weak. She didn't know how she was standing in that condition. 

He was so domineering and aggressive, she wondered if all wealthy men were like that. Characterized with the need to hold power over someone else. She wondered if it was the power that turned them on so much. 

She cried out, as she approached her orgasm. Her legs shook as she came all over his fingers. 

He brought his fingers up to his lips, licking them clean. The sight of that alone was so erotic, she waited unpatiently for what was to come. And judging by the looks of his arousal straining against his pants, something big awaited her. 

“You taste amazing.” He smirked deviously as he licked up her slit, and slapped her sex making her moan. “Can’t wait to have that sweet little pussy around my cock. You want it don't you?” 

She couldn’t help but nod. She had little to no control of her body, as he flipped her body. Her face was pressed against the wall, as he massaged the globe of her ass as he prepared himself to fuck her. 

For a brief moment she found herself missing the personal side to sex. The whole gazing at each other’s eyes thing she did with James. As there was none of that with Brock. He slapped her ass as hard as he could before lining himself with her entrance. 

Once she felt his large tip penetrate her, she couldn’t hold in her moans. She was a mess. She felt guilty. Just a little. But it was all washed away with the intense feeling of pleasure that followed. The lewd sounds they were making only intensified it. 

“Holy shit you’re so fucking tight.” He grunted. “Does he fuck you like this?” 

There it was. It was always a dick measuring contest with these men. She didn’t answer. But she knew what her answer was. She felt her slick made it easier for him to slip in and out of her. With such brute force she was certain he was going to leave marks on her. 

But that was the least of her concerns. 

“Harder!” She screamed. She knew what the night that was waiting for her looked like. And she knew she had a few more rounds. 

  
  


**_08:18_ **

When she woke up, the sun was already up. The events of the night prior were still 

fresh in her mind. Brock had been a great fuck, but that was all there was to him.

She groaned as she got out of bed, to get her phone out of her bag.  _ Five missed calls _ . That morning alone. All from James. 

The same James she hadn’t heard from in (nearly) a day. 

Though she had gotten all anger out of her system the night before. She was ready to hear from him. Just as she was about to call him, he did the same. 

“Y/N… you answered.” 

“James-“ she said as she felt Brock’s arms wrap themselves around her body. But she raised a finger so she could shush him. 

“I know you’re mad at me, and you have no reason to listen to me,” He started. “I went about it in all the wrong ways. I just wanted to protect you. The only way I can assure us to have a serene life is if I appease my mother now. Even if it means going out with women I have no interest in.” She didn’t know what to say, but he let him continue. “But I am sorry I hurt you. You are the only good thing I have. I don’t want to lose you.” 

“You won’t.” 

She couldn’t distance herself from James. She felt such a strong pull towards him. It could’ve only been love. There was no other rational reason to explain it. 

_ It was love. Right?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re getting closer and closer to the part I’m most looking forward to reveal. The story is going to have more twists and turns from now on. I have to thank everyone who have been great supporters of this Fic. It wouldn’t be here without you. ❤️


	12. at last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: rough sex, reunion sex, praise kink
> 
> IF IT WASNT CLEAR BEFORE (SINCE I DONT WANT TO REPEAT MYSELF EVERY TIME), IF YOURE UNDER 18 PLEASE DONT READ THIS FIC.

**_08:23_ **

“ _ The boyfriend? _ ” Brock asked over her shoulder. She could feel his hands on her hips even though they weren’t there. But his fingertips were, and she could feel them grazing her bruised flesh. 

She had told him to not be so forceful. Yet she guessed it was enough that he didn’t leave any hickeys on her like some horny teenager.

She moved away before he could do more. Even though she could’ve used a (not so) little pick me up. James’ apology touched her. Which made her want to get out of the quasi stranger’s apartment immediately.

She didn’t belong there. Under a different circumstance a morning quickie with a stranger would’ve been her idea of a good way to start a day. But she wasn’t that person anymore. 

So what if his mother was an impossible woman to handle? Every rich woman was. No one was ever good enough for their bundle of joy. Albeit he was over thirty five not a kid.

He spoke about her like he spoke about his family. Which meant never. He told her stories about him and Beck, but that was it. His mother was nonexistent in his current, and past life. She wasn’t going to pay her no mind. 

“ _ No _ ... I gotta go though.” She responded as she got back into her clothes. “Thank you for last night.” 

“Thank you. The pleasure was all mine. You have my number if you want to do this again.” 

_ Again _ ? She didn’t think so. It was only a one night thing. She looked at him, and smirked. She did feel a little guilty for sleeping with the lawyer, especially when she had woken up. 

James was under so much pressure, she didn’t realize that. His divorce, the press, his mother… it seemed like he could use a break. And she slept with someone else. 

“I do.” She nodded and grabbed the rest of her things. “Goodbye.” 

She missed the feeling of being needed. But most of all, she missed being special. 

Unlike in the past, sex had come to mean something to her.  _ What was it anyway? _ It was such a big concept for such a short word. It held so much power over people, and people had lots of opinions on it. Often the topic of petty gossip. Who did who, where it happened… 

Even she was guilty of being one of those people who obsessed over it. 

For some it was a way to feel intimate with a significant other, vulnerable. And she had felt that with one person only. It was a way to show affection when words weren’t enough. To show gratitude.  _ Love _ . 

When paired with love, it was unlike any other feeling that could be put into words. It was a combination of her heart pounding wildly and an incredible amount of pleasure overtaking her body. 

And as much it was a carnal, and pleasurable act, it could also be used as a weapon. To hurt someone. Something James had done in the past. And she had done too. To hurt him. 

She was finally happy now. And she didn’t want one slip up to complicate things between them. 

As she walked up to his door, she had made her decision. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him. 

“ _ James… I’m sorry. _ ” She said. Her apology was more for the fact that she had slept with another man, though he didn’t know about that. 

She had already decided to not tell him anything, as it was a poor decision made in defiance of him and his coldness. 

“No it’s not your fault.” He embraced her, relieved of her return. His ability to turn from cold to hot didn’t surprise her anymore. She guessed it wasn’t her fault. He was the one who pushed her into being irrational. She was petty, and wanted him to pay. “It’s all mine.” 

She was willing to forget how he had treated her, and the way he had made her feel small and insignificant. 

She reckoned it was because she felt a strong feeling that went beyond infatuation and love. It was incredibly dangerous but she was attracted to it like a moth to a flame. 

And he loved her. Deep down she knew that. She knew that he would’ve done anything for her. He always came back for her. It was because he loved her. 

She tilted her head up to see his face. She would’ve been lying if she said that she fell in love with his soul (or whatever people said they fell in love with first in order to not sound totally superficial). He was handsome, in a manner that she didn’t deem fair. So handsome, that she never wanted to leave him. 

“I love you.” He told her, as he looked at her lovingly. She had no power in that moment, she relinquished it all. She was his. And his only. “I love you the most.” 

She was afraid those words would lose meaning after hearing them so much from him. But they never did. It only assured her that she was the lucky woman he had fallen in love with.

James Barnes loved her. And only her. Her stomach fluttered, her lips formed into a gentle smile. 

“I love you too.” 

“Will you be mine?” 

“I already am.” 

“I know.” He grinned at her answer, as he held her in his arms. “I’m asking you to be my girlfriend.” 

“That’s a little ‘ _ high school’ _ .” She remarked as she let out a chuckle.  _ Oh _ . He was serious. 

“Will you or not?” 

“Yes.” She replied too eagerly. “Yes I will be your woman friend.” 

“ _ That doesn’t sound right _ .” 

It didn’t. But it felt right. And that was all that mattered. 

  
  


**_09:35_ **

The very next day, without much warning or clue of where they were going, they got into his car. As she watched him drive them far away from the city. All she knew was that they were going to celebrate being official. And by that she thought he meant to have a bottle of Dom after being all over each other the whole morning. 

She could tell he wanted to make up for the things he had said to her. He looked stoic when he drove, one hand gripping the wheel whilst the other one was out of the window. 

When she got caught staring at him, his expression changed. He loved her. He switched hands, now one was on the wheel, and the other was on her thigh. Rubbing it up and down. 

His hand stayed there on her for the remainder of the trip. Or at least until they arrived in the countryside. Driving by a small town before arriving at their destination. The house he had taken her the first time they decided to be together. She had spent the best days with him there. She recalled her time there was nothing but happy memories. 

As the car came to a halt on the gravel driveway, he reached for something in his pocket. A key. 

“It’s our place.” 

He stated, causing her to stare at him in confusion. She didn’t understand what he meant by that. It was their place in a way. They had shared a lot there. It held so much significance to him too. 

“Ours?”

“Yes.” He nodded as he handed her the key. “I bought it this morning. For us.”

“James... I...”

There was always that underlying feeling of guilt that came back. She did not deserve it.

“You don’t have to say anything.” He told her. It was the kindest he had ever been. “ _ Come _ . There’s more waiting inside.”

  
  


**_11:13_ **

He helped her out of the car, and guided them towards the house. It hadn’t been on the market. He had asked the owner, and offered them triple the price. He had wanted to buy them a place for a while, but had never found the right place. 

He wanted a place for them. A place where he could see them starting a future together. 

In truth he would’ve given her the world if she asked him. There was nothing he wouldn’t have done for her. 

At first it seemed to him that he bought the house out of guilt over how he had spoken to her. But it made sense. He saw himself with her in the long run. 

“And here’s this.” He said as he picked up the small leather box placed on the crystal table by the armchair. 

He had hired people to get the house ready for them. Including putting that there before they arrived. It seemed like they had followed his instructions. 

“A ring?” 

“Don’t worry it’s not for that finger.” It was a little something he had picked up from Cartier. “It’s a ‘I’m sorry I’m a dick’ ring.” 

“It’s beautiful. I love it.” She smiled from ear to ear as she put it on. “And the flowers... these are beautiful.” 

She was referring to the gardenias that were on the same table. 

“Actually those are from Beck.” 

_ Congratulations on the new house.  _

_ \- Beck. _

The card read. He couldn’t help but ask Beck for interior decorators and anyone she could think of to make the house their home. 

Needless to say, she was very supportive. 

“She’s supportive.” 

“Of course she is... she likes you.” He told her, placing the card back down. “And she wants us to be happy.”

He was grateful he had his sister’s support. Especially since she had helped him get the house in the first place. He wished he had done the same when she had gotten married. He wished he could have done something to make her happy. 

  
  


**_08:21, 12th March 2012_ **

“I’m not coming.” He insisted, downing his third complimentary champagne. 

Ironic, as he was already dressed for the occasion. A navy blue suit by Cavalli. Tailor made for him. It hadn’t occurred to him until that morning, how wrong the whole thing was. 

He wasn’t in love with his wife. It was made clear when he slept with the server at the rehearsal dinner last night. Dot was head over heels for him. He knew she was. She always put him on a pedestal, though he didn’t want her to.

It was all a lie. And he realized that when he gave his speech about true love, how he should have been the last person to preach about it. No one in his family knew.

His mother certainly never did. His father had a pregnant fiancée, though he didn’t know for sure if that was love. It looked like that from the outside, but it was so easy to fake it that he had no idea what the real deal looked like anymore. 

“Please Jamie... it’d mean the world to me.” 

“You don’t even love him.” He argued. He had to admit he had raided the mini bar that same morning. “How can you marry him?”

“Marriage isn’t always about love. You should know that.” 

His mother had told him that a couple of times. His own had become more of a business arrangement than an actual marriage. He didn’t want that for his baby sister. He wanted her to be happy. 

“But it shouldn’t be like this. I want to see you happy.” 

“James... I am happy.” 

She argued back. How could she say that? 

“Are you? Because you seem intent on making our mother happy.” 

“She’s looking out for me.” Even after all that time she still defended her.

“Is she?”

“She is. She knows me better than I know myself.” She said, and it made him sad that she actually believed that. “This is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I need someone to take care of me.”

“No you don’t. You’re strong, and independent. You don’t need a man.”

“Just because I’m strong, and independent doesn’t mean I can’t be taken care of. That doesn’t make me any less strong or independent.” She said visibly heartbroken. “I’m not ashamed of it. I’m not ashamed to say I need my lavish lifestyle more than I need love. We all have things that make us happy.”

  
  
  


**_15:03_ **

The ring around her middle finger sparkled even brighter under the sunlight, it meant a lot to her, as she knew it was a token of his affection. And the house. Their house. A place in which he had nothing but happy memories, and wanted to share with her. 

The whole fake PR romance was long gone, as he was there with her. She had nothing to worry about, and it felt good. All she had to do was to be happy. 

She never had a house of her own before. Mostly because she could never afford one. 

The past two days had been nothing but perfect. She began to see a pattern. After a disagreement he went all out for his apology. Not that she minded. She set the table outside, and brought out the good plates. 

James tried to help with the food, but she told him to relax. After all he had gotten them a house. It was the least she could do. She recalled their afternoon the previous day when they had gone to explore the countryside on bicycles. 

Their days were made up of planning their new home together. They had developed somewhat of a routine. Buying fresh flowers from the only flower shop in the nearest town, only to end up exploring the never ending fields that surrounded  _ their _ house. And of course, they never lacked physical intimacy. 

Every stolen look, or innuendo made him pounce on her like some starved animal. He even took her against a tree, when they decided to take a break from their bike trip. 

Not that she minded. She loved the attention he gave to her. She walked back into the house, to find James working on his computer. He was still busy, as he was CEO, but he found time for her. 

She walked up to him, as she watched him concentrate on whatever he was doing. She loved him. She didn’t want to lose him. Before, things were different. She was his mistress. That meant something different. 

She had a different role to fulfill. To please him only, and act as a companion when he felt lonely. She had no obligation to him. And therefore could see as many people as she wanted. 

Not that she needed to, as no one was like him. 

“When did you get this?” She asked him, picking up the Polaroid on the table, he stopped typing and looked at her. 

“A long time ago. I thought we’d want pictures of us from this little trip.”

“ _ Naughty ones? _ ”

“As much as I love how your mind works, not that kind.” He chuckled, as he took her hand in his.  _ God, it was so much bigger than hers _ . “I was thinking of capturing every single moment. Even the ones that seem unimportant.” 

He brought her hand to his lips, and kissed it, his eyes gazing deep into her soul. He knew her, as though he was a part of her. In a matter of seconds, he was carrying her bridal style, making her giggle. 

_ She was ecstatic.  _ She was afraid to wake up if it was a dream, as it was everything she ever wanted. 

“ _ James _ !” She squealed as he started rushing off towards the staircase. “We had plans.”

“We can go for a walk later.” He responded, lust clouding his eyes. “Right now I want to christen our new bedroom.” 

“We already did. Remember?”

“ _ Right _ . But now you’re officially mine. And I want to celebrate that every day.” 

  
  


**_15:20_ **

She dropped every article of clothing on her on their way to their bedroom. He was tempted to touch her, but he knew the rules to her game. He had to wait. So he did the same. 

She laid back on the back on the bed with such grace, as she looked at him with hungry eyes. He was in love with her. That was no secret. He had told her countless times. Once it was out, he couldn’t stop himself. 

At times he forgot how she was much younger than him. But she had such an intelligence that it was the last thing on his mind. She challenged him. She was impossible at times to please. Though he secretly loved when she was angry at him. It made him want her even more. 

To hell with what his mother had done to Connie. He knew it was a risk, but it was one he was willing to take. He was going to protect her. 

He wasn’t going to let her bully him. 

It was hard to think about defying his own mother when she looked like that. Her legs parted, slowly as to put on a little show for him. Her sex glistened for him, slick and ready to be fucked. 

Without hesitation, he teased her slit, gathering her arousal. His teeth grazed her pebbled nipple, before sucking on it hard. He wanted to savor her, he wanted to take pleasure in watching her squirm and moan for him. It was a most basic need he needed her to fulfill. 

She mewled, as his finger started to circle her clit as he kept sucking on her breast. The sounds she was making made him hard. So much so that it was impossible to ignore her wordless request. She needed more contact than that. 

He began to be a little rougher. With her looking like that, it was a natural reaction of his desire. He stopped to lick her juices off of his fingers, rubbing her clit one last time before he lined himself to her entrance. 

She whimpered, begging him to satisfy her. To fill her up with his cock.

Chuckling at her eagerness, he eased himself into her letting out an embarrassingly loud moan at the feeling of her walls fluttering around him. The whole idea of ‘savoring the moment’ went out of the window. He didn’t let her adjust to him, as he knew she was used to him stretching her out. 

And yet, she was as tight as their very first time. 

His eyes went to where they were connected, he watched himself plunge into her heat over and over again, his cock drenched with her juices. It was single handedly the most erotic thing he had witnessed. 

Watching her body open up to him was more than proof that she belonged to him. 

He had missed the warmth of her pussy. And the snug way she fit around him. Just knowing that she was all hers, made him drive his hips harder into her than ever before. 

_ She was his little minx _ . She was the right mix between his partner and a cock hungry slut. Her voice oozed raw sensuality, the kind that was hard to emulate. 

“ _ You’re such a good girl for me. _ ” 

“Look at you… you’re going to come aren’t you?” She nodded quickly before a moan exited her lips as he rubbed her sensitive bundle of nerves. “Well you’re not going to until I say so.” 

God he was close. So close that he lost control over his actions, pounding into her making her scream obscenities. 

“ _Daddy…_ _I-_ ”

“It’s ok baby, let it out.” 

As she came down hard from her high, her pussy pulsed around him, he fucked her into the mattress one last time, chasing his own orgasm. He entered into a moment of pure bliss, where he was completely absentminded, and his hips began to stutter. 

He buried himself to the hilt as he came inside her. Painting her walls with his seed, making him feel closer to her. They were connected, and in love. Love made everything better. He kissed her gently, not wanting to slip out of her warmth just yet. 

The summer heat made the room unbearably hot, as trickled down his forehead. Though it wasn’t going to stop them from starting round two. He was intent on making her come again. He wanted to see her face as she fell apart for him, knowing he was the only man who made her scream like that. 

He couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t fatigued, because he was. Though he refused to pull out of her. She whimpered pulling him back in for a lingering kiss, desperate for some kind of contact. 

He loved how no matter how much he fucked her, she was still starved for his touch. She was eager to please him, and to be pleased herself. She had no trouble asking for what she wanted in the bedroom (and out of it). 

He had chosen the right woman. She was the right one for him. And he had been with many women. So many that he didn’t remember. It was like that for most of them. Every memory of his many escapades blurred making it impossible for him to remember names, or faces. 

Instead with her, he remembered everything. Every single feeling was heightened, every memory cherished. He had grown obsessed with her. He remembered when he told her he loved her for the first time. 

He remembered his heart beating like crazy, he swore it would’ve leapt out of his chest. His palms sweaty, though his mind was surprisingly clear. He knew what he wanted. And he wanted her. He hadn’t been that scared ever but he pushed through it. 

  
  
  


**_18:45_ **

  
  


They had made it into the small town just before seven. James hadn’t let her get out their bed as they reveled each other’s company. They were both drunk with a primal desire. It was a third neither of them could quench. 

They walked hand in hand, walking around the town. It was nothing like the city. It had a few shops, though they weren’t owned by big corporations rather by locals. 

It was a refreshing change from the city. Far away from the hustle and bustle of it all. There was a risk of them getting recognized, but it seemed like no one minded. 

That was until they walked past a man who seemed to recognize them. Or rather James. 

“James Barnes! I can’t believe it.” He said as they greeted each other. james knew him by the way he talked to him. It seemed like they weren’t the closest of friends, but he was hardly ever friends with anyone. “It’s been a while.” 

“It has.” 

“I heard about the divorce from Dot… how are you holding up?”

“Better than expected.” 

“I can see that.” He said before directing his attention to her. “I presume you’re the actress everyone’s been talking about.” 

“No. This is my girlfriend.” Hearing him say that out loud was odd. Though it made her happy. Happier than expected. “Y/N.” 

“It’s nice to meet you.” 

“You too.” She replied politely, despite being mistaken for another woman. 

“Well, I wish you two a lovely evening.” 

It was a little awkward, and she saw how James wanted to ask her if she was ok with being mistaken for another woman. Who was presumably involved with her boyfriend. 

“The actress? Really?” She laughed, as she held a firmer grip on his hand. 

“Well he doesn’t really read the tabloids. He only goes by what he hears.” 

“And you just called me your girlfriend.” She decided to focus on that. After all, it was something she wasn’t used to. But she liked it. She loved how sure he was of it all. She didn’t think she’d ever see him like that. 

“It’s because you are.” 

“And you’re ok with everyone knowing?”

He nodded. She didn’t think he would. Or rather she didn’t know his opinion on it all, as his mother’s seemed the strongest one. 

His mother. She had forgotten about her. She had never met her, and yet she felt her presence. 

“Exactly. I want everyone to know who my beautiful girlfriend is.” 

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to being your girlfriend.” 

“You better.” He told her. “We make a pretty hot couple.” 

“That we do.”

Without any warning, he kissed her in middle of the street. In front of people. In public. It was official. She was his girlfriend. Part of her wanted to gloat, she had won. 

They had won. 

  
  


**_22:43_ **

He watched her as she slept soundly. They had quite the exciting day. Every day with her was an adventure he looked forward to. He turned off the light in their bedroom before heading out. 

He couldn’t sleep yet. He had one last thing to do before he could sleep without any worry. He headed to the kitchen where he had left his laptop on the counter. 

He usually wasn't one to play games that dangerous. But part of the reason why he felt like he had to was because of her. He wouldn’t do any of it, if it wouldn’t ensure their future together. 

It was all so uncertain. And that scared him. To know that one day the woman he loved more than all else would be ripped away from him. That day could have been any. 

He didn’t want to wait until that day. 

He clicked on the link he had been sent on his work email. And watched with content as the photos of them kissing were already on the Internet. He knew the pictures would’ve stayed there. Nothing could be erased from the internet. And no one had control over it. 

He watched his phone light up at an incoming call, albeit silently. The familiar name continued appearing on his screen. 

_ Mother _ . 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your constant support. It really encourages me to write more. Hopefully I’ll be able to write more than one chapter per week. We’ll see if I’ll be able to do that. ❤️


	13. new beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader finds herself in an unexpected position, while James finalizes his divorce.

Still high on their honeymoon phase, they returned to the city a week later. Their days spent engaged in a variety of activities. From going out and about in the nearest town, to deciding the paint color to use on their bedroom wall. 

Their nights were even more thrilling than their days. Spent in throes of passion. Laughing, joking about silly things. Getting to know one other, even more than ever before. It was the purest form of love she had ever experienced in her entire life. 

She was bewitched by him. Infatuated by everything he was. He was the kind of man she had always wanted but never found. She found herself to be incredibly lucky to have met him. And after his apology, and the way he showered her with affection, gave her assurance that he truly loved her. 

On their way back to London, they started to sing to the song on the radio, affectionately smiling at each other. It had been the best week she had ever spent with him. Things were such at an all time high she hoped they would stay the same. 

She wanted to bring their little corner of the countryside to the city. Their paradise. 

As though things couldn’t get any more perfect, he had taken her to see  _ Les Miserables _ the previous night, just before dinner at her favorite restaurant. Something that hadn’t been possible before, but ever since his apology, a lot had changed between them. 

He didn’t go to great lengths to hide her anymore. No more hotel room rendezvous, or having lunch at his place. It was just them. 

She didn’t check out her social media anymore. She felt like the less she stayed on there, the less she had to see what people were saying about them. 

Hopefully people had realized that she was the woman in his life.  _ The only one _ . And since that day, his divorce was finally going to be finalized. 

She was no longer going to be the other woman. She already didn’t feel like that, but it was going to be official. 

**_08:23_ **

The natural light illuminated the room, the sound of birds chirping musically made the atmosphere much homier. Something had definitely changed between them. And it wasn’t just Dot’s massive walk in closet that had been emptied, but every trace of her vanished. 

She had nothing against the woman. She had been the woman who had James’ heart for a split second. But that very day, she was going to be another closed chapter. He was no longer going to be married to her. 

The joy she felt when she thought about it was indescribable. He had already shown her how good life could be. She couldn’t ask for more. 

That was her home now.  _ He was her home _ . 

They had both been up for a while, but neither of them had the strength to get up. Instead they were both in bed, just enjoying the morning and each other’s company. It was so simplistic, but she loved it. She loved everything from his scent, to his warm touch. 

The crinkles he got whenever he smiled at her. His voice when he was sleepy. They didn’t need much, and it had taken them so long to figure it out. 

  
  


“It’s your stepmom.” She told him as she passed him his phone. And he barely looked at it. 

Just like her, he didn’t like to be disturbed. Not even by family. But Maria Hill-Barnes had called him three times in a row, she figured it was about something important. 

“ _ Don’t call her that. _ ”

“Well she is, isn’t she?” She questioned playfully. She knew he didn’t call her that, as they were the same age. “She married your father.”

“She did…” He reflected a little before answering the phone , with his annoyed tone. “ _ Hello _ ?”

She watched as his eyebrows furrowed as he talked on the phone. He was hands down the sexiest man she had ever been with. And the man who made her come the hardest. 

He looked in her direction, as a smirk appeared on his lips. And it took a lot of self control to not jump his bones right that second. It was insane how they didn’t do it every second of the day. Though since they had gotten back together, they hadn’t taken any breaks. 

“She asked for you.” He told her once he put his phone down. 

“For me?” She asked incredulously. Why would Maria do that? She knew she wasn’t her biggest fan. Might have been the fact that she had sex with her stepson in her pool. “Did she say why?”

“No she didn’t. Our family loves to be vague.”

“That sounds terrifying.” She commented, as he held her tighter. “I remember she wasn’t my biggest fan.” 

“I don’t think she likes many people if that makes you feel better.” 

It didn’t. 

  
  


**_14:12_ **

Primrose Hill. When she had gotten there, she marvelled at the place. She still had no idea what Maria Hill wanted from her. And that scared her. She walked towards the house, whilst looking at the directions on her phone. 

It was the perfect day to go for a walk, though as she got closer to the house, she had an impending sense of dread growing within her. 

She didn’t know what to expect from her visit, but she hoped it wasn’t anything too stressful. 

As soon as she got there, she found Maria working in the garden. She had an elegant looking silk scarf wrapped around her head, as she held a pair of garden scissors in her hand. That didn’t look promising at all. The woman was polite, but very brief, as she took off her gloves and walked back into the house. 

She followed her inside, though slowly. She didn’t want to impose, especially as it was clear to her she wasn’t well liked by her. 

She led them upstairs. On the second floor, at the very end of the hallway. Where there was a room. The room was as big as the one she used to have at Nat’s apartment, though it had much nicer furniture. It had an adjoining bathroom and everything. It looked so clean, as the featured color palette was white and navy. 

Usually at that point in any horror movie, she would’ve died right then and there. But it was reality, which made it all the more weird. Why would Maria call her to her house and then take her to a room? 

“Congratulations. You’re our new nanny.” 

“ _ Your what? _ ” She couldn’t control her reaction. It was a knee jerk reaction to what she had just been told. 

“Yes, I was surprised too. But you come with a stellar recommendation. And I needed a nanny. Our old one went back home.” 

She had so many thoughts in her head, did she ask for it? Who gave her the recommendation, and how did it happen. 

Because God only knew Maria didn’t like her very much. She tried to think of someone. Maybe James? But he wouldn’t have wanted her to live elsewhere. As they already lived together. 

Perhaps it was for the best. To gain some independence, and work experience. She hadn’t realized how sheltered she had become. She regularly used James’ town car to move around. She ate gourmet meals at swanky restaurants without ever paying the bill and lived in a house that cost more than anything she ever bought for herself combined. 

She felt as though it was an opportunity. Sure, she wanted to live with James. But they had already formed a routine. Not that it was bad, but it was best they took things slow. 

Pink tulips were placed on the windowsill, the card beside it was written in a messy calligraphy. It must have been from the person who had gotten her the job.

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

“A lady never tells.” She said as she chuckled, but immediately stopped when she saw she wasn’t entertained. 

_ ‘Wishing you the best for your new job. Hope we can go out to dinner sometime _ .’ 

“He called me for the job, you know?” She said with haughtiness in her voice. “He had everything arranged for you.” 

“Who did?”

“ _ Steve _ .” Steve.  _ Dreamy, Charming, and Handsome Steve, _ who was her friend. She would have been lying if that didn’t make her smile. However she harbored no romantic feelings for him. Or so she wanted herself to believe. As she was madly in love with James. “I wonder why. And how does Steve Rogers know you?” 

It sounded a little condescending. Though she tried not to read too much into it, as she was her new employer. 

“We met through James.” 

“Right.” She replied, crossing her arms. “I’m going to brief you on how I like to run the house.” 

  
  


“The kids wake up at 7:30. They have to eat breakfast first, they usually are fine with jam and butter on toast, but you have to cut the crusts off. They don’t like them.” She stated, as she walked through the kitchen, at a fast pace. “This is the kitchen. You’re going to cook them dinner. But not lunch, as they’re going to have that at school. Steve told me you cook.” 

“I do.”

She spoke so quickly without any breaks she struggled to keep up. She had an idea why she was so intent on making it work. It was James’ family after all. And she wanted their approval. After all, it was the first time she was meeting ‘the parents’. 

She wanted everything to be perfect. Though she had the suspicion Maria was going to be harder to convince than the others. 

“Perfect.” She gave her a tight lipped smile. “I won’t be home until 20:00 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Friday is date night for Mr. Barnes and I.” 

She took mental notes of everything as she kept on speaking. 

“You’re free to eat anything from the fridge and the pantry. I’ve compiled a list of Lily’s allergies.” She continued. “ _ No house guests. _ But I’m guessing that was quite obvious.” That sounded like a jab. And it had to do with the whole pool debacle. “If you need days off, please tell me beforehand. So I’ll have time to call someone else.” 

“ _ Any questions? _ ”

“No. It’s all clear.”

“Perfect.”

  
  


“Y/N?!” A tall blonde woman exclaimed, as she walked towards her. “I thought I heard your voice.” 

James’ younger sister Beck was the most glamorous woman she had ever seen. Radiant, and stunningly beautiful, she reminded her of an angel. 

She could see the Barnes family resemblance. The same bright blue eyes and rosy lips, though unlike James, she had blonde hair. That made her look like a Barbie doll, with much better clothes. 

“It’s so good to see you again.” She said with a hug. It was nice to be around someone so friendly. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been great. Thank you for the flowers. They were beautiful.” 

“It was nothing. I’m really glad James finally took the next step. You make him really happy.” Beck Barnes was the only woman who was as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside. She really had it all. 

“I’m the lucky one.” 

“We’re going to have so much fun, you and I. We’ll go dining and maybe hit the town. I know this delightful private club. You’re going to love it.” 

“She’s here to work, Beck.” Maria interjected as she walked away. 

“That’s a pity.” She said, before she started whispering. “You’d never believe we used to call her  _ ‘Wild Mary _ ’ back in university.” 

“Oxford?”

“St. Andrews. I went there one year. I’d like to think academic studies weren’t for me. I’m a student of the world.” 

  
  


**_15:38_ **

“ _ So that’s it huh? _ ” He said as he placed his pen down. Her legal team was waiting outside the chilly conference room, whilst her lawyer stayed inside with her. 

“Yes. It was pretty straight forward.” 

His marriage ended with just a signature on a piece of paper. It was that easy. If one didn’t look at the estates they shared between them, as well as the other assets. Thankfully they didn’t have any children, as if they did, things wouldn’t have been so easy. 

“It wasn’t all that bad was it?” 

“I don’t know… I don’t remember the good times.” She spoke honestly. One trait he always admired in her. “But I think that’s normal. It’s human nature to highlight the bad memories over the good ones.” 

She was right. Though he wouldn’t have admitted it to her. They weren’t fighting anymore, but he still didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. 

The times they didn’t fight and pretended to be fine were the worst. As so many things were left unsaid. They'd just stare at each other, knowing they were at their absolute worst, whilst having to pretend they were at their best. 

He knew he was going to start a new chapter, with a new woman.

His pictures with Y/N in the countryside had led people to believe he was a cheater. It was a sacrifice he was willing to take to be with the woman he loved. After all, it wasn’t like he wasn’t a cheater. It wasn’t just a very known fact. 

He had kept his indiscretions whilst he was married, discreet. However he wasn’t married anymore. So damage control was no longer needed. 

Besides, he longed to see his mother’s reaction to it all. It was bad for his public image. Like he could care any less. Love made everything else seem insignificant. 

  
  


**_16:07_ **

The Barnes twins, Lily and Grace, ran around in the playground with a few of their friends from school. As she watched after them, she could barely remember when she was their age. It was such an uncomplicated time in one's life. She wondered whether it was the occurrence of so much more complex moments, that she had no recollection of the simpler ones. 

She opted for a floral patterned sundress and a pair of sneakers, which she considered cheating, but no one could walk around the city whilst chasing children in heels. She still wanted to make a good impression on the man sitting beside her on the bench. 

She had asked Steve to meet her at Regents Park. She wanted to see him, and make sure he was well. 

He was her good friend after all. 

“How are you?” She asked him, as one of the kids at the playground let out a loud screech, making them both laugh in confusion.

“I’m fantastic. Thanks for the job.” 

“Don’t thank me. I just gave you a recommendation. Which was based on nothing but the truth. You’re amazing with Bentley, who’s basically my son.” 

“That’s because I love him.” 

“It seems like you’re perfect for the job.” He observed. Though she hadn’t done much except for cutting vegetables into sticks and packing everything into a cooler bag, then taking them to a playground. 

“I’m adapting.” 

“How about I treat you and the girls to some ice cream?” Steve suggested. That was when she realized that she was always going to have a soft for him. Crush or not. 

“Maria doesn’t want them eating ice cream.”

“Macarons from Laduree?” 

“They’d love that, but I have to take them to their ballet class in a few.” She told him, standing up very reluctantly. If it were up to her, they would’ve stayed there the whole afternoon. But it was her job. “And I packed them veggie sticks and hummus.”

“That’s very healthy.” 

“Well Maria insists.” 

“I know how she is.” He laughed. “You know she asked me if there was something going on between us.” 

“She did? And what did you say?”

“The truth. I told her we’re friends.” 

There was a brief pause. It was still so new for the both of them, and they were trying their hardest. Although nothing was going to happen between them, as he was experimenting with the perks of being an eligible bachelor in a big city, and she was in a happy relationship. 

“That we are.” She reiterated. “Well I have to go now. Thank you for everything.”

“No problem. You know I’d do anything for you.”

“That, I didn’t know. Now that I do, I’m gonna take advantage of it.” 

  
  
  


**_18:28_ **

The afternoon soon ended, as she picked up the twins from their ballet class. One whole hour of lessons, whilst she stayed at a cafe nearby, drinking a ridiculously expensive latte. When she received a call from Maria Hill. She was her boss, which meant regular calls from her. She wasn’t looking forward to it, but it was a job.  _ A very well paid job.  _

“You’ll eat with us. As James’ guest.” She didn’t waste any time. 

“James is coming?” 

“Yes. He insisted on a family dinner.” She told her a little unenthusiastically. “I believe he used the word  _ ‘mandatory’ _ . So the girls will be eating once they arrive home from class.”

“Right, since they have to go to bed early. I read the instructions.” 

“Good. I’ll see you at home.” 

  
  


**_20:33_ **

“ _ As soon as the words came out of her mouth, I couldn’t believe it. _ ” Beck recounted in an enthusiastic manner. “I tried my hardest not to react to it, but I’m afraid I can’t control it. I had never met someone so close minded, and gauche before. And believe me, I have met my fair share of stuffy boring ladies.” 

They all laughed a little as though they knew. She didn’t, but that didn't stop her from laughing along with them. “But this one takes the cake.” 

“Are you sure she said that?” 

“She did.” 

“Who is this?” James questioned. 

“The girl you used to call  _ Fish Face _ behind her back.” 

“That’s not very nice…” 

“I realized that, and started calling her  _ Fishy _ . Which is nicer.” He took a sip from his glass of wine, which he drank more than a glass of. “I wasn’t a very nice person back then.” 

“Not even now.” Beck mumbled under her breath loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“At the end I just felt a little bad for her. She obviously hasn’t experienced the world enough to be well educated.” 

She had a hard time believing James had an estranged relationship with his family. She always knew he was close to his sister. But seeing him like that, warmed her heart. 

“Well we know who to cross off the guest list for the next big event.” 

“Wimbledon isn’t it?” Maria asked, as her husband nodded. “That week we’re in Vienna. So we won’t be able to make it this year. It’s such a shame.” 

“You’ll see it for yourself. You’re going to love it.” Beck told her. She was intent on showing her view of the city. Everything that is glamorous and glitzy. Just like she was. “Please let her come with us. She’ll be bored in Vienna.” 

“On the contrary, it’s quite beautiful.” 

“But she needs to make her formal debut into society as James’ new girlfriend.” 

“We still have the number of that nanny who came with us to Berlin last year. We could ask her.” James’ father George tried to convince his wife, as she sipped her red quietly. 

“We’ll see…” 

“Don’t worry. You’ll be there.” Beck assured her. “It’s going to be just grand.”

“I’m afraid I don’t follow tennis.” 

“Oh no. You’re not going there for that. You could, but it’s more about the social event for us.” She told her. Her world was fascinating. One she could only compare by the stories she read in the magazines about influential socialites. “Besides dad. He’s a big fan of the sport.” 

“I am. I’ve tried to take them tennis. But neither of them were interested. Beck was, but it was more for the instructor.” 

“Shut up!” She blushed a little. “You had to see him. He had such great calves.” 

**_21:38_ **

A little more than an hour in, and things were going marvelously. He could see how much Y/N had changed over the course of the dinner. At first, it was clear to him that she was a little nervous, but by the time the drinks started flowing, she became much more talkative. 

Seeing the woman he loved and his family get along made him happy. Happier than he had ever been in a long time. 

“So how did you two meet?” She asked, as the table grew silent. 

“I love to take credit for it. Since they met through me.” Beck always loved taking credit for it. She never let it die down and she just have told the story a thousand times. “I invited Maria to come to Tuscany with me at dad’s new villa. They rest, as they say, is history.” 

“I believe Beck has answered your question.” His father said. “Though I have to add that I’ve been extremely lucky to have met her in the first place.” 

“I’d like to toast to new unions. And old ones.” He raised his glass. “And to Y/N, we’re fortunate to have you as our nanny. The twins are extremely happy to have you. As are we.” They weren’t the only lucky ones. As much as it pained him not to have her in his home, he wanted her to be happy, and to have her own independence, should she want it. 

“As for your relationship with my son. I’d like to wish you good fortune. He is lucky to have found someone he loves and who loves him in return.” He couldn't help but look at her, as squeeze her hand. It was the most affectionate gesture he could give in the presence of his family, “ _ To love. _ ” 

As embarrassing his father’s speeches were, he had a point. He was lucky. And he knew he wasn’t going to screw it up like he always did. 

He turned to his sister, while everyone smiled with radiance, her lips curled into a shy smile. As though to conceal her true feelings. 

She wasn’t happy.

He could see the light in her eyes dim for a split second. It was so easy for him to notice. Especially as no one shone with as much brightness as she did.

He knew there was something wrong. Something was bothering her. Or she wouldn’t have come to visit their father at that time of year. She rarely visited. She reckoned the city was too gloomy and cold for her. That she fit in the most in the French Coast.

“Look at us at dinner being civil.” 

“I can’t remember when things were this way.” 

“It was never us though. I remember every year around Christmas time very fondly. All our squabbles. As I recall, the crystal vases never made it through the holidays.” 

“Well alcohol and conflict isn’t a great pairing.” He said. Knowing it was more than that that fuelled their holiday fights. “I’d say it’s better to stay sober. So less secrets come out.” 

  
  


**23:32**

It didn’t take a lot of convincing his father to let him stay over for the night. After all, he wanted to spend as much time with her as they weren’t going to live together anymore. A choice that was unexpected and out the blue, but he supposed it was going to be good for her. 

Especially as working for his father, meant she was going to be further away from the watchful eye of his mother. 

But at that moment, something else was bothering him. 

“Did you notice something about Beck?” He asked her, whilst they were cuddling in her bed, ready to go to sleep. 

“She looked good. Why are you asking?”

“I’m worried about her.” 

“You’re so sweet, but she looked fine.” 

His instincts were hardly ever wrong. There was something up with her, though since he wasn’t a mind reader, he didn’t know what it was. It could have been a number of reasons. Her incompatible marriage to a man who was older than he was, was his main guess. As he never liked her husband. But he was biased.

“You’d think so. But we became so good at hiding our true feelings that someone who’s not us wouldn’t know.” 

“Then why don’t you ask her?”

“Because she’d lie to me.” He explained to her. It was a gift. “And would insist that she is fine.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ll be under her same roof. So I’ll check up on her.” 

“You’re amazing.” 

“You’ve told me that countless times.” She whispered as she inches closer towards him. 

“It’s true. I wouldn’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Desire grew, as he closed the space between them with a searing kiss. Knowing they weren’t going to be around each other from then on, made him want to take advantage of the time they had together. 

“We promised Maria there’d be no funny business in here.” 

“But doesn’t that make you want to do it more?” He asked her, teasingly circling his finger around her nipple. “The whole forbidden thing is a huge turn on.” 

“You really can’t keep it in your pants can you?”

“No. But neither can you.” 

“Right.” He massaged her breast in her hand, slowly, as he watched her expression change. “I just can’t believe this is our life now.” 

“Everything’s right in its place.” 

A sudden knock on the door prevented them from going any further than they wanted to go. As frustrating as it was, the knocking continued, so he had no choice but to answer the door. 

It was Maria. He sighed in annoyance, as she had just cock blocked him. 

“Can we talk?” He didn’t want to hear about the fact that she didn’t like Y/N very much. It didn’t take a genius to notice that. But he wished she’d give her a chance. 

Maria sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. He hadn’t seen her so on edge. Ever. She was always calm and it worried him to see her like that. 

Did she not like her  _ that _ much? 

There was absolute silence. The only sounds came from them. Breathing. He dreaded to hear what she had to tell him. 

“What is it?”

“It’s your mother.” She paused. “She just landed in London.” 

His stomach dropped, and he couldn’t deny it didn’t bother him. 

_ She was there. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She’s back.


	14. who’s afraid of winnifred barnes?

**_10:30, 21st September 2011_ **

He placed his hand on the cold bedroom window as he watched a car pull up. Loud sound of the gravel crunching underneath its tires had made him wary of her arrival. That was perceptible over the ongoing wake downstairs. For one of the many family members he never met. 

It made him feel uneasy. He didn’t expect her to return so early. 

“ _Are you ok?”_ The woman who had been moaning underneath him asked him as she held the sheets over her bare body. 

Everyone had their own way of mourning. And sleeping with a random guest while his wife was downstairs, was his own way. It was the last place he wanted to be at. The family estate was as cold as he remembered. It’s walls were decorated with past accomplishments of his father. 

Expensive paintings overshadowed the few family photos around the house. He wanted them to, as his childhood wasn‘t important enough to remember. He wanted to forget about it. 

It was a never ending parade of delusion. 

“James?” 

She called again. Her hand on his shoulder, touching him. But he gazed outside. Where the chauffeur opened the car’s backseat door, he counted a full three seconds when a woman exited the car. 

“Leave. _Now_.” He growled at the woman standing behind him. He 

reached for his shirt which was carefully placed on the armchair in front of the fireplace. 

“ _I can’t believe you‘re-”_

Whatever the woman went on to object, he hadn't heard. Mostly because he had developed the ability of filtering out people he didn’t want to hear. 

He had bigger issues than an angry naked woman. He put his pants back on, and he checked himself in the mirror. He looked decent enough. 

He exited the room in a rush, walking down the stairs at a fast pace, all the while smoothing his hair. He nearly knocked a vase down on his way to the main living area, where people were in mourning. 

When the silence that was present already indicated that she was there. 

He ran just in time, to be right in front of the woman he hadn’t seen in over an year. She looked the same as when he had last seen her. Her eyes scanned the room, as though to judge every single person there. How she discovered of the wake was a mystery. She hadn’t been invited. 

Her lips curled into a pompous half grin before she spoke. 

“ _I believe my invitation got lost in the mail_.”

  
  


**_08:16, Present_ **

“Are you sure she’s back?” 

“I have a contact at the private airport who is specifically instructed to call me in the case she shows up in the city.” Maria poured herself a cup of coffee. He could tell she barely slept. He couldn’t sleep either. “With our history, I wanted to take the necessary precautions.”

It wasn’t a secret his mother wasn’t a fan of Maria. Perhaps it was because she had become the new Mrs. Barnes, the younger version of her who excelled at having both a career and a family. To some people, it came naturally. 

“When did she land?”

“Around ten last night.”

“Does anyone else know?” He asked her, in a hushed tone. The whole family was up in the other room. He could see Y/N from where he was standing. Pouring orange juice for his little sisters. 

Seeing her like that got him thinking about a more serious future with her. A future where they lived together, far away from the city. Probably at their house in the countryside. 

“No.” 

“Good keep it that way.” 

He paced nervously around the living room, trying to think of a solution. He wanted to provoke her, but he never intended for her to come to the city. Other people always talked about how he exaggerated his hatred for his mother.

Hatred was too simple of a term. And any adjective would’ve been too superficial to describe her. But he could attribute his dislike for his own mother to his ruined childhood. Or the lack thereof. A mother who had barely any time for him, and who had leveraged her own children during the divorce to get what she wanted. 

And yet, she wielded a lot of power. So much power she had everyone eating out the palm of her hand. 

The fact that she was in the city gave him little to no peace. Especially when he had just started the life he had always wanted. 

He wasn’t going to let her take that away from him. 

**_08:35_ **

“Come on girls, let’s go to school.” She told them excitedly as she helped the girls put on their shoes and backpacks. For some reason the girls had to attend summer school as well. 

_French_ summer school no less. The girls were incredibly smart though very very young. 

She turned to James who stood there waiting with a smile. She would’ve never tire of seeing that smile. It sure was better than a frown. 

“Have a nice day at work.” 

It made her feel all warm inside, and she hated that she loved it. She hadn’t told Nat yet. In reality she hadn’t told anyone. 

It was just so unlike her. It was so different from what she was used to. And was used to be. She liked being single. She had always said that to everyone she knew. And she didn’t just say it to make people pity her less. She genuinely liked it. 

Relationships weren’t her thing. But he made her reconsider. 

“I can drive you. And the twins of course.” He offered as he jingled his car keys around his finger. 

She couldn’t get that if she had been single. She would’ve had to take the tube like everybody else. But it wasn’t just about public transport. 

It was about him. 

“Do you have the car seats?” 

“Maria does. I can go and get them now.” He stole a kiss before he headed outside. 

“Thank you.” 

She smiled at herself, and at the life she was leading. It was truly unpredictable, but being in a relationship wasn’t all that bad. Especially if it meant being with him. She was still grinning like an idiot. And couldn’t stop herself. 

“Are you _Bucket’s_ girlfriend?” 

Grace asked her, and it took her by surprise. She had learnt quite quickly who was who. Though they looked alike. She smiled at her affectionate nickname for her much older half brother. 

“Yes I am _Bucket’s_ girlfriend.”

“We just saw him kiss you.” 

They both giggled. That was exactly how she felt. Giddy and wanting to smile and giggle every second. 

“Come on girls. Let’s go.” 

  
  


**_08:43_ **

“ _Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words…_ ” 

She sang along the song on the radio moving around a lot, in turn making the twins imitate her. It was the cutest thing he had ever seen. 

She was so good with his half sisters. Especially for someone who didn’t want children. 

He didn’t want them either, but seeing her like that made him think. 

About having her as the mother of his children. It was an idea he wouldn’t have objected. 

In theory it wouldn’t have worked, but the idea was tempting. 

James thought about all the times in his lifetime that he had fallen in love with someone. Sure, there had been women before her, but none of them made him feel like that. 

Like he was young again. And he honestly didn’t care about becoming a cliche. The divorcee in his late thirties, involved with his much younger girlfriend. 

He didn’t think of children with other women like he did with her. She made him want a life with her. A normal life. No lovers, no secrets, just happiness. 

That was all he wanted. He remembered that there was a time when he used to want more. He wanted the prestige that came along with being a Barnes, the women that lined up to sleep with him, and the power. 

He sighed as he stopped the car, in front of the school, and watched her get off. _God her ass looked amazing in that skirt_. But it wasn’t just that and he knew it. That was just a bonus to everything else. 

She got both of the girls out of the car and walked into the building with them. He could spot some fathers eyeing her. And he did not like that. But he decided not to say anything. After all, he trusted her blindly. 

**_09:10_ **

When she walked out of the school, James’ car was still there. So she sauntered towards him as he rolled down the car window. 

“I’ll swing by tonight ok?”

“Tonight too?” She said with a slight chuckle. “What did I do to deserve it?” 

“How about I take you to work with me?”

It would’ve been amazing. She could imagine all the sex they’d have in his office, the parking lot, and the bathroom. No one would have reprimanded them as it was his company. 

But she figured a few hours without him wouldn’t have been the end of the world. 

“James… you should go. I’ll just walk around the city, have lunch by myself…” 

“Call me if you feel lonely?”

“Always.” She bent down to kiss him. She was aware of the onlookers, but James didn’t seem to mind. “Kinda makes you sound like an escort.” 

“You’d pay for my services though.” 

“Not really.” She shook her head as she laughed a little. 

“We’re gonna talk about this tonight young lady.” 

He said with a deep voice that went straight to her core. It was making her rethink the whole time apart thing. But perhaps waiting would’ve been best for both of them. 

“I’m counting on it.” She purred. “ _Sir_.” 

**_12:46_ **

“Beck Barnes is back in town.” 

“Is she?”

Turned out she wasn’t capable of having lunch alone, so she called one person she knew would’ve been free. Sam. And he was more than glad to join her. 

“Yep I had dinner with her last night.” 

“Strange, I haven’t heard of her return.” Sam commented. “Usually I know of every socialite’s return to the city. Even the married ones. Each time a beautiful woman with Louis Vuitton luggage lands at Heathrow, Gatwick or Luton, I know about it.” 

She chuckled as she shook her head. Being around him did her good. 

“Let me guess, you’re gonna show her the view from your penthouse?”

“How do you know?” 

“You’re becoming a little predictable.” She told him, and thanked the waiter who topped off her glass. “There’s no way you’re going to do that with Beck Barnes.” 

“Why not?” 

“She’s out of everyone’s league.” She really was. Except for the fact that she was married but she knew that didn’t mean she was completely off limits. She was even out of her husband’s league. A very wealthy oil baron who was much older than her, and who had allegedly bought her an island in the Pacific Ocean. 

“Is she though…?” 

He had a shit eating grin on his face that could signify only one thing. Except she didn’t believe him. It was impossible. Not because Sam wasn’t attractive, he was, but because of several factors. 

“Did anything happen between you and…” 

He looked at her again with the same look, then went back to eating his lunch. Now she didn’t know what was the truth. 

“You did.” She said, as she tried to analyse him. “Or you want me to think you did.” 

“I’m not saying anything about that.” 

“You wouldn’t. Beck is James’ sister. You wouldn’t do that.” 

“You’re right… I would _not_ sleep with a friend’s sister.” 

He gave her a cheeky wink. She wasn’t going to get any answers from him. 

“And now I don’t know if you’re joking or not.” 

The same waiter who had served them earlier came by again. They could’ve used some more wine. But it seemed like he had something for her. 

“Ms. Y/L/N…” 

She was handed an envelope. There was nothing unusual about it. Except for the fact that her receiving an envelope from a waiter was odd. Maybe it was someone’s number? Or the waiter’s? 

But why the envelope?

The envelope was sealed shut, so she opened it with force, dying to know what the whole thing was about. She took out the card that was inside, as her eyes scanned the few words on it. 

“What’s that?”

“It’s an invite.” She stated, as she kept reading. “To tea…” She gulped before reading the last part out loud. “By _W. Barnes_.” 

W. Barnes. James’ mother. She had never expected to meet her ever. With the fact that James had an estranged relationship with her, and that she lived abroad, reassured her of the fact they would’ve never crossed paths. 

But she was wrong. She was holding an invitation to tea. She was impressed by the theatrics, but also a little creeped out by the fact that she knew where she was having lunch. 

“Why are you being invited to tea by Winnifred Barnes?”

“I don’t know…” 

She genuinely had no idea why. She wasn’t even aware that she knew who she was. But apparently she did. 

“People who get invited to tea by her either go on to accomplish great things in life, or meet their demise.” 

“Thank you Sam, for reassuring me.” She said sarcastically. 

“You don’t know which one it could be. Could easily be the first.” 

“It must be the first since I’ve done such a good job fucking her son.” 

Every answer came out sarcastically as she tried to pretend everything was fine. She was doing a fine job with appearing less nervous than she actually was. 

“Maybe.” He replied, as he started filling up her glass with a Bordeaux. “I think you need another glass of wine.” 

“I think so too.” 

  
  


**_14:50_ **

She arrived at the address on the card ten minutes early. She took deep breaths as the doorman smiled at her curtly. She gave him a smile back though inside she felt like screaming. She didn’t know what made her so nervous. Perhaps it was the reputation that preceded her. But the fact that it was going to be the first time meeting her really sunk in whilst the elevator slowly moved up towards the penthouse. 

When the elevator rang to indicate she had arrived, she stepped out, not so casually gawking at the curated entrance. It was nothing less than perfect. The woman had impeccable taste. 

She took careful steps towards the large mirror on the wall. She looked tired. Though she could’ve at least used a bit of concealer before exiting the house but she had no idea she was going to meet someone important that day. 

“Ms. Barnes will arrive shortly.” The butler announced as he accompanied her to the living area. “In the meantime, you may be seated.” 

She knew who Winnifred Barnes was. Even before she met her son. It was difficult not to. There was an eerie peacefulness that dominated the room. The whole room just begged to be explored. 

In truth she was extremely anxious to make her acquaintance. Not just because she was James’ mother, but also because she was an important woman. 

She stopped in front of a photo in a golden frame. She blinked twice to make sure she was seeing correctly. She knew the _Murdochs’_? Of course she did. There wasn’t a shadow of a doubt. 

“ _Rupert and I go way back._ ” A voice startled her. It was a smooth, rich voice. That reminded her of a viola. “He helped me build my own media empire.” 

She stared at her blankly without saying a word. Observing her every move. She was calm, and domineering. Each click of her heel made her nervous, though she had no idea why. 

She had the same elegance that her own daughter possessed. And her same eyes as well. There was so much she could tell by just looking at her. She looked at her up and down like prey. 

They sat down at the same time. In front of the other.

“So you must be the new girlfriend.” There wasn’t a faux sense of excitement. Just as she expected. She would’ve been lying if she said she hadn’t read about her. She did. She liked to do her research. 

Except for most articles highlighting her ability to create an empire worth billions in less than a decade, or her incredible fashion sense (her style was very influenced by Parisian couture). The ones that caught her attention the most were about her intimidating shrewdness. 

Sitting there in front of her definitely intimidated her. As tea got served in front of them in porcelain teacups, on top of matching saucers. The saucer trembled along with the cup on it, as she held it in one hand. 

That noise of rattling porcelain was the only audible sound in the room. She tried to stop her hand from shaking but to no avail. 

“I am.” 

She tried to anticipate what she was going to say next, but she appeared to be so calm she couldn’t possibly guess. She didn’t look angry at all. Or upset. If she was, she hid it really well. 

“Pardon me, but you are not what I expected.” She told her, as she kept her head held high. “ _Younger_ than the last one. Much younger.” 

“Thank you.” 

“You are most welcome.” She understood why James didn’t talk about her much, or didn’t want to. The woman was terrifying. 

The deafening moments of silence were the worst. As she knew she was judging her, but she didn’t know what exactly. On the contrary of her, she looked pretty pleased. As though she thrived upon chaos. 

“Unfortunately my son is as simple minded as his father.” She didn’t know what she meant by that. Or if it was an insult to her. “So I’m left to do everything for him.” 

“Is this part where you offer me money to stay away from him? Because that won’t work.” 

Her lips curled into a smile, before taking a sip of tea. And to say it was unsettling wouldn’t have been enough. “I suppose you heard all about Constance. _Connie_.” 

“I have heard.” 

She tried to stay as calm as possible, but at the mention of her name she let out a sigh. What was it about that woman that she had to hear her name over and over again? Hearing her name brought up the past. Especially the time when she had confronted him about her and he had lied to her. 

“Good. That girl was nothing but a distraction.”

“James loved her.”

“I know.” She said. So she did know about her. Of course she did. “But love isn’t enough. He knows that too. And she was smart enough to figure it out for herself.” 

She didn’t know what she was talking about. The vagueness of it made it impossible for her to understand. And she was too anxious to connect the dots. 

“I gave her a new life with a wealthy husband who takes care of her, and her bastard child.” She didn’t know that. She hadn’t been told that part. Though she supposed it was because James didn’t like bringing up his past. “I heard they’re expecting a new child. A girl.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

“James believes she was forced into that life. When she left on her own accord.” As though her opinion on that woman couldn't get any worse, she uttered the next words that would make her fear her. “Though I was the one who told her to tell James her son wasn’t his.” 

“James told me he isn’t.” 

“I guess we’ll never know. Though he does look an awful lot like James, doesn’t he?” 

Winnifred Barnes was the kind of woman who was capable of lying to her own son for the sake of his own image or whatever it was. She had no doubt she was capable of doing worse to others. Like Connie. 

“So you want me to tell him that? That you manipulated a woman to tell her son isn’t his?” _What if he was the father?_ It wouldn’t have changed things between them. Maybe in the past it would’ve, but they were in an established relationship. They would’ve figured it out along the way. 

“That’s completely up to you. I know my son. I know he’ll go running back to that woman. And her child. Should it be his.” 

“James wouldn’t leave me.” 

“That’s what you think. But don’t you think a man capable of lying to his wife wouldn’t be able to do that?” She was just saying those things to get to her. “Lying is second nature to him.” 

But what she was saying had some truth. Which was why it bothered her so much.

“Now if you decide not to tell him, and keep it to yourself, there’s a chance it will come out one day. And he’ll despise you for it. There’s one thing James hates more than anything else. And it’s people deceiving him.”

  
  


**_15:40_ **

She had wrongfully believed the whole Connie and James situation was going to be left behind in the past. What if he was the father? Was she right? Would he run back to his son? 

She rushed out of there as quickly as possible, using the excuse of having to pick up the twins when she still had two hours. The woman probably knew it too, as she seemed to know about everything. 

She shook all her doubts away as the elevator descended. She was fully intent on continuing her life, ignoring the threats made by her. But she wasn’t going to lie and say it didn’t scare her. As it did. 

The frostiness she had received from Maria Hill was nothing in comparison. 

Much to her surprise, an antsy James was waiting for her in the lobby, and hugged her as soon as she got close to him. 

“Y/N are you ok?” He asked. “Did she do something to you?”

“No. She didn’t.” 

She lied, but she figured it was the best thing. She wasn’t going to tell him about it. Like she hadn’t told him about her indiscretion with the lawyer. She was going to pretend she didn’t know about it. 

Though she knew the possibility of him being a father was a much bigger secret than her sleeping with a stranger. 

“Sam told me about the invite. I’m sorry.” 

Him apologizing only made it worse. Made _her_ feel worse. She didn’t know what she was going to do. 

“Nothing happened James. I’m fine.” 

“I just wouldn’t know what I’d do if I lost you.” 

As she gazed into his eyes, she came to the realization of how much she loved him. She couldn’t bear to lose him. Not when they finally had it all. 

So she decided not to tell him about what had really happened. 

“ _Me neither_.” 

  
  


**_19:48_ **

She smiled at whatever James had just said. Him staying over for dinner was an incredibly sweet gesture. And no matter how many times she had reassured him that she was fine, he insisted on staying. She appreciated the caring side of him. She could’ve easily gotten used to it. 

Dinner was perfect, a repeat from the previous night. But something was different. The joyous chatter was replaced by an empty feeling within her that made everything gray. She couldn’t focus on what was going around her, the sound around her became nonexistent. 

Words haunted her, as she stared into her glass, trying to take a sip. And as much as she tried to not let words affect her, she knew they would’ve changed the course of her developing relationship with the man she loved. 

One thing was for sure. Keeping the secret was going to eat her alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took longer to write this chapter. I got so invested in writing the next chapter that I completely neglected this one. I hope you liked it🥰❤️


	15. bad fauxmance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We’re getting to the juicy part! I’m so excited to reveal it all and I hope you enjoy this chapter.💗

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I repeatedly listened to (especially whilst writing the sex scene) was Dernière Danse by Indila.

**_Margaret Carter_ **. Retired award winning actress, film director and activist. And the woman Steve would have (unwillingly) compared all his future significant others to. Although she came from a known family in Hollywood, little to nothing was known about her personal life. 

She was proud of herself for that. For keeping most things well hidden. 

In a way that showed her strength. She didn’t need to reveal much of herself to be liked. Unlike others, who struggled to relate to their crowds of adoring followers, all she did was be herself. 

She didn’t need crazy stunts or be at the center of a scandal, as she had no reason to do so. The media was always going to be obsessed by her, and her every move. And despite that, no one knew more than the three things everyone knew about her. 

Her family, her life long career, and Steve Rogers. 

That was until she decided to release her life’s story in biography form. One that blew up overnight, and that would unknowingly change the course of everything. 

**_09:02_ **

That morning everything was good. The sound of a busy office didn’t bother him anymore. He was finally at peace. He walked in a little later than usual, having woken up a little too late. He had spent the night at his father’s house again. And had to sneak out of it early in the morning before anyone woke up. 

He felt like a teenager again, and the feeling was euphoric. 

Sleeping for the rest of two hours at his old house was hard. All alone, in such a big house. He guessed it always felt like that even when he was married. They were hardly around, though the walls that used to be covered in fake pictures of them. That was what made his home feel like a surreal world, that was part of the phony life he lived in. 

There was one thing that bothered him. She barely spoke to him about her encounter with his harpy of a mother. She assured him nothing happened, so he believed her. That was the only thing he could do until something big happened. 

He wasn’t going to poke the bear. That was exactly what she wanted. For him to react. To lose his temper as he always did. He wasn’t going to do that. He had finally found love. Pure love. And a woman, who loved him despite all his flaws. 

He glanced at his secretary, who gave him a polite smile, as she put her book down. It seemed like a lot of people in the office were in a reading mood. Weird, as the last time he had seen people holding a book was when he was in school, or when fifty Shades had just come out. 

“What’s that?” He backtracked, pointing at the book she was holding on her lap. “The book you’re reading…” 

“Oh this?” She said, putting it back on the desk. “It’s Margaret Carter’s autobiography. I picked it up this morning before coming here.” 

“Margaret’s?” 

The same Margaret he knew? It wasn’t possible, as the Margaret he knew would’ve never done that. It would’ve been a breech to her privacy.

But he was curious. If it was really her book, and if she had really written it, he wanted to know what she had to reveal. Especially since it looked like a lot of pages. 

“Can you get me a copy as quickly as possible?” 

“Yes sir. I’m on it.” 

  
  


**_10:26_ **

He sat back in his chair, it was an unproductive morning. He cancelled a meeting. He wasn’t in the mood for that. Instead he dozed off, as he missed some precious hours of sleep. He needed those back. So he figured it would’ve done no harm to take a few minutes to himself. 

He sat up once he heard three knocks at the door. Fuck. His peace was interrupted, and he knew he couldn’t sleep anymore. He was going to have to stay awake. 

He told the person on the other side of the door, whoever it was, to enter. He was going to tell them to leave him. Maybe not reprimand them too much, after all, he wanted to be a good boss. 

“Here’s the copy you asked for.” His secretary entered with a book. Margaret’s book. He had forgotten about that. Well, nearly. 

Once it was placed on his desk, he stared at it. She was on the cover, or at least the airbrushed version of her was. He didn’t know what it was, but he didn’t have a god feeling about it. 

“Thank you.” 

He thanked her and waited to pick the book up. He didn’t want to seem too eager to read it in front of his secretary. He was going to wait until she left to pick it up. 

He watched her leave, walk towards the door, and his fingertips were just touching the cover of the book. His mind rushed, as he wondered what could be written in those pages. 

Was it things he already knew? Or was he going to be surprised? He knew Margaret, they were close friends for a time being. But she was always closer to Steve. 

The two had a strong bond. Which he always saw as familial, but Steve always hoped it was more than that. 

“Can I ask something sir?” She asked him just as she was at the door. 

“Sure.” He nodded. “Go ahead.” 

“You know Margaret Carter right? And Steve Rogers.” 

“Yes I do.” 

“Is it true what happened between them?”

_What was she talking about_? 

“What does the book say?” 

“Read chapter ten. _Everyone_ is.” 

  
  


_Stevie_. That was how she called him in their youth. No one else called him that. And he never let anyone call him that, except for her. He smiled at the memory as his eyes scanned the words that were all too familiar. 

Boys back then would make fun of Margaret’s affectionate nickname for him, and she’d kick their asses. Not that Steve minded the teasing, he would’ve let her call him anything she wanted. No matter how humiliating, she could. 

Truth was he would’ve done anything she would have asked him to. He was that entranced by her. Probably still was. Something like that didn’t go away easily. 

He never saw her that way. Probably because she had become ‘one of the guys’ for him to take a genuine interest in her. They used to be a lot closer. He regretted not being that close to her anymore. He always assumed she forgot all about them, in order to hang out with the famous actors and directors. And everyone else in the glitzy world of show biz. A world he didn’t belong in. 

So he let her leave him behind. But he assumed wrong. The little she had mentioned him (not even by name, but he knew she was referring to him by one small detail she always identified him by), declared how much she had missed them. Their little trio. 

Him, her and Steve. 

It was probably for the best that they hadn’t stayed close. People grew apart all the time, something that for many people it was hard to come to terms with. Though it was a normal part of life. 

Though he had fallen out with Steve first then naturally stopped hanging around with Margaret, as the two were inseparable. Or it was more due to the fact that Steve followed her around like a lost puppy. 

  
  
  


**_19:56, July 2002_ **

“Isn’t it magnificent?” She asked no one in particular as she clapped her hands, standing from her seat. Her eyes twinkled with admiration, as a wide smile appeared on her rouged lips. 

She had insisted on taking them to some piano concert. He didn’t care much for it, but he figured he had no other plans. Besides, he knew Steve would’ve gone. He followed Margaret wherever she went. 

He looked at her with the same admiration she reserved for the pianist. A young boy of only eight, who had played some complicated sonata, or whatever it was called. He admired her because she was able to keep Steve interested for so long. She had made him no promises, no commitment other than her friendship. But it made him stay hopeful, and completely devoted to her. 

It was probably unintentional, as she was just as clueless as he was. But damn. If it were planned, he’d consider her an evil mastermind. 

So when she uttered the words: “I just love the piano.” Or something similar to that, he knew that Steve had analysed those words. Meticulously. As he did with anything else she said. 

  
  


**_12:17, Present_ **

Two months after the concert, Steve had already begun to take piano lessons. That was all he did. He studied with a famed concert pianist to get it right. To make Margaret like him. 

After all, he had done the same thing when she went out with a stunt performer during her senior year in high school. He had tried, and tried being the key word, to go to the gym more. Of course that didn’t last, as did the few ballet classes he took with her, chess club, and his short stint as a tv extra, but whatever Margaret wanted him to be, Steve became. 

So he knew, just like all the other hobbies he had pursued in order to make her fall in love with him, that it wouldn’t last. 

  
  


“Are you ready to go out for lunch?” Y/N waltzed in, and he realized the time. He had spent all that time reading and reminiscing old memories. He had completely forgotten he had lunch plans with her. “What are you reading?” 

“Oh it’s nothing.” 

“Nothing? I have never seen you with a book before. Is it your first time holding one?” She teased him as he closed the book, folding the corner of the page he had arrived at so he could continue reading afterwards. 

At the moment he had greater things to take care of. He walked up to her with a smirk. She was always so naughty, and she loved provoking him. She knew exactly what she was doing. His little minx. 

“Someone thinks they’re funny.” 

“It’s because I am.” 

“Really? How come I’m not laughing?” He asked her as he held her face in his hands. They were perfect together. The perfect match. He had searched aimlessly all his life, never finding the right one. Only the ones that felt right that moment. 

At first he thought she was like that, but with time, he realized he was wrong. He wanted her to be the one so badly. 

“You're smirking though.” 

“That’s because I just thought about all the ways I’d rail you over this very desk.” 

“Only the desk? I’m disappointed.” She replied, her lips curling into a mischievous smile. “Because I was thinking about that wall over there, or up against the window, where we might get caught by someone in that building right over there.” 

She pointed at a building outside, but he didn’t look to see which one she was talking about. 

“You know just the right words to make a man go crazy.”

“How about these?” She grabbed his hand and brought it underneath her skirt. Inching it towards her sex. Until his fingers came into contact with her dripping folds. Making his heart race. “ _I’m not wearing any panties.”_

  
  


**_12:37_ **

Every time she felt guilty about keeping the secret, she got naked. And it worked. He didn’t suspect a thing. As it happened very often. 

“No touching.” She tutted as she undid her blouse, unbuttoning each button with the utmost attention and care. He watched her with eyes darkened with pure lust, as though he was thinking of all the sinful ways he’d take her right then and there. 

She shimmied off her skirt, leaving her in nothing but her lacy bra, though that came off just as quickly. She beckoned him to come closer, and he did. Almost too eagerly. He was so impatient, as she never made him wait. That was more with the fact that he liked being in charge. At times he let her take the reins for a while, but he’d never let her forget who really was calling the shots. 

She was lifted onto his desk, her legs parted enough for him to fit in between. Their lips touched in a needy, bordering on rough, kiss. She was left breathless, as he did what he wanted with her, biting, sucking on her lips like a man starved. All the while his hands explored her body. He had huge hands, much much bigger than hers. And it wasn’t until they were fucking that she noticed how truly big they were. 

She struggled to finish her train of thought when he handled her like that. Sure, they were in love and all, but what they did best was uninhibited raw sex. The way her body responded to his touch was simple chemistry, and yet she hadn’t found that kind of connection with anyone else. 

His thumb brushed over her pebbled nipple, ever so gently, contrasting with the roughness he had shown her whilst kissing her. 

Desperate gasps came out her lips, as she impatiently waited for him to take her. His hands left her body, making her whine at the loss of his hot touch. The sound of his belt unbuckling and it falling on the floor made her smile against his lips. 

Her hand went inside his pants, chuckling at how aroused he was. Almost more than she was. He was aching to fuck her. He barely had any time to pull his pants fully down his legs before he lifted her. 

Her legs now wrapped around his waist, she could barely process what was happening. On one hand, there was her, needy and pathetically begging for him to fuck her, as she felt beads of sweat roll down her back. And on the other, there was him. Gritting his teeth, trying to line his cock to her entrance. 

She mewled as he sheathed himself inside her, inch by inch, he disappeared within her. Her back slammed up against the floor to ceiling window, as he gave her time to adjust to his thickness. In between pants, they looked at each other. 

That was how their love looked like. Chaotic, but it was their way of loving. That was love to them. They knew no other way to show it. That was her way of telling him she loved him. 

And how guilty she felt. She wanted to erase everything she had ever done to wrong him. She had been through a lot already. She knew she could take on his mother. With her threats, and all. 

She let out a string of curse words, as he began to pump himself into her. The cold window contrasted with the warmth of his body. The warmth their bodies were making together. 

It was an overwhelming amount of pleasure, that coursed through her body. She held onto him, as he increased the speed, the whole act becoming primal. Animalistic. His hips were quick, but it brought her a great amount of ecstasy. That made her cry out his name. 

His lips nipping at her collarbone, he kept fucking her. There was no other way of describing it. It was fucking. They had made love so many times since they got together, but they needed to remind themselves of why they worked in the first place. 

How he stretched her out whilst applying the right amount of pressure on her clit with his expert fingers. The way he took her with almost a primal urge to have her, to make her his. He was older than she was, and somehow she felt their age gap when they slept together. 

She could tell that his touch had pleased a lot of women before her. His lips had kissed other lips. But she didn’t care. She wasn’t one to dwell on the past. She really wasn’t, but when one was keeping a secret as big as she was, she couldn’t help but do so. 

She wondered if he truly loved her as much as she did. Having a kid was a big deal. But he had never expressed his desire to have children, in fact he had told her he didn’t want them. But again, she never thought she’d fall in love. 

She used to scoff at the mere mention of it. The idea of it made her sick. And she revelled in fact that she would’ve never had to feel it herself. To go through the pain that love brought along the good feelings. 

She gripped onto him tightly, as he fucked her vigorously, her vision became glassy, and she knew she was tearing up. It wasn’t for the secret. But because she was stuck. 

**_14:12_ **

Some people fell in love slowly, it was like watching cherry blossoms bloom in the spring. Beautiful, and majestic. Turned an ugly world into one someone could bear living in. 

Somehow she knew that wasn’t the case for her. She knew it didn’t happen slowly. Love hit her like a freight train. And it had taken her so long to realize it. It made her weak on her knees. And she knew as she laid there on his desk, that she needed him. 

Like she hadn’t needed anyone before. 

She was a little famished, as she hadn’t had lunch yet. But the quickie they just had more than sated her appetite. She watched him as he got dressed. She smiled and stared at the ceiling, wondering how she got to that point. 

She had lied before. Countless times. But lying to him felt wrong. Especially about something so big. Technically it wasn’t even a lie. She was lying by omission. Which felt worse, as he had the right to know. But she wanted to be selfish, and keep him to herself. She didn’t want to share him with anyone else. Much less his former lover and his possible love child. 

She couldn’t bear to think about that. She didn’t want to. Besides, Winnifred had told her they were happy. The kid had a father already. With a sibling on the way. 

“I have to go. I have actual work to do.” He told her, interrupting her thoughts. “But you can take your time to catch your breath.” 

He left a kiss on her lips, that was nothing like the rough ones he had been given her that day. A nearly chaste one, though nothing about them was. 

He left her in there, but she found the silence to be deafening. She was alone in there, which meant she had to confront her thoughts, and she couldn’t do that. 

She couldn’t torment herself any longer. She had to get out of there. 

_‘Thank you for lunch, see you soon_ . _x’_ She scribbled quickly on the PostIt and attached it to the screen of his desktop. Smiling at herself, before she picked up the book by the keyboard. 

It was an autobiography, not just anyone’s, but Margaret Carter’s. 

**_16:48_ **

_Out of Stock_ . How was it even possible? She thought the book had just come out. Obviously it was a hit if it was no longer available. What caught her eye even more were the headlines. The obviously ‘written for clout’ articles, about Margaret and Steve’s romance. Or how a certain media outlet called it, a _fauxmance_. And it was blowing up. 

People were buying it to read all about it. Curiosity was a funny little thing. It was a stronger feeling than guilt or pity put together. And no matter how bad she felt for Steve. For whatever was written in there, she needed to know what those pages held. As did everyone else. 

She didn’t want to, but the moment she stepped into the book shop, she knew she couldn’t stop herself. There it was, Peggy Carter’s tell all book, already a bestseller. It was hard to miss it, as it was put right in the middle of the store. 

_All four hundred pages of it._

She picked a book up, and opened it, as she couldn’t wait any longer. She flipped the pages until she saw his name. Steve and I. In bold letters. It was an entire chapter dedicated to them. And it was the chapter she was dying to read. 

She could spot a recurring theme. The words _fantasy, projection, illusion,_ came up often. 

The truth was no one really knew Margaret. They all knew Peggy, the actress. No one really cared about who she really was. Everything she had seen was a fake version of her. The version that was carefully crafted by her PR team throughout the years. 

She was just another idyllic figure created by Hollywood.

She felt worse for Steve. As she knew how much he loved her. She was convinced he wasn’t even truly over her. She knew that reading about himself in her book would’ve broken his heart. And if he had already read it, she couldn’t imagine what he was going through. 

  
  


**_23:24, November 2005_ **

“She’s never going to see me as anything more than a kid. _A stupid fucking kid_.” 

“Steve, it’s a stupid rumor. Besides stop reading that crap.” He took the magazine out of his hands, and threw it away. 

A magazine that happened to have many pictures of Margaret, the woman he happened to be in love with, with another man. Her co-star in her latest movie. With whom she had shared plenty steamy sex scenes. For Steve, that was his worst nightmare. To find pictures of her having dinner with some other guy that wasn’t him. 

It made him hate himself even more. 

“Everyone’s seen them together… she’ll never love me.” 

He felt sorry for him. He knew how much he loved her. And for how long. Ever since the first instant that she walked into his life. He loved her for the longest time. 

“It’s just a picture. It means nothing. Besides people of the opposite sex can have dinner without it being romantic.” 

He didn’t know if Steve was listening to him anymore. And he was sure he wasn’t going to remember that conversation as he was absolutely trashed, but that night, something within Steve replaced self pity. And he would’ve started going to the gym more frequently. 

Though he always told others and himself that it was for him, he knew that he was doing for the one person Steve always did things for. 

Margaret Carter. 

  
  


**_23:19, Present_ **

The book barely left her hands, but when it did, she impatiently found herself waiting for a break to slip into her room and read another paragraph. She was completely hooked. Right after she put the twins to bed, she went back into her room. And began reading. 

It was worth spending almost twenty pounds for it. It held all the secrets to her life. All of them. And they weren’t just about Steve. 

She twisted the charm on the bracelet around her wrist, realizing she had kept something Beck had lent her a day before. It was a pretty bracelet, which she was more than happy to let her borrow. 

She was like the sister she never had. But she knew it was too expensive for her to keep it more than one day. So she decided that she needed a break from reading, and giving the bracelet back was the perfect reason to stop. At least for the moment. 

She walked downstairs, towards the guest room where Beck was staying. But as she passed by the kitchen, she heard a loud sound. Being nosy as she was, she went to inspect it, only to find Maria Hill with a batch of burnt cupcakes, and a frosting on her hands, as she desperately tried to remedy the mess she had made with it. 

“Shit.” 

She dropped the piping bag. She looked like an absolute mess. In truth she had never seen her like that. Not even when she was in her loungewear. She was always put together. 

“Are you ok?”

“No.” She snapped as she tossed the cupcake tray aside. “What do you want?” 

“I thought Beck was here… she lent me a bracelet and I wanted to give it back.” 

“She’s not here… she went out to dinner.” 

“Oh.” 

She sighed, brushing a loose strand away from her face. She looked exhausted. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” She apologized. She never did. At least not to her. “I forgot to bake cupcakes for the girls’ bake sale charity or whatever it is.”

“Want me to help?”

“No... I’m fine.” 

“You don’t look fine. Nor do those cupcakes.” 

“I tried but the stupid timer didn’t go off.” She raised her tone again, but she knew it wasn’t because of her. Rather because it was nearly midnight, and she was there baking after a long day of work. “I drank half of a bottle of Chardonnay. I’m pretty sure at some point I poured some of it in the batter.” 

She picked up the tray and poked at what was supposed to be cupcakes. 

“I can’t salvage these... but I can swing by a bakery tomorrow, and pass them off as homemade.” She offered. “No one has to know.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” 

“I will though.” She nodded. It was the very first time she had a real conversation with her. “It’s ok to ask for help sometimes.”

“I don’t need help.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with it you know?” She told her. She knew she wasn’t a bad person. She was just highly stressed. All the time. “I was as stubborn as you. Maybe even more. But it’s thanks to the help I got from others that I am here now.” 

She didn’t answer, but her eyes went between her and the bottle of half empty wine. 

“I’ve always wanted to be a mother.” She began, “It’s one of the things I remember I wished for every birthday when I blew out the candles.” A weak smile appeared as she reminisced of an easier time.

“Work is consuming me, and I love it. I love my job. I need it. But-“ she sighed, preparing herself for what she was about to say next. “I’m just scared to lose time with my girls. To miss the important milestones in their lives. And it starts with cupcakes, but then I forget a birthday, or a recital. Then it’s all downhill from there.” 

“I promise you you’ll get those cupcakes for the girls tomorrow. You won’t miss anything.” 

And that was how the coldness that Maria had previous displayed towards her ceased. All because of one night and a batch of burnt cupcakes. 

  
  


**_23:46_ **

“I’m outside. We need to talk.” He said on the phone, as it rained like hell outside. So he waited. 

For the very first time he was happy whilst Steve was not. Throughout his life he had been compared an immeasurable amount of times to him. But now he was the one who had less. And he was the one in a happy relationship.

He would've never guessed that in a million years. He wasn’t looking for love when he found it. As for Steve, he sought out love. From the one person who couldn't give it to him. 

Who even after trying, could bring herself to feel the same feelings he did. 

And he knew more than anyone that it must have hurt him deeply. More than he would’ve admitted. After all, how was one supposed to react to the person they loved the most saying it was something she played up for the cameras? That everything he had ever felt was a lie? 

It was cold. Even for her. Someone he himself had considered a friend. A confidant. 

But he also knew that Steve could never hate her. Not even after all of that. Which was why he drove all the way to his place. When he exited his house, and rushed to his car, he noticed nothing different about him. 

“What are you doing here?” Steve asked him as he got into the passenger seat. He smelled a little like rain, and booze. He had been drinking. 

“Can’t I pay a visit to an old friend?”

“I thought we weren’t anymore.” 

They weren’t. For a very long time. For years they had stopped being close. But none of that mattered anymore. 

“That’s on me.” It was in part.“Leave it to Margaret to bring us back together.” 

“I’m fine.” 

He said quickly, which usually meant that he wasn’t. 

“I didn’t ask the question yet…” he pointed out. He still remembered how he acted when he was upset. Mostly because it was hard to erase what they had.“But how are you holding up?”

“I’m mortified. I had to order a bottle of scotch online since I couldn’t show my face out anymore.” There was something unsettling about how he talked. He was calm, but he knew inside he was breaking. “I don’t know what I thought. I don’t even know how I got to a point in which I was so blind. She was never going to love me like I wanted her to.” 

“I saw how she talked to you. It was different to how she talked to me. Maybe there was something at some point.” 

“You know more than most people, to think like that.” He laughed softly to lighten the mood. “To everyone else I’m nothing but her lapdog.” 

He had gone over every single memory he had of them. Of Margaret and Steve, the dream duo, as he always felt like a third wheel. There was always a special connection with them. Margaret never tended to him like she did to Steve. But it was probably because he needed it more. 

“She’s the very reason I came here in the first place, you know?” He told him. “I never thought I’d leave New York.” 

“Maybe it was for the best. Sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for new things.” 

“Why do I have the feeling you’re speaking from experience?”

“Because I am.” 

“I think I need to go back home for a while.” 

He said looking outside. Steve was always the less rational one out of the two. He knew it didn’t seem that way to an outsider, but he was always the wild card. The unpredictable one. Which was why no one was ever able to figure him out. 

“Home?” 

“Yes. Home. _New York_.” 

“Are you going to come back?” He asked him. He knew they didn’t have a friendship anymore, but reading the book, talking to him and reminiscing old memories, made him want those days back. 

“I don’t know.” 

“If you ever decide to come back, you should let me buy you a drink.” 

They smiled, and stayed in the car for a little while longer. It wasn’t a goodbye. He'd make sure it wasn’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, I’d really appreciate it if you left feedback. 💗❤️


	16. what’s done can’t be fixed [PART UNE: ESCALATION]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... I haven’t updated for two weeks. Had a covid scare, but I’m completely fine. I also celebrated my birthday (not thrilled of being one year older). But the real reason why I took so long (longer than usual) is because this chapter was hard to map out. I wasn’t sure if I could write it and give it justice by rushing it. So I decided to focus on writing one chapter during the course of two weeks. As it turned out, I had to split chapter 16 into two. 
> 
> I’ll post part two tomorrow. So I hope you enjoy 💗

**_17:19_ **

His jaw clenched, as his face flushed with rage. She had never seen him like that. Her eyes couldn’t help but go between his clenched fist and his eyes. The door he stood in front of was locked, and she could feel the tension in the room. 

He shouted, clutching in his hand the evidence of her betrayal. Betrayal. She wouldn’t have called it that. Or maybe it was, and she knew little to nothing about it. 

She didn’t have the strength to shout back. She knew she was in the wrong. So she let him tear her to pieces. Bit by bit. 

Her mind couldn’t help but go back to a day before, when everything was perfect. Not perfect, sure, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but it was good enough for them. They danced around in the living room, as music played softly in the background. But there was always an underlying feeling of sorrow. 

Music replaced the uneasy sound of silence, and his booming voice. 

Her heart raced wildly, as he threw the papers against the wall. She walked backwards slowly, being careful not to fall flat on her ass. Her ears couldn’t register what he was saying anymore. She thought she had seen him at his very worst. She was wrong. 

That was his worst. 

When she took enough steps backwards, she charged for the half open door by her bed. Silently thanking the existence of the adjoining bathroom. 

She swiftly locked herself in, as she did, she noticed her hand shake. She started to cry. Trying to pinpoint the exact reason why. Maybe it was for her lies, maybe it was because she had never seen him that angry at her. Like he hated her. 

Even when she knew he left, slamming the door behind her, she still stayed in the small bathroom. 

Maybe it was a thing destiny did. To grant a final moment of tranquillity, in which all worries seemed to be long gone, before fucking you over. 

Because that what it did to her. 

  
  


**_16:58, 24 hours prior_ **

“ _ 23 billion _ .” She said nonchalantly. “I got twenty three,  _ point five _ , out of the divorce.” 

The only other person who would’ve given her clear answers was currently indisposed. Apparently he was on a self imposed banishment, after his (tattooing his name on call girls) scandal. Others said he had simply gone on a brief vacation to visit relatives. 

Besides, even if she found him, and asked for answers, he would’ve asked her something in return. Something that would have compromised her dignity. And her morals. 

Though that was already compromised by lying to the man she loved. 

The only way of getting the answers she was never going to find elsewhere, was to go back into the lion's den. Knowing that the truth was going to be painful. She needed to know.

So there she sat in front of Winnifred Barnes again. Trying to keep a certain degree of composure. She didn’t know what she was getting at. She was well aware that Winnifred was a rich and powerful woman. 

Everyone knew. 

“So what’s going to happen now?” She asked her, pretty directly. “Are we going to negotiate something?” 

“I don’t negotiate. People like me never do.” She always spoke like that. Like she knew she was better than everyone else. She carried herself that way too. “Everything works out for me. Which is why I consider life to be grand.” 

“Then why am I here?”

“I’d guess from curiosity. You seem to have quite the curious mind.” Fuck. That half smile of hers scared her a lot. Whatever was the game they were playing, she was winning. Instead she felt as though she was losing control of the situation. “But I do have what you seek.” 

A Manila envelope was handed to her by her butler. Which was then handed to her. She placed it on her lap, awaiting further instructions. Once she was told to open it, she did so. Knowing whether she liked it or not, it was going to tell her the truth. 

She opened it as she had a weird feeling in her stomach. That same feeling one got when watching a scary movie. Her life in that moment was a scary movie. Full of unexpected turns. 

She opened it hurriedly, pulling out the papers from inside. They were a bunch of documents. That at first glance, looked like any other document one would get from their bank or something. But upon closer inspection, she realized those were anything but the regular kind of document. 

_ A birth certificate. _ Max’s birth certificate. 

According to the certificate, his only parent was his mother. Connie. His father was left unknown. Winnifred smiled, as she waited for some kind of reaction. What should she have said? When all she did was lead her to a dead end? 

That didn’t tell her anything. Except for the fact that little Max’s biological father was absent since his birth. 

“Even I have to acknowledge the resemblance between that child and James.” She taunted. “They bear a striking resemblance don’t they?” 

She understood the implications of her words even without her explicitly saying them. She understood that no one knew who Max’s father was because she made it that way. All it was a display of her power. An attempt to show her how much she could do.

What she was  _ willing _ to do. 

“What do you want?”

“James was born an unremarkable kid.” What a great parent. She thought. But it was quite expected. As she didn’t expect someone like her to be a good mother. Someone who schemed, and destroyed lives. “Wealthier than most, yes. But was he special in any way? No. I had to hand him everything since he has no idea how to get things for himself if they don’t fall right in his lap. Having done that for him, I’d hate for him to throw away what he has right now. A promising career, what could be the start of a new life.” 

She didn’t know what to say. It actually painted a great picture on what a messed up family James had. She felt sorry for him, but she knew he wouldn’t have wanted her to feel that way towards him. He hated pity. As did she. 

“He has no chance of making it as the laughing stock. The sad cliche, of an older rich man seeking intimacy from the much younger girl.” When she thought she had finished, she continued, throwing in insult, after insult. “The gold digger” 

“I’m not a gold digger.” 

And the way she insulted her was almost genius, if she wasn’t the one to whom the insults were directed at. Sneaky, and cruel, but always with such elegance. 

“That won’t matter. If this ever gets out, that’s how they’re going to see you. And it’ll be over for him.” She explained. She had calculated every single move. “I can see you care enough to not want that for him.”

“So that's what you want? For me to stay away?” 

“That, and other things. But I know you won’t do that. Not without the proper compensation I presume. And as I said earlier, I don’t negotiate.” 

“Tough luck then. I’ll never leave him.” 

As cliche it sounded, she didn’t care about the money. Sure, it helped, band in other circumstances she might have taken it. It was money after all. Dirty money, but still money. 

But James meant so much to her. She wasn’t going to ruin that. Not after everything they had been through together. 

“I had the feeling you’d say so. So I’m going to be generous, and I’ll grant you twenty four hours. Twenty four hours to tell him the whole truth.” 

“Twenty four?”

“A whole day. Starting right now. 17:19. I’ll grant you one minute, so that’ll be 17:20.” 

  
  


**_09:02, 8 hours prior_ **

She looked at the time. And observed how quickly it went by when she didn’t want it to. Just like the moments they shared together, at their place in the countryside. It went by almost too quickly. That was when she realized they were each others’ oxygen. They needed each other. 

More than ever. 

She distracted herself with little tasks, after accompanying the girls to summer school. By painting her nails, tidying her own room, and cooking what would be dinner. But none of that really helped. 

She had to admit James’ mother was a force to be reckoned with. She managed to get inside her head with just a few words. It was probably the reason why she was so powerful. 

“What’s wrong? You look tense.” 

Maria walked into the kitchen, dressed up for work. She still had to get used to the house’s schedule. That day, Maria had the morning off. And though she had insisted on taking the girls to school, still half asleep, she told her she needed to rest. 

Usually she would’ve insisted a little more, but since she was tired, she didn’t. 

If anyone deserved a long nap, it was her. 

“Do I?” 

“You do. You’ve been staring at that apple for a while now.” She told her. She was. She started by staring at the bowl of apples, but then got lost in her thoughts. “You’ve listened to my problems, now I owe you one.” 

Since that night, with the batch of bad cupcakes, Maria had become much friendlier towards her. She couldn’t blame her. Having a new person in the house must have been an adjustment. 

She barely could handle the new person in her life. Who had given her an impossible ultimatum. How could she tell her boyfriend about the possibility of him being the father of his ex lover’s child, who his mother had forced into a marriage with someone else? 

She couldn’t. It was way too complicated, and it should have been her job. But it became her job the moment she decided to keep the secret. 

“Have you ever been in a situation in which you know you’re completely screwed, but you’re trying to find ways to get out? Even when it seems like you have your back against the wall?” 

“I’m afraid you have to be a little more specific than that.” 

“I assume you know who James’ mother is.”

“I do.” 

“She just dropped a ticking bomb into my relationship.” Even just saying it made her feel better. Like a huge weight was being lifted off her shoulders. “It’s going to destroy us. And she wants me to press the button.” 

“Did she tell you to break up with her son?”

“Something along the lines.” 

“Tell her to go screw herself.” 

The was probably the closest thing to cursing she had ever heard Maria say. And the way she said it gave her the impression that she knew her personally. 

“You really know her don’t you?”

“Of course. I married her ex husband. We’ve met before.” She continued. “She’s a real piece of work. She plays artful mind games, which will have you wondering how she ended up in your head in the first place.” She took her word for it. She couldn’t imagine what she had done to her. “Whatever she said, get it out.” 

“I can’t.” She spoke with a pain forming in her chest. “I love James. I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone this much. I can’t lose him.” 

For the first time in her life she had someone to lose. Someone who meant the world to her. In such a short amount of time, and though she didn’t know where time would take them. Regardless if they were going to stay the same forever, she wanted to cherish the time they had. 

“You won’t. Thing with people like her is, they pretend they have the upper hand even when they don’t. She could be bluffing, but you’d never know.”

**_11:20, 6 hours prior_ **

He exited another meeting with a sigh. Being the CEO of a major international company had its downsides. It was all about making money. He was never particularly passionate about anything, which was why taking over his father’s company made sense to him. 

It was safe, and it allowed him to do whatever he wanted. Though he never felt the freedom he thought would’ve come with having such a high position. Especially when he knew his mother was the one who had put it in writing when she divorced his father. He was to be CEO. It was a birthright and a clause written down on the settlement. 

She loved control, and wouldn’t have stopped until she controlled every single aspect of his life. Funny, as she didn’t seem to care so much about him when he was a child. Instead now she was calling him since the meeting. He was able to ignore it, though he knew she would’ve walked into the building if he didn’t answer. 

And he didn’t want that. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

He asked with false confidence when he picked up the phone. He was prepared to smack down every disguised insult she threw his way. 

“You’re coming with me to Mr. Maximoff’s birthday celebration.” She stated. As though he had already agreed, and she was calling him to remind him of it. “You remember who he is right?” 

He knew him. 

“Yes, but I have plans tonight. I’m sure you can find someone else to go with.” 

“It is imperative that you come tonight. It’s regarding your future.”

“Well, my plans tonight are regarding my future too.”

“So I get you’re still with whatever her name is.” She chuckled sarcastically. It annoyed him a lot, but he tried not to show it. 

“Yes. Y/N. She’s a beautiful woman. Of course I’m with her.” 

“You’re just like your father, aren’t you?” 

Was that supposed to be an insult? He didn’t know. It probably was, as things between them didn’t end on good terms. Nothing ever did with her. 

“I know what you’re doing, and it won’t work.” 

“Really?”

“Yes.” His blood boiled, but he managed to keep his cool. At least for a while. “We’re stronger than ever. And I love her. You can’t drive her away from me.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

He just knew she was smiling. Not a warm smile, but an unsettling half grin she always had when she knew things were going her way. 

“You should make sure you two are on the same boat. As I recall trust is important in a partnership.” She said, as though she knew anything about relationships. “How can you know she isn’t keeping anything from you?”

“And I assume you know what she’s keeping from me?” 

He asked sarcastically, but in truth he knew her words had got to him. Like they always did. So he hung up, and was tempted to throw his phone to the floor. But contained himself. He couldn’t let her win. 

  
  


**_15:15, 2 hours_** **_prior_**

“Am I late?” She rushed in front of the ballet school, where lots of parents and nannies were waiting. Thankfully she wasn’t late as she thought she was. A lot was on her mind, all her thoughts were scrambled, and she barely had any time to rest. 

All the while time passed quickly. Tormenting her. 

“They’re being held in for a little while longer. They have to practice their plies’.” 

The man beside her told her. He must have been someone’s father. Though she hadn’t seen him before. In reality, she had never stopped to talk to any of the parents, or other nannies, as she was always so busy. 

“Thank God I had run over here.” She let out a loud sigh and a little chuckle. It was the first time she had laughed in days, and she needed it. “I’m Y/N.” 

“ _ Bruce _ .” 

The man replied curtly. She could tell a lot by the way he carried himself. Not cocky, polite, didn’t care greatly for fashion. So he wasn’t a pompous entrepreneur. And he was there to pick up his child himself. So he must have been a doting parent. 

He was older. Most likely in his forties, with bits of gray in his dark hair, which he managed to pull off. 

“Nice to meet you.” 

He smiled and nodded. But his attention was instantly shifted to the group of girls and boys that were rushing out of the building. 

“Daddy!” 

A little brunette girl exclaimed as she hugged him tightly. It was safe to assume she was his daughter. And behind her followed both Lily and Grace. 

“How was class today?”

She asked them as she grabbed bottles of water from inside her bag, and handed them to the girls. They barely had the time to drink first, talking excitedly about all the new things they had learnt in class. 

“You’re the Barnes’ new nanny.” He said with sudden realisation. “We had a play date scheduled for today. After ballet class. I called Maria.”

“Oh.” She remembered. Maria had told her and she had set herself a reminder on her phone. A quick check inside her bag confirmed the obvious. “Oh God… I forgot my phone.” 

She had been so busy worrying about what she was going to tell James that she had forgotten all about the things she had to do. 

All she had to do for the next hour was to sit back as the girls had fun. They deserved it after all. Whilst she would have her eyes glued to a ticking clock. 

  
  


**_16:00, 1 hour prior_ **

He closed the door of his car quite carelessly. He remembered there was a time when he was careful with it. Never let anyone touch it or drive it. Dot wasn’t allowed to be anywhere near it. It wasn’t as though she wanted to. She hated it. 

She had once spilled cans of paint all over the hood once she found a pair of panties that didn’t belong to her in the backseat. 

Since then he started being careless with it. The car. As time passed, things one once held dear, became ordinary. Just like relationships. What if his mother was right, and Y/N was hiding something big from him? 

They were supposed to be better than any other regular couple. He liked to think they were different.  _ Special _ even. Soul mates. The very concept that society liked to obsess over. Even though at the end of the day most people he knew would be content by having meaningless sex.

He knew it in his soul that they were meant to be. That every road they took, every turn, every stop, happened only for them to meet that very night. At that upscale bar. It was crazy to think that if he hadn’t decided to go out that night, or chose someplace else to go grab a drink, she would have gone home with someone else. 

Though they would’ve met again at some point. They were soulmates after all. 

The house was quieter when empty. His sister wasn’t even there. He would’ve guessed she would’ve been, as she had nowhere else to be at. For a much beloved person, she was quite lonely. Only he knew it. That was why he worried about her. 

“ _ James _ ?” An all too familiar voice caused him to jump a little. 

“Holy fucking shit Maria.” He cursed, running a hand over his face. “What the hell?”

“I should be saying that to you. You’re in  _ my _ home.” 

She wasn’t supposed to be home. He had calculated things all wrong. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“First things first, I’m here to pick up a file I forgot.” She told him. “Secondly, I should be the one asking you that.” 

“I forgot my watch here the other night.” 

Which was a good lie. He had to admit, especially since he thought that up in the moment. 

“Your watch?  _ Really _ ?” Though she didn’t seem to buy it. “I gotta go now. But come back tonight for dinner.” 

“I won’t be here tonight.” 

“Big plans?” She asked suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows. She was his age, but it was still weird that his father’s wife was asking about his personal life. 

“Why do you care?” 

“Because I’m your  _ mommy _ .” She teased, giving him a wink. 

“I thought we agreed you’d never do that again.” 

“Why?” She laughed. “Your reaction is priceless.”

“Don’t you have someplace to be?”

“Yes. I’m going now. So I’ll see you another time.” She said as she left. “Remember to lock up the house when you leave.” 

  
  


It felt wrong snooping through her things, but he felt as though he had no other choice. Guilt overcame him, as he had let his mother in his head again. But it wasn’t the first time a woman he had fallen for had kept secrets from him. Connie had once let his mother get between them. She had stopped fighting, because she gave into his mother’s demands. 

He didn’t want that happening to Y/N. 

She was the very essence of his being. His  _ raison d’etre _ . But he had to admit it felt as though at times she didn’t feel the same. He didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that there were at times that she seemed tense. Nervous. Burdened by something. Something she wasn’t telling him. But all the sex had been distracting him from asking her what was bothering her. 

The incredible sex. The things she let him do to her body bordered on the edge between making love and a carnal desire that needed to be sated. Every gasp, praise, and wanton moan was etched in his brain. 

He often liked to replay the memories of the previous night whilst at work. He understood why older men (nearly) always sought out the company of younger women. What wasn’t there to like? Their youthful eagerness, their at times adorable submissiveness that came with their age, contrasted by their dominant side, that came with the more sexually free society. 

He opened her underwear drawer, if she was hiding anything material from him, he assumed that was where she would’ve hidden it. Instead, he found nothing unusual, just her panties. And just like that, he was like a kid at a candy store. 

He brought up his favorite pair to his nose, and inhaled the sweet smell of detergent. He might have looked like a pervert, but as much as he loved her naked, he had a thing for her lacy panties, and the way they looked on her. 

Underneath a few pairs of panties, was the riding crop he had given her. For future usage between the two of them. As he picked it up, he spotted something else. 

They looked like documents. 

Papers. He didn’t know what he was holding, though it looked like something really important. Important enough to hide.

Why would she have documents? Maybe it was her work contract? But why hide them in her underwear drawer? 

Sometimes the answer one was looking for was right in front of them. Written in fine print. But other times, the truth had an odd way of coming out. It often happened when one least expected it. 

As he started reading what was written on it, a faint buzz came from behind him. Upon closer inspection, he found out where it came from. 

_ Her phone. She had left it there.  _

  
  


**_16:30, 50 minutes prior_ **

She watched intently as he poured her a cup of tea. The steam that rose from it was aesthetically pleasing. So much so that she blanked out for a couple of seconds by watching it. 

“ _ Thanks _ .” 

“I apologise if the house is a little messy.” 

She didn’t know what he was talking about. The house looked impeccable, maybe he was referring to the two books on top of the round dinner table. But that was nothing. 

“If this is what you call messy then I don’t want to know your definition of tidy.” 

He had a very homey home, though it was luxurious nonetheless. He had various trinkets displayed, from his many trips. She had noticed in one picture in the living room of a picture taken in some exotic destination, with Bruce, a woman and his daughter. She gathered from it that it was his wife. 

Though as a force of habit, she checked his ring finger. There was no sign of a ring. 

She noticed she was staring at him for too long, but he offered her a kind understanding smile. 

“So how long have you been working at the Barnes’?” He asked her, trying to start a conversation, whilst looking at his daughter and her friends play. 

“Not a long time. I actually just got the job.” 

“You must be good. Maria doesn’t trust many people.” 

“She doesn’t.” 

And she was right not to. Though the biggest of betrayals never came from strangers, but the people closest to you. 


	17. what’s done can’t be fixed [PART DEUX: CLIMAX]

**_17:10, ten minutes prior_ **

A sigh escaped her lips as she entered the empty Barnes household. She deemed herself lucky to live there. Not only was it grand, and luxurious, but it felt like a home. And seeing such a united family, made her forget about most of her troubles. Some people really had it all. 

Her thoughts became more evident as she walked around the house, with silence surrounding her.

It was 17:12. Eight minutes before everything was going to end. She still had eight minutes to tell him. Eight crucial minutes that would’ve defined the future of her relationship. 

Loneliness was a rare thing those days, but since Bruce has agreed to keep the girls for a little while longer, she conceded herself half an hour to pull herself together. 

As she approached her room she could shake the sinking feeling that something awful was about to happen. Only five minutes remained until her deadline. She wasn’t going to tell him. 

She had made her decision. She was going to keep her mouth shut.

That was until she came upon her room and her heart fell into her stomach. 

She was at the edge of a precipice, waiting for someone to push her. And when she found James in her room, she felt like she had fallen down into an abyss. Her heart sank in her chest, as she waited for  _ one, two, three  _ seconds. To find a reason why he was there. 

Her phone was in his hand, and once he turned around, it felt as though she had been given the final push. 

Almost automatically, she started taking off her sundress. It became clear to her that in a moment of complete panic, she resorted to the only thing she knew would’ve distracted him. After all he was a man. A straight man. And no matter how smart they claimed to be, once a naked woman was put in front of them, their brains stopped functioning. 

It was etched in their DNA. Their eyes would darken, as they would be taken over by an animal urge to fuck. It would’ve worked on anyone, and she knew it would’ve especially worked with him. 

She knew him. He was the kind of man who loved asserting his dominance. And if such an opportunity presented itself, he wouldn’t have turned it down. 

It was the oldest trick in the book. And it worked. She watched him with desire. Even though that was the last thing she wanted at that moment. Her lips hovered a few inches from his, as she ached to kiss him. 

“Why did you call my mother?” 

He asked her calmly. The calmness in his voice scared her. It unsettled her. Did he know? Did his mother tell him? 

She had to lie on the spot. She had no other choice but to deny. 

“Your mother?”

“I know it was that bitch. I memorized all her numbers just in case.” 

“Did you go through my phone?”

She asked, upset. He didn’t trust her. He did well not to do so, but it still hurt her. She knew because of the way he was looking at her. 

“Yes.” And he didn’t have a problem hiding what he was doing.“What did she tell you?”

“I already told you she told me to stay away from you. But you know I’m not going to do that.” 

She tried to extinguish the fire that was growing within him, but she failed. As each moment that passed he saw him grow angrier. But for now she could see him placating it for as long as he could. 

“Because I already know you lied to me.”

“James... I-“ 

“Tell me.” 

It was only a matter of seconds until he exploded. As she headed towards the door, not caring if she was half naked as her objective was to get out of that room as quickly as possible. Though James acted faster than she did and locked the door. 

“Let me go. I don’t want to talk about it now.” 

She didn’t want to be there anymore. She had never thought things would escalate that way. There was no way out. She was forced with dealing with the consequences of her actions, or the lack thereof. 

“No.” He shook his head, his voice monotonous. “Not until you tell me the truth.” 

She approached the door but he placed himself right in front of it. She looked at his face. He was beyond angry, but no words left his lips. She tried to kiss him, in an attempt to calm him down, but he just pushed her away. 

Desperation made her act in ways she had never before. 

“Please let me out.” 

She begged meekly.  _ Oh she hated it so much. _ But she had no other choice. 

“Don’t fucking lie to me.” 

“James… stop it.” 

“I know you’re lying to me.” He knew. But he only knew half of it. If only he knew about her cheating on him. Though she didn’t consider it so, she knew he wasn’t going to be pleased by it. 

“I- James…” 

“Fine then. I gave you a chance to tell me the truth.”

“Papers. She gave me papers.” 

“What papers?” He asked harshly, even though he could see she was on the verge of tears. “You don’t want to talk, so I’ll help you.” He pulled open the first drawer of her dresser. The one where she had her lacy panties in. She knew it wasn’t going to happen, but she hoped that he’d forget all about what they were fighting about to tend to his human urge. 

But he had no time to think with his dick. Not when he was seeing red. 

He had found the papers she had hidden. 

He already knew everything. And she had fucked herself even more by not telling him herself. 

Her whole world was collapsing around her, as she had the urge to curl up into a ball and cry. Being naked didn’t feel sexy anymore. She didn’t feel desirable. Instead she felt vulnerable. It was the worst feeling she ever felt around a man, whilst having little to no clothes on. 

She wanted to cover herself up, but that would’ve only showed him that she felt weak. And she was too stubborn for that to happen. 

“You were going to hide my kid from me?” 

Him saying it made it sound much worse than she had thought. She heard love made one do crazy things, but it was even beyond her. 

“What if he’s not yours?” 

“If you would’ve told me, then I wouldn’t have left you. I love you, goddammit. How many times do I have to tell you?” He asked, shouting. “I would’ve told you that it wouldn’t have mattered to me. It wouldn’t have changed anything between us. But you just had to listen to that psycho of a mother instead of me.” 

“She was raising valid points. You loved Connie. You were there the day her son was born. You have shared so much with her.” 

“And I’m going to share a lot with you too.” It warmed her heart to think he thought like that. If only she hadn’t gone and messed it all up. Things would’ve been a lot different. “You’d know that if you had faith in me.” 

“What would you think if you were in my place? Huh? Would you have told yourself that?” Words just fell out of her mouth. He was shouting, she was too. Hot tears fell down her cheeks as she spoke each word. “There’s a chance he’s your son.” 

“You think you’re fucking smart aren’t you? Trying to think what I’d think.” 

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t want a relationship with your son?”

“You don’t get to be the upset one here.” He spat viciously. “You’re the one who conspired with my mother. You’re the one who hid things from me. Don’t play the fucking victim.” 

“I care about you. I don’t want to lose you.” 

“This isn’t a fucking relationship this is a fucking mess.” There was no stopping him anymore. Each word he said, hurt her deeply. And her confidence. The ethereal light she used to see him under was gone. “A mess you’ve made. And I thought I was the one who was going to fuck it all up.” 

“I was trying not to lose you.” She sobbed. “I did what I had to do.” 

“You didn’t have to do shit Y/N. You let her win by sticking your nose into things that don’t concern you.” 

“It’s about our future. Of course it concerns me.” 

“Well, it wasn’t. I don’t care if that fucking kid is mine. And yes, I have wondered if he was at some point but I’ve never cared for it. He’s not my problem.” 

“I can’t believe you just said that.” If he thought like that, God only knew what he thought about her. Especially in that moment. “So he’s disposable. A child who might be yours.” 

“Connie could’ve told me if she had the balls to but she decided to deny everything.”

“She was threatened by your mother.” She argued, as she cried. 

“Why are we even arguing about this? You’re the one who lied to me. And Connie was entertaining more than just me around that time. So the kid’s father could be anyone. Besides, I stepped up. And she’s the one who bailed so I don’t think it’s my fucking fault.” 

“That’s your excuse?” 

“What do you want from me?” 

“I don’t know.” 

She answered honestly. Not since she discovered he was capable of saying such awful things to her. And did nothing when he saw her cry. Sure, she had kept a secret from him, but he hurt her. 

“Somehow I knew that would be your answer.” He scoffed. “You’re a child. You don’t know what you want.” 

He turned the lock and walked out of her room. And of her life. At least that was what she thought. He was so angry he slammed the door shut behind him. 

When he was long gone, she turned the lock and sank down to her knees. Unsure of what to do. 

The terrifying truth was that he scared her. 

He wouldn’t hurt her. He’d never do that. He loved her. Though she didn’t know if he did anymore.

Her heart was beating wildly in her chest as she blocked out all the sounds around her. The bomb had detonated and had left her relationship in shambles. 

Relationships were nothing without trust. Trust was it’s very foundation, and theirs didn’t have that anymore. 

And it hurt her, more than she thought it would’ve. 

  
  


**_18:10_ **

He looked outside at the sunset, just to look busy so he wouldn’t have been forced to start a conversation. It was pretty, with shades of red and orange mixing with the fading blues. 

“Where’s your sister.” 

His mother asked him, distracting him from the peaceful silence. She was a nuisance. He didn’t know why they were in the same car together. He couldn’t stand her. 

“How should I know? I’m not her babysitter.” 

“I invited her to join us. But it seemed she had other plans.” He kept looking outside, trying to ignore her. “Funny, since her husband called me a few days ago to tell me she hasn’t been home for a couple of days. I just told him she’s on a very long shopping trip. God knows that’s the only thing she’s good at.” 

“I haven’t seen her.”

That was the truth. He had seen little of her, though usually she would’ve pestered him to hang out every evening. 

“She didn’t tell you about the marital troubles she has been having?”

“What are you talking about?” 

“You really don’t know. I guess you two don't talk about  _ everything _ .” 

He was intent on ignoring her as much as possible. It was times like that that he forgot she was his mother. He had never, not even once, felt an ounce of maternal affection from her. Even mere acquaintances were warmer than she was. 

No wonder he was so messed up. Though Beck turned out fine. 

The car delved deeper into the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fields and green. The countryside. Where many of the wealthy had their second homes. They'd stay for a few days during the summer, or the winter, and never see it for the rest of the year. 

Mr. Maximoff was one of his mother’s many ‘friends’, if one could call them that. And like pretty much anyone she knew, he was a very affluent person. 

He wasn’t sure of what he did, but all he knew was that he came from old money, and his ancestors had built a home in the English countryside. 

In short he was another rich white man he had to be in the presence of. 

As the car pulled up to the Maximoff Estate, the building itself was very reminiscent of his mother’s chateau in the South of France. It looked like an extravagant display of wealth.

He saw the host of the party come out of the manor, with open arms, greeting his mother in a bad French accent. Some people forgot that his mother wasn’t French, she just liked to pretend she was. 

“Mr. Maximoff.” He said with fake enthusiasm. He was going to need a couple of glasses of wine to enjoy a party with his mother and her acquaintances. “Happy birthday.” 

He wasn’t there as his mother’s son. She would’ve never taken him if that was the case. But as Barnes International’s new CEO. His mother always promised him to introduce him to her many connections once he had made it. 

“James Buchanan Barnes. I haven’t seen you since you were a rowdy twenty something year old.” “How’s life been treating you?”

“Well. I can’t complain.” 

“I’m sorry about Dolores.” 

He didn’t know why people apologised. So many people had told him they were sorry. But for what? For him getting a divorce? It was probably the best idea he had ever had, and it wasn’t even his idea. 

“I’m sorry too.” 

Luckily the pity party had stopped when he stepped into the actual party. It was exactly what he expected when he heard that Mr. Maximoff was throwing himself a birthday party. Less of a party with alcohol, beautiful women and music, more like a soirée. People networking, and all the women were married. 

He didn’t care about the women though. It might have been the first party he attended in which he wasn’t thinking about getting laid. Not after his fight with Y/N. 

Instead he settled for the white wine that was being served every minute. 

Like any other affluent man, Mr. Maximoff had a gorgeous wife. Twenty years his junior. And it wasn’t just any woman. That woman had been every teenage boy's fantasy in the 90s. Including his. 

Though she wasn’t like he remembered her. He could smell the smoke on her when he greeted her by kissing her on both cheeks.

People gathered around her like moths to a flame, as she talked about the latest trip they had taken. He would’ve guessed Thailand, but he wasn’t listening to a word that was being said. 

“Unfortunately our Pietro couldn’t join us. He’s in Peru, building houses for the poor.” Mr. Maximoff’s wife spoke, with a martini glass in hand. Even though she was moving her hands often while she spoke, the contents of the glass never spilled. 

“Our girl is here though, and she has a little something special planned.” 

Mr. Maximoff announced proudly. Though the wife didn’t seem to care about it much. It seemed like they had favorites. 

He didn’t remember him having any children. In all honesty he didn’t imagine him being the paternal type at all. 

“Yes. I have two kids.” It seemed like he was thinking out loud. “ _ Twins _ . I believe you attended the baptism.” 

“I do not recall that.” 

He bellowed, as he looked at him with confusion. “I seem to recall you had just developed a taste for single malt.” 

He thought, and thought about it. But couldn’t remember the day they all seemed to be chuckling about. The last time he was that drunk was that day in Venice, the night of the ball. He was so upset to see Y/N with Steve that he drank more than he could handle. In an effort to forget. 

He still wanted to forget. He was angry, but the words he said to her were unforgivable. He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t want him anymore. 

**_19:32_ **

He excused himself, as he made his way out of the living room. Away from all the sound. He had left just in time before one of Mr. Maximoff’s cousins just started to sing. He could not bear it. 

His only thought was how he would’ve much rather stayed in the city. Though due to the fact that he had been in a huge fight with Y/N, that wouldn’t have been possible. Bad things just happened to fall on the same day. 

He was right to be angry. It was her fault for hiding all those things. And Connie… how could she have not said anything regarding her son. And the possibility of him being the father? 

He recalled that conversation well. As well as he could, given that so much time had passed since then. He was fine not being the father. He didn’t want children. Never did. But seeing her baby being born made him want to care for him and his mother. It was an instinct he thought was normal, but if he was the father, it might have changed things. 

After all, Constance used to be the love of his life. At least one of the loves of his life. But so was Y/N. His feelings remained the same as before. 

He stopped walking as he looked around. Whilst being immersed in his thoughts, he had been walking around aimlessly. Though not too far from where the soiree was being held, as he could hear the faint sound of someone singing  [ Sinatra.  ](https://open.spotify.com/track/5Gw7SzfotpC5mT0i6KVN6t?si=WNVbpbDWSSyuxS1W-A4C5g)

He needed to get out of there. Maybe outside, where he could call a cab to take him back to the city. He was done with the countryside for now. 

“ _ Red leather, yellow leather. _ ” He heard a voice speak. A sweet, and melodious one. It came from the room by the kitchen. The one with the door left ajar. “ _ Red leather… _ ” 

Instinctively, he took a peek inside the well lit room, to reveal a woman in a  [ pink dress  ](https://www.mytheresa.com/it-it/valentino-off-the-shoulder-cape-gown-1415513.html?rrec=true) with her back towards him. She began reading nervously from the cards she held in her hand. Whenever she stumbled upon a word, she started from the top. 

She began circling the room but when her eyes fell on him, she let out a gasp. 

“Rehearsing?”

He asked her. He understood he must have looked like the complete creep. Staring at a young woman that way. 

He had been through a long day. So he had forgotten about social etiquette. 

“Yes. It’s my speech. I’ll be giving it before dinner.” She blushed as she folded the cards in her hand. “Is Uncle Charles singing again?” 

“I think he is.”

“He always does this after his third glass.” 

She laughed a little, so he joined in. He wasn’t blind, he noticed how beautiful she was. She looked a lot like Mrs. Maximoff. Same eyes, and nose. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed it before. 

He was sure he hadn’t seen her before, or else he would have remembered. 

“You must be his daughter...” 

“Yes.” She confirmed. “I’m Wanda.” 

“And how’s it going?”

He pointed at the cards, as it took her a little while to get what he was referring himself to. 

“Fine. Although I’m a little nervous. It’s been a while since I’ve spoken in front of people.” 

“Good luck then. I’ll be looking forward to hearing it.” “Why do I get the impression that I’ve seen you before?” 

“We crossed paths in Venice. Though you were otherwise occupied.” 

“It was... I was busy looking for something.”

_ Someone _ . He thought to himself. He didn’t feel anything as he stared at a beautiful young woman who was standing right in front of him. Before her, he would’ve done anything to get a demure girl like her into bed. She made him feel things.

It had always been in his heart, but he wasn’t going to stop loving her. His mother had gotten in the way of another great love of his in the past. He wasn’t going to let her anymore. 

“I hope you found what you were looking for.” 

“ _ I did _ .” 

  
  



	18. the bitch is back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter I’ll post in 2020. It has been such a crazy year, and I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for supporting me and my writing. I would’ve gone insane without you guys and I really appreciate it. 
> 
> You guys are the reason why I continued writing this story and your enthusiasm for it makes me even more motivated and excited to reveal the upcoming chapters. 
> 
> It has already been a year you’ve stuck around to read this story and I’m so glad you’re enjoying it. 💗

**_08:28_ **

Every couple had a honeymoon period. She heard once that past that, couples got to the best part. Seeing all sides of each other. Appreciating them, and factoring the other person into one's life. Seamlessly. Until they were a stronger cohesive unit. 

It wasn’t the case for them. They lived in a constant state of bliss. Blind to the horrible parts of each other. Until she was forced to look at his worst. She had a nightmare he had done worse. He had shouted at her even louder, grabbed her arm... something he wouldn’t do. But she wasn’t so sure of it anymore. 

She couldn’t trust him not to hurt her emotionally. To him, she was just the younger girl and he had made it evident by his choice of words. He might have been mad, but it was what he thought. He wouldn’t have said it otherwise. 

She laid in bed, alone. Just a few minutes before she was supposed to wake up and start the day. 

Somehow she didn’t cry. Her relationship supposedly ended, and yet not one single tear. People reacted differently to the end of their relationship. Some with copious amounts of ice cream, others turned to alcohol… and others resorted to getting under someone. 

She usually would’ve done the latter. But she didn’t find the motivation to do so. Her heart was still somehow with the man who had broken it. 

She never thought to be the type of person to get her heart broken by some man. As she had never been the kind of woman who waited around for a man. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but that wasn’t her thing. Life moved too fast of a speed to wait for someone else. 

But she never thought she’d take care of children as a job. And there she was, at eight in the morning, cutting apple slices into bunnies. At least she had something stable, to focus all her attention on. Or else she would’ve cut her fingers right off. 

“Who wants to go for a swim this morning?” She asked the girls,as they were munching on their apples, and drinking water. A perfectly healthy (Maria approved) snack. 

Maria had mentioned the pool. And told her in confidence, that after a while of splashing around, the girls would get tired. 

She didn’t want to rummage around her suitcase in search of her bikini, but she was in need of something high energy that morning. 

“I do! I do!” The girls chanted in unison. At times she had forgotten that they were James’ half sisters. She was taking care of his sisters all the time, and yet they didn’t remind her of him. Not one bit. 

It was probable as they had different mothers. And both James and Beck had taken their looks from their mother. 

“Then let’s go girls. What are we waiting for?” 

She asked them enthusiastically. At times she asked herself where all that energy came from, after all, taking care of children was exhausting. The Hill-Barnes twins were probably the best behaved children she had ever encountered, but they were still children. Very busy children. Their schedule was even busier than hers. 

Who knew children had to do so much. All she ever did when she was a child was try to eat crayons and plants and sleep all day long. 

**_09:34_ **

She thought being in the Barnes indoor pool would’ve helped to keep her mind off of things, but it turned out it wasn’t such a good idea. As it was the place James and her had sex. To be honest, they had sex in a lot of places, including her room, so she didn’t have much choices.

By then, she had expected him to contact her. To apologise. But nothing. She hadn’t heard from him since he stormed off. He hadn’t even sent her flowers or anything else material. A dress, or a new pair of pumps she so desperately wanted. 

She had to accept it was over. 

But it was hard to do so. Especially after everything they had been through. She couldn’t believe her first real relationship ended like that. With a shouting match. Which he had won. 

“What is divorce?” 

“Uh…” she was not at all prepared to answer that question. She was pretty sure it was Maria who had to explain it to them. Not her. After all, they were not her kids, as cute as they were. 

“Well I heard Harper’s mommy and daddy are about to get one.” 

“Who’s Harper?” 

“ _ Harper Banner. _ ” Grace specified. “My friend.” 

“She’s my friend too!” 

Lily interjected a little upset. _Banner…_ She thought to herself. Dr. Banner’s daughter. She remembered. She also remembered the lack of a wedding ring. That explained a lot of things. 

“You should ask your mommy about it.” She told them. She wasn’t about to tell two very young girls about the trials and tribulations of adult relationships.“I’m sure she has the answer to your question.” 

  
  


**_12:12_ **

“I thought we were going to lunch...” Sam said, as he eyed the two young girls she was holding hands with. 

“We are.” She had omitted the fact that she was bringing the children with her. As she knew he would’ve had something to say about it. Most likely something that had to do with the fact that he didn’t want to look after someone else’s kid. “It’s just the girls don’t have school so they’re coming with.” 

She had done the girls’ hair in pretty braids, considering she hadn’t braided anyone’s hair in a long time, she had done a pretty great job. 

“Oh...” Sam’s eyes went to the two smiling girls in front of her, then to her. She could already tell he was trying to find an excuse. “I’m actually not good with kids... so...”

“Calm down I’m not asking you to take care of them. They’re just going to be here so we can still talk.” 

It didn’t take much convincing, but Sam finally relented. Probably because the topics he liked to talk about were usually not child friendly. And as they sat down at their table, at Sam’s favorite restaurant, she knew she had guessed correctly. 

“Alright so you know why I wasn’t around lately?” 

“No... but I have the feeling that you’re going to tell me.” She replied, pouring water into the cups of the twins. First Lily then Grace. 

Who had known a basket of free bread would’ve kept them quiet?

“Bali.” 

“You went to Bali?” She never stopped to be amazed at all the travelling he did. He led such an extraordinary life, not achievable by most people. 

“For a day.” 

“Who goes to Bali for one day?” 

“You should’ve seen the stewardess. Totally worth it.” 

He stopped at that, knowing the children at the table didn’t need to hear about the details of his exploits. He would’ve told her another day. He always did. 

“I’d love to be you and have your kind of problems.” 

“Thing is, I don’t have any.”

“Exactly.” To be him would’ve been a dream. She wanted a life with no romantic attachments, just living life to its fullest, whilst also travelling to the most exotic destinations. 

“Except I have a tiny one now.” 

“Let’s hear it.” 

“This won’t work. People are starting to think we’re a family.” 

She looked around and turned out he was right. Sam was known in the city for his debauched lifestyle, but no one knew about her. No one knew of her. As anyone was concerned, she was a ghost. 

A ghost who, unbeknownst to everyone, had been fucking James Barnes. 

“Why what’s wrong with that daddy?” She asked him suggestively, teasing him. 

“Keep calling me that and we won’t have time for lunch.” 

“As flattered as I am, the answer has to be no.” She laughed a little. Both Lily and Grace looked at her confused. If only they knew. “Besides I’m hungry.” 

  
  


**_13:01_ **

Plate after plate arrived at their table, making her mouth water. Each time she went out with him, he had always insisted on paying. Something about making up for a misogynist society. Though once she had mentioned about Maria giving her money to spend on the girls, Sam let her pay. Which had something to do with an unpaid debt of Maria’s. She didn’t ask about it as it was none of her business. 

“Where’s Steve?” 

That wasn’t her business either, but she remembered she hadn’t seen him in a while. Or heard from him. Normally Sam would’ve mentioned him, but nothing. 

She wanted to hang out with Sam just to hear about him, curiosity got the best of her. Was he ok? Did he run away to avoid embarrassment?

“Steve?”

“Yeah I haven’t heard from him in a while.”

“Can you blame him? He disappeared to do some damage control.” Damage control? What could that mean? “It didn’t do great for his image.” 

“And he cares for that?” 

“Steve? He cares more than most.” Sam explained. “He was born in a political dynasty. Image is everything to them.” 

Like it was to James. He wasn’t born in a family that had an established dynasty for over two hundred years, but his family was pretty influential. His father, former CEO to a Fortune 500 and his mother, was even more powerful than he was. 

And if a woman like her didn’t want her around her son, she had ways of doing so. She was the media. Her word was gospel. And to someone like that, image was everything. 

She had nothing to lose, but all those people around her did. They were seemingly at the top, with all their glitz and glamour, but in reality they didn’t run the show. They were mere puppets, conditioned by the opinions of people.

She had a little thing for Steve. Small, but it was still there. It wasn’t anything like love, but she would always smile whenever he said something. Anything really. 

Maybe she was so mad at James, that she wanted to seek refuge in his arms, like she did in Venice. It was harmless. She never had anything like that, a relationship on the edge of platonic and sexual. 

When she closed her eyes she could still hear his heart beating. His breaths somehow calmed her down. The warmth she felt by cuddling him, was a different kind of warmth. And she felt something electric. Almost euphoric. 

It made her feel giddy, like a blushing schoolgirl. 

She typed his name on her phone, as she waited for Sam to come back from the bathroom. She wanted to see what he was up to. She wanted to see his face. But last time she had heard of him, he wasn’t in London anymore. 

He was there for her when she needed. It would’ve been selfish of her not to do the same for him. 

To her luck, a lot of results came up though it wasn’t what she had expected at all. 

Steve was in fact back in London.

It was front page news. Usually that wouldn’t have been front page worthy. As it was known that Steve went in and out of the country. What made it newsworthy was the woman in a long  [ dress ](https://www.farfetch.com/it/shopping/women/gucci-vestito-con-stampa-item-15425107.aspx) and a straw hat that he was seen with, exiting a black Mercedes coming straight from the airport. 

Thousands of articles reported the same thing, and there were several photographs of them. But the mystery woman wasn’t identified. All she knew was that she was a blonde, and was very good at hiding her face. 

Though it was only a matter of time until everyone knew who she was. 

She had to admit it didn’t feel good to see them like that. His hand placed on the small of her back as they walked into a Michelin star restaurant together. 

But lately he had been with plenty of women. So it was clear to her that he was just trying to forget Margaret by having as much fun as he could. That was all it was. Harmless fun. 

“Well, looks like Steve has been doing just fine.” 

She commented as soon as Sam came back. 

“Are you?” 

It seemed like he already knew. She didn’t know how she felt anymore. She didn’t feel bad, but she didn’t feel happy either. But she felt obliged to keep a happy face in front of the kids. Perhaps she could’ve taken them to get some new toys, a long lunch was hardly entertaining for such young children. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You just ended things with James... for the hundredth time.” 

“Ok that’s quite the exaggeration...”

“Is it though?” 

“It is.” She smiled through it. She felt nothing inside.“I thought we were at a good place... but turns out we weren’t.” 

  
  


**_14:23_ **

  
  


The more she thought about the photographs, the more she wanted to take another look at them. Even though she knew it wouldn’t have helped. Being outside helped a lot. To ease her nerves. It gave her solace to know about someone else’s problems and how they were dealing with them, so she didn’t have to deal with her own. 

She smiled as she watched Sam run around with the twins, pretending to be a monster who was going to eat them, as they shrieked and ran away from him. And to think he said he wasn’t kid friendly. 

Looking at the pictures reminded her of that night in Venice. That one night that she knew she could never forget. The day she kissed Steve. The first and last time it happened. 

The woman with him looked exactly like someone he'd go out with. They looked right together. 

She didn’t like Steve anymore, but it didn’t mean she liked seeing him with someone else. 

That someone’s name being  _ Sharon Carter _ . After a quick Internet search, she learnt three things about her. The first one being she was often seen (photographed in full hair and makeup) volunteering at children’s hospitals. The second thing about her was that she was a socialite. An active member of the New York glitterati and an actress, she was often photographed with the most glamorous clothes, at the most exclusive events. Her name was constantly in between the pages of gossip magazines, and no one seemed to ever stop talking about her. 

The third thing was that she was a Carter. Carter, as in first cousin of Margaret Elizabeth Carter. 

Apparently Steve had a type. And to him, family members weren’t off limits. 

She knew he must have been upset with Margaret, for her book and all, but she didn't expect him to go out with her cousin of all people. 

She often forgot she had known him for a little time, as everything that happened in the past five months had been a whirlwind. Five months packed with all the excitement she hadn’t experienced before.

  
  


**_16:24_ **

“James! I’m glad you decided to meet me.” Steve stood up from his seat, as he joined him. A little later than scheduled. But he had a bad day at the office, and decided it would do him good to join his old friend for a drink. 

“If memory serves me right, I owe you a drink.” 

He did. Which was why he accepted Steve’s invite. He figured he needed someone to talk to. After all, no one, not even Sam knew about all the details of his romantic life. 

“How are you.” He asked him. And as much as he knew about his life, he couldn’t possibly tell him about his. And the disaster that it was. Steve knew nothing about him and Y/N. 

He guessed he would’ve had his head if he knew how he had treated her. It wasn’t his proudest moment. He had lost it like that before, but not towards someone he had such deep feelings for. 

He didn’t know what got over him. A mixture of stress and anger overcame him. But it was still no legitimate reason to say those things to her.

So all he replied with was a simple ‘fine’, before asking about him again. After all, he wanted to avoid talking about himself for the time being.

“So you’re back with Sharon.” 

“I guess you heard the news.” 

“I didn’t hear it, I saw it. It’s splashed across the internet. Good luck with that.” 

“I know. I have seen it.” 

That was what it was. Damage control. A way to diffuse a situation with another one. In Steve’s case, it was to make the world not pity him anymore after his friend zoning was made public, by diverting the attention elsewhere. And there wasn’t news more juicier than the fact that he was dating Margaret’s younger cousin Sharon, again.

In fact he considered it rather genius. Especially as he knew everywhere Sharon went, tabloids followed. It wasn’t the first time he used her for that. Damage control. Steve had always insisted what they had was true, but complicated, but he didn’t see it like that. 

But he wasn’t about to tell him that. Not after they reconciled.

“Congratulations.” 

“Thank you. We’re thrilled to be back together.” 

It was strange hearing him say that. He could’ve chosen anyone out of a sea of seemingly flawless women. But he chose her. 

_ The other Carter. _

Though it made sense. After all, Sharon and him had history. A very long and complicated one. It would’ve been dumb of him to choose anyone else to be seen with after his scandal. 

That meant Sharon was in the city, and was to stay for as long Steve did. And wherever she went, drama followed. Which thrilled most of the elite society, as they had nothing to talk about. Until her return. 

People wagered on whether they’d see her walking down the aisle soon, to become Mrs. Rogers. Which was the biggest of her aspirations. Or if she was already carrying Steve's heir. 

He wouldn’t put that past her. 

But not one person who was talking about her had a bad thing to say. Why would’ve there been? She was perfect to be a politician’s polished and proper wife. Almost like it was the role she was born to play. 

But he knew better than to rely on appearances only. As there was always more than met the eye. 

  
  


**_21:32_ **

Sam had insisted she shouldn’t have been alone that night, she was grateful for his concern, but she was fine. She was definitely not thinking about the two men who were vying for her affections at the start of summer, as by the end of it, everything seemed to fall apart. 

Now one wanted nothing to do with her and the other had made his choice. 

She hadn’t expected this outcome at all. Maybe all the attention they had shown her had made her cocky. Believing there would always be someone waiting for her if something didn’t work out. 

Sam had even asked permission from Maria for her to take the night off. She hadn’t heard it from her directly, but he told her that she told him that it was fine as long as she could wake up the next morning ready to seize the day. 

But that was just him paraphrasing. Whilst she walked around Sam’s house with a takeout box with some stir fried veggies and noodles in hand. She uncovered his secret cigarette stash behind the huge TV. 

She had never seen him smoke, nor had ever smelt it on him. Perhaps tall gorgeous women weren’t his only vice. 

“What’s this?” 

“None of your damn business.” He responded, before checking her out . “ _ And hello to you _ . Who did you  [ dress ](https://www.asos.com/it/prd/22034435) up for?” 

“Certainly not you.” She replied snarkily. “So… aren’t you going to offer me one?”

“You smoke?” 

“No. Not regularly at least.” She shook her head. “But we both can agree I deserve one.” 

“Fine. There’s a lighter inside the pack.” 

She grinned, and took one cigarette out, placing it between her lips. Lately she had smoked more cigarettes than she had in her lifetime. Except for that period in high school when she was acting dumb. She smoked when she was in moments of high stress, where she knew she could handle the hardships that life threw at her. 

So she smoked. She knew it did harm to her body, but she was past the point of caring. 

She lit the end of the cigarette, as it lit up. 

“And stop hogging my noodles.” He said, grabbing them from where she had put them down. “You ordered the fried rice.” 

“But I like the noodles.” 

She whined. “Give me the noodles, and I’ll show you one boob.” 

“No one is showing anyone anything. And one boob? Are you forgetting I saw you getting pounded in my room?” 

“True.” The doorbell interrupted their raunchy conversation.  _ Thank God _ . “Were we expecting company?” 

“Yes, we were.”

“I swear to God, if you invited call girls to fuck whilst I’m here-“

“Why would I pay women to fuck?” He asked, pretending to be offended. “I’d never need to do that. I invited a few people you know to lighten the mood. It would be incredibly dull if it were just the two of us.” 

“I'm fun, you know?”

“You might be, but not today. So I have backup.” 

As soon as he opened the door, she squealed. 

“Beck!” 

“Y/N, dear. You look lovely.” Beck caressed her cheek, before leaving a kiss on both sides of her face. 

She was beautiful. She always thought so whenever she was around. Even more so than James. She was so effortlessly stylish, donning a  [ top ](https://www.farfetch.com/it/shopping/women/paris-georgia-blusa-asimmetrica-alice-item-15745576.aspx?storeid=9359&rtype=portal_pdp_generic_c&rpos=2&rid=b95e9853-b735-4633-acef-f41bde367d22) she knew she could never pull off (or afford). Paired with simple white  [ pants ](https://www.farfetch.com/it/shopping/women/the-attico-pantaloni-svasati-item-15355339.aspx?storeid=9359) , it made her look like a goddess. Once she had tucked her hair behind her ear, she noticed her  [ earrings ](https://www.farfetch.com/it/shopping/women/fendi-orecchini-con-cristalli-item-15362675.aspx?storeid=9401) sparkling which reminded her of chandeliers. 

“Did someone call for champagne?” She heard a familiar voice, and not later, Maria Hill showed up at the door, with two bottles of Dom. Well that night was going to be fun. Not everyone had the occasion of drinking with their boss.

“Crazy Mary is in the building.” 

Sam shouted enthusiastically, pumping his fist up and down, making her chuckle. 

“I swear to God, Wilson… if you call me that again I’ll leave.” 

Compared to Beck, she was dressed a little more  [ casual ](https://www.farfetch.com/it/shopping/women/baserange-tuta-intera-dour-item-15824232.aspx?storeid=9359) . Which made sense to her as she worked 24/7. She had the right to let loose. Though it was the small details that made her outfit. Such as the gold accents deriving from her  [ bracelet ](https://www.farfetch.com/it/shopping/women/jil-sander-bracciale-con-catena-item-15350666.aspx?storeid=9359) and  [ earrings ](https://www.farfetch.com/it/shopping/women/alighieri-orecchini-the-warrior-item-15968359.aspx?storeid=10253) . But it was her  [ shoes ](https://www.farfetch.com/it/shopping/women/bottega-veneta-pumps-con-decorazione-item-14623417.aspx?storeid=11871) that she had her eye on. Which obviously were extremely expensive as the rest of her outfit was. 

“Why do I have the feeling that I underdressed?” 

She asked out loud, after all it was a true sentiment. 

“You’re perfect just the way you are.” Beck commented as she put an arm around her. She smelled sweet, like strawberries. 

“If I’m perfect what are you?”

She was utterly mesmerized by her. She was so ethereal, it was hard to believe she was human. 

“I love her. She’s so nice.” She laughed melodically. “Let’s start this soirée. I’m in the mood for something bubbly.” 

  
  


**_22:05_ **

The secret to the start of a natural conversation was the vibe in the room. Without that, any hopes of an interesting and engaging conversation were fucked. That and a couple of Sam’s special cocktails (their secret ingredient was the bergamot juice and the dried lime slice).

“Your daughters asked me what divorce was.” 

“Have they?” Maria asked, entertained. She liked to talk more when she had a few drinks in her. 

“Yes. Apparently their friend’s father Dr. Banner is about to get one.” 

“Is he? I only heard about the separation… they don’t live together anymore.”And the drinks made her somewhat of a gossip. “Apparently Betty has a new man in her life.” 

“Who’s Betty?”

“The Dr.’s ex.” She explained. “She’s a biologist. And she’s sleeping with her boss.” 

“How do you know all this?”

“Moms gossip. That’s what we do.” 

“Dr. Banner… I’m afraid I haven’t heard of him.” Beck entered the conversation. 

“He’s not a very social person… so he isn't out and about like this man here.” Not so subtly pointed at Sam. 

“Not everyone can do what I do.” 

“Because everyone has the same free time as you do.” Beck joined in. 

“ _ Hey _ . I earned my so-called ‘free time’.” 

“Anyway no one has seen Dr. Banner with anyone since his separation.” Maria went on, pausing to sip on her drink. “He’s married to his job.” 

“So he hasn’t slept with anyone since?” Sam commented. “That’s actually quite tragic.” 

“Is it though? Not everyone has your sex drive.” 

Beck argued. She did have a point. Not everyone was the same. 

“Y/N does.” Sam declared, which made her choke on her drink. “You should’ve seen her with Loki Odinson at one of my parties.” 

“Your  _ orgies _ ?” Maria asked, aware of the kind of ‘parties’ he attended. “Y/N?” 

She was more shocked by the fact that her new nanny partook in them. She would’ve been too if she had been in her shoes. 

“Loki Odinson?  _ The lord? _ ” Beck seemed more concerned with who she had been with. 

“Him exactly.” 

“Can we talk about something else than my sex life?” She asked, pleaded. And took the initiative to change the topic herself. “Speaking of, Maria, do you know of any single men I can perhaps sleep with and never call again?”

“I know of some friends of my husband’s.” 

“What happened with my brother? Did you two break up?” 

Right. Beck didn’t know about that. She seemed really sad by her discovery. She didn’t know whether it was because she was the last to know, or because she really rooted for the two of them to work. Apparently she didn’t know her, notte her brother. 

“I think so.” 

“So we won’t be sisters?” 

“Well… I don’t think so. What we had was…” 

“You don’t owe us an explanation. Relationships are complex.” Maria interrupted. 

“Right... that’s why I don’t have them.” 

She figured everyone had enough cocktails to start talking about the real stuff. Stuff that wasn't petty gossip. She wanted to know the real deal. Something she wouldn’t have been able to ask so nonchalantly if she were sober. 

“So this Sharon... what’s her deal?” 

“Sharon? As in  _ the _ Sharon?”

“I’m guessing yes...?”

“I saw she’s in London. And she’s staying at the Savoy. I saw her at the bar.” Beck spoke first. Though that had nothing to do with her question. That only gave her indication that she was wealthy enough to stay there. 

“So that’s where you were all this time? At the Savoy?” 

“I was everywhere as usual.” 

“You haven’t answered her question.” 

“She has been Steve’s go to girl for a while now.” Maria answered for her. “Always on and off.” 

So it wasn’t as casual as she thought it was. And Steve, wasn’t as uncomplicated as she thought he was. He didn’t seem like the type of man who was like that. She thought he was pretty straightforward. After all, he had been played enough by Margaret to not want to play games. 

But she was wrong. Her whole impression of Steve was wrong. 

  
  
  


After all that talk about men, both Beck and Maria shared their experiences. As did Sam, though he wouldn’t stop talking about his numerous conquests across the globe. She stopped to think about hers. About the men she fucked, the men she almost fucked, and the ones she never did but always wanted to. One man in particular came to mind when thinking about the last category. 

Steve  _ fucking _ Rogers. She still wanted him sexually. Who wouldn’t? He was coveted by women like Beck Barnes. 

He left without a warning, at least she had the decency to tell him she was leaving town when she did. He didn’t. Instead he came back a few days later with a new woman on his arm. A new girlfriend. 

And she had to discover it by the internet like everyone else who didn’t know him. She had kissed him. And slept in the same bed as him. Her thoughts had no logic, but to a tipsy Y/N, that didn’t matter at all. 

All she cared about was that her feelings were hurt. With her recent breakup, piling on Steve’s new girlfriend was the limit. And something inside her snapped. 

She heard about what people did when they reached their breaking point. Keyed someone’s car, or broken into private property, amongst other unsavory things. She knew exactly what she needed. Answers. And she wasn’t going to find them in Sam’s penthouse. 

“You know what this party needs? Chips.” She said laughing for no apparent reason. “I’m going to get some.” 

  
  


**_23:36_ **

One couldn’t expect an upset person to act rationally. Especially after they had one too many cocktails. She could walk, but could she stop and think about what she was doing? Not really. 

Which was why she didn’t go to get chips. Maybe that was her intention at first, but her fuzzy mind took her elsewhere. And once she realized where she was, it was too late, as she had knocked on the door pretty aggressively. Making it impossible for the person on the other side not to hear.

A pretty woman opened the door, with brown eyes, and dirty blonde hair let down. 

She was beautiful, and that fact alone, made her want to cry. But she was alone, braless underneath her skimpy top, and kinda tipsy, stopped her from doing so. 

“Hi... were we expecting you?” 

_ We _ ? It seemed like she had made herself right at home.  _ Fuck _ , and she could smell food from where she was standing. 

She hated it. She hated it all. It made her want to throw up all over the woman’s espadrilles. 

“No... actually...”

“Y/N?”

There he was. Steven Grant Rogers. He didn’t look bad for a man going through a  _ ‘midlife crisis’ _ . With all the focus on the new (old) girlfriend, she had failed to notice his new buzzcut. He looked almost unrecognizable. 

“Steve... I wanted to come by and say hi...”

“Hi...” He spoke as they were nearly strangers. As if they had never kissed. They had agreed on being friends, but things were weird again. “Would you like to come in?”

“No... it’s fine. I have to go anyway... chips. I have to get chips.”

She sounded like a drunk idiot, but she didn’t care. That gave her a reason to bolt right out of there, which was what she did. 

She ran away, as it was the only thing she was good at. He didn’t even chase after her. She didn’t expect him to. He had someone in his life. And it wasn’t a random hookup. She thought she felt bad when she discovered he was hooking up with randos. Well, it was nothing compared to when she discovered she was staying at his place.

Wasn’t she staying at the Savoy? Apparently not. He had probably asked her to move in. Because he was a gentleman. 

She realized she had no idea who Steve was. She had been infatuated with him in the past, but she was ashamed to admit it was just for his looks. She thought herself to be more deep than that. But apparently she wasn’t. 

Who was he really? Was he really the nice guy? Would nice guys go out with ‘the woman they loved’s’ cousin? And if so, was it just to spite Margaret? Margaret wouldn’t have cared. She was far too busy succeeding in her own world to care about pettiness. 

Perhaps there was a small part of her that trusted Steve to be single forever. After all, he had told her there would come a day that they’d be together. She didn’t believe that anymore. One couldn’t plan everything in life, and love, was the most unpredictable variable out of all. 

She had no luck with it. It was hard for one to be in love. She had underestimated it too much. She wasn’t the kind of woman men settled down with. Men like Steve and James deserved women like Sharon Carter. 

She was not like that. She was destined to be alone, and though it was something she had prepared herself for all her life, never it made her feel so blue. 

And because of it, she let herself cry as she wandered the streets on her own. 

  
  


**_23:45_ **

“Sam… What are you doing here?” He opened the door, to a breathless and sweaty Sam. He was the last person he expected to visit him at such an hour, especially since he knew Sam would’ve been at some party at that hour. 

“Y/N had one too many drinks and might have ran out.” 

“You lost Y/N?” 

“Kind of. She’s a really fast runner.” He tried to justify himself, but failed. 

“Are you waiting for me to invite you in?”

“Actually, yes.” 

“Come in then.” He rolled his eyes. He had no reason to invite in someone who had lost his girlfriend. If he could even call her that at that point. He walked into the kitchen, trying to boil some water for some tea, but decided against it. 

“Why did you break her heart?” 

He heard him say. The one question he didn’t want to answer, but knew he had to. 

Sam was his only friend who knew about his relationship from the very beginning. 

“She told you huh?”

“Me, your sister and your step mother. Your father might know too.” 

So she had been telling people. He wasn’t mad about it. It served him right for being such an asshole. 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah. Fuck  _ indeed _ .” 

“You know your mother. She’s…”

“A monster.”

“I was about to say a handful, but ‘monster’ is pretty accurate.” 

“I have to fix this.” 

“How many times are you going to do this?” Sam asked him rhetorically. “This on and off thing isn't healthy for her. She’s still young. She should be in a stable, healthy relationship.” 

“Don’t you think I want to give her that?” 

“She’s never been in a real relationship before, James.” He went on. He could tell he cared about her. “What if she thinks this is what it should look like?” 

“Are you in love with her?”

“What? No. I mean I like her, but not like that.” He was quick to deny it.“Besides you love her, and that’d go against the bro code.” 

“You never follow the bro code.” 

He reminded him. There were several instances in which he had broken the so called code, though he had always forgiven him. 

“I do now.” He stated. “Do you have some wine?”

“You smell like a distillery…” 

“You should know by now that unlike someone here, I’m not a lightweight.” 

“I might have something.” 

Sam was nearly drunk. But still sober enough to understand what he was saying. Though from experience, he knew he would have forgotten their interaction. Or at least half of it by the time he woke up the next morning. 

Which was perfect, as he had something big he wanted to get off of his chest. 

He poured them a glass of whatever bottle was open, and sat down on the couch. 

“When was the last time we had a drink together?” 

“A long time ago. As I recall, you don’t do parties anymore.” Sam said smiling. “And I’m the life of the party.” 

“At a certain point one has to face their responsibilities and go on with their lives.” 

“I think that was a veiled criticism towards me.”

“I was referring to this.” 

He fished for it in his pocket. He had been keeping it in there for a while. Three days. Three days had passed and it still didn’t belong to  _ her _ . When it was supposed to be hers already. 

He smiled to himself as he pulled it out into the light, as he watched Sam’s expression turn into one of shock. 

“Don’t tell me that’s what I think it is.”

He held the ring by its white gold band, the cushion cut diamond sparkled ever so brightly. He felt a lump forming in his throat each time he looked at it. As it signified their future together.

“ _ I’m going to ask her to marry me _ .” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that’s that for this year. Tune in next year (a week from now) to read the next chapter. 
> 
> I wish you all a serene transition into 2021. 
> 
> Love, 
> 
> tinyglamdramaqueen


	19. je t’aime... moi non plus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): sex in a wine cellar, so semi public sex?, quickie, make up sex (?)

**_23:45_ **

“Is this what she wants?” Sam asked him, as he held his glass with both hands. “You two are on a break.” 

“It’s not a break.” 

He insisted. It was a disagreement. But he didn’t mean what he said to her. He replayed the words he had said to her. And he felt shame knowing he had ever uttered them. He couldn’t control his anger. He always had that problem, but that time he had blown up all over someone he cared for. Someone he loved. 

“That’s what she thinks right now.” 

“Then it’s a legitimate reason for us to get back together.” 

Like a lot of people in modern society, he no longer deemed marriage as a necessity. He used to be one of those people who thought marriage was an antiquated way of spending the rest of one's life chained to someone else.

But the thing was he wanted to marry her. To him being married to her made sense. 

“By marrying her?” 

“I have thought long and hard about it. There’s no one else. I try to look at other women, but nothing. I feel nothing.” He told nothing but the truth. “Whilst with her I feel everything.”

“You said the same thing about the other one... remember?” 

It was true. She was definitely not his first love. He had loved before. He wasn’t one of those people who fell in love with anyone. But there had been others before her.

But none like her. It sounded cliché and a little naive, but everything with her was different. The way he loved her. He wanted her to have everything of his. She might have been younger than anyone he had ever been with, but that was never an issue. 

“I might have but it’s those feelings by a tenfold. In the complexity of things, I just might have started to believe she’s the love of my life.” 

“Look at you.” Sam smiled at him, realizing the truth behind his words. “Maturing, and thinking with your brain. But you haven’t answered my question. It’s up to her you know?” 

“We lived together, we own a house. It seems like the next logical step.” He rationalized. “Why has she said something to make you think otherwise? Is she interested in someone else?”

“Not that I know of.” He shrugged. “But she loves you, and I guess that’s what matters most.”

“I’m going to do it.” 

“Before you do, I think you should pay someone a visit.” 

“No thanks. I don’t need to pay a visit to a call girl.” 

“God, why does everyone think I need call girls?” He argued. “I meant someone else.” 

**_15:34, the next day_ **

Which was why he gripped the steering wheel as he ventured into an unknown part of town. He had never been there, it seemed a quieter part to the city. He had no idea there was one to begin with. 

It had been  _ years _ . It felt more than that. A lifetime. He didn’t even know if the address that had been scribbled down on a notepad was the right one. He had never thought about hiring a private investigator until then. The past was supposed to stay in the past, as it had no place in the present. 

But he had to know. He would’ve been lying if he didn’t wonder at times. 

The more he thought about it, the less convinced he was that it was the right address. He waited in front of the front door, staring at it blankly for a whole minute and a half, before deciding to knock on it. 

A voice spoke, and then he heard footsteps rushing against the hardwood floors. And that was when he knew, he had the right house.

A woman opened the door. A vaguely familiar woman, who wore reading glasses, and looked a few years older than he remembered. She had bangs, which he didn’t recall her having. 

He stared at her dumbfounded. Even though she looked very different from when he knew her, there was still the same twinkle in her eye that made him fall for her in the first place. She wore a navy striped shirt, which stretched over her round belly. She was expecting. 

She had always wanted a big family. One he couldn’t give her. 

“James?” 

Her voice tainted with genuine happiness. He didn’t expect that. He expected hostility, or at least a slap. But she was never like that. She always remained his sweet Connie. Though she wasn’t his no longer. 

“ _ Constance _ .”

She stifled a laugh, tearing up, and before he knew it, time seemed to halt and move back. Back to 2013. When he was deeply in love with another woman. 

“You found me.” She cried. “I always knew you would.” 

**_16:23_ **

Picking up the girls from ballet had become a routine. She picked them up with a white, nearly see through dress which she realized too late when she caught a few dads staring at her. She didn’t care about it though. 

She was too focused on watching the choreography the girls’ friend was showing her. It was incredible how children found simple things in life happy. Adults had to make everything complicated. 

She somehow wished she still had the innocence of a child. Observing the world through rose tinted glasses. 

“Sorry!” She turned to see  _ Dr. Banner _ of all people rushing towards her. “I got held up at-“

“Don’t worry…” She had met him once, and yet she felt like she knew too much about him. “Harper here was just showing me the choreography she learnt today.” 

“I’m really sorry… I’m usually never late.” 

“It happens to the best of us.” She smiled, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. She observed the way he was dressed. She knew he wasn’t the most fashionable man and didn’t wear very flattering clothes, but he actually looked quite good in his check patterned shirt. “Do you ever take a break?”

“No I don’t. I’m always very busy.” 

“If you ever need me, you can call me, so I can pick Harper up for you.” 

“You don’t have to do that…” 

“I’m here to help out.” She replied, making him smile back at her. Their interactions had been like that. Short, with lots of smiles. Which was far better than long and shouting at each other like insane people. 

“Thank you…” 

“Your phone?” 

“Oh… yes.” He smiled shyly, as he handed his phone to her. She started saving her phone number in his phone, then when she was done, she handed it back. 

“Call me anytime you need.”

**_16:26_ **

“ _ How many months? _ ” 

He asked her, as she finally took a minute to sit down. He never imagined he’d ever see her again. Not after he abruptly left her. 

“Six.” She responded. He still couldn’t believe she was right in front of him. “I still have three more to go.” 

“You’ll have a November baby.” 

“Or December.” She sighed, sitting back on the couch. “One can never schedule these things.” 

“How are you doing?” 

He asked her. He was glad she was doing well. Or so it seemed. People always seemed to be doing better whenever he wasn’t around. And she happened to be one of those people. 

He wondered where her son was. Max. The one whom he had thought to be his. He couldn’t help but be a little curious. In the living room, there was an open plastic box of legos, which he suspected belonged to the boy. 

He must have been much older. He could probably speak. He probably went to school or something. He didn’t know. He had little to no knowledge on children. 

Which was why he knew when Connie started talking about her domestic life, he had done the right thing not to ask too many questions about her son. She was fine just the way she was.

“She kicked.” She smiled, placing a hand on her belly. “ _ Again _ . You want to feel?”

“I don’t-“

“Only if you want to of course…”

He hesitantly put his hand where hers used to be, and immediately felt it. He couldn’t help but smile as well. And the warmth he felt within was indescribable. His mind immediately went to Y/N. About the ring he had on him, and he knew he wanted all of that with her. 

“Now let’s get to the reason why you decided to visit me.” She said, interrupting his thoughts. “ _ After four years _ .” 

“Why do you think there’s a reason?” 

“Because it’s been  _ four _ years James.” 

“Yeah… four years.” He was ashamed, but he had to tell her the reason why he was there, albeit a selfish one. “I… found someone.” 

“ _ Someone _ ? Who is she?” She asked enthusiastically. Almost as though a friend would ask about one's significant other. She was right. Four years had passed. “I’m assuming it’s a she.” 

“Yes. It’s a she. And I’ve been meaning to ask her to marry me.” 

“James! That’s great. I’m really happy for you.” 

“You know the last time I held a ring in my pocket was when I wanted to ask you.” 

“ _ James… _ ”

“What did my mother tell you?”

“She… gave me the opportunity of a new life. With Phillip.” She explained, she inhaled and exhaled, then continued talking. “I wouldn’t have had that if I stayed with you. That’s what she told me. But I’m paraphrasing.” 

“You have a really nice life.” 

“Yes. I’m happy. Phillip might not look like Prince Charming, but he makes me happier than I ever thought he would.” She was telling him nothing but the truth. He had seen the pictures around the house. Of their family. And while it was true that she was way out of his league, they seemed like a loving couple. “The biggest lesson I learnt was that we make our own fairytales. Speaking of fairy tales, who’s your happy ending?” 

“Well, her names’ Y/N…” 

_ And then he told her everything about her.  _

  
  


**_17:25_ **

He had left Constance’s house much later than he thought he would’ve. She needed to run some errands and pick her son up from somewhere. He really needed that, he needed to see her again. To understand his own feelings. 

It was difficult to understand where his ideas about marriage rooted from. He usually blamed it all on his parents’ divorce. He had never found anyone who made him genuinely happy. The feeling of euphoria that came with love was unknown to him, until he met her. 

At a bar. Whilst he was trying to escape from his shitty life. She happened to be there, like his guardian angel. Without her, he would’ve probably been stuck in a loveless marriage for the rest of his life. 

Whilst he wanted the feeling he was feeling to last a lifetime. He wanted to marry her because she made no excuses when it came to being herself. Because she made him better. Whether she liked it or not. She did. 

He prepared himself to ask her the monumental question that would’ve changed everything for the better. He walked out of the department store with her favorite perfume in hand when he bumped into an old friend. 

“James Barnes?” 

Yelena. A  _ friend _ he had met through Sam in Paris or Nice. And he used the term friend loosely. Just like Sam, she was a free spirit. So free she had been with both him and Sam the same week. 

“Yelena” 

He spoke, as she kissed him on both cheeks. 

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been better.” Seeing people like her, that belonged in his past, felt a little odd. Especially as he was ready to jump into the future. “When did you fly into town?”

“Two days ago.” She said. “I’m still a little jet lagged.”

From behind her, came out another girl. Younger, with bigger eyes, who definitely didn’t belong to his past. Nor Sam’s. 

“This is my friend Wanda. You might have seen her last month on the cover of Vogue.” 

“Wanda.” He greeted, as her cheeks tinted pink.  _ Cute _ . Though she was more than that. 

“Mr. Barnes.” 

“So you two know each other.” 

He wondered the same about her and Wanda. They were different people. He couldn’t imagine someone as innocent looking as her to party with Yelena. 

“We’ve met before.” She explained. “At my father’s party.” 

“How’s your family?”

“They’re well.”

“How long are you going to be in the city?” 

“ _ For as long as I need to be _ .” 

**_19:45_ **

She shouldn’t have been there, but there she was. At one of the city’ best restaurants, sitting right in front of James. She knew shouldn’t have given in as easily as she did. But she was a sucker for good food in tiny portions, and as it turned out, romance. 

The restaurant was entirely empty, as by James’ request. He had rented out the place for the night. For just the two of them. When he wanted to be, he could be a true romantic. 

She knew a lot about him. She knew he liked pretentious wines he couldn’t pronounce well. Or the fact that he had so much influence and affluence, that he could rent out an entire restaurant for the night. 

Subconsciously she still wanted him to like her. Which was why she was wearing  _ La Perla, _ as an enticing promise for a more exciting night. Or the fact that she was wearing the sexiest heels she had, and the dress… it was elegant enough to get her into a fancy place like that, but it had a slit, showing off her bare leg. 

All of that to make a man like her. 

“You shouldn’t let me have wine…” She joked, she wanted to poke him a little for having given her a scare. 

She still reminded herself of that. So that she wouldn’t have let him act like that anymore. If she wanted someone who couldn’t control his emotions, she knew there were plenty of other men who fit the description. 

“Why not?”

“ _ Considering I’m just a kid _ .” 

She teased, knowing what he said still hurt. Why would he say those things to her? 

“Y/N…”

“Did you invite me here because you wanted to invite me to Wimbledon?” Wimbledon. The season’s first major event. It would’ve been the first time she attended, but she didn’t know if she wanted to go anymore. Somehow she couldn’t imagine herself there with him. Her mind wouldn’t let her go there. 

“Sort of...” 

“Or because you missed fucking me?”

“That too.” He chuckled. “I did miss you.” 

“I know.” That was the closest thing to an apology she was going to get. “I missed you too.” 

“Can we move on?” 

“Of course.” She smiled into her glass as she took more than a sip. “I heard this place has the best something… though I can’t recall what it was.” 

“You look beautiful.” 

Like she hadn’t heard that a thousand times before from him. As though that was the only thing that mattered. He said it like it meant something. That out of all the beautiful women in the city, he had chosen her. She was the lucky one. 

But looking at him, she knew she loved him. She felt it in her heart. Even when she thought he was a complete imbecile. He was still the love of her life. 

Nothing would’ve changed that. That love consumed her, made him hate him a little for it. She hated the fact that a man had so much power over her. But that was what love was. It wasn’t about who had more power. It was about being loved, and feeling love. 

They were basically the same person. She could see herself growing into someone like him some day. Maybe not as wealthy, but just as dysfunctional. 

In a blink of an eye, she saw the diamond ring in front of her. Cushion cut. Exactly what she had envisioned for herself if she ever got engaged to anyone. 

“Will you marry me?” 

_ Fuck _ . 

Without responding, she kissed him. She kissed him more fervently than ever before. 

  
  


**_20:24_ **

“I fucking missed you.” She dragged him down to the wine cellar, which was just underneath a flight of stairs by the kitchen. “ _ So much. _ ” 

She started kissing him passionately, her hands all over his body, hastily trying to unbutton his shirt. 

“I thought about you every day. At every hour.” And he’d keep doing so for as long as he could. He knew it in his heart. He would’ve married her right then and there if she didn’t have her hand his pants, eagerly pulling out his hard cock. 

He was going to have that for the rest of his life. He always knew to love someone would’ve left him vulnerable, weak. After all, someone had his heart and had the ability of breaking it in a millisecond. It was a risk, but he was more than willing to take it for her. 

She sat him down on the only stool there was, as straddled him. She teased her wet entrance with his sex, before she took all of him in. 

He hissed at the feeling of her warmth around him,  _ was that what the next years of his life were going to look like?  _

He knew things were always going to be like that. No one has ever fucked him in a wine cellar before. 

She bounced up and down on his cock, her uncontrolled moans echoed throughout the room, it was just the two of them. 

Her lips pressed against his harshly as she sought out her pleasure. She was intent on making herself come, and he had nothing against that. In fact he wanted her to do whatever she wanted. He was too happy to object. 

He imagined the life they would’ve lived. The perfect house, her waiting for him at home after a long day at work. They’d go someplace sunny for their honeymoon. A remote paradise in the Caribbean, so it’d be just the two of them sharing a piece of heaven. 

They’d stay there for a while, surrounded by the crystal blue ocean, as they’d swim in it all day, and fuck on the sand. When they eventually returned to the busy city, he’d throw a huge party. Bigger than any he had attended, and there he’d introduce her as his wife. 

His wife. The new Mrs. Barnes. 

He wondered how she’d look as the mother of his children. He always knew he didn’t want any, but something about her made her think about the possibility of starting a family. 

Of having someone else to love. Someone created by the passionate love they had. He knew they’d do good. 

“Yes James!” Her grip on him got tighter, her nails dug into his flesh, as she held him close to her body, as though she was afraid to lose him. 

Just looking at her falling apart like that made him want to come. Her walls felt like his own heaven as he let her reach her climax, crying out his name. She was a sweaty mess, as was he. But it seemed like she had no intention of stopping, as she kept dragging her hips through her own orgasm. 

He swore he saw literal tears in her eyes, as she came over and over again. His name was the only thing falling off her lips. Her lips, the same ones he wanted to kiss for the rest of his life. 

  
  


**_21:06_ **

“No.” She whispered as she turned away from him. She tried to say it in the quietest voice she ever spoke in. 

And yet, he still heard her. It was as though she wanted him to hear. 

“What did you say?” 

“No.” She said again, but that time a little louder. “I can’t marry you.”

She knew once she uttered those words there was no going back to a time in which things seemed to be easier, as long as they ignored their issues. Like they always did. 

“Can’t or won’t?” 

There was a hint of anger in his tone, he didn’t show it outright, but she knew it was there. She had become really good at reading him. She glanced at him, and he had a look of pure disappointment. As though he was a child, and she had just told him he couldn’t go out to play with his friends. 

She knew so much about him. About his likes, his dislikes, his family life, his childhood… it was too much. It was no wonder she had such a hard time detaching herself from him. 

She knew too much. 

“Is there a difference?”

“Last time I checked, there was.” His voice was a mixture of sadness and anger. But she was used to men being angry at her. Channeling their frustrations onto her. Whether it was because she was deemed emotionally cold, or because she had stood her ground. She always came out as the  _ bitch _ . “Why not? What would be so terrible about us getting married?” 

“Everything!” She exclaimed. “Give me a legitimate reason why we should get married.” 

“Because  _ I love you _ . I know it makes no sense, because as I hate marriage, and I just got out of a God awful one, but think about it, we wouldn’t be lonely. We’d have each other.” 

“Is that supposed to convince me? The whole lonely thing? Because that’s seriously a shitty reason to get married.” 

“Is that all you got from what I just said?” It was all she needed to know. That he didn’t want to be lonely. Unlike him, she was more than content with being so. “I just told you I love you  _ god damnit _ .” 

“You know what would happen if we got married? The honeymoon period would be just like paradise. We’d fuck 24/7 and live the time of our lives. But when that ends, we’d be catapulted back to reality. Where we’re going to have our separate lives. And after three months or so, we’d be like strangers. Worse, even. You’d resent me, and I’d resent you right back.” She hated being the realist out of the two, but she had to be. She needed to keep her head above water to not drown. “Nothing good comes out of marrying your mistress.” 

“You’re not my mistress.” 

“But it started out that way.” She rebuked. “If we were to get married, I’d create a vacancy for the next girl.” 

“I’d never cheat on you.” His eyes were glassy. He seemed hurt by the insinuation. “You know me, I would never do that.” 

“I know that now. But I won’t know what will happen tomorrow.”

“So that’s it then?” 

“I think so.”

She watched him as he stayed silent, though she could tell inside his mind, it was the exact opposite. He was thinking about so many things, taken off guard. After all, having sex in a wine cellar after a proposal was hardly seen as a goodbye. 

She could tell how much she hurt him. But deep down, she knew she was doing the right thing for him. And for herself. 

Everything she had told him was what she thought. Every word. Was the truth. And maybe it might have hurt her whilst she was saying them, but there was nothing she could do about it. 

That was the last time she would’ve felt him underneath her touch. The fire she felt when he was near was indescribable, so much that it was hard for her to let go. But she needed to be the wise one out of the two and speak out. If not they would’ve made a grave mistake. 

She didn’t want to be Mrs. Barnes. She didn’t want to give her whole life to someone who was going to leave her in a few years.  _ When _ , she didn’t know. But she wasn’t willing to stick around to find out. 

  
  


**_22:12_ **

James never could understand the people who could maturely part ways. As he had so much rage within him. She hadn’t given him any indication that she didn’t want him. She told him she loved him several times, and he, like an idiot, had believed her. 

He was hurting so much inside, so much so that it was the kind of pain that consumed him. 

She had humiliated him. She had taken her pleasure before she bid him farewell. He couldn’t help but feel used and empty. 

Love was a strange feeling, as when felt in large doses, it could easily turn into hatred the second things didn’t work out. And then, his feelings straddled the line between love and hate. 

Was there someone else? Had she found someone else without him knowing? 

He didn’t understand her. She would’ve rather fooled around than be his wife? He thought he knew women by then. But the truth was, he didn’t understand the most important one to him. 

He knew he would have regretted what he did in the next hour, but he was so enraged he couldn’t think straight. And the bottle of tequila he had bought for himself on his way home wasn’t helping either. 

He picked up his phone, dialing a number he still remembered at the back of his mind. 

  
  


**_22:18_ **

She closed the front door behind her, and in that split second of absolute silence, she could hear her heart rush then drop. She was a mess. It hurt. No matter how little tears she shed, it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. 

After all, James was her first love. And one never forgets their first. No matter how hard they tried to. No matter how much they sucked. They’d always look back at the memories fondly. 

And she knew she would’ve always remembered him that way.

“Y/N… you’re home.” Maria was still awake, though she was in her robe, preparing to go to bed. 

“I am.” 

“Are you ok? You look like you had a hard day.” 

“I did.” She had no idea what she had just done, and she intended on keeping things that way. She didn’t want anyone to know he had proposed to her. It wasn’t for her but for him. Though he might have not thought it that way. “But now I’m ready to go to bed.”

“Before you do so, there’s something waiting for you in the kitchen.” 

“For me?” She didn’t imagine it was James, though she had hoped it was. There was no way he was going to speak to her after what she had just done, and he didn’t know the half of it. 

After all, entering a marriage with secrets was a bad start. 

“Yes, for you.” 

She carefully stepped into the kitchen, where a gift basket waited for her. Packaged perfectly, and tied with a red bow. 

She looked at it confused, then at Maria, who was right behind her. She stepped closer to it, in order to inspect it. It looked like fruit. Though she didn’t know anyone who would send her fruit. 

_ Fruit _ . So definitely not an admirer. 

“What did you do today?” 

She opened the card that was attached to it. And read the message in a hushed tone so that Maria wouldn’t hear. 

_ Thank you for today.  _

_ R.B. Banner _

“Nothing.” 

It was said that when life closes one door, it opens another. She still wasn’t sure if that was the case, having closed a big one, but she suspected she was about to find out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL! ITS ALREADY BEEN AN YEAR SINCE I STARTED THIS SERIES AND IM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY READERS. from the ones who have been here from the start, to the ones who joined along the way.  
> I love you all. 💗
> 
> P.S: The R in Bruce’s name is Robert. Apparently that’s his first name.


	20. scandal is best paired with strawberries and cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... this chapter is a big one. I had this chapter planned since the beginning of last year and it was one of the first scenes I started developing in my head when coming up with this Fic. It encapsulates everything this fic is, and I wanted to write it just like I had imagined it. 
> 
> So here it is. My 9.6k word long chapter. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

**_07:35_ **

“ _ Rise and shine!” _

With that, she heard the curtains open in one swift move, as the daylight welcomed her into a new day. She hid her face in her pillow, trying to go back to sleep, which was hard to do once he started poking her arm. 

So much for a quiet morning in.

“Jesus Christ.” She groaned. “It’s too early...” 

“I know but today’s you gotta come with me to Wimbledon.” 

Sam had been kind enough to let her crash at his place as she didn’t really want to stay all by herself at the Hill-Barnes’ lavish Primrose Hill abode. There was something unsettling about being all by herself in such a massive house. 

She already didn’t attend the event the day prior, mostly because she didn’t want to. The last thing she wanted was to attend an event that she was supposed to go with James. 

“Fine... just let me sleep a few more minutes.” 

“If only you went to bed early last night.” 

“I did.” Which wasn’t entirely the truth. She had spent the night drinking from half empty bottles she found around Sam’s place. The ones she figured he wouldn’t have cared for much since they weren’t as expensive as the other ones on the shelf. 

Not having to wake up early was strange, but she enjoyed the quietness of one of Sam’s guest rooms. 

“Now get dressed.” He told her. “You are everything  _ but _ presentable.” 

“I doubt you look fresh and presentable in the morning.” 

She countered, covering her eyes with her hands. At that moment she really hated him for waking her up like that. 

“I’m always presentable. Now, get up and get dressed.” 

“But why?” 

“Because it’s Wimbledon. It’s important.” 

“I can watch the whole thing on TV.” 

She argued, even though she knew she wasn’t going to get her way. 

“We’re not going for the sport.”

  
  


**_08:16_ **

She looked at the carefully laid out dress that was waiting for her on the guest room’s chaise. She let out a sigh. She chose that dress before everything had happened. Back when she was happy. Looking at it only reminded her of the things she lost. 

She could wear it for the one person she was going to wear it for.

“I’ll be waiting for you downstairs.” Sam told her as she applied a coat of lipstick. A simple nude lip. She looked at him, and nodded. 

She knew Sam was dying to know about what had happened to her. Especially when she had showed up at his place. He had someone over, but that didn’t stop him from opening his home to her. 

She wanted to tell him, but was afraid of what he was going to say. Though she knew he wasn’t going to judge her. They had a  _ no judgment policy _ between them. 

And yet she still didn’t want to.

They said every time a chapter in one's life ended, another one started. And as of then she felt like a shell of her former self.

She had molded herself into an unrecognizable version of herself.  _ The girlfriend _ . Ever submissive, and at times almost demure like. Always doing what he wanted. No matter whether she made decisions, they never felt like hers, but his. 

She left Sam’s penthouse feeling a little empty. She was definitely not ready to go back out there and pretend everything was fine. Everything wasn’t fine. No matter how much she changed because of him, whether it was good or bad, she did love him. 

More than she had loved anyone in her life. 

For someone who didn’t want to go out, she felt at ease outside. Perhaps it was just what she needed to feel like herself again. 

She cocked her head at the car that was waiting for her. A black limousine. 

_ Strange _ . That wasn’t Sam’s car. And she had never seen an actual limo in real life. Though she had always wanted to go in one. 

She stepped in the car, as the chauffeur opened the door for her, and as she entered, she was met with a very recognizable face. 

“Beck?” 

“Hi gorgeous.” She said with a radiant smile. “You are positively glowing.” 

“She wasn’t this morning.” Sam interjected, making her roll her eyes at him. “Tell her what you just told me.” 

“I’m staying in London for a little while longer.” 

“No way!” 

“I’ve realized being in Montecarlo is slowly turning me into my mother. I need excitement.”  _ The world didn’t need one more Winnifred Barnes. _ One was more than enough. She was pretty sure she already knew all about James’ proposal and how she had turned him down. 

She was psychotic like that. 

“To never being alone again.” Sam raised a glass with great ardor. They all chuckled, as they grabbed the bottle of champagne, passing it around, as the car moved. 

If she was going to survive her first official society event in the city, she needed herself a glass or two. 

The champagne was plentiful, as she watched outside of the lavish car. It was an entirely different world out there. People were going out and about their mundane lives. She still remembered back when she was like them. Eating fast food, and travelling by public transport. 

She hardly did those things anymore. She had been catapulted into a world of pomp and glitz. In the course of five months she had met James. By pure circumstance. Who introduced her to the world she was living in. A dream. 

She remembered how much she wanted to go with him. But circumstances changed. 

Everything did. 

  
  


**_10:56_ **

She walked behind Sam and Beck like a child. As the photographers started clicking away at them. She tried her best to stay as hidden as possible. Sam waved around like a celebrity, because that was what he was. Though Beck kept her composure, as she kept walking elegantly in heels. 

That was their world. How could they ever be comfortable with so many people looking in their lives, she had no idea, but there were several perks to the lifestyles they led. 

She kept her head for as long as she had to. 

“Where are we going?” She asked them, as soon as they walked past the paparazzi. There was no sign of people queuing. When she had informed herself about the event, she thought she would’ve seen people waiting in line, but if she knew them, she guessed they weren’t the type of people to wait in line for anything. 

“It’s where all the VIPs head to before the match starts.” 

“Oh...” 

“In reality I come here only for this.” Beck explained to her. She was like her guide to that world which felt so foreign to her. “Everyone who is someone is here. You’ll probably meet someone here who’ll catch your eye.” 

“I doubt that.” 

As they passed by bodyguards and were let into the VIP area, her eyes widened. It indeed was the VIP area, as she saw a few familiar faces, from film and tv. Food was plentiful, but came in small portions, and there was an abundance of champagne. 

Strawberries and cream were being served to all of the attendees, which she had read was tradition. She couldn’t help but look around her. Life was truly grander when one had wealth. 

As she looked around, she saw Beck knew what she was saying. So that was what people meant when they said they were plenty of fish in the sea. Though it was a sea that was inaccessible to most people. 

She was surrounded by impeccably dressed men, and none of them were off limits. Whether they were single or not. 

Perhaps being single in that world wasn’t going to be that bad. She hoped that for her own sanity, that Beck was right. 

And just like clockwork, her eyes fell on the most handsome man there. Or at least to her. She didn’t care about the actors, nor the singers who were there. All she cared about was Steve, who stood far away from her, in an elegant navy blue suit. 

The light blue shirt was two shades lighter than his eyes, and yet it suited him to perfection. She wasn’t still used to seeing him with a buzz cut, but he pulled it off. 

“Sharon’s here.” Beck said to Sam. But she heard her too. 

_ Sharon _ ? Steve’s Sharon? Of course she was there with him. 

“Sharon? As in  _ the _ Sharon?” 

“Can we stop referring her as the Sharon? She’s the only Sharon we know.” 

“What’s going on.” 

“Steve’s new girlfriend is here.”

She looked everywhere, until she spotted her. She had just joined Steve, and was clinging onto his bicep, so it was hard to miss her. Prim and proper, were two words she would’ve used to describe her. 

And pretty. He sure knew how to choose them. 

“She’s not exactly a new girl, they’ve been on and off for the longest time.” 

“And when they were off, she was with half of the New York Yankees. Allegedly .” He revealed after a long sip of champagne. “ _ The stuff of fairytales. _ ” 

“So they’re  _ together _ together now? ” 

“I wouldn’t give her much thought. She’s what you’d call a natural born attention whore.” She didn’t know if he was saying that to make her feel better, but it definitely did. “She pays people to write about her so she stays relevant. Relevant enough to bee one the next Mrs. Rogers.”

“But she seems nice.” 

She did. By the looks of it, she might have been an actress but she played the role of Steve’s girlfriend really well. She fit in seamlessly in his world. 

Perhaps she was what Steve needed at that moment. Someone perfect for him. 

Though she couldn’t deny she was just a little jealous. 

“What can I say? Appearances can be deceiving.” 

Sam was right. After all, she knew every single one of the people in the VIP area enjoying strawberries and cream whilst sharing the most shallow facts about them (which one could do a quick Wikipedia search about) were nothing like the perfectly crafted images they presented to the world. 

It must have been exhausting having to pretend all the time. Though she knew a little about it, as she had been pretending as well. It might have not been a fake facade molded by some publicist, but by herself. 

She might have been new in that world, but she found it interesting. So many mysteries, amongst which Steve was the biggest one. 

“I thought Steve wasn’t one for events.” 

She inquired casually to Beck. She seemed a little out of the conversation Sam and she were having but she was always like that. Her mind always seemed to be elsewhere. 

“ _ Parties _ . He isn’t a fan of them. But events like these are different. After all he’s the scion of the Rogers family.” She explained as she waved at someone in the distance. “I had the biggest crush on him when we were growing up. We even went on one date, but he always longed for someone else.” 

“Margaret?” 

“Yes.  _ Her _ .” 

One thing that was clear to her was that Steve’s affections were coveted by many women. He was the one everyone wanted, but no one would ever get as his heart always belonged to another.

She had a brief window in which it seemed like he wanted to be with her. Whatever that meant. But she could’ve had that. 

She looked back fondly at the memories of them back in Venice. How simple everything used to be. Her heart felt lighter, though she remembered how much she felt for him. She used to have so much fun with him, she wondered whether things would’ve gone back as they used to be. 

She could’ve been the one on his arm.

But she wondered whether he would’ve kept her in the dark. Like his dirty little secret. 

She missed her opportunity for that though.

Now it was her turn. Sharon Carter. Margaret’s cousin. An actress as well. Albeit a less famous one than her relative. Whereas Margaret had always been more daring, Sharon seemed to be the serene one. 

Margaret was never the type to settle down. She said so herself in her autobiography. It wasn't the kind life suited for her. 

But Sharon? Being a future politician’s wife seemed to be in the cards for her. From what she gathered online, she was a sweetheart. Had a really good reputation for being nothing but kind and generous. 

Though by the way Sam spoke about her, he didn’t seem too fond about her. 

Which meant there had to be more to her shiny exterior and her sunny personality. Because as far as she could tell right then and there, she had nothing against her. 

  
  


**_11:37_ **

His eyes scanned the area, looking carefully for her. But not too much to not seem too obvious he was looking for someone. A few people greeted him politely, people he hadn’t seen in a long while. 

He usually attended events like that every year with Dot. He didn’t enjoy the attention, but he liked the confused look people had on their faces. As he had walked in with an international supermodel. It was the correct way to get over being rejected. 

It took him all of thirty seconds to spot the one he was looking for in the crowd. Their eyes met for a moment. He was angry, but it wouldn’t have been accurate to describe what he felt as anger. It wasn’t as simple as that. 

She then turned away, as though she hadn’t just noticed him too. He still loved her. He didn’t know how she felt about him, but he couldn’t stop thinking about her. About a time when they were both happy, uninhibited and free. When the breeze blew in the faces, as birds chirped in the background. Running around in fields, the insane amount of passion shared amongst each other. 

For a minute he had forgotten all about the blonde he had brought with her. 

The blonde. Wanda Maximoff. The one he was constantly reminded of their age gap. She had just turned twenty two.  _ Twenty fucking two _ . A model. She had already been on more spreads than any other model. Probably since she had her mother’s legacy to continue. 

He already felt like he didn’t relate to her much. He thought she was breathtakingly gorgeous but he obviously didn’t bring her there because he was head over heels for her. 

But he saw how she looked at him. She blushed at his words, letting out little laughs whenever he tried to say something funny or sarcastic. He could tell she had a little crush on him. Ever since he had attended her father’s birthday party. 

Women always looked at him like that. Like he had all the answers to their questions. He was used to being seen as a knight in shining armor by them. The younger ones tended to be like that. 

With the whole thing with Y/N, he had forgotten who he was. What the name James Buchanan Barnes meant to everyone. 

  
  


**_23:47, two days prior_ **

“ _ James Buchanan Barnes _ .” She said with a chuckle. The loudness of her voice, and the booming club music in the background indicated to him that she was out partying. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“I want to ask for a favor.” 

He could see Yelena smirking though he couldn’t actually see her. She was like that. Cocky, a little too confident with an attitude. 

Like everyone else in his life, things just didn’t work between them as friends, nor as anything else. She had a crazy lifestyle that wasn’t for him. A lifestyle that included parties and spending an insane amount of money in God knows what. 

The music on the other line became faded, she was moving to somewhere more quiet. Then she spoke again. 

“Did my hearing deceive me, or did you ask for a favor?” 

“Don’t make me repeat myself.” 

“Fine.” She sighed. He could tell she had been drinking a lot. “If your favor involves us sleeping together, that happened one time.” 

“No. It doesn’t involve that.” 

“Good. We’re better as friends.” Friends who barely saw each other. But sure.  _ Friends _ . “Now tell me.” 

“Wanda.” He pronounced her name clearly so that he wouldn’t have had to repeat himself. He didn’t want to ask her twice.“I need her number.” 

“Need or want?” 

“Is there a difference?”

“One tells me you're desperate for it.” She was fucking with him, and he didn’t have time for that. “In a  _ ‘I can’t live without it’  _ way.” 

“I just asked for a number.” 

“Yes. Of my friend.” 

“Is she now? A friend?” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“She doesn’t seem part of your ‘friend’ group.” 

Wanda seemed far from the girls she usually hung out with. She didn’t look the type to enjoy parties, or drugs, or anything she did in her free time. He knew the Maximoff’s. They were a respectable family. 

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.” She scoffed. “The better statement is:  _ she doesn’t look like your type _ .” 

“What’s my type?” 

“Girls who have seen, and experienced things.” 

“And Wanda’s not one of those girls?” 

“Oh no.” She chuckled, as though he knew something he didn’t yet. “I heard a thing from one of the girls who works at Vogue. Who worked at Wanda’s photoshoot with Aleks. Wanda’s ex and first love.” He didn’t see how that was relevant, but he let her continue. “Let’s just say if you’re trying to get a quick and easy lay, she’s the wrong person to go after.” 

“Her number please.” He asked in a more stern tone to let her know he was serious. 

Not about the girl, but about getting her number. 

“Fine. I’ll text it to you.” 

  
  


**_11:48_ **

She heard a few hushed gasps and inaudible mumbling. She looked around until her eyes fell onto the person everyone was talking about. 

Of course he was there as well. 

The last time she had heard about him, she had just returned to the city and he was in Amsterdam. Getting into legal trouble. Something that had to do with drugs and prostitutes (with his name tattooed on them). 

He walked back into society as though nothing had happened. Except from a few curious looks, people seemed to welcome him back with open arms. Which she suspected had more to do with his aristocratic title rather than his behavior. 

“Why the fuck is he here?” She had no qualms in hiding her disgust. What was it with rich men never facing the consequence of their actions. She may have dug up on the situation a little more when she was alone, and from what she had gathered one man had taken the fall. A man younger than him.

An actor who was just emerging into the scene, with no prior misdemeanors on his record. Now was charged with possession and was branded as a misogynist online. All because a bunch of self absorbed wealthy perverts had to keep a facade in the eyes of the public. 

What was worse that once every single evidence of Loki and the Amsterdam debacle was wiped from the internet, it was as though people forgot. 

People chose to forget. It wasn’t like they could do anything to change things. 

She didn’t like how he circled around, as though nothing had happened. That was what happened when people like him got away with things like that. The more powerful they thought they were. 

“He comes every year.” 

He was such an attention seeker. Anything to divert the attention from his previous scandal everyone seems to forget.  _ Oh to be a rich white man _ . “He’s a huge fan of the sport.”

“I bet he is.” 

She just didn’t expect Steve Rogers to be one of those people. But she guessed she didn’t know him enough. He wouldn’t have easily moved on from Margaret like that. 

Feelings couldn’t be switched off from day to another. 

“What did he do to you that makes you not want to see him again?” 

“What do you mean?”

Except for never taking accountability, being an egotistical asshole (despite being well spoken and all) and always demanding something out of her whenever she asked for a favor. Which was the reason why she didn’t call him again. 

“Women tend to obsess over him. Like they do with me.” 

“Trust me, I’ve had enough of egocentric men.” 

  
  


**_02:34, two months prior_ **

“ _ Loki _ .” She moaned loudly, a stark contrast to the silence that dominated the room. His skilled tongue brought her over the edge, trembling under his touch. She had lost count 

She wasn’t supposed to enjoy it so much. But she was, crying out his name like a prayer, tears streaming down her face. She had no more doubts in why he had earned his nickname as  _ Silvertongue _ . 

Her cunt was sensitive, and yet craved more of his touch. She wanted to ruin her. She was upset, and needed someone to make her forget. Loki was good at doing just that. His pale skin was marked by red lines, evidence of their earlier activities. 

It wasn’t a game of hunter and prey with him. He let her be whomever she wanted to be. She didn’t have to be submissive, but for once that night, she needed to be taken care of. 

The words he spoke to her were filthy but they reminded her of a sonnet. They were interrupted by the loud way he was pleasuring her, his long fingers pumped inside of her for a brief glorious moment which made her see stars. She was a mess, her juices covered her inner thighs, before he took them out, making her cry out in frustration. 

She trembled underneath his touch, expert, and well calculated. 

Her mind almost went blank, if not for the sound of a door creaking open. That was when she regained a fraction of her senses. 

Someone had entered the vast suite, and if not for Loki’s hands holding her down by her hips (and her own legs which she knew she couldn’t count on to walk properly). 

“Mr. Odinson,  _ Sir _ ?” A voice echoed. He had ordered room  _ fucking _ service. “I have the bottle you ordered.” 

“ _ You be a good girl, ok _ ?”

He had done that on purpose. That asshole. But there was no way he was going to let him in when she was sprawled across the dining table. Whoever it was, wouldn’t have seen her if he didn’t enter the suite and headed into the living area. 

“Come in.” 

No fucking way. That son of a bitch. But she had no strength to say anything. Not with his face in between her legs, lapping her sweet juices. She had no power to do anything else but moan. 

“Mr. Odinson…”She could hear his voice, as she felt the presence of a third person in the room. She tried covering herself up, but she didn’t have the energy to do so. “I…” 

She spotted the man. Young man. He must have been her age, or in his early thirties. She could tell as her mind was hazy and at that point she didn’t care anymore. She didn’t care about who was watching her. 

All she cared about was coming again. 

“Isn’t she a beauty?” Loki commented. The whole situation seemed to entertain him. In that moment she felt nothing more than an object, another trophy won by him, displayed to others as a symbol of his skills of seduction. 

There was no answer from the unnamed man, who she couldn’t see from where she was. As she was on her back, but she guessed he was still there as she didn’t hear him leave. 

“Mr. Odinson… I have to… I’m-“ 

The poor man stammered. Another victim of his massive ego. She only wished she had the voice to say something, but anytime she opened her mouth, her words turned into moans. 

“ _ Stay _ .” He demanded his lips mere inches from her wet pussy, teasing her as he took 

his time to speak. “She likes to be watched. Don’t you Princess?”

She nodded desperately. She needed him. She needed to find release. 

“Won’t you look at that…” He chuckled darkly. “Do you see what you do to him, princess?” She couldn’t. But she could only imagine what that man must have been feeling being displayed to such a graphic scene in front of him. 

“Do you see how hard you make him?” 

She moaned louder at the revelation. The thought of getting ravaged by Loki by a stranger turned her on. 

“I told you she likes being watched.” “Do you see how wet she is?” 

“Get up sweetheart.” He instructed her, as he helped her up. It was considerate considering she couldn’t do it by herself. 

“Tell me something…” he whispered into her ear as he played with her nipple, making her gasp. “Would you like him to stay and play with himself as I fuck you hard?” 

“Y-Yes…” 

“ _ You heard her champ _ . Let her see you enjoy yourself.” 

The man got closer, so that she could watch him touch himself. She watched him as he pulled out his cock, and hissed as he wrapped his hand around it. He was already hard, but she knew that already, as Loki had previously told her. 

“Loki…” she pleaded, as he teased her clit with his thumb. He had teased her enough, it was extremely frustrating as he had her spread on a table for God knows how long. 

She was done with games. She needed to get ravaged by him. Again. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He complimented her, before kissing her deeply. Fuck. She didn’t expect that. “ _ Let’s give him a show, ok princess? _ ” 

**_11:59_ **

_ Fucking hell _ . She wasn’t even hiding it. He saw the way she made eyes at him from a distance. Why him? Did she turn down his proposal for him? It just had to be him. It was the most obvious answer he had come up with. And the way she looked at him made sense. 

She had already slept with him before just to spite him. He knew she would’ve done that again. He couldn’t even focus on the beautiful woman he brought as his guest, as he wondered what was going on between them. 

How she looked at him as though she wanted to take him right then and there. 

He didn’t know how he still thought about her like he did. She consumed his every thought. She was still a haunting presence in his life. But he couldn’t deny he didn’t have feelings for her. 

He loved her. He wanted her to be his. He thought she wanted that too. 

After all, rejection was something he wasn’t used to. He had never been rejected like that before. Especially by a woman. Just the thought of her clear ‘no’ made him angry all over again. 

_ How could she lead him on like that?  _

He couldn’t understand how she wouldn’t want to be his wife. She would’ve been a Barnes. A name so many revered and respected. 

Wanda instead reminded her of many of the women he used to date back in the day. Though none were as beautiful as she was. 

She saw him as he wanted himself to appear to others. To her, he wasn’t damaged, nor short tempered. Scary nor a horrible person. 

He observed as she talked to a woman he knew as well. Not only was she a great conversationalist, but she was also a good listener. 

A good quality in a woman. 

**_11:02, that morning_ **

His knuckles were almost white by how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel of the new car he had bought. He would’ve denied it if asked, but he had bought it solely for that occasion. 

A Jaguar. Sleek, shiny and new. It was exactly what he needed. 

He didn’t like Wimbledon. He wasn’t a fan of tennis, but he knew it was an important event. And Y/N was most likely going to be there with Sam. 

Y/N. A part of him never wanted to see her again. He had never been so humiliated in his entire life. He hated her. He thought her as a thoughtless spoilt little girl who played with people’s emotions. 

Another side of him wanted her to see how much better he was doing. 

He wouldn’t let himself admit he still felt something for her, as anger was a much more powerful emotion than love. 

He heard a tapping sound on the passenger seat window, as he saw her. He wished things were different. That he was going to Wimbledon with his planned plus one, and not with someone else. 

Though that someone else was gorgeous. Gorgeous enough to make him forget of a certain someone. 

She was two years younger than she was. So she was young. With that, he had officially started his mid life crisis.

She was a pretty young thing. With supple looking lips and big green eyes framed by long eyelashes that made her look doll-like. She dressed like she wasn’t even going to an event. 

But he could tell she worked in the fashion industry by the small details. Such as her subtle jewellery. Almost muted. Yelena had filled him in about her. So he knew everything he needed to know about her. Not that he cared too much. 

Though he couldn’t have found a better candidate than her. 

“ _ Ready _ ?” 

  
  


**_12:03_ **

There was a blonde with James. She was pretty sure she had seen her face somewhere probably from some fashion magazine. Or in an ad for unnecessarily expensive perfume. 

He was doing just fine. Days after the proposal fiasco. She was glad she had turned him down. He didn’t want to be lonely, so he found someone to not be lonely with. 

She couldn’t believe it. A few days ago James had asked her to marry him, and now he had already moved on with someone else. She watched him as he whispered something in her ear, as she laughed into her hand. 

And she was stunning. Why did he choose her? She understood he didn’t want to speak to her, but did it ever occur to him that rejecting him was hard on her too? 

She didn’t want him to imagine them being anything more than what they were. 

“I can’t believe it.” She rolled her eyes, grabbing herself another glass of champagne as she watched them talk. 

They couldn’t be any more obvious. He was more immature than she thought he was. 

“Will you tell me what happened? Because you turned from bad to worse in a matter of a day or so.” 

“You really want to know?” 

“Yes.” 

“Fine.” She sighed downing her glass so that none was left. “James proposed and I said no.” 

“Fucking hell.” He said, not so shocked by the revelation. “So he went through with that huh?” 

“You knew?” 

“I did. I told him it wasn’t a really good idea, but he insisted it was true love or something like that.” He knew nothing about her, and it appeared he didn’t listen to her either. It made her more sad than angry. Men never cared about her opinions anyway. At least the ones she got involved with. “Love makes you do stupid things.” 

It wasn’t love. If it was love, then he would’ve understood. He wouldn’t have shut her out. Ignored her calls, and everything. Only to appear days later with someone else. Who was she anyway? 

“Is that why he invited her?”

“Probably. I’m assuming he’s angry.” He said. “Anger mixed with love makes one act irrationally.” 

“Things just ended between us. I can give him the space he needs.” 

“Good girl.” 

**_12:20_ **

She looked around to see Loki looking at her. The champagne glass he held seemed tiny in his hand. Whatever conversation he was in, he seemed distracted by her. 

_ Great _ . Now Loki also knew she was there.  _ Things couldn’t go any better. _

His lips curled into a devious smile, though thankfully he was in the middle of a conversation so he couldn’t come over. 

She didn’t understand why he liked taunting her. Didn’t he have greater things to attend to? Why bother someone insignificant. Because that was what she was in their world. 

But watching him gave her an idea. 

She dipped a finger in the cream and brought it to her lips. She noticed how he looked at her amused. He wanted her to entertain him. And she wanted to make James jealous. Besides, it was harmless fun. It wasn’t like she was jumping into bed with him. 

Now that would’ve been a whole different story. 

Her lips wrapped seductively around her finger, tasting the sweetness of the cream mixed with the tartness of the strawberries. It was the perfect treat for such a hot day, and suggestive enough to catch the attention of an aristocrat. 

People didn’t notice, they were too wrapped up in their own conversations to even care. Rich people were mostly too self involved to notice anything else if it didn’t involve them. 

She was well aware she was in James’ line of view. It was all on purpose. Did she want him back? She didn’t know. She didn’t know for how much longer she could’ve let the both of them suffer. Neither of them were fit for a relationship. Neither of them were mature enough. Only she knew that. He saw things too simply. 

But she knew deep in her heart she still loved him. For as long as he had a place in her mind, she knew she would’ve loved him. She still thought of him, of the empty promises they made each other. The sex. The hours of intimacy shared between them. 

Would’ve always stayed with her. It was a part of her. 

She just had to let things run their course. Only time would tell if everything she did was worth something. 

**_12:24_ **

“I’ve seen that girl before…” She said, not that he was listening much. He thought she was thinking out loud, so he didn’t even reply to her. “In Venice. She was Steve Rogers’ date that evening.” 

That was when he started paying attention. She was referring herself to Y/N. 

“She was?” 

“Yes. You must have seen them that night.” She went on. “They looked so into each other… I wonder what happened.” 

“No I haven’t seen them…” 

_ Yes.  _ He had seen them and just thinking about it again made his blood boil. He thought he was over that whole night, but he wasn’t. And now that she had mentioned it again, he found one more reason to be angry at her. 

Steve and Y/N… that match was a cruel joke. A total mismatch. He wasn’t her type and she wasn’t his. But that didn’t stop them from sleeping with each other that night. 

He wanted to move on, as he had finally rekindled his friendship with Steve. 

So instead of asking for answers from the two people he could find answers from, he opted for an easier way. Never getting answers, but drowning his anger in alcohol. 

Soon one glass turned into four, and before he realized it, he had finished an entire tray by himself. He didn’t get a buzz off of it though. And the champagne clearly wasn’t the best. 

And as though he wasn’t already surrounded by annoying people already, one had to come up to him. 

“ _ James Barnes _ .” God that voice. It sent shivers down his spine. He had no good memories of her at all. “It’s been a while hasn’t it?” 

“ _ Sharon _ .” He spoke her name with disdain. “I can’t say it’s a pleasure seeing you here.” 

“I thought you would’ve been happier to see me.” 

“Why would I be?” 

“Because you can see how happy I make Steve.” 

“You don’t make him happy. He’s just upset. And needs to appease the media.” He told her. “That's why you’re here. Not because you’re good for him.” 

“You’re wrong.” She argued. She was naive. “When was the last time you’ve seen him  _ this _ happy?” 

James tried to think. And the moment he did, he remembered something. He did see him that happy before. Even more so. And it was a night he remembered because it happened to be the worst night he had ever been through. 

“Venice. In July.” 

“How did you know he was in Venice?” 

“How can you  _ not _ know?” He scoffed, taking another glass. A bad idea, but he needed it. Especially to talk to her. “He was there with someone.”

“So? Why should I care?”

“He was there with a woman. He brought her to the Grand Ball, then went back home with her and… I assume you know what they did together in his room.” 

“We weren’t together back then.”

“She’s still in his life.” He informed her. Knowing it would’ve angered her. After all, Sharon loved Steve for as long as he could remember. For the same amount of time Steve spent pining after her cousin. “Apparently they’re  _ friends _ .” He scoffed, downing another glass. 

“Why are you telling me this?” 

“I figured you wanted to keep a tighter leash on your  _ boyfriend _ .” 

“Thanks for the tip.” She responded, not too convinced. 

If he would’ve been a little more clear headed, he would’ve known it was a mistake to have told Sharon Carter everything that he had seen in Venice. It was a mistake to tell her anything. But he didn’t know any better. 

  
  


For one split second she was left by herself. Sam was flirting with some singer he knew from back in the day, and Beck was God knows where. But she liked it. Sure, she enjoyed people’s company, but she liked that she found time to take in everything that was happening around her. 

She was inside the allusive world of the extremely wealthy. And it was beautiful. She couldn’t stop admiring it. 

“Y/N right?” A woman approached her. Holy fuck it was  _ Sharon _ . “We met the other day at Steve’s?” 

She was actually flattered she remembered her. As she knew she was a very busy woman, doing inspirational things. 

“Yes. I didn’t have the time to introduce myself.” 

“I heard a lot about you.” 

“Really? I hope only good things.” 

“Of course.” She gave her a warm smile, which reassured her. She was nice then. She had no idea why she didn’t seem much liked by Sam. But something had probably happened.

“Look at him…” Her eyes were on Steve as she spoke. “Isn’t he the most handsome man you’ve ever seen?” She was pretty sure it was a rhetorical question that didn’t need an answer, but she mumbled a quiet yes.

He looked good with his new haircut. It made him look a few years younger. But he always looked good. He was indeed one of the most handsome men she had ever met. But she wasn’t going to tell his girlfriend that. 

“You’re lucky…” 

She really was. She was Steve Rogers’ girlfriend. Making him officially unavailable. 

“I know.” She agreed. “I always knew we’d get back together some day, eventually everything that’s right falls into place.” She could tell she was really in love with him. And a part of her just wanted to light herself on fire right there and then. Steve deserved all the love in the world. But at one point she wanted to give him just that. 

“What about you? Have you seen anyone you think you like?” 

She didn’t know how to respond. As she still had feelings for Steve though smaller than they used to be. She didn’t know if she could unlearn to like him. 

But of course she couldn’t tell his girlfriend that. 

“No… not yet.” 

“Not yet? Are you sure?”  _ Huh? What did she mean? _ “Because I heard you have quite the colorful history for a newcomer…” 

She didn’t understand what she meant by that. As her voice was clear, and she couldn’t hear a drop of sarcasm. 

“I know everything about your  _ summer of love _ with Steve.” She said in the most calm tone she had ever heard from anyone. Almost as though she was saying something nice to her, as the smile on her face never faded. “I’m not angry, as I know Steve needs his distractions from time to time. As do I. But I’m back now and I’m here to stay.” 

What the fuck. She barely had the time to process everything that was happening. She wasn’t nice. As she thought she was. That was why Sam didn’t seem to like her. 

And did she just call her a  _ distraction _ ? She knew she was more than that, seeing as they hadn’t even slept with each other. 

“If you’re thinking to get with Steve, you’re delusional. But don’t take my word for it. Ask any of those who were with him during our breaks. They’ll tell you all about it.” 

She had no idea what that meant.  _ Those who were with him during our breaks _ ? She knew that Steve saw a few women in between. She knew because she hid a little research on them. A few actresses, socialites, and models. 

All she knew was that any of those relationships never lasted long. As soon after he had always gotten back with Sharon. 

Did she have to do something with the breakups? She had even heard one of his exes had been shunned for something to do with her past. But it was unlikely it had anything to do with Sharon. Right? 

She wasn’t sure of anything anymore. 

But she knew who to go to for answers.

  
  


“Why didn’t you tell me?” She ran right up to Sam who was in a conversation. But she didn’t have time for that. She needed immediate answers. 

“Tell you what?”

“That Malibu Barbie is a straight up cunt?” 

She didn’t have time to choose her words. They just came out like word vomit. 

“The fun is when people realize it for themselves.” 

“Fun? Are you insane?” She had no idea why he seemed to be enjoying himself so much. “She’s going to destroy me. Or find whatever dark secret I have,”

“Do you have any dark secrets?” 

“I have too many.” She had the one. The most relevant one. Which was about her. her secret relationship with James. She knew it would be easy to dig something up on it. Especially by someone as insane as she was. “What did she do to Steve’s exes?”

“You don’t want to know.” 

“I’m not Steve’s ex but I want to know now.” 

“She completely annihilated them in the eyes of the public.”  _ Oh so she was right _ . But she wanted to be everything but. “After all, the public only roots after her and him. And hate it when he’s with anyone else.” 

“Why? I hardly believe Steve willingly wants to be with her.”

“I asked myself the same question. But who knows. After all Steve isn’t as deep as people think he is.” Sam revealed. Though it wasn’t much of a revelation, as she knew Steve was flawed as anyone else. “He’s still a man with an ego. Which was deeply bruised after Margaret’s book came out.”

“Does anyone even believe her fake facade?”

“You did.” 

“Please show me towards where they keep the drinks.” 

“Don’t worry… I fell for it too.” 

She started heading towards the drinks, but she stopped as her brain processed his words. 

“No fucking way.” She gasped. “You?  _ And… her?”  _

“Believe me it was a huge mistake. College, after a party. She wasn’t with Steve yet though.”

She kind of expected it from Sam, but that didn’t mean it didn’t surprise her. So he really didn’t have a type. 

“I need a drink now.” 

“Me too.” 

“I have to go to the ladies room first.” She told him. “I’ll be right back. And you’ll owe me answers.” 

“Fine.” 

Sam and Sharon. Now that was something she wouldn’t have been able to get off of her head. How did it even happen? He must have ran out of women to hook up with. Which showed he would’ve been content with anyone. It wasn’t anything about her that intrigued her, except for the fact that she wanted to have sex with him. 

Men. Were they really that easily fooled by a pretty face? 

Though she would’ve discovered that women weren’t better, when she opened the bathroom door. 

“What the fuck.” 

There she was.  _ Rebecca Barnes. _ The very picture of poise and beauty with her long leg around his waist, her dress riding up her thigh. She didn’t even notice her. That was due to the fact that she was busy making out in a public bathroom like a teenager. 

She thought she was married and all, but turned out to be having her own fun. It wasn’t like she wasn’t allowed to. 

But when she slowly realized who  _ he _ was, the man with whom she was having her fun with, she froze.

It all happened in under five seconds, but her eyes went wide, as the two stopped what they were doing to look at her.  _ Loki _ . 

_ Beck, and Loki? _ Loki and Beck? 

What the fuck was happening. How did it even happen? What had happened? Those two were the last two people she thought would ever get together. She would’ve never even guessed it. But she immediately felt queasy. 

“Y/N!” 

She rushed far away from the restrooms as quickly as possible. Her mind ran wildly, but then connected the few dots she had been given in the past weeks. Beck had been staying at her father’s place, and yet she was hardly ever there. 

Maria had mentioned her not being at dinner a couple of times. Though she always shrugged that off. She was a socialite. Going out and mingling were basically a requirement. So that never seemed off to her until then. 

But one thing she believed to be odd was when she had that row with James. The most recent one. With the paternity situation. And she went to have drinks at Sam’s. 

She couldn’t shake the expression Beck had on her face when Sam had told everyone she had slept with Loki. A face one would have only if she were sleeping with him too. 

It all made sense. 

“Princess.”  _ Fuck _ . He managed to follow her. And she stopped at the sound of his voice. There was no use running away from him. “Long time no see.” 

“It has been a long time. Last time I heard about you you were involved in a scandal.” 

“It’s water under the bridge now.” He said with a grin. 

“I hardly believe fucking a married woman is going to help with your reputation.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I have a pristine reputation.” 

“Tell that to someone who believes all your lies.” 

“I never lied to you, have I?” 

He got closer to her, and she was ashamed to admit she didn’t back away. 

“Everyone lies.” She responded candidly. “I won’t hold it against you.” 

“You’d know that wouldn’t you sweetheart?” He asked, as he pushed a strand away from her face. “I didn’t expect you to be attracted to someone so primitive...” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You fucked Brock Rumlow.” How did he know? She knew he knew everything that went on in the city, but she didn’t really think that meant  _ everything _ . “The lawyer? Men talk, and he was bragging about it at my club a few weeks ago. I happened to be there. Us men can be so crass at times.” 

“What do you want?” 

“Nothing... but what I find odd is you being attracted to someone like that... I thought you liked intellectuals. Someone deep... or you just like someone who can get balls deep inside you.” Even as he said that, it sounded like an eloquently read poem or something. It has a lot to do with his accent. “And as I seem to recall I didn’t have any issue in doing just that for you darling.” 

Was he messing with her? He wouldn’t have told her that if he didn’t want something in return. By experience, she guessed he wanted a quick fuck. But he already had Beck Barnes for that, so she didn’t quite get what he wanted from her. 

“Y/N?” 

A third voice joined them, as she froze.  _ That _ was the reason. That egotistical motherfucker. 

It was some kind of twisted power play. It had to be. She turned around, and saw James. The man who hadn’t been talking to her for days. Now had probably heard everything Loki said. 

“I’ll leave you two lovebirds to talk things through.” 

Loki chuckled, and left. She couldn’t deny or hide things any longer. It was all out in the open. 

“Is this why you’ve rejected my marriage proposal?” 

She didn’t expect him to start with that, but she didn’t blame him. 

“James it’s not-“

“It’s not what?” She could see how upset he was. And he had every right to be. “You cheated on me.” 

“It’s not cheating.” She countered. “I’m not sleeping with Loki.” 

“So you didn’t fuck Brock Rumlow?” Oh. He meant that. She didn’t know where to start. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

_ She wasn’t ever going to tell him _ . That was her intention, but then Loki opened his big mouth. If it weren’t for him, she was probably never going to tell him. 

“I can’t believe it.” He scoffed. “I fucking proposed to you. And you failed to mention you fucked one of my ex wife’s coworkers.” 

“I was upset, I thought you cheated on me.” 

“So you fuck someone else? Is that how it works? Tell me, because I don’t know. I hurt you, so you get to hurt me back? Real  _ fucking _ mature.” 

She wanted to say something in retaliation. Something that would’ve hurt him, but she could tell she had done that enough. Cheaters were the biggest hypocrites out of all. They loved the taboo nature of their actions. They know it’s wrong and yet they seek out the excitement that comes with betrayal. 

But one thing they hate more than anything else is to discover their lover had been cheating on them. That was the one thing they couldn’t stand. 

She could see the look of disappointment in his face, and as much as she wanted things to end well between them, she couldn’t plan things. So that time, she let him walk away. After all, she had told Sam she would’ve given James the space he needed. 

  
  


“So you did sleep with him.” 

Oh no. Not Steve too. That day couldn’t be any worse. First Loki, then James, and then Steve. She just waited for everyone else to pile on. At that point nothing would’ve surprised her anymore.

“What?” 

She wanted to know how much of it he had heard. How much he knew. Somehow of all things she didn’t want him knowing about James and her. It was a dumpster fire of a relationship and she didn’t want him to know. 

Somehow she still cared about what he thought. Was he even her friend? He didn’t even tell her he was leaving and when she had discovered he had left, he was already back with someone new. 

“Loki. You slept with him.” 

_ Oh for fucks sake _ . What was it with  _ that _ day out of all days? But she was thankful that was what he understood. So he must have missed the whole thing with James. Or he had deduced it by the way she was trying to seduce Loki. 

Either way, she was grateful. 

“So what?” 

“You said it was just dinner.” 

“When did I say that?” 

“Before you left London for Venice.” He specified. She couldn’t believe he even remembered that. As she didn’t. “At Sam’s place. You asked me if I was jealous.” 

“Why do you even care Steve?” She asked, tired. It was an extremely tiring morning which she would’ve rather spent it anywhere else but there. “You came back from God knows where with a girlfriend.” 

“Does that bother you?” 

“I don’t care.” Raising her voice probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but she couldn’t help it. “Why do you care who I sleep with?” 

She was sick and tired of the confrontations that day. She only came for the fun, and the possibility of meeting new men, but the only men she interacted with were of her past. Men she needed to move on from. 

“Because we’re friends. And I have to be the one to tell you Loki isn’t a good person.” 

“Thank you Steve, but I’m an adult. I can manage myself just fine.” 

“But I know him...he’s-“

“ _ Listen to the lady Steve _ .” She groaned, knowing who had just barged into her conversation. All she wanted to do was leave at that point. 

“Loki…” 

She warned. 

“Don’t worry princess. Steve and I are close.” He said over confidently. “Aren’t we Stevie?” 

_ They were? _ Of course there was a connection between them too. Apparently everything was connected. Steve, Sam and James are long time friends. Both Sam and Steve had slept with Sharon. Sharon was Margaret’s cousin, who was Steve’s first love. Sam had probably boned James’ sister who was currently fucking Loki. Who she had slept with too. 

The whole thing gave her a headache. 

“We met at the Oscars afterparty two years ago _. _ ” 

“Shut the fuck up.” 

It looked like he didn’t have a fond memory of the Oscars party that occurred two years prior. Or at least didn’t remember it was fondly as Loki did. 

“I read her book, and it was funny how she called you a friend considering you wanted to get in her pants for as long as you’ve known her.” He taunted. So it was about Margaret. “And she just happens to want to follow me back to my suite after just fifteen minutes of small talk. Maybe you’re just  _ that _ dull.” 

Oh that was how they knew each other. She didn’t expect it from Margaret.  _ But good for her.  _ She was right to want to escape that world. She applauded her for it. 

Steve instead looked like he wanted to beat the living daylights out of him. She knew he wouldn’t have done that. He wasn’t the violent type, but he wasn’t even the type to go out with women like Sharon. So she didn’t really know what would’ve happened. 

Instead he just walked away, before he could do anything. Which was for the best, as they didn’t finish their conversation. 

As she didn’t owe him any explanations. She was an adult. And could sleep with anyone she pleased. Even men like Loki Odinson. 

“Did you have to do that?” 

“It’s just what I do.” 

What was it with men wanting to lay their claim on women? Steve still liked Margaret. Of course he did. Feelings he spent an entire lifetime developing couldn't just go away overnight. Not even after she hurt him like she did. 

She knew it. 

“Stay away from Beck.” 

“Don’t worry… it’s nothing serious.” He licked his lips, whilst looking at her as though she was his next meal. She couldn’t believe him. She had just caught him with the world’s most beautiful woman and he still tried to make passes at her. 

She hated how confident he was. Like her words had no weight to them. No one told him what to do. And she knew he would’ve done whatever he wanted to do. 

“I mean it.” 

But he did not reply. All he did was smirk at her and walk away. 

She was sick of men not listening to her. But she had come to the realization that none of the men she had come to know so far cared for her enough to listen. 

As she watched him leave, she let out a sigh. She wasn’t in the mood for tennis anymore. Not that she ever was, anyway. 

She didn’t know if champagne would’ve been enough to mend her problems and make her forget everything she had been through. 

She felt pretty awful, and all she wanted to do was go back to Sam’s and curl up in bed. Maybe watch a couple movies and order in. 

Then out of the corner of her eye, she spotted him. The only man who respected her. He was a shameless bachelor living it up in the city, but he never did anyone harm. 

Sam. 

He looked at her, and he already knew something was wrong. At times she believed that she should have chosen him when she still could. But she decided it was probably for the best that they never happened. 

After all, everyone she got entangled with left. But she never wanted him to leave. Because if he did, she knew life would’ve been a little more dull. 

He approached her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He said nothing, but he understood she didn’t want to talk about it. 

“Come on, let’s go and see the match.” 

“Who’s playing?” 

“I have no idea.”

He laughed. And she laughed with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I just wanted to state that I love MCU Sharon and Emily VanCamp (the actress who plays Sharon) so much that in my head ATGING!Sharon’s face claim is not her. But if you want to imagine her having EVC’s features, you’re more than free to do so.


	21. the enemy of my enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): public sex, angry sex, Reader is a very horny woman

**_10:23_ **

**_‘THE LORD AND HIS NEW LADY’_ **

He slammed down the magazine on his desk, before pacing around his office. Enraged was not enough to describe how he was feeling at the moment. A scandal was the last thing he would’ve expected from his own sister. The same sister who was perfect all the time, so much so that there was a time he used to resent her. 

For always doing what their mother wanted. Including marrying a man she didn’t love. 

He wasn’t mad at her. He never could be. Though he was mad at the imbecile she decided to associate herself with. 

He had only asked his secretary to get him the most read gossip magazines in the country. And four out of five already had his sister on the cover. There was no use hiding it. Pictures of them were plastered all over the city, kissing before entering his hotel. 

It was pretty reckless on her part, but she had never acted out until then. 

His phone had been ringing the whole morning. He knew who was calling him, so he ignored the incoming calls. 

But since there was no way he could’ve avoided them forever, he had no other choice than to answer. 

“Mother.” He spoke. He already guessed why she was calling him. She obviously had seen the pictures as well. Which was beyond him, as she controlled most of the media outlets. 

After all, that was how the public had no idea of his many affairs whilst he was married to Dot. The sole reason why people thought of him as perfect was because his mother had fixed every single misstep of his. 

But not even Winnifred Barnes could ever mend his sister’s reputation ever again. 

He hoped it would blow over as soon as possible. For her sake.

“I gather you have already seen the pictures.”

“Yea…” He spoke, as his secretary rolled in with more magazines. He started flipping through the ones that were already on his desk. They didn’t look good. There was no way his mother could spin that one. 

He never knew of the methods his mother used to maintain a bubble of impenetrable perfection around their family’s reputation. And he preferred not to know. 

All he knew was that she would’ve gone immeasurable lengths to hide their flaws. 

“I don’t think I need to reiterate the sensitivity of this matter.” 

She sounded a little more irritated than her usual eerily calm demeanor. Which meant it was something bigger than what she usually handled. After all, who would’ve expected Beck to slip? 

“It is all your fault. Giving your sisters ideas with your indiscretions.” Of course she’d blame him. When the stakes got a little higher than usual, it was always his fault. “She can only hope her husband will forgive her after everything she has put him through.” 

“You really don’t care about her, do you?” 

He asked, sarcastically. He had never witnessed a mother care so little for her own children. 

“Of course I do. I’m her mother.”

“You know that doesn’t mean shit.” 

“You two have no idea what I had to do for you. Everything I do is for the good of the family.” 

He knew she’d probably throw that in his face at some point. But what was everything? And how far was she willing to go? 

“You’d let Beck divorce her decrepit husband if you thought about what was good for the family.” 

“I will do no such thing. Rebecca already tarnished her reputation by stepping out of her marriage with that lord.” That lord who was probably using his sister to cover up his previous scandal. After all, covering up a scandal with a new scandal was an old trick. “She’ll be lucky if her husband decides to take her back. You know your sister better than anyone. And you know she’s incapable of being independent. She needs someone to care of her.” 

He wasn’t even listening to half of the things she was saying, mostly because he must have heard them over a thousand times. What got his attention was the sixth or seventh magazine he decided to open. It promoted lies. Lies insinuating a possible marriage between his sister and that snake. 

Fake sources corroborated the lie. That was much more harmful than any picture alone. Reports of them being linked in a bigger way, soon after a picture of the two of them together. Whilst she was married. 

It would’ve brought much more attention to the situation. As any rumors of a wedding between an aristocrat, especially an attention seeking worm like Loki, and a socialite would’ve been front page news. 

And before they knew it, it would’ve become too big of a fire for them to extinguish. 

“I imagine you already talked to the press?”

He asked her calmly. If there was one person who knew how to swipe a scandal under a rug, was his own mother. 

“I own most photos of them now. But one slipped through the cracks.” She told him. “The one you saw on the papers. You find your sister. I’ll try to clean up her mess from my end.” 

  
  


**_11:06_ **

“I seriously need better things to do than this…” she pointed out at the variety of magazines on Sam’ glass coffee table. She had read all about Loki and Beck. The new unusual pair. 

Though it was the last thing she expected to see on the front page. She rather expected either Steve and Sharon, or James and Wanda. Though those weren’t as interesting as a married socialite having an affair with a lord.

That was front page worthy. 

“I’d introduce you to some guys you’d like... or girls. If I thought what you need is a good lay.” 

“I need that.” 

“Not right now.” Said the guy who had probably fucked all the women in the city. Both available and unavailable. “You just ended things with James. I think you need a good support system.” 

“And I have that?”

“I’m almost offended you have to ask that.” He jokingly scoffed, making her smile. “You have me.” 

“You’re gonna make me cry.”

“I’m counting on that.” 

She looked at her phone, and the text she had received twenty minutes prior. She would’ve noticed it earlier if she wasn’t distracted by the news of Beck Barnes and her affair. 

Realizing she was nearly late, she hurriedly stood up, and walked past Sam. All while trying to text Dr. Banner back. 

Dr. R.B Banner. She had forgotten she had given him her number. She hadn’t heard from him in a while, not since he had sent a gift basket to her to thank her for picking his kid up from ballet class. 

The same Dr. Banner she had only encountered whilst in a relationship. But now that she was finally single, who knew what could happen. Not that she was counting on it. 

“I have a thing.” 

“Is that what you call it?” 

He raised his eyebrow. And she cocked her head. 

“Call what?” Oh.  _ That _ . Of course Sam would go there. “What? No! What’s wrong with you. I have a kid to pick up.”

“The twins are still in Vienna.” 

“It’s another kid.” She stated. “How do I look?” 

“ _ Fuckable _ .” 

“Sam!” 

“I’m guessing there’s a lot of hot dads where you’re headed to. Sexually frustrated dads who haven’t gotten any in a very long time from their Botox faced wives.” 

“I thought I didn’t need a good lay but a good support system.” 

“Getting laid doesn’t hurt.” He said, making her chuckle. “Speaking of… can you let my guest in when you go?” 

That made him stop in her tracks and look at him. He couldn’t be serious. Though knowing Sam, he would’ve had a guest over at any time of the day. 

“It’s 11AM.”

“I know.” 

“Am I supposed to believe you actually have a dick appointment right now?” It was a little hard to believe, but again, she wouldn’t put it past him. 

“I’m a very busy man Y/N.” 

“Are you though?”

“Being as active as I am requires a lot of time and attention.” 

“What do you do in your free time besides fucking randos?” 

“You’d know that if you actually spent any time with me instead of tending to those rugrats or chasing after men you’ve already had sex with.” He countered. He was right. 

“Hey.” She was spending less time with him, though she could’ve been a better friend. “Watch it.” 

“Why? It’s true.” 

“I love you… you know that right?” 

“I know.” He replied. “Never thought I’d hear those words from a woman who wasn’t my mother.” 

“Next week is fashion week right?”

“Yep. I’ll barely get any sleep.” 

“Ugh.” She laughed. “I’ll be all yours then if you’ll still take me.”

“Of course.” 

  
  
  


**_11:44_ **

“Dr.?” She asked as she held his daughter in one hand. She made sure she got there early to pick her up. Though it seemed the doctor had gotten there in time as well. 

“Where are the twins?”

“Still in Vienna...” She didn’t know he wore glasses.  _ He looked even more attractive in them? _ “They’re coming back tomorrow though.” 

“I’m so sorry…  _ I thought… _ ” He began to apologise. Why did he have to be so cute when he did that? “You didn’t have to...” 

“And you didn’t have to send the gift basket.” 

“I didn’t know what to get... flowers wouldn’t have been appropriate.” 

“The gift basket was perfect.” 

She remembered what Sam had told her. But in that moment, all she wanted was a good hard fuck. The gift basket was nothing. Just a token of his appreciation. A thanks. 

As he stated, flowers would have been inappropriate. He was the divorced/separated father of the twins’ friend. Sleeping with him wouldn't have been right. Besides, she hadn’t gotten any signs from him that he wanted to fuck her into his mattress all night long. 

By then she would’ve gotten something. Such as a glance, or a smirk. But he was nothing but polite. And politeness couldn’t be mistaken as flirting. 

“I can give you a lift if you want…” He offered kindly, he was sweet, caring. And reminded her of that one time she had a crush on one of her friends’ fathers back in the day. 

“Really? You’re too kind.” 

“It’s the least I can do for you. Seeing as you came to pick Harper up on your day off.” 

She smiled at him, as he opened the door to the front seat. A Porsche was a good sign. He had money, but it wasn’t a flashy one. It was the kind of car a man with a family had. 

He was a good father. She knew few good men. Probably it was because of the company she kept. And by that she could tell Dr. Banner was one of the good ones. The few good ones left in the world. 

He had to be divorced or separated though. There were several clues that led to that. Including the fact that she hadn’t met his wife yet. Though that day, he was wearing a ring. 

So maybe things had gotten better. 

But if that was the case, why was he looking at her?  _ Did she catch him staring at her for a second? _ It couldn’t be. Someone like him wouldn’t be remotely interested in her. She just mistook his manners for flirting. That wasn’t flirting. He was being polite. 

It was that she had never been around well intention men. Men who didn’t have a hidden agenda. 

“So where are you headed?” 

He asked her as the music from the radio started playing. She found herself humming to the song that was playing. 

“Back home.” She told him. With a smile. Of course a man like him wouldn’t be interested in someone like her. But a girl could only dream. Her phone buzzed loudly in her pocket, and her lips parted. It was the last person she expected a text from, but there they were, three cryptic and short texts, one including an address. “actually… can you drop me off at…” 

**_12:15_ **

A gentlemen’s club. She had no doubt James was a member there, though it wasn’t the kind of gentlemen’s club that had happy endings. Or maybe it did. It was a place where a fraction of society was welcome. People who had notoriety and wealth. People, who were men. 

Though women could enter, they could only do so only if they were a man’s guest. Which was exactly the classist, misogynistic rule she expected from a place like that. 

She walked in confidently, but was stopped immediately by a man dressed in a suit. 

“Excuse me Miss… I’m afraid you are not permitted to enter.” 

“James Barnes invited me.” 

She couldn’t believe she was using the name of a man to enter such an establishment, but there was no other way than set feminism back two centuries. 

“James Barnes?” He asked, surprised. “There must be a mistake.”

She couldn’t believe James was making her go through that. She didn’t want to stand there explaining to that man why she was there. She could have told him the truth, that her annoying ex, had called her there for God knows what. 

_ To talk _ he said. But talking with him was never just that. Though she highly doubted anything would’ve happened in a place like that. 

“She’s with me.” 

A voice spoke, and just like that, she knew her ‘knight in shining armor’ had arrived. She could tell James was enjoying the whole situation. He got to help her, and she bet that made him feel like a man. 

Men were odd. They needed to be constantly reminded that they were men by doing meaningless little acts like that to feed their own egos. Not all of them, just the ones she knew. 

Like dating a much younger girl. Not that she cared. They were more than over. But his new girl (if one could even call her that) was twenty two. Younger than she was. Not by a lot, but still younger. 

He guided her inside, as she gave a ‘nice’ smile to the man in the suit who wanted to prevent her from entering. She looked around her. Pictures of former members were everywhere. From royalty, to politicians. To high powered CEOs, to every other man who was important. 

The furniture was antique. She guessed it dated back a century or two. The walls were of a deep navy blue, as chandeliers glowed above her. 

She was led up a grand staircase, where the portrait of the club’s founder hung on the wall. 

“This place has been here since the 18th century. A place where men could feel like men.” James told her as she stared at the painting. Not because she was marveled by it, but because she couldn’t believe she was in a place like that. And not in the good way. 

“Ah yes.  _ Toxic masculinity _ . Still in place even in the 21st century.” 

“You wouldn’t be able to enter a place like this without me. You should be lucky.” 

_ Yes _ .  _ Lucky her.  _

“What do you want?” She asked him. “Last time we saw each other you made it quite clear you wanted nothing to do with me. What changed?”

As she asked, they had reached the hall of portraits. Which was exactly as advertised. A huge room, with showcased huge portraits in lavish golden frames. The height of luxury and opulence. 

“Beck. She’s involved with Loki.” He stated. “And you know him. So I need to find them. They aren’t at his suite.” 

“If she wanted to reach out, she would have. James, she is an adult she can do as she pleases. Including going out with someone as perverse as Loki.” 

“If I had anyone else to ask, don’t you think I would have?” He argued, before he softened his tone. “You know Loki and what he’s capable of. Please. If not for me, then for Beck?” 

“Fine. I’m doing this for her.” She opened her mouth again, though she shouldn’t have. “Not for you.” 

“Of course not.” 

“Why would I? We’re not together anymore.” 

“Because you rejected my proposal.” 

“I’m allowed to have a say in it. It takes two for a marriage to work. Though judging from your failed marriage, you wouldn’t know anything about that.” She was becoming irritated by him. He still had no clue why she had said no in the first place. “And by the way, that’s not the way you propose.” 

“And you’re the expert?” 

“I would’ve done a much better job, and I hate anything remotely romantic.” 

She told him with conviction. It was a half truth. She had enjoyed their time together, though she always knew it was fleeting. 

“That explains a lot actually.” 

“You know, I did us a favor. I was the one who had the actual balls to call whatever this was off.” 

“Maybe you weren’t aware, but we had a relationship. You ruined all that for what? To fuck random men again?” 

“You really don’t get it. Which is why I declined your offer.”

“You’re starting to piss me off.” 

“You know what? You’re a spoilt, mommy’s boy.” She told him, as she watched him scoff. She chuckled at his immaturity. Basically forty and still acting like a child. “Oh you don’t like it? Tough. Who else is going to tell you? Certainly not the people who are so busy kissing your ass.”

“And you’re an immature kid.” 

_ Pot, meet kettle.  _

“You were fucking the  _ ‘immature kid _ ’! What does it say about you?”

“And what does it say about you? Fucking someone significantly older.” 

“Older but still a fucking idiot.” 

Yes. That was what he was. An idiot. Also why was her heart beating so fast? It was because she had just argued. He made her blood boil. He was just a spoiled rich man. Who made no efforts in understanding her. 

But then why was she staring at his lips? At his beautiful,  _ beautiful… _ lips. 

It was very impulsive of her, but she kissed him right then and there. She smiled against his lips when she felt his lips move in sync with hers, and grabbed a handful of her ass. 

What was a kiss? A display of affection. But she had stated that she felt nothing of the sort. To them it was always a prelude to the main event. Sweaty, toe curling, mind blowing sex. 

But that was off limits. She couldn’t sleep with him again. Not like that. Not there. 

Though something about desecrating the very establishment where misogyny was encouraged turned her on. 

If it was hatred that spurred him to undress her and himself, she wondered how the sentiment opposite to love could result in the same ending as love did. 

She came to the conclusion that hate fucking was just as passionate as love making, as he hiked up her dress up her thighs, once he had hastily unbuckled his pants, pulling them down with one hand. 

The whole myth about women being from Venus, and men from Mars was a huge lie. Men were more similar to women than one thought. They weren’t as simple as she had previously thought them to be. They weren’t always the unproblematic ones. 

And it looked like it took them a lot more time for them to get over someone. 

He still touched her as though nothing had ever happened between them. It was like taking a leap back in time. He still loved her. She felt it even through his anger and frustration that he did. 

His grip tightened, as she let his tongue take over. She felt his arousal flush against her, as he maneuvered her leg in a way he could enter her. There was a certain degree of aggressiveness he possessed in that moment she wouldn't dare question. 

He needed to feel like a man, and she needed him to feel that way for him to fuck her properly. His anger transpired as his teeth were gritted, and he held her so tightly that she guessed he was going to leave a mark. 

They were right there in the open, in a place anyone could’ve stepped in and witnessed them in the throes of passion. Her arousal dripped down her legs as he pounded into her with all his might, his cock stretching her out with each careless thrust. 

He might have been a spoiled moron with anger issues, but who even cared? The sex was so good she found herself crawling back to him each time. The line between lust and love was always blurred. 

She was drunk with desire, she wanted more, and demanded more. As he filled her each time his lips crashed upon hers to shut her up. Though the lewd squelching of his cock pistoning in and out of her echoed all around them.

“You’re such a fucking whore…” he seethed, letting out a dark chuckle that reverberated in her core. She wanted him so much she had no idea a person could desire someone so much. “This is what you want… isn’t it? To be fucked like a slut.” 

“Ye-Yes….” She moaned, unable to say much else. As pleasure replaced her conscience, there wasn’t much else she could say. Except take his rough fucking until she came. 

He still didn’t understand her, but perhaps it was for the best. He wouldn’t have been fucking her in a private gentlemen’s club if she had accepted his proposal. They would’ve been deciding on the location of their wedding, whilst he would’ve found someone new on the side. Someone younger, if it was even possible, who would’ve given everything his heart (or his cock) desired. 

Deep down she had always known that was her spot. She would’ve rather been the one he was cheating with than the one that was being cheated on. She wondered whether he was cheating on that beautiful young model with her. 

And the thought of that alone, made her come. As twisted as that was, she liked to think she had such a power over him. She was irresistible and that made her powerful in a way. 

He didn’t turn her around with her face against the wall. It was too impersonal. And they were everything but that. He stared into his eyes, and she could understand how he was feeling at the moment. He wanted to be in charge, so she let him. 

“You’ll always be my favorite whore.” Were there others? Not that she cared. She knew if there were, none of them had a hold on him like she did. “Perhaps if you have one more round in you I can fuck your ass in front of all those conservative men.” 

She didn’t know if he would’ve actually gone through with that. As he was extremely possessive of her. He wouldn’t have wanted all those men to get ideas. He got off on the fact that she was his only. 

It was probably just dirty talk. Nonsense men uttered when they were about to come. 

He let out a final grunt before he came inside her, not letting one drop of his seed go to waste, before he pulled out of her swiftly, pulling up her panties so she’d walk around with his come inside, and on her.

She whimpered at the emptiness, her legs felt shaky, though she couldn’t deny she wanted them to touch her, fuck her with his finger until she was a crying, shaking mess. But he didn’t. 

He didn’t let her come. As he was too angry to do so. 

Primal desire made him slap her ass after he pulled up his pants, making her moan.

The thing about being so into a moment is that it blurs every other sense. If she hadn’t been so overwhelmed by the situation, she would’ve known someone was watching them, but alas, things never went the way she wanted them to. 

  
  


**_12:52_ **

“This doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you.” 

“I know.” She tried to adjust her hair, though he knew it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. She looked freshly fucked. “And I’m not looking for forgiveness. Admit it. You just can’t stay away from me.  _ You need me _ .” 

“Trust me. I don’t.” 

“Sure... you’re seeing a supermodel, and yet you’re here with me. I think that proves you can’t live without me. Speaking of… how are things going with  _ Little Miss Sunshine _ ?” 

“Her name’s Wanda and we are getting to know each other.” 

“You two havent fucked yet.” She pointed out. Making her look at her. She was smug, and knew that he hadn’t gone anywhere with the model. All he had done after Wimbledon was drive her back to her hotel. He didn’t even kiss her. As he didn’t know what they were. 

Added to the fact that Y/N was always on his mind. 

“I know because of the way you touched me.” She told him, as she got closer again. “You haven’t been touched ever since we parted ways. I’m flattered.” 

“I don’t feel anything for you.” 

“Sure you don’t. We both know your shiny new toy is a good distraction, but not good enough it seems.” She knew the effect she had on him. After all, she was the most sensual woman he had ever met. She’d bend to his will in the bedroom, but was fiery in any other situation. “I’ll see you around.” 

“Stay.” 

“And why would I do that?” 

“Loki has been coming here for three weeks to catch up with his friends from Eton.” 

He wouldn’t have been there at the club if he hadn’t gathered that information. Sure, he was a member there, just like any rich powerful man, but he rarely attended such a place. But he knew elitist pricks like Loki did. In fact he was right. 

Several witnesses had seen him there. 

“So you tricked me.” She accused him. 

“I didn’t trick you. I delayed telling you the truth. Like you did with me.” 

“So you used sex to do it?” 

“Why not? You did the same to me.” 

She was a very good manipulator. And more than once has he fallen for her charms, and open legs. She promised pleasure, to fulfill his every desire. So he did the same. 

“Now who’s the immature one?”

He wanted to kiss her. So much. It would’ve shut her up, and he couldn’t stand hearing her condescending tone anymore. He wanted to put her mouth to better use, wrapped his cock as he made her choke on it. 

She would’ve made a much better whore than a wife. 

It had been his mistake to think she could be otherwise. 

“ _ A lovers’ quarrel _ .” The presence of someone else made them stop talking. “I didn’t expect to see you here princess.” Loki  _ fucking _ Odinson. “You look freshly  _ ravished _ .” 

He teased. What a  _ smug son of a bitch _ . It was either the state of her hair or her dress that made him think that way. He hated that he knew she was the type to get fucked in public. Though he noticed she felt very empowered in that moment, so much so that she spoke with confidence. 

“And you’re going to leave Beck Barnes.” 

“Why would I ever do that?” He chuckled.  _ Why couldn’t he ever be serious? _ “I must admit, I did not think Rebecca Barnes of all people would have  _ that _ in her. She was quite the surprise.” 

“Alright you fucking asshole. Enough.” 

James spoke angrily. It was his sister he was speaking of. He knew she wasn’t a saint, but he also knew she would’ve never gone with someone like him. 

He wanted to beat that smug smile off his face. And he was going to. He wasn’t going to let him take advantage of his sister any longer. His sister deserved better. She deserved better than him, and her husband. She deserved someone who was going to respect and love her. 

Loki wasn’t with her because he loved her. He knew that. He was certain of it. Loki wanted to anger him. He liked to taunt people.

“I had expected your level of barbarism, but never in a place like this. Right in front of the portrait of this exclusive club’s founder.” He said in a very cavalier manner. “But I’m guessing you’ve already done worse things right here.” 

“I don’t understand what my sister was doing with trash like you.”

“My family’s marquisate has been around for centuries.” He countered. He couldn’t have cared less if he was a lord or not. As he always found a way to shoehorn his title in every conversation. “But yes, as you said I am trash. I’m sure there are far better men your sister could be fooling around with.” 

“A marquisate you won’t even inherit yourself. Your brother will. You just go around using his secondary titles to get laid.” 

“Alright. Enough with the dick measuring contest.” Y/N intervened. “Stop taking advantage of Beck Barnes.” 

“Rest assured I’m not.” 

“Well she’s sleeping with you so I’m sure she was vulnerable and you took advantage of that.” 

“She came onto me. And yes, I slept with her because she practically begged me to.” 

  
  


**_13:13_ **

“I already told you to stay away from her.” 

She stated a little more firmly that time. So that he would’ve understood she was dead serious. She was done having men disrespect her, or not listen to her. Belittle her, or see her as just someone they could fuck. 

She was so much more than that. But men, rich powerful ones never saw that. 

“And why the hell would I do that?” He asked her. “Are you jealous perhaps? Would you rather I divert my attention to you?” 

“When hell freezes over.” She spat. “I already told you once, but it seems you didn’t understand me. I’m going to talk. I’m going to tell everyone about your deepest, darkest secrets and your corrupt agenda.” 

Her threats only made him laugh. And his laughter angered her. He was only mocking her. He didn’t take her seriously. 

“No ones going to believe you princess.” He told her. “People root for attractive rich people like me. We never pay the consequences for our actions. That’s the beauty of being filthy rich.” 

“Then I’ll talk until someone listens.” She spoke a little more aggressively to get the point across. “I’m sure someone will love to publish how a certain aristocrat, and several government officials, spend their weekends. I remember every single detail of the night we met. Down to the dirty details.” She watched as his facial expression changed. He wasn’t mocking her anymore. It seemed like her words had some impact on him. “Maybe then people will connect that to your exploits in Amsterdam, and find a connection.” 

“You wouldn’t do that...” 

“Why not?”

“Because you wouldn’t hurt me like that.” 

“Try me.” She whispered as though she was telling him a secret. “I have a journalist on speed dial. But that’s entirely your choice.” 

“Fine.” He ran a finger up and down her arm, before putting it under her chin. “But I’m not doing it for the blackmail, which to be honest is quite a turn on.” 

“You have to leave for a while. I heard Spain is lovely this time of year…” 

“Spain? Where exactly?”

“I don’t know. The choice is yours.” 

“You got some balls on you princess.” He said smiling. Before he started taking some steps back. “You’ll know when I’m back in the city.  _ Barnes _ .” 

And with that he left. 

She wasn’t sure if he was actually going to leave, but something told her he was going to stay away from Beck Barnes. 

  
  


**_23:01_ **

“I can’t believe you’ve been through all that.” Nat said shocked, as she took another sip from her cocktail. They had managed to find a day in which both of them were free. Which was hard to schedule, as she was always busy. “So how was the proposal?” 

“Weak.” She stated, as she threw back a shot of tequila. She hissed, as the liquid burned down her throat, warmth spreading within her chest. “ _ Unlike this tequila _ .” 

“How do you feel?” She asked her. Perhaps she didn’t understand either. Though she didn’t expect her to. Women had different views on marriage. For example she had no views. She didn’t care for it. Especially when a proposal felt more of a business proposition than a romantic gesture. 

But what did she know? She was the type to love freedom. She had always believed the metaphor that compared marriage to a ball and chain. She had observed what it did to the people around her, and she didn’t like it. 

She would’ve much rather hopped from one bed to another. And yet, for a split second, it seemed as though she had desired to be one’s only woman. James’. Though she had jumped off that ship before it could sink. 

She looked up, as two men checked her out from the bar. She raised a shot glass in the air, whilst keeping eye contact with them, and downed it. She needed to get laid. Again. To wash away any memory of the man who had previously laid claim on her. 

Before she could say anything to Nat, her phone rang. A text message. 

It wasn’t long, nor complex. It was fairly simple. Though they consisted of three words she longed to hear. 

_ ‘I need you. _ ’

More texts followed, but that was all she needed. 

“You’re smiling.” Nat pointed out. “Go.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Well we had a nice evening. I’ll see you soon enough.” 

“What about fashion week?” She asked her. “I’m saying because you could update your wardrobe a little.” 

“What’s wrong with my wardrobe?” 

“I’ll text you the details then.” She stood up to kiss her on the cheek. “Say hi to Clint for me.” 

  
  


**_23:45_ **

Running around in the city in heels wasn’t the best idea, but taking a car would’ve taken too long. Though the reason why she was running around was because James had admitted she was right. 

They were too similar in a way. Both extremely stubborn, and quick tempered, sure the sex might have been amazing, but relationships based solely on good sex wasn’t a marriage. 

Whatever happened that day, showed her that deep down James cared about the people closest to him. Like his sister. He would’ve done anything for her. And seeing that, made her rethink the kind of man he was, though she was still convinced of her choice. 

She was already by Tate Modern, and still, no sign of Beck. Maybe James had been mistaken about her location. But right then and there, on the Millenium Bridge, she spotted a familiar figure. 

It was hard to miss her. She wore a silver dress that complimented her slender figure. She looked out into the distance, lost, and a little sad. She brought a glass bottle to her lips. 

“Beck!” She ran towards her panting. It was the last time she was going to run around in heels. “Beck, are you ok?” 

“This is most likely my lowest point.” She spoke softly. 

“Well don’t say that...”

“Why not?” She chuckled, shaking her head, then looked down. “I’m drinking vodka right from the bottle on a bridge.” 

“True.” And yet, she still looked like a goddess. “I know we don’t know each other extremely well, but I’m here if you wanna talk.” 

“Actually I don’t have any friends to talk to. So thank you for the offer.”

“You’re Beck Barnes. You have tons of friends.” 

“That’s just a name. And don’t be fooled by the society pages. Those people I’m photographed with aren’t my real friends.” She said with a sigh. “Kinda depressing if I think about it.” 

“What about Maria?” 

“She’ll always be the closest friend I ever had. But that somehow changed a little when she married my father. And became my step mother.” 

“Sam?”

“Sam...” she was tipsy, as she chuckled a little though always kept her composure. “I’ll always have a thing for him... you know, he was my first.” 

“Sam?!”

“Yes.” 

“I met him through James. And we kept sneaking around after that a couple of times.” She revealed. Something she would’ve never told her if she hadn’t consumed a lot of vodka. “Until James caught us, and he got so mad he stopped talking to Sam for a week and a half.” 

“Then my offer still stands. You can always talk to me.”

“Now it makes me really sad we won’t be sisters. You were perfect for my brother.” 

Sometimes perfect wasn’t enough. Beck was the most perfect woman she knew. But that didn’t stop her from being sad, drinking cheap vodka on a bridge. 

“I can’t have children...” She told her sadly, tears almost formed in her eyes. “I found out I couldn’t have children. Biologically speaking. And I hid it from my husband. It was cruel of me, but a part of me didn’t want him to suffer as much as I did.” 

She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want children herself, but it must have pained her. So she decided to listen. 

“He got so angry at me and left for three weeks to God knows where. I might not love him, but I needed him. I needed someone so I left. I couldn’t stand being alone.” She cried. “Then I met Loki one night and he made me feel special. Wanted. And I needed it. I needed it especially after everything that had happened. Having children in my future one day, and then the next it wasn’t even an option.” 

Before she could say anything, she spotted James running in their direction. 

  
  


**_00:05_ **

“Beck!” 

He shouted. His voice has a mix of emotions, on one hand, he was happy to know his sister was safe. But on the other, he was angry. He was angry that she had decided to ruin her future. By associating herself with Loki. 

Though when he was faced with her, he couldn’t bring himself to reprimand her. 

Y/N was right. She wasn’t a child. She was an adult. 

“James….” She sobbed into his shirt and she let him hug her. He forgot about everything. In that moment all he cared about was that she was safe. He didn’t care about the press or her reputation. All he wanted was his own sister to be happy. 

It had always been just the two of them since when they were kids, and he wasn’t going to change that. 

  
  



	22. the devil in disguise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): oral sex (on a woman), anal play, seduction of a (semi) taken man, dirty talk
> 
> PROCEED WITH CAUTION. 
> 
> With that said, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It’s quite a long one. At a whopping 8.6k words. I definitely got carried away with the smut scene. Oops.

**_23:53, Present_ **

The room they found themselves in was perfect for fucking, whether it was intentional or not. 

It slowly filled with a lewd symphony of moans, as she edged between a pleasure and pain. A firm hand wrapped around her throat ever so delicately and yet it felt so different... she had never had an issue in exploring her sexual boundaries, but with him, she wanted to do more. 

For once she felt like she had unlearnt everything she had learnt from her many sexual exploits. None of that mattered anymore. Her ass still stung by the few times she had been struck. Her body was littered with his marks as he kept adding more. 

He kept kissing down to her collarbone, to her breasts, carefully paying attention to both and sucking on her nipple until she was an impatient, moaning mess. Her core ached to be filled, but he was taking his time. And she couldn’t do anything but wait. 

His mouth went south to her abdomen, planting an uncharacteristically gentle kiss before moving down... and down. 

His calloused fingers sated her desire to be touched by a man. And what a man he was. He slapped her sex as he kept eye contact with her. The eroticism of it all made her slicker. 

She needed to be railed onto the pool table he had laid her on. _A pool table._ Perhaps it wasn’t as comfortable as a bed, but there was something about it that made the experience better. 

She threw her head back at the sweet feeling of his teeth grazing her clit. She needed it. She needed the feeling of bliss to feel fulfilled. Like she was doing something out of her life. 

It wasn’t about forgetting anymore. It was living life to its fullest, right there with a man in between her legs, feasting as though she was his last meal. She could tell he needed to find release as well. A release different from his usual glass of liquor. 

In her state of bliss it was hard to believe she was in a whole different mood, fifteen hours prior. 

  
  


**_08:00, 15 hours prior_ **

September had finally rolled around. Not that it felt any different than the end of August, but it definitely marked the end of the summer. The end of the most exciting and unusual summer she ever lived through. Sure, it had its downsides, but she had never had that much fun before. 

The Barnes had come back home from their trip to Vienna a little later than planned mostly because both George and Maria were very busy throughout the year to enjoy any family time, so they wanted to make the most out of it. 

She hummed a tune, as she walked downstairs, a sweet buttery smell filled the air, and she guessed someone had brought pastries over. She didn’t even care who. She needed one with her coffee as soon as possible. 

  
  


She froze as she saw the person waiting for her in the kitchen standing by Maria. She started taking a few steps back, but was unable to once said person’s eyes met hers. _Fuck_. 

“Y/N... you have a visitor.” 

Sharon Carter knew where she lived? Of course she did. That was a stupid question. Why wouldn’t she? As according to Sam she was a nut job. Though he obviously used different words, it would’ve been accurate. 

“Remember? We had to go to fashion week together. And Ricardo wants to give us special passes.” 

Who was Ricardo, and why was she being nice? All of that scared her. As she knew she was everything but nice. Her faux personality was the thing that terrified her the most. She had shown her she was capable of anything. Including fooling everyone thinking she was America's sweetheart. 

_America’s sweetheart my ass_. She thought to herself. Though she sold her image flawlessly. Her faux persona was the biggest role she had ever played, as it spanned longer than her career did. Whereas her cousin Peggy was always a major contender for each year’s award season, she was less known than her famous relative. Which was why she relied heavily on her public persona. 

People lauded her for her philanthropy and the fact that she was on the board of several charities. 

Making everyone think she was a good person. But good people didn’t need to constantly show people they were being good and humble. Good people just didn’t do that. 

“Sharon was so nice to bring us pastries for breakfast.” 

That made her lose her appetite right away. There was no way she was eating something Sharon and brought. They could’ve been laced with something. 

The thing with her was that underneath the polished surface with perfect beach waves that smelled like peaches, and her friendly smile, laid something darker. 

By judging the look on Maria’s face, she knew about it as well. 

  
  


**_08:15, 15 hours prior_ **

He looked around him. There were Corinthian style columns at the center, giving a more regal feel to the room. There was a careful attention to detail to it. After all, Winnifred Barnes was nothing but precise. Amongst the rare paintings on the wall, there were several accolades she had gathered throughout the years. Including a picture of her when she won a pageant back in her youth. 

_Times Magazine, Forbes, The Business Insider…_ adorned the walls as reminders of her significance and influence. Though what made him scoff was the huge portrait of her in the middle of everything else. 

“Looks like you’ve already settled in.” 

There was no way she would’ve made it big if it wasn’t for her huge ego and the constant need of proving people wrong. It looked like it worked. 

“I adapted. Though London is no Paris.” 

“Has Beck spoken to you?” 

“No. But I have heard from her husband. She’s doing well I heard.” She said with what could only be described as a half smile. “She’s taken up a new hobby. One that doesn’t include British aristocrats. She isn’t speaking to you, is she?” 

How could he blame her? He could hardly look at her in the eye the last time they had spoken a week ago. Not because of what she had done, but what he had done to her. 

**_17:45, a week prior_ **

“ _I can’t believe you’re making me do this_.” 

The wind blew against her silk headscarf as they got onto the tarmac, only a strand of her light blonde hair visible underneath. He knew the real reason why she had those huge sunglasses on, and it wasn’t because the sun bothered her. It was because she had been crying. 

Partly because of him. 

“Beck…” 

She shook her head, as she looked into the distance then looked down onto the ground she was standing upon. He knew she hated him at that moment, and he didn’t blame her. 

He couldn’t have any negative attention towards him. Nor his family name. The one associated with the company he was head of. 

It took exactly four days for Winnifred Barnes to fix everything. And after those long four days, no one talked about the scandal that ensued. Of course, there would always be some people talking about it. Once something got out, it was impossible for it to disappear forever. Someone was always going to remember. 

And that was something not even his mother could do something about. 

“ _This is not about me…_ ” She muttered, never making eye contact with him. She was too angry to do so. But lately he was used to women being angry or disappointed at him. It was nothing new. 

“Excuse me?”

“You’re acting out because you lost her.” She raised her voice, he looked around and the pilot immediately went back inside the private jet Beck was supposed to go on. “She wouldn’t even look at you on the bridge. _She’s changed the way she sees you._ ” 

“Get on the plane Beck.” 

He knew she was right. Things between him and Y/N were never going to be the same again. Not after she had turned him down. He had taken it very personally. And couldn’t let it go. 

He could never. How could he when the woman he loved told him she didn’t want to be with him forever? It broke him. 

“I will. But not because you or mother told me to.” She let out a sigh. “But because I don’t like what this place does to people. _Be careful._ ” 

With that, she got on the plane without so much looking back to say goodbye. She was angry at him, and she had made that pretty clear. He stayed still, before getting back in the car. Though he had to make sure she left as planned. 

He didn’t recognize his little sister anymore. He didn’t like to move on from what he was comfortable with. His little sister, the jewel of the family, his father’s pride and joy straying away from her marriage. His ex wife, Dot, moving on from him and living with a junior partner who had also become her partner. And his former girlfriend and mistress, gone from his life. The one he would’ve risked everything for. Didn’t want him anymore. 

His sister was right about that one thing. _The city changed people_. 

  
  


**_08:26, 15 hours prior_ **

He looked at his mother, as she looked for an answer to her previous question. 

“Well… that’s a pity. I know how close you are to her.” She spoke. “I’ve always admired that about you two. Your ability to stick together even when things got tough, as tough as things could get for two people born into extreme wealth of course.” 

He didn’t get if it was a compliment or not. Usually it was never the first. 

“I had two sisters. We never saw eye to eye, always in competition against each other. They had such a small view of the world… that’s why I won.”

“ _And your point being…?_ ” 

“You and your sister, Rebecca… aren’t like that. You two celebrate each other’s so called _victories_ . _You two are a team_.” And that was because from a young age they only had each other to count on. “And a team is exactly what we need whilst recovering from a major scandal.” 

“You’re asking me for a favor.” 

“A favor on your sister’s behalf. If not for her indiscretions, we wouldn’t be doing this. And I wouldn’t owe favors to a bunch of people.” She told him. He knew it wasn’t easy to keep her out of the papers, but his mother did everything she could, and so did he. He actually did the hardest part by putting his sister on the company jet. “It’s real simple. _Pick Maximoff’s daughter up and give her a ride to her fashion show_.” 

He remembered her. Gorgeous girl. But he wasn’t in a place to think about other women. 

“Did I hear this right…? You want me in close proximity with supermodels?” 

He asked her, just to be sure. As he was aware of the mess he had made eight years before, during New York fashion week that involved a few of the Russian models. He had vowed to never get high again. 

“Not supermodels.” She slid a magazine over to him. To his surprise, it was Wanda Maximoff on the cover. Which announced her to be a rising star, even more than her own mother.“ _The supermodel._ ” 

  
  


**_09:01, 14 hours prior_ **

“Wanda must be taken down. It’s for our own good.” 

She told her as though it was something completely normal for someone to say. And she thought it was only men who never grew up. She guessed she was wrong. Though she hadn’t met anyone like Sharon before. 

“Ok _Regina George_ .” She asked her not caring what she said next. Her taking her out to breakfast was completely useless. Not to mention childish. She glanced down at the menu. _Waffles sounded good… but again so did the egg_ s. “How are you gonna do that?” 

“I think you misunderstood me. _You’re going to help me._ ” 

She raised her eyes from the menu onto her. It was a shame, as Sharon was an incredibly pretty woman, though that was all ruined by her God awful personality. 

“No. Honestly it’s a little too high school for me.” 

She should’ve guessed it wouldn’t have ended there. From what Sam had told her, she was way tougher than she looked. And she didn’t look intimidating at all. Dressed head to toe in designer clothes, she would’ve thought she was just another one of those rich girls with too much of daddy’s cash to spend. 

But looks were incredibly deceiving and she knew that by then. 

“You know... you should be more careful where you get intimate.” She trailed off, as she played with the charms on her bracelet. Before she rummaged around in her purse. “A well respected gentlemen’s club is not the place.”

She pulled out photographs. Of the hall of portraits back at the gentlemen’s club. The navy blue of the walls gave depth and a more luxurious feel to the golden frames the portraits were adorned with. But that wasn’t what caught her attention. Two figures, one mounting the other, were in all of the pictures. 

Her face contorted with pleasure, as she got railed by James. In public. _Fucking hell. She was good._

“ _How_...” 

“Well I followed you around. That dad is a fox by the way. You should totally do something about him.” She told her. She knew about everything. “But James... something tells me if this ever got out you both would be in trouble.” 

“Sharon you...” 

“It didn’t take me long to figure out you’ve been sleeping with each other for a long time. I’d say from when he was previously married?” A smirk expanded on her face. _That fucking bitch._ “Imagine the scandal.” 

“You’re fucking crazy.” 

“Call me what you want. When you want something done, you need to take matters into your own hands.” She explained. She was seriously damaged. “You want James right?” 

“No I don’t.” 

“I know a lie when I hear one.” She chuckled. “You still want him. But you’re probably an egomaniac, a narcissist or a commitment phobe. Or all three.” 

“Thank you for your psychoanalysis. But I don’t have time for this.” 

“Wanda has your man.” 

“He isn’t my man.” 

“He should be.” She argued, adding a spoonful of sugar to her tea. “And this bitch got him. She’s the next big thing. How can you compete with that?”

She had voiced what she was thinking all along. She had heard of Wanda Maximoff only by the media constantly talking about her. Obsessing on her every move. And she had to admit, she was a gorgeous woman. She seemed to have everything. Looks, wealth and influence. 

A woman like that would’ve done James good. She would’ve looked good on his arm. 

But her presence everywhere only brought forth all of her insecurities. Her feelings of inadequacy. She let out a sigh, before she looked at Sharon. She wasn’t that kind of person. 

She wasn’t. 

“Let me be clear about one thing.” She started. “I’m not doing this because I’m jealous, and want James for myself. I’m doing this because you put me in a precarious position with those pictures.” 

“ _Perfect_. I’ll accept that.” 

  
  


**_17:32, 6 hours prior_ **

Of course his mother had informed everyone that he was taking the Maximoff girl to fashion week. Everyone but him. He had been told the very same day. It was too late to back out. Besides, whatever he was doing he would’ve done it for Beck. 

He knew she probably hated him, and wouldn’t have spoken to him for a while, but no matter what happened he wanted the best for her. 

And as much as he wanted her to leave her husband, other matters had to be taken care of. She needed to fade away from the press for a while. 

As she exited her hotel room from the back, with her assistant, and a number of people following her, she gave him a small wave, before walking up to the car, and opening the door. 

He should’ve been feeling like he was the luckiest man in the world to be in the presence of someone like her. But it had been the second time he had her in his car, and felt nothing. Maybe something. But that was only because she was _that_ gorgeous. And even he couldn’t deny it. 

_There was something about her._ Whether it was the small facets of innocence she transpired in her personality, or the way she viewed the world with rose tinted glasses. That day she smelled like freshly picked cherries. 

In any other circumstance, she was everything he would’ve wanted in a woman. 

  
  


“Are you ready?” 

“As I’ll ever be.” She replied, she had a sweet voice that became a little quieter whenever their eyes met. _Adorable_. “Though I admit, I’m a little nervous.” 

“Why? You have no reason to be. I saw the magazine.” 

“Oh…” she tucked a strand behind her ear, for some reason she couldn’t contain a huge smile. So he figured he said the right thing. “What did you think about it?” 

“It was very nice. Very high quality… stuff.” 

“Thanks.” She laughed. It seemed as though at least one of them was comfortable with the other. He didn’t know how to approach her. It shouldn’t have been that hard, he had spoken to plenty of models, but he was in a different situation. “Though sitting in makeup for all those hours wasn’t fun at all.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you looked stunning.” 

“I’m glad you think so.” 

Fucking hell. How was it that he couldn’t have a regular non awkward conversation with a younger woman? What had happened to him? Except for the train wreck that was his last relationship. 

He could barely recognize himself. He kept quiet, as he didn’t want to talk out of his ass anymore. It wasn’t like he owed her any small talk. He was just her glorified escort for the day. Just for that day. And then it would all be over. 

He hated himself for having to drag her in his mess. He shouldn’t be using her to fix his family’s image, she was still young and still innocent from the world that awaited her. 

If only someone had stepped up, said something before Beck married the man who’d become her husband, saved her from the terrible fate that awaited her, things would’ve been different. He wouldn’t have had to send her back to an unloving partner with tears streaming down her face. Something he’d never forgive himself for. 

He drove on past the building they were supposed to stop in front of, and opted to take another road that would allow them to walk in from another entrance. She didn’t need that. To be associated with him. 

He would have dealt with his mother afterwards. 

  
  


**_18:24, 5 hours prior_ **

“ _Good luck._ ” He whispered to her before she was taken to her makeup chair. Warmth radiated from the woman, as people surrounded her like moths to a flame. She was a shining star, and anyone with eyes could testify to that. 

Perhaps she was just what he needed. A reminder of who he was. A Barnes. That used to mean something. And it still did to a lot of people. She looked back at him, and they locked eyes. A small smirk appeared on her lips, before she turned away again. 

Though he knew he wasn’t going to pursue her in any way, he couldn’t say he wasn’t intrigued. 

  
  


“Hello James… haven’t seen you in a while.” Two models approached him, the blonde one with the eyeliner lit a cigarette, and started blowing smoke all up in his face. 

“I was a little tied up.” 

“Knowing you I’ll take that literally.” The one who was walking around in her bra said suggestively. _Did he sleep with one of them, or both at some point?_ He probably did. It was just that he couldn’t remember when or where. 

“So who are you here for?” 

They waited for the answer that would’ve revealed who he was there for. It had become some kind of a tradition for him, and Sam to pick out the most beautiful women to have fun with. Sometimes they’d bet large amounts of money, a new Italian sports car, or even keys to a large estate in Mallorca, to see who would sleep with the most beautiful one. 

That year was different. Especially as he had walked in with the most beautiful, and desirable one there. 

“ _Wanda Maximoff_.” 

“No way.” One scoffed, as she put her cigarette inside the half empty champagne glass she was holding. 

“Has she given in to you already?” 

“ _Ladies…_ it’s not like that…” So what was it like? He didn’t even know. It was complicated. 

“With you and models it’s always like that.” They were right. It didn’t look good. “Remember New York? Eight years ago?” 

“I’m a changed man.”

They let out a chuckle. It wasn’t like he was going to sleep with them, as he already had. Besides, he wasn’t in the mood of participating in his usual fashion week tradition. He figured he was in need of new ones anyway. 

“So how’s Sam Wilson doing?” 

“You came here to ask me about Sam?” 

The reason why two women he probably had slept with in the past were asking about his closest friend, Sam Wilson, was because he had become somewhat of a legend. He had no idea how he earned his reputation, or why. But women always seemed to flock to him wherever he went. 

And whilst some men could only dream of living a life like his, he was living it. Most men’s fantasy. Being constantly surrounded by gorgeous scantily clad women willing to do whatever one wanted with them. 

He found himself wishing he was in his place. Though he wouldn’t have wanted the attention of any woman. _All he needed was one._

  
  


**_19:06, 4 hours prior_ **

“What are you doing Sharon?”

“You mean what did I do whilst you were standing there.” She retorted with arrogance. She had some nerve dragging her there to be part of her extremely childish plan. “You see… I made someone call Wanda’s people informing them that the location of the show had changed.” 

“But the show is right here… and it starts in twenty five.” 

“I know.” She shrugged as she twisted the lipgloss open. “Why do you think I’m already fitted in?”

“How could Wanda’s people think the show was relocated?”

“They’d think so if the creative director told them so.” She dabbed a little gloss on her lips as she looked at herself in the mirror. “You see… Last year I found out that Ricardo was involved in something that I like to call the Ibiza incident. And now he owes me one for keeping my mouth shut.” 

“So you blackmail someone else to give you the spot.” She nodded. She really had no shame. But she wasn’t surprised.“Then why did you send Wanda away?”

“Because this is my moment, and I won’t let that bitch take it away from me.” She turned towards her. “I worked too hard to get where I am. I won’t let some twenty two year old bimbo take that away from me.” 

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted James. And she so wanted to run up to him, and tell him what she had done. Well, what Sharon had done. But she didn’t know what he would’ve said to her. 

He would’ve probably thought she was jealous. Which she wasn’t. Why would she have been jealous? Just because he was with some highly accomplished, not to mention gorgeous, supermodel? 

No. She wasn’t jealous. 

But she couldn’t move. So she just watched him from a distance. Distance was the best thing. And she knew he needed that from her. 

  
  


“ _So I see you two have met._ ” Steve approached her. _Steve fucking Rogers_. She didn’t expect him to be there. Honestly she had no time for whatever he was about to say to her. 

She hadn’t spoken to him since Wimbledon. And with good reason. One, he had no business butting in her personal life, and two, he had recently gotten back together with Sharon Carter, of all people. 

“Yes. We have.” 

“I wanted to talk to you…” He started. “I wanted to apologise for the way I behaved at Wimbledon. It was completely inappropriate of me considering…” 

“You’re with Sharon.” She finished his sentence, and he nodded. “It’s ok.” 

“It’s not. I had no right to pry into your life like that… _it’s just…_ ” 

_Just…_ she wanted him to finish that sentence. She wanted him to hear what he had to say. It wasn’t probably what she hoped to hear. After all, he was with someone, and while that wouldn’t have stopped her normally, the someone in question was someone she didn’t want to mess with. 

It was still strange to think she could’ve had something with him. At some point. It was just that things would’ve been even more complicated with him in the mix. 

She was fine with them being friends. Or something less than friends. Acquaintances. 

Though she couldn’t deny she did miss him. In a platonic way. He was good for her. But like all things in life, she tended to gravitate towards the bad. 

“Y/N!” Her head turned at the sound of Sam’s voice. _Oh thank God_. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” 

“I’ve been busy.” 

“I can see that.” He looked between the two of them with an all knowing smirk (though he knew jackshit). “Rogers, will you show this beautiful lady to her seat?” 

_Nat_. She was so glad to see her. She knew she had been neglecting her too. Whilst she had also been busy studying and working towards getting her degree, she had been busy fucking around with one man’s feelings, whilst thinking about other men. 

And though normally she wouldn’t have trusted Sam around Nat. As she knew how he acted around women. She really needed him to pick her up, since she was busy tending someone else’s needs. 

“Of course.” 

“I’m so glad you’re here.” 

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.” She replied, before she leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Sam got us all seats next to each other. For me, you, him and Steve.” 

“Did he?” _Oh fuck him_. She knew what he was trying to do. She had no idea why he thought all of them sitting next to each other was a good idea. Considering his girlfriend was a complete psycho. 

She had read about what happened to Steve’s exes. All beautiful women from influential and respectable families. Every single one of them were goddesses, which was probably the reason why he was attracted to them in the first place. 

Though she couldn’t ignore the scandals they had been involved in. Small ones, that didn’t seem so big, but they were enough for their relationships with Steve to be affected by them. 

And the last woman he ever publicly dated. She liked to call her Miss Texas, though she had another name, she was a well known reporter. From, one could guess, _Austin, Texas_. One would’ve never expected someone as clean cut and innocent looking as her to have been involved in a professor-student scandal whilst she was in college. 

But she was. And she could only guess how all that information became public. 

“Sorry gentlemen, but I’m going to need to borrow Y/N.” Fucking Sharon. She didn’t know what to expect from her. “I’ll see you later handsome.” She kissed Steve right then and there, as though to mark her territory. It was loud and clear that he was hers. 

“What are you doing with Sharon Carter?” Sam asked her before she followed her. 

“ _It’s a long story._ ” 

**_19:20, (less than) 4 hours prior_ **

“Help yourself to some champagne.” She pointed at the champagne that was being passed around. “Courtesy from Ricardo. And it’s my favorite. _Brut_.” 

“So I guess you got everything you wanted.” 

“And you’ll have what you want too.” 

She wasn’t so sure about that. Things weren’t as easy as blackmailing and sending a girl to the wrong location. 

“I don’t want James.” 

“Funny how you thought I was talking about him.” She beamed. She could barely hold in her satisfaction. “Give it time. James isn't that complex.” 

“Can you tell me something?” 

“Sure.” She nodded, before she hurriedly finished her glass. They were rounding up the models. The show was about to start. “But be quick.” 

“How do you keep living a lie? You clearly have a perfectly curated image, but don’t people notice? What if you slip? _What then._ ” 

And what she said next, stuck with her. 

“People believe what they want to believe. Thankfully the world is full of dumb people who want to believe the best in people.” 

Those words resounded with her. They had some truth to them. The reason why the Sharons of the world were on top was because of the fantasy they projected onto the masses. 

“Enjoy the free champagne.” 

“I will.” She took a glass and took a large sip. She needed something stronger than that to get herself drunk, but it was a good start. “Because it’s not my problem anymore.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong, it became your problem the moment you decided to get in bed with James Barnes.” 

  
  


She stayed out of the way as the models got ready to go on. Everyone was as concentrated as they could be. Sharon prepared herself go on, and she had to admire her determination to get where she wanted to be in life. Perhaps that was the reason why the Sharons of the world got ahead, by taking what they wanted no matter the means. 

And though her methods were somewhat questionable, she had ended right where she wanted. 

She wanted all the attention focused on her, and it seemed as though she was about to get that. Right until Wanda showed up. A little late, but she was there. 

Miracles didn’t seem to occur for women like her. Nor women like Sharon. But in case 

of women like Wanda, who were rare, miracles were an everyday occurrence. 

Somehow it didn’t sit well with her either, but it was just how things worked. 

  
  


She watched from backstage, in a little spot she could see part of the audience, but they couldn’t. And from there, she spotted James as he looked at Wanda intently. 

It wasn’t love. It was too early for that. But there was a possibility of something developing. She was perfect for him in every way. Her fears were confirmed. 

It made no sense. She was the one who turned him down. So why was she feeling like that? Like a huge pit in her stomach had formed. 

She knew he was better off without her. They both were. He was a liar, and serial cheater, whilst she was a commitment phobe. And those things rarely went together hand in hand. But when she saw him applaud and smile at someone else, it all changed. 

Leaving was harder than expected. 

There was no going back. She let him go. It was only natural that he would’ve found someone else. She didn’t know if they would’ve kept fucking, but by then she knew well that sex didn’t equate to love. 

She had always tried to find an emergency exit when she was with him, though when she was confronted with the truth that he might have already moved on with someone else, something inside her snapped. 

“ _Happy_?” She asked as she lit up a cigarette. She really had to stop but she really didn’t want to. It was the only outlet she had besides fucking. And she really wasn’t in the mood to find someone new. Not when she was feeling like shit. 

Sharon stood beside her, holding a champagne flute. “Not yet. Our work isn’t done.” 

_“No it’s not_.” 

She retorted. Though as she took another drag, she wasn’t completely sure if it was ironic or not. 

  
  


**_22:30, 1 hour or so prior_ **

She returned back to the abode that was conceded to her, through her job. She had to get back to it. Though Maria had been kind to give her that day off, as the twins had a birthday party they were attending as well as a sleepover. 

However she would’ve much preferred babysitting than going through what she had gone through that day. She was absolutely tired, and yet she wasn’t ready to get into bed to sleep. She craved more. She wanted something out of a day she felt like she wasted. 

By herself. As Sam had previously extended an invitation to an afterparty, which she politely declined. 

When the front door clicked closed behind her, she found herself right in front of Maria Hill, frantically looking for her car keys. 

“Where are you headed?” 

“Bruce just called…” She replied, as she kept looking, much to her avail. “Grace forgot her blankie and she’s refusing to sleep without it.” 

“ _Oh_. I can go if you want.” Perfect. It was just what she needed. More air. 

“You don’t have to.” 

“I’m still dressed, and you look tired. I can do it.” 

“Thank you…” She went to grab a pink fluffy blanket from her bag, and handed it to her. “I hope you had fun today.” 

“ _Not yet_.” 

She responded, as she headed out once again. 

**_22:45, more or less than an hour prior_ **

She was tired, and frustrated. She lit up the last cigarette in her bag, with a false hope that she wouldn’t continue her bad habit anymore. After all, she was able to quit James Barnes. _She should be able to quit anything else._

Her habit of smoking was exactly like him. Toxic, left a bad taste in her mouth, but addictive, and made her feel good. 

Though he was by far her favorite. 

Finding a new release was going to be hard. Though she counted on it happening soon. She wasn’t going to wait too long for one. She had no patience on those things. Like Sharon, she liked to take matters into her own hands. Though in her case she didn’t resort to blackmail. 

She wanted to think she was better than people like Sharon. But she wasn’t sure whether she was. She had acquired a distorted sense of realism ever since she had joined a world she didn’t understand but wanted so bad to be part of. 

She wanted to feel something real. More real than the glitz and the glamour she surrounded herself with, that she was ashamed to admit she had become so used to. 

  
  


**_22:45, more or less than an hour prior_ **

He pulled up to her hotel as he waited there, his hand still clutching the steering wheel as he let out a sigh. It had been a long day, though it was hardly a bad one. As of late he had so many bad ones that going to a fashion show wasn’t so bad. 

“Thank you for today.” She spoke, as he turned his head towards her. 

_Should he have offered to walk her up to her room?_ Or was that too inappropriate? He suddenly forgot how to act, which seemed to be a recurring problem when it came to her. 

“I had fun.” He said instead. “You have my number if you ever need anything.” 

“Good night James.” 

She spoke softly, offering him a kind smile. He would’ve kissed her at that point, and a part of him really wanted to. Why wouldn’t he? She was undeniably gorgeous. And she seemed to like him. 

But he stopped himself. He would’ve slept with her if he did so, and he knew he wouldn’t have been thinking about her. 

“Good night Wanda.” 

  
  


**_23:12, just a couple of minutes prior_ **

She knocked three times at the door so she wouldn’t wake up anyone who was sleeping. Her breath probably smelled like smoke, but at that point she couldn’t care any less. She would’ve probably hit a bar on her way back, maybe made out with a stranger in a bathroom stall, and let them do something more. 

Her feelings completely changed when she was presented to the man who opened the door. The doctor. In a black shirt and light grey sweatpants. He still wore his reading glasses, which she found hot. Especially on him.

She waved the pink blanket she had in her hand and he let her in his home. Again, apologizing for the mess (or lack thereof). 

  
  


“Thank you Y/N.” Grace said sweetly as she hugged her blankie. 

“Now you have to go to sleep ok?” 

She nodded adorably, as she tucked her in bed beside the other girls who were already soundly sleeping. She caressed her head before standing up and leaving the guest room where the girls were sleeping in. 

“Grace’s finally asleep.” She whispered as she closed the door behind her as quietly as possibly. “Hopefully she’ll stay that way until the morning.” 

She looked at the doctor, who was looking at her, then looked away. 

“Would you want to drink something with me…?” _And just like that…_ an opportunity fell right on her lap. “I doubt I’ll be able to sleep for a while.” 

“ _With pleasure_.” 

**_23:23, 30 minutes prior_ **

“What can I offer you?” 

“What do you have?” 

“Anything you want...” When he said it like that, she couldn’t help but think about the one thing she wanted in that instant that she knew she couldn’t have. She couldn’t cross that line. Not in his house. Not when his daughter and the girls she babysat were upstairs fast asleep. 

She walked up to him, to his liquor cabinet. Her index finger pointed at the bottle right on the bottom. A little hidden, by the ones he was used to drinking which were in the front. 

His strong hand grabbed a bottle of tequila. _The good stuff. None of that cheap crap_. 

Tequila was always a good idea after a certain hour. It was a great conversation starter. Especially for two people who have been somewhat formal until then. 

She thanked him, as he poured some into a glass. And did the same for himself. 

She looked around him, and took in the room they stood in. It wasn’t an office, more like a room one would use to relax in. The walls were made up of bookshelves, full of encyclopedias and the classics. Like she’d expected from someone like him. 

She wouldn’t have been surprised if he had read every single book in there. 

There it was. By the liquor cabinet, was a tall glass table he probably used to place his glass on whenever he drank in there. An old photograph of what she presumed was his wife. She was pretty, with long brown hair, and sparkling blue eyes. She took a sip, as she tried not to let her eyes linger on it. Nor think about why, of all places, was a picture of his ex wife in there. Did he still miss her and think about her when he was all alone with his thoughts?

Or did he drink in there, whilst reminiscing the good old days? 

Whatever it was, the man she was the same room as was a complete mystery. 

Besides, he still had his wedding ring on. 

“ _You have a pool table_.” She pointed out instead, to divert her own attention elsewhere. 

“Yes I do.” 

“Do you play?” 

“I’m afraid I don’t. I bought it to be impulsive.” _Probably to impress his wife_ , _who had fucked her boss_. Or was it a coworker? She couldn’t remember what Maria had told her. “But I never got to use it.” 

“I’ve always wanted to learn...” She felt the alcohol getting in her system, slowly taking over. Which was a good thing if she were at a party, inhibitions let loose, amongst other things… but a bad idea when she was trying to control herself. “It’s always been a fantasy of mine.” 

“To play pool or billiards?” 

“Aren’t they the same thing?” 

“Actually pool and billiards are diff-.“ 

“I’ll keep that in mind. _Doctor_.” She chuckled, taking another sip. A longer one that time, finishing the contents in her glass. She was tip-toeing into a dangerous territory. As a smirk painted her lips. “Actually my fantasy has nothing to do with pool. Or billiards for that matter.”

“What is it?”

“I’ve seen how you look at me.” 

“Sorry, I haven’t been alone with a beautiful woman in years. It’s as though I forgot my manners.” He immediately apologised, confirming the fact that he had in fact been looking at her in a certain way. It wasn’t just her imagination running wild. 

“Don’t worry I liked it.” She admitted. “Besides, I don’t believe it was years.” 

“It’s true. The last woman ever was my wife.”

Was the alcohol getting to him too? He would’ve never told her something like that if it hadn’t. But that put indecent ideas in her head. Ideas that shouldn’t have been there. But she couldn’t help herself. She found herself getting wetter by the second. And before she knew it, she found herself asking a question she knew would’ve changed the game. 

“And you haven’t been with anyone since?” 

“No.” He gulped, nervously. “I’m married to my job. Always have been.”

“I bet it’s hard.” 

She said with a chuckle, well aware of the double entendre. 

“It is.” 

“I’m talking about being away from your job.” 

She whispered, as she placed the glass upon the glass table. She never felt so sexy as she did then. Perhaps it was the liquid courage, or just because she could hear her heart thrum in her ears. Though it was definitely not a matter of her heart. Not when her pussy throbbed at each word she spoke to him. 

“I- I know.”

“Did you?” She teased, making him nervous. _God she loved seeing him like this_. She reveled in the fact that she had reduced him to that. “For what is worth, I think you’re a very attractive man.” 

“Thank you.” He said. “I have to say... I haven’t been in this situation in a long time, so I don’t know how to act...”

“What’s the situation?” 

She asked coyly, as she took the glass from his hand, and placed it by hers. Right on the table, by the picture of him and his wife. 

“Being in the same room as the woman I’m very much attracted to.” 

“If you want my advice, I’d tell you to kiss her.”

He smiled at her, as realization struck him. “Can I kiss you?” 

“You’re asking for permission?” _Cute_. She carefully watched his lips, then looked at his eyes. It was hard to know what he was thinking. 

“I didn’t want to do anything that you don’t want to do.” 

“You’re such a gentleman...” 

“Trust me. I want it as much as you do.”

Until then, she knew three sure things about him. One, he was a good father. He loved his daughter very much. Two, he was separated. Though he was still wearing his ring, it didn't mean his spouse and him were together, and by how things were progressing, she guessed they were pretty much on a break. And three, he was a very polite, and seemingly shy person. He was the kind of man who’s take one out on a date to a very nice and expensive restaurant. Maybe take them out for a walk afterwards, and walk them up to their place. 

Well… she and assumed wrong. And her opinion about him was going to be changed forever. 

When their lips came into contact with each other, she felt everything he was feeling at the moment. The frustration, she could tell he was touch starved and needed the warm touch of a woman. Any woman really, it just so happened that she was there, and very willing. 

She didn’t fixate on how he tasted, or anything else in particular. It was happening. The man she may have fantasized about a few times about was finally kissing her. 

His cold hands trailed under her dress, making her breath hitch. Completely unexpected, but not an unwelcome feeling. 

“ _Fuck you’re so sexy_ .” He complimented her, as both of his hands yanked down her leopard print panties. _At least they were a decent pair_. She thought to herself. “What are you doing to me?”

Apparently she brought out a whole new side to him. Or maybe it had always been underneath the shy smiles and polite demeanor. A sex fiend, ready to be unleashed. 

“ _I couldn’t stop thinking about you_ , _and the low cut dresses you wear.._. were those a coincidence?” 

He squeezed her breast in his hand, tactfully without hurting her. _Oh he had definitely done that before_. She mewled submissively, as he looked at her through lust filled eyes. If he had been fantasizing about her, she could never tell until then. The man was a pro at hiding whatever he felt under a composed front. 

“Not since I met you.” 

“You got me hard as a rock each time. The most frustrating part was that all I could do was use my imagination.” 

“It’s all real now.” She moaned, as she tried to smile. Failing each time, as he took her dress off, letting it fall to the ground. He took his hands off of her, to carefully place her clothes in an orderly manner on an armchair. 

Before he approached her again, taking in her naked figure, and cupping her cheeks to kiss her. A little more aggressively that time. She understood. After all, he hadn’t been touched in a while. 

“What is a beautiful young woman like you doing with an old man like me?” 

“I happen to love fucking old men.” She told him with a grin, and a hazy view. She was already lust drunk. She couldn’t stop there. She wanted more. “ _Nothing makes me hornier_.” 

“Lucky me.”

He pulled her in for another kiss, even more desperate than the last. She hadn’t realised until then that she loved getting involved with married men for that sole reason. The sex was mind blowing amazing, and so far, it was looking like he was going to give her a night she’d never forget. 

Loneliness performed miracles. Men who hadn’t been touched in a while by their wives had a different hunger than men who were fucking both their wives, and their women on the side. 

They were starving, and were going to unleash all the pent up sexual frustrations on one woman. Or multiple. Depending on the kind of man. 

But she found herself more attracted to the kind of men who haven’t been touched, the ones who worshipped her body like one would worship water in an arid desert. And those men wanted to worship her with everything they had. 

After all, lonely people had a way of finding each other. Which was why she found herself laying back on his pool table. 

His lips left a bruising kiss on her lips, then started travelling south. Awakening something she didn’t know she had in her. She was going to let him do anything he wanted to her. 

“ _How does this feel?_ ” He asked, checking up on her, as his warm hand gently wrapped around her throat. It was so thoughtful of him to check in, and assure she was having a good time, but on the other hand, the way his voice lowered made her whimper. 

She managed out a ‘good’. He was testing her limits. It was just that night she barely had any. _Barely_ being the key word. 

“Open your legs.”

He commanded. She was a panting mess under his authoritative gaze, but then she had a moment of brief clarity and followed his orders. She didn’t really have time to find out what would’ve happened if she didn’t listen. 

“ _You have such a pretty pussy…”_ Hearing him say things like that made her want to get up and rip his clothes off. His fingers gathered her arousal, _fuck that felt good_. She wanted more, but that was a good step into the right direction. 

He was a tease. She would’ve assumed for someone who hadn’t had sex in a while, he would’ve rushed things, wanting to find his release as soon as possible, but he was the complete opposite. 

He had so much control. So much that she was the one who was coming off as desperate and needy. 

“Will you be quiet for me?” 

He asked her, bringing the fingers that he had just touched her with to her lips. She opened them slightly, ever so obediently and sucked on them as though they were his cock. 

She’d never know if that was the last straw for him before he decided to give in to her. Though he always reminded her he was in control. His hot breath on her pussy made her spread her legs even further. She wanted him to ruin her. She wouldn’t have asked anything else. Just that he wrecked her, made her come so many times tears would form in her eyes. That was all she wanted of him. 

The rough pad of his finger rubbed her clit just as his tongue savoured her with one painstakingly slow lick. His tempo increased as the seconds ticked by, while her moans grew louder. 

He tasted her juices, and all she could hear was the lewd sound of him eating her out. Pleasure overcame her so much so that she couldn’t feel anything else. She wanted him. Oh how she wanted him. She was so greedy she wanted more than just his tongue. 

His magnificent tongue, with which he was pleasing her with. Fuck. She was going to come. 

Then he stopped. Was this a test? She was just about beseech him to fuck her as hard as he could. She had waited long enough, and besides, she was never good at being patient. 

_Click_. He had opened something, it was a familiar sound, but she couldn’t quite place it. A few seconds passed, before he resumed from where he had left off.

Only thing was something was _definitely_ different. 

His finger circled her tight entrance, making her squirm. _This man was no amateur_ . _He knew exactly what he was doing and she loved it._ She definitely had to stop solely relying on appearances. He kept his mouth on her pussy, devouring her and making her scream out his name over and over again, while his finger made it past the ring of muscle, despite the initial difficulty. 

There was no way she was able to hold off her climax any longer. Though she didn’t want to come just yet, not when he had just started touching her. But she wanted to feel his hot mouth on for longer. And yet, she longed for his throbbing cock. 

She held onto that thought, as she felt sweat trickling down her forehead. She was so close, she could feel it, her vision became affected by pleasure and lust. 

And she let herself go. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The doctor isn’t done with her yet... I just cut the sex scene so it’ll continue in the next chapter. Love you all.


	23. dreamland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): rough sex, Dom/sub, dirty talk, unprotected sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi to all my lovely readers. I’ve received a lot of love over this fic and I wish I could hug every single one of you. 
> 
> Just a disclaimer, Sharon Carter in this fic isn’t the same Sharon Carter in the MCU. I love the actress, and I can’t wait to see her character develop in the new tv series. However for the sake of this fic, Sharon is mean. The way I write this character reflects in no way the way I feel about her. 
> 
> However, you can imagine her as whomever you want. 
> 
> Just wanted to put it out there.

**_08:03_ **

The door clicked open, as she sauntered outside of the room. It wasn’t every day she woke up in a man’s private room, on top of a pool table. Her back hurt because of it, though it was far from the only thing that ached. 

The bruised marks he had left on her were a reminder of the night she had spent with him. It was nothing new, but the sudden change in him turned her on. 

She wore the shirt he had left in there, alongside the panties that had been discarded on the floor. As she dragged her feet to move, her mind replayed the events of the previous night on repeat. What had gotten into her? 

_ And what had gotten into him?  _

Had she cracked some kind of secret when it came to meaningless flings? Were sexually repressed middle aged dilfs the city’s hidden gem? 

She rubbed her eyes, and her mouth opened to let out a not so subtle yawn, finally making it to the kitchen. Her eyes immediately spotted the half full coffee pot. 

  
  


**_00:23, eight hours prior_ **

“ _ Are you ready for me beautiful?” _ Again with the pet names. Not that she minded it, not when it complimented her. It’s only purpose was to worship her. Besides, he could’ve called her anything he would’ve liked if there was a promise of a rough pounding. And she had the feeling it was about to come. 

She could taste herself on his tongue, as he kissed her with desperation, fervor. 

“Please…  _ fuck… _ ” Her attempts to form a coherent sentence proved to be futile. His dark chuckle silenced her into submission, as he brought his fingers to her lips, and asked her to suck on them. 

A string of her spit attached to the tip of his thick index finger as it pulled away. She could still feel the effects of her last orgasm. It wasn’t enough though. Her pussy ached to be filled, destroyed by him. 

Through her hazy gaze, she could see him. Looking over her, pleased by the mess he had reduced her to. His right index and thumb, went to his ring finger on his left hand, slowly slipping off the white gold band around it. 

A sign, that legally he was still another woman’s. No matter the fact that their love had fizzled out. They shared a family.  _ A last name _ . 

“ _ No… _ ” It was merely a whisper, which came off as a soft moan, but he heard her loud and clear. At that point, she could only imagine what he thought of her, as his eyes darkened with lust. 

“What is it  _ sweetheart _ ?” 

God the way he said it was so condescending, but she loved it. She loved every second of being there, with her legs spread for him on his pool table. 

“ _ You want me to keep the ring on?” _ He said, derisively, and she nodded, rather desperately. “You dirty little slut. You want a married man to fuck your tight hole don’t you?”

She let out a pathetic excuse of a moan, as he harshly spanked her dripping sex. He wasn’t kidding. Her mind was incapable of forming coherent thoughts, so much that she failed to realize she was moving her hips to meet his touch. 

“You’re on the pill right?” 

He asked, though that time she knew he was searching for an actual answer and not a sound. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out of it, so she noted for a nod. 

“Good… I have no intention of pulling out.” 

_ Oh _ . For a long minute, nothing happened. All she could hear was the sound of her heart thumping wildly in her chest, waiting for his next calculated move. He was going to ruin her and she was going to love every second of it. 

He pulled her towards him, skillfully, lining himself with her entrance. Suddenly she became shivery aware of what was happening, and she felt a little shy. So she looked away, hoping to get away with it. 

She should have known it was a very bad idea. 

“You wanted this…  _ now you got to watch me fuck you _ .” 

_ The mouth on this man… _ she thought to herself. Her breath hitched in her throat, as he sank into her, inch by inch, letting her feel all of him. That was just the preview. Once he was fully seated inside her, there was a brief pause. He didn’t have to do anything for her to be whimpering. He displayed such sexual dominance that the submissive side in her let him do whatever he wanted. 

His hand, the one he wore his ring on, wrapped around her neck ever so gently, as he dragged his cock out of her, only to thrust back into her as roughly as he could. From then on, his pace remained the same. Each thrust was calculated, everything was perfect. 

It was meant to be. 

There was a fine line between pleasure, and pain. But it was the kind of pain one didn’t mind, it complimented each sensation, bringing her pleasure to new heights. 

And he was so hard for her, desperation was now evident from the way he fucked her. No restraint, save for the light grip on her neck. His thick cock kept pumping in and out of her, turning her brain into mush. She kept moaning his name, as well as a string of ‘fuck’s and ‘yes’s. 

Everything just built up from there, her breathing, her uncontrollable moans, as the pleasure rippled from her core, taking over her body. 

She was pretty sure her mind went blank, before she came harder than she ever did before. 

  
  


**_08:11, Present_ **

“What are you doing here?” A child’s voice asked her inquisitively, making her almost drop the coffee pot on the floor.  _ Fucking hell _ . She forgot there were children in the house. And the one she was faced with was none other than his daughter. 

Thankfully she had put on the doctor’s shirt over her naked body, but she felt like she had been caught with a hand in the cookie jar. 

“I’m getting coffee.” 

“Oh. Did you and my dad have a sleepover too?” 

“A sleepover... yes we did.” She nodded, almost too quickly, though the kid wouldn’t have known why. 

That was when her dad came into view. Fully dressed to head out for work. Whilst she was still a wreck from the night before. He looked like he had slept well, and hadn’t spent wrecking her for God knows how many hours. 

“Harper… did you say good morning?” 

He asked his sweet young daughter, as she heard footfalls in the distance.  _ The twins.  _

“ _ Good morning Ms. Y/N _ .” 

She said with a smile, before running off to her friends. Leaving her, and the doctor alone. Alone, since the previous night. Usually it would have been easy. If he had been a stranger, she would’ve been out of there even before he had woken up. Though that wasn’t possible, as for one, he had worn her out that she wouldn’t have been able to wake up before she did, and the fact that he wasn’t a complete stranger. She would’ve seen him, as his daughter and the girls she looked after were friends. 

Maybe sleeping with him wasn’t such a good idea… but it had been so good, she didn’t mind. 

“I’m going to take them to school.” He told her, as he grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl. 

“They have ballet?” 

“Actual school. It starts today.” 

“Oh shit.” 

“Don’t worry... I got it covered. Lock up the place when you leave, and leave the key in the mailbox...” He told her as he placed a key in front of her.  _ Damn _ . He wanted her out of there. 

For someone who hadn’t gotten any in a while, he wasn’t desperate. Instead he had the same coldness of someone who was very familiar with having strangers over at his place. 

“I’ll finish my coffee then I’ll head out.” 

“Alright.” 

Her eyes travelled down to his lips, had it been a dream? Or had she actually slept with him? It was too vivid to be a dream, and the bruises on her looked very real. Though based on how he was acting, it was as though nothing had happened. 

She approached him seductively, as seductively as she could in the morning, and caught his lips on hers. 

She kissed him, and her mind instantly brought her back to the night before. She wanted that again. Her tongue cheekily slipped into his mouth, as she tried to make it last longer. An open invitation for him to fuck her again. 

“I had fun last night.” 

She whispered against his lips. Hoping it would’ve awakened something in him. 

“Me too.”

And just like that, he was gone out of the door. She had known it was just sex, but it seemed like he couldn’t be more eager for her to leave. She understood he was busy, but she didn’t know how else she expected to be treated. She sure didn’t want breakfast, nor anything else from him.

Though one thing was for certain. She never has a man wanting her to leave. But again, she had never slept with anyone like him before. 

  
  


**_11:18_ **

“I’m afraid I’m no longer in shape as I used to be…” 

Mr. Maximoff panted as he placed his tennis racket down. 

“No worries… I haven’t played in a while either.” He patted his forehead with a fresh towel, as the sweltering heat continued to persist throughout the morning. “I wanted to thank you for the invitation.” 

“It’s a pleasure to have you here.” To say he has been given a choice to spend a day at the Maximoff’s country estate was a stretch. Though with the beautiful weather, he couldn’t think about being in his office. He needed a break from it all, or else his head would’ve exploded. “I heard you have newly acquired a place in the countryside as well.” 

“It’s just thirty minutes away.” It was a place he hadn’t visited since he had bought it, and spent the first week after purchasing it, christening every single room in there. As well as the fields nearby. “I spent a few summers there as a kid..”

“Nostalgia is what keeps us coming back here once in a while too.” 

He nodded. Perhaps that was why the countryside called to him in a way the city didn’t. It had been his happy place as a kid, and again as an adult. When he had a certain beautiful woman, naked, in his arms. He had no bad memories of the place. 

He couldn’t stand being alone in his own home. His house in the city had become haunted by all the memories he had there. Especially the bad ones.

He couldn’t seem to escape all his thoughts, so escaping to a dreamland was the appropriate course of action, though he would have preferred to be alone. 

Speaking of good distractions, Mrs. Maximoff was there as well. The same Mrs. Maximoff he used to dream about when he was a teenager and she was the world’s greatest supermodel. Further proving he was living in a different reality. 

Far away from his troubles in the city. 

“Wanda honey, remember sunscreen. You don’t want wrinkles on you.” He heard the older woman say. 

He turned his head towards the set of stone steps, surrounded with rose bushes, if heaven had a stairway, it would’ve been that. The birds chirped around him, creating a sort of ethereal atmosphere around him, and that was when he saw her. At the top of the stairs, as she rubbed some cream on her, the sun made her golden hair sparkle under its light. 

His lips parted slightly, as he watched her move gracefully in her white bikini. A pair of oversized sunglasses sat atop her head. That was when their eyes met. For a moment, less than a second, but it happened. 

And in that moment, that was less than a second, she smiled at him, and walked away. 

A glance, was all it took for him to leave with the excuse of needing a glass of water. 

  
  


He had to admit that she made him curious. Who was she? Certainly not the two dimensional person he saw on the cover of magazines. 

He didn’t see her in a sexual way. After all, he was a guest in her family’s house (one of many), but she intrigued him. He didn’t know why, at least yet, but he wants willing to find out why. 

Right there, by the glimmering blue water of the pool, laid young Wanda Maximoff on the brick floor, on top of a beach towel she had set down that was monogrammed with her initials. 

Such a pretty princess she was, delicate and beautiful, she was nothing like the models he had been used to. 

“Maybe you should fly out to Spain. It’s lovely this time of year...” 

He spoke clearly as he approached her, hoping he didn’t disturb her. She seemed so at peace, gazing at the water, though it seemed like he didn’t, when she faced him almost demurely, as she couldn’t help but smile. 

Her smile, it was an infectious thing, as it made him smile in turn as well. Perhaps it was the heat, or something else. 

“I hear it is... but no place beats home.” She replied. “It makes me really nostalgic you know?” 

“I get it...” Somehow he didn’t want the conversation to end there. He was so bad at conversations, he couldn’t remember a time he was good at them. He pretended, like most people, he found something else to talk about fast. “your uncle... he’s real passionate about tennis isn’t he?” 

“He’s like that about most things. He insists he sings better than Sinatra... “ *they both chuckle* “Though I admire him for having passions. After all that’s what keeps us going.” 

“What’s your passion?” 

He knew how that could have sounded. He was flirting ever so subtly, as he didn’t come off creepy if the attention was unwanted, but the fact that she didn’t cover herself up, instead stayed like that in front of him made him smile a little. 

“I don’t know if I have one...” 

“What about modeling?” 

“I’m not sure I’m passionate about it... Not when I know there’s a whole other world out there I haven’t seen yet.” 

She was young. That was a constant reminder at the back of his head. He could hardly remember when he was young and enthusiastic about the world outside. He never cared for it. Not when it lacked all the comforts he had grown so used to. 

“So you’re the adventurous type...”

“I guess you can say that.” She replied cheekily, before diving into the water, making it splash near him, but not too near to soak him. 

She pushed her hair back once she rose above water, making her skin glow even more. It looked like she was very unaware of the effect she had on people. She was the talk of the city, hell, even the whole world, and she swam as though she had no care in the world. 

She had no idea that outside that idyllic palace she was living in, the world was screaming her name. 

_ Everyone wanted a piece of Wanda Maximoff.  _

  
  


**_16:10_ **

“Wanda, Wanda, Wanda.” Sharon seethed, her voice tainted with venom. “Everything is about her now.” 

“You seem to have a lot of free time in your hands.” 

“Not really… since I spent half of yesterday evening talking on the phone to a reporter.” 

“About how you tried to sabotage someone but failed miserably?” 

“The Ibiza Incident.” She said, as she turned her phone towards her. Her eyes scanned the screen, the incident she had mentioned at the fashion show, but she had brushed off as something insignificant. 

Never had she thought it’d be something of that magnitude. A wildfire that single handedly burned down a man’s entire career. And it was all because of Ibiza. 

“There’s no way this actually happened.” 

“I was there, I’d know.” 

The strangest thing was that she didn’t display an ounce of remorse. She had initially thought of her as another airhead who was after Steve for all the wrong reasons, ambitious, but very high school. 

Instead she couldn’t be more wrong. She had destroyed a man’s life for her ego. Sharon Carter had a short fuse, though as much as she scared her in that moment, she had to admit the woman was committed. Blindly ambitious. 

It made her wonder whether she had done that before. Sh must’ve. She wouldn’t have been so calm if it was her first time. 

Perhaps ruining people’s lives got easier with time. 

“Fucking hell…” 

“Now you know I’m serious.” 

Her eyes nearly widened. She was going to show that she was intimidated. She wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction. Instead, she reached for their glass, and took a large sip. 

Her mind focused on the real question. What was she going to do to Wanda? She didn’t want to know. When Sharon talked about getting even, she thought pulling her hair or something equally as childish. 

And she was stupid enough to get involved. Which was also because Sharon kept naked pictures of her and James. 

_ She wouldn’t have done it for any other reason… _

“Amongst other things… but what do you want?” 

“A photographer.” Sharon circled her straw in her drink. Ste hadn’t taken a sip yet, instead she had ordered two more drinks after the first. She couldn’t be sober whilst she dealt with her. “Very skilled, well known, and happens to be in London for an auction showcasing his work.”

“You want to be photographed by him?” 

“No. He has what I want.”

“And what’s that?” She asked, whilst looking at her phone. “Can we speed this up because I want to be out of here as soon as possible.” 

“He’s the only one who knows Wanda intimately. He’s her first and only boyfriend.” She explained. So slowly, it was unproductive. But she figured someone like her didn’t have anything better to do. “Goes by Aleks. Short for… whatever. He’s such a tool, shows her questionable taste in men.” 

“And I gather you aren’t planning to bump into him and simply ask him.” 

“You’re learning.” She used her faux kind voice on her. The same one that she had used the first time they met. She had been so naive not to see it back then. “Someone has to get photographed for his next series. He requires one last muse.” 

Her gaze lingered on her for too much. Oh no. No. She wasn’t getting involved in it anymore. Of course, she wasn’t a fan of Wanda Maximoff as the rest of the city was, but she didn’t want to be involved in any of Sharon’s plans anymore. 

“You should be the one to go.”

“Why me?”

“Because he has a specific type.”

“Which is?” 

“Easy girls. The ones he’ll know will put out.”

“Thanks.” She knew she wasn’t that easy.  _ But she wasn’t hard to get either.  _ She was in the middle. Of course it depended on the day. Some days a simple glance would be more than enough to be rid of her clothes. “That’s really good to know.” 

Though she knew it was the wrong way of handling things, she didn’t want to wait around for James to be with someone else. After all, that was what it came down to. James' involvement with the young model. Though she was never willing to admit it out loud, instead trying to find another excuse to rationalize her thoughts. 

It made no sense. She didn’t want him. She didn’t want to marry him. And she had been given a chance in which she could’ve been his, and his only, but she turned it, and him, down. 

It was exactly like her mother always told her. She always wanted things she couldn’t have. The same happened when she had a guitar gifted to her for her eleventh birthday by a close relative. She couldn’t have cared for it any less, in fact it always stayed in her closet, never seeing the light of day. And it stayed in there, until her mother decided to donate it. 

She cried, even though she never showed any interest in it. She wanted it back, though her mother insisted it was because someone else now had it. 

Of course, she couldn’t compare James to a guitar, but she wondered whether that was the case. 

Did she want him because she couldn’t have him? And if so, was she ever in love with him? 

Something had changed, after seeing him with her. Like she hadn’t seen him a while. Happy. 

“I can’t go right now though… I have to go home and cook for the twins then they go to bed.” 

“We can’t do this another time. There’s a very brief window of opportunity. And I booked the appointment for tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“At 9pm.” 

It wasn’t like she had any plans, but she hated being ambushed like that. She stood up from her seat, ready to leave. 

“Is he even going to be there?” 

“Absolutely. He wouldn’t want to miss meeting his next muse.”

It was obviously a flawed plan, but she always seemed to forget that the odds were always in favor of people like her. It was just how the world worked.

  
  


**_18:20_ **

  
  


Her mind wandered off, as bell peppers into bite sized pieces, as it always did. She wondered how the shy doctor could have played her like that. She never got played. Ever. She was the one who was indifferent, leaving before the other person woke up. 

She had been called a bitch (amongst other very  _ tasteful _ names) a couple of times because of it. The last time she had been played like that, she was much younger. And had way less experience. 

Either way, she couldn't believe he kicked her out like that. He didn't outright kick her out, but he might as well have. 

She was snapped out of her thoughts, by Maria’s voice. 

“How was the fashion show?” 

“Really good…” 

“Whose show was it again?” Maria asked Sam, knowing well he was too busy looking at the models to notice whose show he was attending. Apparently by the looks of it, it happened a lot. 

“Some Italian guy?” 

Maria chuckled. “What would you know? I bet you were too busy getting a private show of your own to even know.” 

She chuckled at her remark, as she kept preparing dinner. Some footsteps indicated to her that someone had joined them in there, in fact when she turned her head around, she saw her other boss, George. 

She didn’t see him much except for dinner, due to the fact that they were both always out. She watched as he wrapped his arms around his wife’s body, placing a kiss on her temple. 

They were a very sweet couple. 

“You know your wife is kind of a bitch.” 

Sam told him as he pointed at her. 

“Wouldn’t have her any other way.” 

Mr. Barnes gave his wife a gentle peck on her lips, then walked away, leaving them to their conversation. 

_ Them _ . Mr. and Mrs. Hill-Barnes were the reason why she still held out hope. Not that there was any for her, but it was nice to be reminded that couples with age gaps could make it work. They were a prime example of a healthy, married couple despite their significant age difference.

Which meant a difference in generation wasn’t always the reason for two people not working out. It had to do with the individuals. And their willingness to cooperate. Neither James, nor her were like that. Both head-achingly stubborn, and set in their ways. Though at least she was aware of that. He was not. 

The talk of James was strictly verboten in the house, which a memo both Maria and Sam got. However that didn’t stop them from bringing up her personal life. From time to time, more like the lack thereof. 

“So Y/N… I heard from the twins that you slept over at Banner’s place too.” Maria couldn’t hide her grin, once her husband was long gone. 

“Who’s Banner?” 

“The doctor.” She explained to him. She could feel heat rise to her face, she didn’t know why. Probably because she wouldn’t call what had happened that morning as a success. Though the previous night was a whole other story… “The recently separated workaholic father whose daughter is my kids’ best friend.” 

“You slept over… you naughty girl.” Sam teased with a grin. “So was it just a sleepover? Or…” 

They both look at her intently for answers. She looked at them back, then away. She didn’t know what to tell them. She wasn’t always the kind of person who kissed and told. At times she was, but there were other times in which she preferred to keep things to herself. 

“Y/N and  _ What’s his name _ , sitting in a tree...  _ F-U-C-K-I-N-G _ . First comes...” Sam sang, as Maria laughed. “Well I don’t know who did so-“

She threw a cherry tomato at him which came nowhere close to hitting him. “But if you must know... I did.  _ Several times _ ..” 

Maria’s face turned into an expression of shock, whilst Sam just clapped his hands slowly. 

“ _ Good job doctor _ .” He chuckled. “You know, I think a good fuck was what you needed.” 

“I can’t believe it.” 

Maria shook her head, her mouth slightly parted. 

“I’ve got bruises to prove it.” She mumbled as tossed in the vegetables she had previously cut. There was no way she could go back from that. 

“ _ Bruises _ ? How…?”

“ _ Well Maria, it happens when two people… _ ” Sam started, making her let out an ugly laugh in return. 

“I know how it happens.” Maria lightly slapped his arm. “It’s just… Doctor Banner? The same guy who cuts his kid’s sandwiches into perfect triangles? Are we talking about the same person here?” 

“Yep. I’m not saying anything more.” Because she promised herself not to disclose too much about her night with the doctor. “Also I’m heading out tonight and home later so I…”

“Are you going to see Dr. Banner again.” 

“No. I’m not. I wish anyways. Instead I’m wasting my time with modern day  _ Eve Harrington. _ ” 

“Oh. Sharon.” Maria caught the reference. “What are you two ladies up to?” 

“Trust me, it’s better if you don’t know.  _ Plausible deniability. _ ” 

“That bad huh?” 

“ _ It’s Sharon we're talking about… would you expect anything else? _ ” 

  
  
  


**_20:15_ **

“How’s being CEO treating you?” 

“I haven’t encountered challenges yet…” Though He should’ve been listening to Mr. Maximoff and his brother in law, talking about something to do with finance. His gaze was fixed on the sight of his daughter, sitting on the opposite side of him. 

She didn’t speak much, as she sat next to her mother, who kept consuming the drinks more than the lavish dinner they had been served.

Her cheeks tinted pink as their eyes met, and looked away, down at the plate. She kept looking at the plate, her fork pushing the food around, though never eating any of it. 

She reminded her of a nymph, from the myths he used to read when he was a child. Perhaps it was her girlish innocence paired with the fact that he had one too many glasses of wine, and little to no food that made her seem that way in his eyes. 

“Wanda was looking forward to a visit from you.” Mrs. Maximoff spoke, making her daughter suddenly blush, and look away from him. “She bought this dress just for the occasion.” 

He could tell her mother too had too much to drink, though unlike him, she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Though the information surprised him. He knew she had an innocent little crush on him. But he wouldn’t have expected her to dress up for him. 

A girl, playing dress up for him should have sounded a little juvenile. He was too old for all that. But such a beautiful woman, interested in what he thought of her lit something in him that he thought long to be dead. 

His empty glass was filled once more, as he engaged in conversation. He should’ve stopped drinking, but he found himself reaching for his glass and bringing it to his lips. It was impossible to be sober, whilst listening to Mr. Maximoff talk endlessly. He began to understand why his wife was constantly tipsy. 

He had to admit it felt good to be admired. As of late women in his life didn’t have the best opinion about him. 

  
  


**_21:07_ **

Knowledge was much more valuable than money. And it was especially to people who had power and wealth. Say one was a moral person, who couldn’t be bought not even with all the money in the world. And these people somehow still existed. The ones who thought they were too good to be bought. 

But threaten to leak personal information that might jeopardize their career? Their family life? They’ll give in. No matter who they were, no one wanted their deepest, darkest secrets exposed to the world. And the richer one was, the higher the stakes got. 

The reason why it worked especially on successful people was that because at one point in time, they might have had looser morals which might have led to questionable actions. And if word ever got out about said actions, it would ruin them for eternity.

  
  


“You’ll have to sign some papers...” Aleks, the photographer, told her. She couldn’t really imagine Wanda being with someone like him, so maybe there was more to her than what she thought. “Here... and here.” 

He pointed at the marked x’s where she had to put her signature on. She had made sure to drink two full glasses of wine, which were nothing to her at that point, but it helped to calm her nerves a little. 

The studio was decorated with photographs of naked women, all gorgeous and of different sizes. She could tell the man was an artist, and a little bit of a pervert. Luckily for her she had some expertise in the department. 

“This is such a beautiful studio...”

She said after she scribbled her signature. 

“I have another one, on the other side of the city. Though I prefer this one... the lighting is impeccable.” He told her. “I haven’t caught your name...”

“Is it important?” 

She cocked her head. She was afraid she was having too much fun with the assignment. Was it as good as a night in? Probably not. But she had enough wine to be unable to distinguish the good decisions from the bad ones. 

And it wasn’t like she was going to fuck him. All she needed was a smoking gun. 

And she knew he was going to point her towards it. 

“Not really.” 

She was different from Sharon. She reminded herself. She wasn’t the one doing the deed. Physically speaking she was, but technically, it was a whole different story. She was being extorted into doing so. After all, she didn’t want to have ‘fucked James Barnes’ as the most significant highlight of her life. 

In everyone's game, she had been just a pawn. Moved around how they pleased. With no regard for what she felt. 

She sighed as she slipped out of her clothes effortlessly. She couldn’t count all the times she had taken her clothes off in front of a man. Except she had a purpose other than physical pleasure. 

Somehow having that purpose, saving herself from Sharon’s evil grasp, felt empowering. 

She came to take one thing. And she was going to get it. After all, she had become used to getting what she wanted that it had become addicting. 

As the last of her clothes hit the floor, she looked at him to size him up. He was insignificant. Taller, sure. But she knew right then and there, he was going to tell her everything she wanted to know. 

_ Oh, the power of being a woman.  _

“How do you want me?” 

  
  


**_22:30_ **

“ _ Cigarette _ ?” 

“No thank you.” At least she was showing some willpower. Something she thought she had lost. He took one out for himself, and placed it between his lips. She noticed the bulge that strained his pants, it looked uncomfortable, and a little unprofessional. 

She expected better from a photographer who was around naked women all the time, but after all he was a man with one thing on his mind. It had been clear from his art style. Which she could’ve only described as  _ artful nudes. _

They had been done for a while, and she had slipped back into her red lace panties. Which she had put on for the sole purpose of being seen in them. 

“Look…” He handed her his camera, she took it in her hands delicately, afraid to drop it, and looked at the picture displayed on the screen. 

A smile crept upon her lips. She looked gorgeous. More than gorgeous. And the way it made her feel was beyond indescribable. Every curve of her body was displayed, everything from her nipples, to her belly button… to her… There wasn’t an inch of her that wasn’t exposed, but there was something powerful about being naked. 

People just talked about the vulnerability, but she saw none of that in herself. 

She pressed a button, and admired herself, as more pictures came into her view. It might have been narcissistic, but honestly she couldn’t have cared less. 

In the deep admiration, she missed his body flush against her back, as a hand came from behind her to massage her breast, his fingers, tweaking her nipples. She let out a gasp as she avoided making eye contact. 

She came looking for something. Having Wanda’s ex play with her a little was just a step, that got her closer to getting what she came for. 

“If you don’t stop doing that, I’ll drop it.” 

“Do you like the pictures?” He asked her in a whisper, before nipping the shell of her ear.

“I do…” she spoke. She felt incredibly relaxed, she didn’t know why. “They’re lovely.  _ Especially this one… _ ” 

She tapped her finger on the screen, on a photograph of her, fully nude though the light and shadows covered parts of her, in a tasteful way. 

“It’s my favorite too. I’ll have this printed on a canvas then.” 

He began kissing up her neck. In truth she wasn’t going to let him go any further than that, but she hadn’t gotten what she had come for. Yet. 

“Can i ask you something?” 

She asked softly, as she handed his camera back to him. He looked at the pictures once again, and hummed. 

“ _ Of course... _ ”

“What do you know of Wanda Maximoff?” 

“Are you a reporter?” He asked with a cocky smirk, as he placed his camera down. He then crossed his arms, trying to show his dominance. Though not succeeding as he might have wanted to. 

“ _ No _ ... just curious I guess.” 

“Look… I’m going to tell you this because you’re incredibly sexy…” He said as he tilted her chin up to him. “ _ She’s everything you’re not. _ ” 

“How so?”

“Wouldn’t let me take pictures of her. She’s incredibly private,  _ insecure _ ...” 

_ Insecure _ ? Her? She doubted that. The woman was on every cover of every single existing magazine. She had a hard time believing what she was hearing, perhaps he was bullshitting her. 

“So you two weren’t together…” It was more of a statement than a question. She had a hard time believing the pervert who was trying to kiss her had anything to do with her. “As a couple?” 

“She wanted to be…” He placed a sloppy kiss on her lips. “But I guess we wanted different things…” 

“Which were...?”

“She wanted a real relationship, the ones one sees in movies for example. With the hand holding, the dates, meeting the parents… etcetera.”

All she wanted was a real relationship. She didn’t want power, nor money, all she wanted was to be loved. Sure, she wasn’t sure if she liked her yet, but she didn’t deserve to be punished for something she had no control over. 

“And you?”

“And I wanted to keep seeing all the beautiful women who waltzed into my studio.  _ At least the ones who got naked for m _ e.” 

Perhaps it was that reason that she had become so bitter, she had agreed to Sharon’s stupid plan. Wanda was a woman capable of giving James everything he wanted. Everything he had asked of her, but she couldn’t. 

That was what she was scared of. And she had realized that. 

  
  


**_23:32_ **

That night, he couldn’t sleep. There were several factors affecting his ability to fall into a deep slumber, one of them being that he wasn’t in his own home. Mr. Maximoff insisted on him staying there, so he had no choice but accept his invitation. 

It was just a night. He was going to leave right after breakfast. 

He walked around the quiet, dark mansion, everything looking different than the lights were on. It reminded him of a haunted house, empty, void of any joy and life. He could hardly believe it was the same beautiful estate he had stepped into that morning. There was something dark about it, though he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. 

That was when he had stepped onto the patio, where he realized he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep. 

Wanda Maximoff knelt on the floor, as she piled logs trying to build something that resembled a fire, though there was no fire yet. 

“Sorry for making you uncomfortable at the dinner table...” She said, never looking at his face. “I hoped my mother wouldn’t say anything...”

“Don’t worry. It’s not your fault. Besides, I liked your dress.” 

He told her to lighten the mood. He really didn’t mind. He felt sorry for her, that she felt guilty about it, since he liked it. He liked knowing he had somewhat of an effect on her. 

“I guess you’re stuck here...” 

“Your parents insisted. Besides, I promised them another match.” He told her, as she kept trying, scraping two pieces of wood together, without a result. “I’m playing alone against both your father and uncle...” 

“That doesn’t sound like a fair game.” 

She finally put the log down, and faced him. Even under the moonlight, he could see her bright green eyes shining like two gems. 

“No it’s not... you can join if you want...” 

“I’d like that... I haven’t played in a while though.” 

“Don’t worry... I haven’t either.” She was so pretty. And seemed humble about it. He might have not guessed it if he hadn’t met her in person, but she was just like anyone else. Or not. For he had never met anyone that beautiful be so nice. “I think you’ll do just fine.”

He was so intent on hating his time at the Maximoff estate, that all things considered, he had quite enjoyed his time there. 

And he had even less expected his highlight of the day being Wanda Maximoff.

“What is this...?” He asked, pointing that the pile of wood. It was obvious what it was, but he still was intrigued by it, by her. 

“I was trying to build a fire...” 

“For what?”

“I always built one with my brother when we were children at the end of summer.” She explained to him. “I guess I miss him.” 

They must have had a similar childhood. Children of successful and wealthy parents, who barely had any time for their kids. 

So he related to her. 

It is the first time in his life someone showed some kind of vulnerability with him. Showed their true feelings. And he was not used to that. Not with the women in his life. Not with his mother, his sister, or the woman he had been involved with in the past. He had never gotten the candid truth out of them, as they always hid their true feelings from him. 

But not her. 

“ _ You two are close huh? _ ” 

“I am.”

“I used to be the same with my sister. We used to have the house all to ourselves.” He told her warmly. She knew what he had been through, as she had shared similar experiences. “All summer long.” 

The memory of him and his sister at his mother’s chateau was one of his fondest. After all, no matter how much they fought, he still missed Beck. Just as Wanda missed her own brother. 

“Come on, I’ll help you with this...” 

He knelt down, as he picked up two pieces of wood, trying to start a fire. 

“You don’t have to.” 

“I want to. Besides, I have nowhere else to be.” He smiled at her. And she smiled back. 

_ Come on… _ he had to remember how to do it… A smile expanded on his lips once he saw a spark, that turned into a small ball of light, burning the wood underneath it. 

“I haven’t done this since I went to Mykonos... when I was younger.” He told her as he got back up. “Granted I didn’t do this while sober back then, makes it all the more impressive. Don’t you think?”

“Oh definitely.” She nodded, as she gazed into the flames. “I have the feeling you have more interesting stories to tell.” 

“I do.” 

“Then tell me one right now.” She looked at him, her eyes different from the ones he had been used to looking at. Something had definitely changed. “Maybe start from how you ended up building a fire in Mykonos while you were drunk.” 

He started telling the story, with a few tweaks here and there. Soon, laughter filled the air alongside the background sound of the fire crackling. 

There was no doubt that for the first time in a long time,  _ he had been welcomed back to dreamland.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you enjoyed this chapter ✨💗


	24. there’s no reason to feel blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): SMUT, Reader and James being low key toxic (this is fiction, I do not support unhealthy relationships irl)

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since he had spent the night at the Maximoff estate. Fourteen days since he started seeing Wanda Maximoff differently. And during those fourteen days a lot had happened. 

First, they had been spotted bumping into each other, sparking rumors about a possible dalliance. Nothing had happened. And he wasn’t counting on it. She was young, and he didn’t want to pressure her into doing something she didn’t want to do. 

So he got to know her instead. Somehow one lunch turned into more though they were always in the company of mutual friends. Never alone. He would’ve known what the implications would’ve been if they were to be alone. 

And publicity wise, being around Wanda Maximoff brought exposure to his company. Exposure he could definitely benefit from. And it got people talking. Interested in who he was. And the girl… she was everything he would’ve wanted at one point in time. Attentive, a good listener, polite, sweet, a little shy though he could see her more daring side poke through whenever they spoke. And she liked him. 

Besides, she was a catch. Everyone was talking about her. Everyone turned around and looked at her whenever she walked into a room. How could he not want her? 

She was perfect in every sense of the word. Albeit a little younger than his usual tastes. Just turned  _ twenty two _ . Part of him made him feel dirty to be slightly attracted to her, but he’d be lying if he said he was trying his hardest to suppress said feelings.

Besides, he didn’t know where those feelings came from. Whether it was attraction, or admiration. Or both. 

But he did want to get to know her to decide how he felt. 

“What have you been up to?” 

_ What hadn’t he been up to?  _ The past two weeks were a blur. He obviously couldn’t remember everything he had done. Doing that would’ve been impossible. But one thing was for sure. 

  
  


“ _ Oh James! _ ” She screamed as he fucked her into the mattress. “ _ James! Yes, right there! I’m coming! _ ” 

They had been at it for two whole weeks. It all started when he was driving home from the Maximoff’s. He needed some kind of a release, and he found himself outside his father’s house. 

When the front door opened, he was met with none other than Y/N, in the tiniest pair of cotton shorts and a thin shirt, so thin he could make out the outline of her breasts, not to speak of her nipples which he could well see as they were already pebbled. 

They hadn’t even had time to arrive at her bedroom, as their hands were all over each other, trying to get each other out of their clothes. 

Ever since fucking her roughly in the foyer of his father’s home, he had decided they needed a more practical place, hence they found themselves in a business hotel close to his office, so that during his break he could go and unwind. 

Her head was thrown back, leaving her neck exposed to him. His face was at the crook of her neck, as he breathed her in. She cried our obscenities, as she reached her peak, her body pressed firmly against his. She was so sexy when she arched her back. 

She was sexy when she did anything. His ragged breathing was a sign that he was close, he was sure his face gave it away too. A few curse words escaped his lips, as his pace became faster, rougher. She just had that effect on him. Her cunt fit him so well, as though it was made for him only. 

No one knew his body like she did. Which was why he kept going back to her. Over, and over again. 

  
  


_ His life was truly grand _ . He had the attention of two beautiful women. Who were the complete opposite from each other, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

Whilst he enjoyed lunch with one, he knew the other was waiting for him with open arms (and legs). 

  
  


**_15:25_ **

“Are you fucking her?” 

She asked with a chuckle, as she put his phone back down carelessly while Wanda’s name popped up on his screen. Though there was nothing funny about it. It was all part of the casual front she had put on. The day James came crawling back to her, she made no attempt in pushing him away. She didn’t want him to leave. 

It was only when their clothes were strewn across the floor, and her bare back was up against the wall of the foyer, that she knew she was fucking it all up. Her body made all her decisions for her. And if he was bad for her, then why was he so hard to resist? 

Why did her body seek out the things that were harmful for her, for them both? 

“Don’t say it like that...” 

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes. “Are you making love to her?” 

“Haven’t touched her... yet.” 

That yet… which meant there was a possibility. She had no idea why she loved playing the same game with him. The one she used to play when he was married. It was a game which she kept losing. 

“ _ Are you going to...? _ ” 

“What is this? An interrogation?” 

It was, in a way. She wanted to know everything. Down to the details that would’ve hurt her if she knew about them. Her heart craved that burning feeling that came along with heartbreak. Instead, she opted not to know. For her own sanity. She walked up back to him, as she untied her robe. It slid off her body, and onto the ground, as she climbed onto the bed, and straddled his lap. 

“I just want your needs to be satisfied.” 

“That’s very kind of you.” His large hands snaked to her thighs. “I still hate you.” 

“I sure hope so.” She said that because he had never fucked her like that when he claimed to love her. Hate sure brought out new layers in their relationship. Whatever it was, it worked well for her. 

  
  


**_16:01_ **

Whenever she exited their hotel room,  _ room 202, _ she felt like she was on top of the world. Everything was finally working out. She had a man whose company she enjoyed, and she had a stable income. And since she had nothing else to spend it on, she allowed herself to indulge in whatever she set her eye on. 

Life was finally good to her. 

Well… nearly good. Wherever she went, whether it was a department store, or just walking around the city, she seemed like she couldn’t escape her. 

_ Wanda Maximoff.  _

Ever since fashion week, alongside several news media reporting on her rising star, she was everywhere. All anyone could talk about for two weeks straight was her. It was all about her. 

Not that she minded. She didn’t even care about the rumors alluding to something between James and Wanda. Who had been seen together. But it was nothing. She knew that since he had his face in between her thighs just before lunch, and after. 

Sharon was right about one thing. People believed what they wanted to believe. And they wanted to believe that something was happening between Wanda and James. A beautifully crafted illusion. Two perfect people together.

_ Good for them _ . If they only had known the truth, they’d be terribly disappointed. 

As she rummaged around in her underwear drawer, there it was. At the very bottom. The necklace that James had gotten her. Way back. Things weren’t easy back then either.She wondered if it ever was with him. No matter their relationship status, nothing ever changed with him. 

She opened the lavish box, admiring the diamond necklace within. It was pretty. And very expensive. 

She had always wondered why he had gifted her something so precious so early on. She couldn’t help but see it as either a promise, or a chain. Forever linking her to him. 

Her fingers then gently grazed the diamonds. It was the most beautiful thing she owned. 

She pulled it out of the box, ever so carefully, and put it on around her neck. It shone each time they caught light, resembling a thousand stars. 

It was a reminder to herself, and to him, that they belonged. No matter how much they tried to stay away from each other, something stronger pushed them back together. 

Though she was going to have to show him. 

Much to Sharon’s dismay as well, Wanda’s star was growing exponentially. She had no idea how those things worked, but it seemed like her efforts to sabotage her were not working. That, or she was sitting back, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. 

Whatever it was, she left it in her hands. The less she knew about it, the better. 

She looked at herself in the mirror, as she painted her lips red. She spent a lot of time getting herself ready, after dinner. She made sure to look her best, knowing James was going to be there. 

Things had always been complicated between them, though it had been expected. After all they couldn’t function without trials and tribulations. They were incapable of being like a real couple. And whatever he was doing with Wanda, if the illusion of a socially accepted relationship was what he needed, he could have it. 

For as long as he held her behind closed doors, she had nothing to fear of. 

_ Or so she thought. _

  
  


**_21:52_ **

There was nothing like a party to liven everyone’s moods. She was never the kind of person who enjoyed parties. But the kind of parties she had gotten used to had nothing on the others. 

The reopening of Valhalla was the occasion for said celebration. On any other occasion, she would’ve turned down the invitation. Though since the invite came from Sam, the host of the party, she had no other choice but to slip into the sexiest, most sparkly dress she had seen and attend the event, with Nat as her date. 

“Y/N. I’m on the list.” She told the large man in a black suit guarding the door. He didn’t say anything. He just looked at her, amused. 

“Of course. Have fun Miss.  _ The boss sends his regards _ .” 

She let out a dry chuckle. She had the feeling he wasn’t referring himself to Sam. After all, the party was at  _ Valhalla _ . She found it amusing how he kept things ominous. Thinking he’d haunt her thoughts even when he wasn’t around. 

And much to her luck,  _ Loki was nowhere to be seen _ . Last she heard about him, he was in Spain, having the time of his life. At least he was gone for a while. 

Though it seemed he still found the time to torment her. 

Nat gawked at the place, and she too couldn’t deny the club hadn’t looked any better. It was the sophisticated upgrade she had expected, and was still very much impressed. 

Her lips turned into a smile, as soon as she saw Sam making a beeline towards them. 

“Look at you. You two look hot.” Sam commented as she twirled around for him, then proceeding to wrap her arm around him. 

He was probably the only man who was incapable of giving her a headache. 

“Only for you.” 

“I’m a lucky man.” 

He beamed, pressing her kiss to her temple. 

“Why are you doing this again?” She asked. She had never understood how he could be friendly with someone like Loki. 

“Someone had to host the reopening of Valhalla. Since  _ someone _ decided sending  _ its owner  _ away for a while was a good idea.” 

Both Nat and his eyes fell on her accusingly.  _ Maybe _ it was her fault. After all she had been the one to tell him to leave. But for good reason. 

“How should I have known he would’ve actually stayed away? It’s not like he does what I want him to do.” 

“What did you do to him?” Nat asked curiously. Sam started laughing, that wasn’t a good sign. The only people who knew what happened between Loki and her were the people who saw it all. Namely, Sam and James. 

“You mean what didn’t she do… Basically we were at this party…” 

“This is hardly the time or the place.” She slapped his arm playfully. “I believe you have guests to attend?” 

Their eyes went to the group of gorgeous women who had just entered the party, all of their eyes on the host, while whispering  _ something _ amongst each other and giggling. She admired him for that. He had no shame in being who he truly was. He was unabashedly himself, and never apologised for it. 

“I believe you’re right. Enjoy your night ladies.” 

**_22:13_ **

They moved through the sweaty bodies, dancing, and grinding all over each other. The music, thumping all around them, and the dimmed lighting acted like an aphrodisiac. The air around them smelled like rose water, and a summer night, making her want to dance the night away. 

They walked up a wide set of steps, leading them to the VIP section. She knew Sam wouldn’t have minded them staying there. That was the perk of knowing the host. 

“This is amazing.” Nat whispered into her ear, as they sat down. It was the kind of life they had always talked about having. Living together in the same city, attending exciting parties together… It was the stuff of dreams. 

And everything had been perfect. Just like she always had imagined. Once they had finished their first round of drinks, she made the terrible mistake of diverting her gaze from Nat to the dance floor. Where the crowd parted, as she saw James and a woman (who wasn’t her) emerge from it. 

And she was gorgeous. Gorgeous couldn’t even cut it. The woman was a goddess. 

  
  


**_22:20_ **

“James! Wanda! It’s so lovely to see you.” Yelena greets them with open arms. Of course she was there as well. There wasn’t a party she missed. “So I heard you two got acquainted.” 

“You could say that.” 

They were still getting to know each other. In fact them coming together had been a complete coincidence. Sam gave him no choice but to attend the party he was throwing, and Wanda just happened to be waiting outside the club waiting for someone. 

He wouldn’t have attended the party if it wasn’t to support Sam in whatever he was doing, as he didn’t like Loki. He never had, but the latest incident with his sister, made him unlikeable. 

But lately the press had been good to his company. With him being consistently talked about in the media. The possible attention towards him and his family was getting to him. Though he often argued he was doing it for his sister, whose scandal had died down, with his consistent efforts, and whatever their mother had done. 

Wanda was a young model. With a lot of influence, he enjoyed her company enough to hang around her. Feelings were still premature, but he didn’t think about that at that moment. 

“I always thought you two would hit it off. But you were always in two different cities.” Yelena admitted to them. “ _ Until you weren’t _ . I guess things that are meant to be, work out in the end.” 

“I guess so.” 

  
  


**_22:25_ **

“What the fuck is he doing with her?” She spat, after her third drink. Seeing how things were going, she hadn’t even left her seat. She just consumed drink after drink. Her anger got the best of her. 

“I guess they came together.” 

_ The audacity of the man _ \- she could feel her blood boil in her veins as she grabbed the closest glass to her, and finished its contents in one gulp. She couldn’t believe he would’ve rubbed  _ whatever that was  _ in her face. 

It was ridiculous. And so fucking childish. But she hated that it was getting to her. 

“Hey, can I have one?” She asked the woman nearby with a cigarette between her index and middle finger. She nodded, and pulled out a new one out of the box, handing it to her. Her lips instinctively wrapped around the bottom part, as she lit it for her. “Thanks.” 

She mumbled as the woman gave her a suggestive wink, before walking away. 

It tasted awful, but she had nearly gotten used to it. And she needed it. She instantly felt assured, but that was only for one second. 

“I thought you quit.” Nat spoke, making her curse under her breath. It was as though she was still in high school and had been caught smoking by her mother. 

“You thought wrong.” 

She took a long drag on her cigarette, trying to look away to avoid the impending lecture. Nat had always been able to look right through her. 

“Is there something you haven’t told me?”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that you’re still sleeping with James?”  _ Had she been that obvious? _ “I know because you’ve been staring at him.” Apparently she had been. “Do you really want to go through this again?”

“It’s all I know Nat.” She justified herself. It was a shitty justification, but it was the truth. “Do you think I’d be putting myself through it if I didn’t want him? We need each other.”

She couldn't have been the only one to feel the deep seated need within her. It was way beyond sexual. She didn’t want to be emotionally committed to him, but a part of her knew she couldn’t function without him. 

It went beyond reason,  _ but when and anything between them made any sense?  _

“No you don’t. You’re just scared of what’s out there waiting for you if you let him go.” Nat always did that. So did other people in happy relationships. Always thinking they could school her about her shitty personal life. “But you can’t hold onto bad things just because they’re familiar.” 

That got to her unexpectedly. Because she knew exactly what Nat was referring herself to. Which meant other people could see what a fuck up she really was. 

In that moment, in between the taste of nicotine on her tongue, and the booze affecting her more than she should have, all she wanted to do was spew venom. 

She had never tried to tell Nat what to do in her relationship. A stable one, which had its own ups and downs.  _ Never _ . She encouraged it, because she figured that was exactly what she needed. 

Someone who cared about her. And now she had found the same. Didn’t she deserve to be happy? At least in her own fucked up way? 

“ _ Fuck off. _ ” 

In retrospect, they weren’t quite the words she wanted to utter, but once they were spoken, she couldn’t go back. And if she was in her right mind, she would’ve apologized, but she wasn’t. So she left her there. 

  
  


**_22:50_ **

“So... you and Wanda huh?” 

Yelena cocked her head, her arm resting on the bar counter, waiting for an answer from him. His eyes went to where his ‘date’ was. She was dancing with a couple of friends she had bumped into that night. 

She sure was popular with anyone she met. And he saw why. She was the kind of person who was able to connect with anyone they met. 

“I thought you said you thought we’d hit it off.” 

“I did.” She said, almost in a confused way. “Mostly because she’s young and gorgeous and  _ you’re _ ...” 

“ _ Old _ ?” 

“I didn’t say that.” She raised her hands cheekily, then shrugged. 

“You meant it though.” 

“ _ She’s exactly what you need. _ You’ve been by yourself for too long.” 

“I just got out of a relationship.” 

“A dead one.” She pointed out. “You and Dot were a mismatch.”

“I don’t mean Dot.” 

He didn’t mean to give it away.  _ Especially to a gossip like Yelena _ . But he had no other way of shutting her up. 

“Do you mean you had a secret relationship all this time?” 

“I’m not answering that.” 

“You did.” She took a quiet sip from her sugar rimmed glass. “Well you just said you got out of it. So what are you waiting for? Will you be waiting around for whoever this person is, or take Wanda Maximoff off the singles market? Because let’s be honest, you’ll never find anyone hotter than her. And the clock’s ticking.” 

He knew what Yelena was talking about. But he wasn’t sure of anything. Did he even like Wanda. As much as she was every man’s dream, his heart was still set on someone else. 

He slowly walked towards the dance floor, nervously, though the drinks he had definitely helped him. The atmosphere was intoxicating, making it almost dream like. He knew he was conscious, but it all felt like a dream. 

The closer he got to her, the more dream-like it felt. She offered him a smile, before she started dancing. At first, he was taken aback, but the more he watched her, he felt more inclined to let go of his inhibitions. 

_ What was even happening to him? _ He never danced. He hated dancing. He felt like it left him too exposed. Exposed to ridicule, to comments, but there he was. Feeling freer than he had ever felt. 

Though once he saw her smile, it made him realize what he was doing. Ok,  _ maybe he let go too much.  _

“Why are you smiling?” 

“I’m not telling…”

“ _ Why not _ .” 

“Because…” She stopped moving, and the mood suddenly changed. It was magical. Something unlike anything he had ever felt. He had been introduced to all new feelings, and perhaps it was because of the flawless creature in front of him. “To be completely honest I never thought I’d be here with you.” 

Her admission took him by surprise. 

“I always admired your work, the way you handle your business… I’ve read your interviews and you’re always so put together,  _ calm and charismatic _ .” He was far from that. That was just what he wanted to appear to be to others. And she saw him like that. Not for the mess he actually was. “ _ You’re just everything I thought you’d be _ .” 

“I’m glad I’m not disappointing.” His smile was genuine, a little insecure. But there was an underlying curiosity. Her admission made him want to get to know her better. The woman who thought he could do no wrong stoodright in front of him, and she was fucking perfect. “What about we get out of here? We could go grab something to eat?” 

“I’d love that.” 

As he led her towards the exit, he realized. That was the first time they were going to be alone. Just the two of them. Without the presence of mutual friends. 

Though that didn’t scare him. Not one bit. 

**_23:23_ **

Her eyes followed James as he led the gorgeous blonde somewhere. It made her sick to watch, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of them. But she didn’t care. She definitely didn’t care. 

She finished the contents of the glass in front of her, not even remembering if it was her own, as she started feeling all tingly inside. So what If James had found someone else? Why should she have cared? There were so many men that would’ve wanted her attention. 

She looked amazing, and she felt even better. Without any hesitation, she climbed on top of the table, and started dancing, immediately catching the attention of the people nearby. They were encouraging her, tempting her to do something more daring. 

Her hips swayed to the rhythm of the music, as she heard a few whistles from someone. Probably someone enjoying the show. She wasn’t probably dancing as well she as she was in her head, but was feeling too good to stop. 

Her dress hiked up, probably showing more than she should have. But at that point, she couldn’t have cared any less. 

She was fine without James, and she was intent on showing it. She didn’t know who she had to prove it to, but she was determined. 

Somehow being somewhat tipsy at a party whilst trying to get someone’s attention felt very familiar. Probably because she has been through the same situation too many times. It wasn’t a breakdown yet, more so a cry for attention. 

  
  


**_23:57_ **

He had no idea what he was doing. He wasn’t even sure about how he felt about the woman sitting in front of him.  _ But damn, she must have been the most beautiful woman he had ever seen _ . 

At that point in life, all he knew was being in a relationship. Though he was pretty bad at it. But he was fast approaching forty, and was recently divorced, and rejected by the woman he was having a sexual relationship with. So when presented with the prospect of starting fresh, he jumped at it. 

“The place is closing… are you sure we can order?” She asked him, as she looked around them. The restaurant was empty, though no one was closing the place yet. Not when they were there. 

He could see how starstruck the waiters were by her. And a part of him was proud to be the one there with her. 

“I know the owner. So they’re open just for us.” 

“That’s really nice of them.” She smiled, after she mouthed a thank you to the waiter who filled their glass with wine. “But I don’t want to bother…”

“They’re happy to do this favor for me.” He said casually. That was one of the perks of being wealthy. Being able to do anything he pleased. “They’re probably glad I’m in such good company.” 

Exploring his options wouldn’t have hurt anyone. He didn’t know what he wanted, but the best part of a young woman was that they didn’t know what they wanted either. 

Though he had no idea what he could talk about with her. Certainly they must have had some things in common… but he had never known making conversation was so hard. 

He never had to try to start a conversation with a woman, as usually at that point of the night, he would’ve had his hand up her skirt. 

But it wasn’t like that with her. Perhaps because deep down she knew he couldn’t forget the woman who actually made his knees weak. 

“I used to hear a lot about you, you know?” 

She started speaking right when food was brought to their table.  _ Fuck _ . He must have been quiet for too long. But he appreciated the effort on her part. 

“Really?” He couldn’t help but smile, he almost forgot to chew his pasta by how distracted he was. What was he even doing there?  _ But he wouldn’t have been there if a part of him wasn’t interested, right? _ “What did you hear?” 

“Mostly good things.” 

“ _ Mostly _ ?” 

“I’ve heard some things… you used to  _ date _ my friend Missy’s older sister. But that was way back. We overheard her talk about you to her friends.”

She stayed quiet after that, as he watched her cheeks tint pink.  _ Oh _ . He didn’t remember who this older sister was, but he understood what she was referring to. He hoped whatever she had heard didn’t taint her image of him. Whatever that was. 

“Oh..” He said. People knowing about his personal life was bound to happen. It wasn’t like when he was younger he tried his best to stay under the radar. “Is that so?” 

“All anyone could talk about was  _ you _ .” She continued. Whatever she heard definitely didn’t taint her image of him. Her eyes glowed, probably in admiration. And he was awestruck. He wondered how someone like her could look at someone like him like that. “And now, here I am, sitting across from you, while you have tomato sauce on your face.”

He wasn’t a good person. He would’ve never tried to pretend he was. But he must have not been a bad person either. For no one as perfect, and ethereal as her would’ve looked at him like that otherwise. 

Her thumb reached the corner of his mouth, as she instinctively wiped the tomato sauce off of him.  _ She was caring too _ . Though she instantly backed away once she realized what she had done. 

“So are you staying around for longer?” 

“I think so… things just got exciting,  _ I’d hate to leave now _ .” 

  
  


**_00:36_ **

The hallway was the one place in which she could find some form of peace. It was illuminated with ornate crystal lights, hanging from the ceiling. Beautiful. The place was named Valhalla after all. 

_ She wondered how she ended up there in the first place.  _

She sipped whiskey straight from the bottle, which she had no recollection of where it came from, as her face scrunched up. She was going to get used to it. She always did. Everything was going to be ok. 

Though she didn’t quite believe that, as she repeated herself that for the thousandth time. It was hard to believe so when she was sitting on the floor, with her back resting against the wall. 

It wasn’t rock bottom, yet. But she could feel herself slowly sinking further into a dark abyss. 

Whenever she stopped drinking, all she could see were James and  _ her _ . Little Miss Sunshine. Smiling, like he hadn’t smiled at her in a long time. Laughing, probably slowly falling for each other as the seconds ticked by. 

_ That sweet burning feeling _ , which she didn’t know if it came from the liquor or her heart. 

She took another careless swig, letting out a deep sigh. She couldn’t help but wonder whether the reason why she wanted James so much in that moment, was because someone else had him. 

She was too deep in her thoughts to realize she wasn’t alone any longer. It took her a second to identify the person as Steve Rogers. He seemed to always be there when she was having a crisis of some sort. 

“ _ How’s it going? _ ”

“I’m sitting on the floor, drinking whiskey straight from the bottle.” She pointed out. “So not well.” 

He sat down beside her, joining her in her misery. She didn’t want him to pity her. And she figured talking to him about her problems wasn’t going to change shit. Besides, she didn’t want him to know what kind of a person she really was. Somehow, she still wanted to look like a decent person in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry...” He apologized, as he looked at her with a genuine look in his eyes. 

“ _ You’ve been saying that a lot lately.. _ .” 

He chuckled, and nodded. “ _ Can I have some? _ ” He pointed at the bottle she held with both hands. 

“Help yourself.” 

As he held the bottle in his hand, he brought it to his lips and took a large sip. 

“The apology is for making things weird between us.” He explained. She didn’t expect it to be an apology for that. “We kissed.” They had. It was an amazing kiss, but it had been just that one time, a slip up. “and we shared a bed. There’s no going back from that.” 

_ There wasn’t _ . No matter how much they had promised to stay friends, they hadn’t. Things only got weirder when they had gotten back. 

“We will never go back to the way we were before that because of what we shared.” He told her. And a part of her hated that it had to be that way. But he was right. There was no going back from what they had shared. “But I’ll try my hardest to do whatever I need to do to make you feel comfortable around me again. Because if tonight is proof, I can’t live without your craziness.” 

She chuckled, knowing what he was referring to. And if it were a perfect world, she would’ve kissed him right then and there. A world in which she was a little more emotionally stable and didn’t have feelings for an asshole. 

“Was it my dancing that made you come here in the first place?”

“You were dancing on a table.” He pointed out and she nodded, then laughed. She laughed to get her mind off of things. 

“I wanted to be at the center of attention.” She admitted. “Did it work?” 

“I’m here, am I not?” 

“Yes you are.” The laughing came to a halt, “I’m sorry too. And I’ll try hard to make you my friend again.” 

She would’ve probably been more affected by the way Steve looked in that moment, if she didn’t have someone else on her mind. 

  
  


**_01:12_ **

The second he arrived home, he kicked off his shoes. He felt something within him, perhaps the reassurance that everything was going to be fine. That he wasn’t going to be hung up on the one woman who didn’t want to be with him completely. 

A woman he had been plenty of times, though even in her presence, he felt her absence. 

In truth he had been afraid of that. That he wouldn’t have been able to get her off of his head, but there he was, ending the night with another woman in his mind. A formidable one. 

Someone he might have considered starting something with. Even if it wasn’t going to be serious, he had to admit it was worth a try. He would’ve been crazy not to pursue her. All his worries were starting to dissipate, finally, he was going to end a night not feeling completely lonely, and lost. 

When the doorbell rang. He knew he should have probably ignored it, but his good mood made him walk towards his front door, opening it without checking who it was first. 

_ That was his mistake.  _

“Y/N?” Her name came out as a question as he opened the door. “What are you doing here?” 

“I had nowhere else to go.” 

He could only guess the reason  _ why _ she found herself at his doorstep at that hour. Perhaps it was because that night he had come to the realization that he had a chance to move on. Close a whole chapter behind him. Behind them. 

And maybe she had seen that too. He knew she had. But he knew things would've never progressed. And at one point, wanted a life with her. She didn’t. He used to blame her youth, but not every young woman was like

“It’s late.”

“I know.” She nodded, as she leaned against the doorframe. 

“You smell like a distillery.” 

“You smell nice.” She giggled, as her hand caressed his face. He pulled back from her touch, it wasn’t what he wanted to do to her especially, but what he had seen that night was proof they needed space. It had taken him time, and a new woman to realize that perhaps the fact that they hadn’t gotten engaged was for the best. They were doomed from the start. Two narcissists, stubborn, short fused, horny idiots, who had no shot in hell of making it in a healthy relationship. 

“You know the night we met I spent quite some time in the ladies room trying to work up some courage to speak to you... “

“From what I recall you were quite confident.” 

“I had to be... I knew what I wanted back then.” Though he couldn’t deny she had a way of pulling him back in. “ _ I still do. _ ”

_ Oh God _ . If he had been thinking rationally, he would’ve given her a glass of water, and called her a taxi home. It was late, she should’ve been in bed. But she hadn’t gotten so close to him, up in his personal space, that it was hard to ignore the chemistry. 

“Tell me you don’t want me anymore.” She whispered, a hint of sadness in her voice. “That you’ve moved on. I need to hear it.” 

He was at a crossroads. He had heard about people arriving to a certain point in their lives. In which they had the power of choosing their own path. On one hand, he had a chance to start something with someone who was interested in him. Who would’ve given him something more than non committal sex. He tried to think about her in that moment. About her big green eyes, her beautiful face, her rosy lips that curled into a smile whenever he was near. 

But his mind wouldn’t let him. All he could see was her. A disheveled mess. 

_ He gave in _ . He was incapable of letting her go.

It was something much stronger than him. He thought he had moved on, made some progress, but once his lips were on hers none of that mattered. He couldn’t care less about the vicious cycle they found themselves in. 

Not when she was there with him. 

He didn’t mind the obvious taste of booze and nicotine. He led her into his home, their lips never leaving each other, too scared of what would happen if he let go. 

No matter how much progress he would’ve made with anyone, for as long as she was in the picture, he would’ve always been stuck. 

But the feeling of being stuck wasn’t accompanied by a sense of dread, rather one of euphoria. He  _ wanted _ to be stuck in a limbo with her. He was addicted to her in the best way possible, and never wanted to let go.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit, I myself am rooting against the two. But I can’t help but writing them like this. 
> 
> Again, thank you for reading. If you can leave feedback, it would mean the world to me.


	25. privacy policy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): explicit public sex scene. Kinda got carried away with it, again, is it absolutely necessary to the plot? Not really. James and Reader keep being toxic but that’s nothing new. 
> 
> I know it’s obvious but I’m going to reiterate it. If you’re reading this fic, you have consented to be exposed to mature themes. I can not be responsible for what you read on the internet, so please if you’re a minor, be respectful and do not read this work. I promise it’ll still be here when y’all reach the legal age in your country.
> 
> For all of my readers above 18, sit back, and enjoy.

**_15:23_ **

She was a mess. She was parched, barely got any sleep and had to wake up early to take children to school. Which would’ve been fine if she hadn’t been fucked into next week by her ex. 

She knocked at the door decisively. Hoping someone was at home, they should have been at home though. Unless they had changed their schedule. Once the door started to open, she forgot her prepared speech. Instead opting for a very straight forward : “ _ I’m an idiot.”  _

“Oh I know.” 

Nat nodded and smiled. It seemed like she held no grudges against her. Especially since she was tipsy when she told her to fuck off, though she should’ve never said that to her, since she was only trying to protect her. 

“To apologize, I came bearing gifts. Cupcakes. From your favorite place.”

“From  _ Hummingbird _ ?” 

“Where else?” 

She opened the door further, as an invitation into her apartment. Thank God. She didn’t know how she would’ve reacted after that night, but that party had been a mess on all aspects. 

“You certainly know how to apologize.” 

She sat down on her couch. She hadn’t been there in a long time. She should have, but life took an unexpected turn. Soft music, from the latest indie band Nat and been obsessed with, played from the Bluetooth speakers. As she walked over to the table, placing down the box of treats. 

She reached into her bag, for the stray cigarette that had ended up in there. It was slightly bent, but she figured she could smoke it anyways. It didn’t change anything. 

“You can’t smoke that in here...” 

Nat told her, almost alarmed. She had forgotten she hated the smell of smoke. She did too, but became too used to it. 

“Of course.” She placed it back into her bag. 

“So how are things going?” 

It was obvious to Nat that she wasn’t fine. Well, she teetered the line between fine and not fine. Nat had always been the one person she told everything to. Every last secret of hers, she knew. But she knew she didn’t approve of James. 

She had expressed her sentiments on the matter a couple of times. Each mention of his name was met with a scowl. She  _ really _ didn’t like him. 

She didn’t blame her. If she had been foolishly involved with a married man, who then broke her heart, and had a rocky relationship with, she would’ve felt the same way.

But Nat wasn’t foolish. She had her moments, but she was always careful with everything that came her way. 

“Well...”

Nat opened the box, and inspected its contents.  _ Red velvet. Her favorite _ . “Did you eat one?” 

“Yes...  _ sorry _ . I haven’t been eating, and I’m hungry.” 

“I can see that. You look like shit.” 

She told her, as she closed the box. It was just like old times. Friendships as strong as theirs didn’t require the most attention, as any time they got together, no matter how much time had passed, they still were the exact same. 

“I feel awesome though.”

“ _ That good  _ huh?” 

“ _ Yep _ .” She nodded. “I’ve barely been sleeping. Between work and James I have barely any time to rest.” 

“The kids are at school now?” 

“Yes. I have several free hours. Then tonight I’m off with James.” That day, James had an important meeting or something. Whatever  _ CEOs of Fortune 500 companies  _ did. But the previous day he had cancelled his morning plans to be with her.  _ Or in between her legs, making her scream for God _ . 

“Just because you’re with him, doesn’t mean I like him.” 

“I know. I don’t know where I’m headed with James. But I got to know you’re going to be there for me when I crash and burn.” 

“Of course.” 

She didn’t want to think about where they were headed. The pending sense of doom that loomed them whenever they were together. Separately, they were bad. They weren’t the best of people. But together, they were worse. They were explosive, but that was what made it so good. 

She wouldn’t have traded their fire for anything else in the world. 

  
  


The truth was the only place James and her were something resembling a relationship was in bed. Not always in bed, but they worked when he was inside her. 

Other than that. 

He didn’t speak to her about the night she showed up at his place, with bad judgement and kinda tipsy. Physically, they still had each other, but emotionally, they were all over the place. She refused to even mention feelings once she had sobered up. Opting to go at it for another round instead.  _ Healthy _ . 

Though one thing was for sure. She wasn’t ready to let go of him. So naturally, like any other person in her place would’ve done, she opted to ignore the truth of what was happening. 

She was buying time. 

  
  


**_21:45_ **

Which was why when James had brought up an event that night, she didn’t think twice to tag along. 

She still felt his lips on hers. The memory of the hot sun beating above them, as they chased each other in the field, by their home, was still her favorite. The heat was unbearable, and it made her skin itch because of the cheap polyester dress. 

_ But oh _ , his touch felt like heaven on her scalding skin, he was all she could think of. 

Even now, as she sat in his car, no words spoken between them, she still couldn’t take her eyes off of him. She put on a little black number just for him. 

As he drove, his hand found a permanent place on her thigh, shaking upwards, inching closer to where she desired him to touch her, then went back down to her knee, and then repeated the action several times. 

“Are you alright?” 

His car came to a halt, in front of a tall gate, surrounded by tall green bushes. Whoever lived there made sure to ensure their privacy. It was an art thing. By James’ words. N’s she had no care for art, but it had been a while she had been anywhere with James that wasn’t someplace that didn’t require them wearing clothes. 

“I am…” She grabbed the same hand that was in her thigh and brought it to her lips, leaving a gentle kiss. Careful not to leave any trace of her red lipstick. 

**_21:50_ **

The secluded mansion in middle of the woods would’ve been a perfect location for a murder mystery novel. Though it just happened to be the location of the art exhibit and auction he had been invited to. 

As they made way into the foyer, he could already hear the voices socialising. He hated attending events like that. The only reason why they kept inviting him was because his ex wife would always drag him to functions where they could pretend they were happy. People in his world had an extraordinary way of pretending. So they weren’t the only ones. 

Which was the reason why as soon as they crossed the threshold into the main area, he made a beeline for people he merely recognised. He had probably made their acquaintance at some other party where they had drunk enough champagne to make them sound interesting, but he couldn’t remember. 

Leaving Y/N all alone. It killed him to leave her all by herself. But he shouldn’t have been there with her. He couldn’t be seen with her. Not when the press was starting to give him some importance. 

To everyone, he was deemed to be charming, charismatic and loyal, who tried hard in his first marriage, but like many other marriages, just fizzled out. 

He didn’t expect pseudo intellectuals and society snobs to understand the kind of relationship he was in. Somehow he found himself caring about what people thought of him. He thought he was ok with being a cliche, the older wealthier man seeing the much younger and beautiful woman in a sexy dress, but he was wrong. 

  
  


**_21:58_ **

Just as she started to get the feel of where they were, he (or she) does something that makes them go right back to the start. There was nothing more humiliating than being ignored. 

Not just ignored. Pretending she didn’t exist. Which was significantly worse. 

She had been down that road with him before, but he had never so actively pretended like he didn’t know her when he was the one who invited her. 

She realized as he walked up to a group of people, that he knew the people there. Which was probably why he didn’t feel the need to introduce his fuck buddy to them. 

Fuck buddy. Somehow that term seemed too generic for them. Yes, they fucked. A lot. But buddies? They were everything but that. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel things, when he was inside her. Feelings other than physical pleasure. 

There was no denying she had feelings for him. Ever since she had showed up at his door, she had made no attempt in hiding it. They were at it for hours, until the night reached a natural end. She had fallen asleep in his bed, but he was not in it anymore. 

It was then when she knew he was pulling away from her. She didn’t know for sure, as she didn’t ask him. She didn’t dare. Part of her didn’t want to know the truth. Which was why she kept him in bed as much as possible, spending every free moment she had with him. Whether it was at his place, a hotel, or his car didn’t matter. 

She just wanted him. And she was succeeding. Gate keeping him didn’t feel good, but at least she could rest, sure that he was with no one else but her. 

She looked at the photograph that was displayed in front of her. Two bodies, intertwined with each other. It was a provocative piece of work, but there was also an intimacy to it. The way the two subjects looked at each other. She would’ve guessed that in real life they were actual lovers, as one couldn’t feign feelings. 

She brought the tall glass of champagne to her lips. She couldn’t tell if it was expensive or not. But she enjoyed it. She felt someone stand beside her, to look at the same picture she was looking at, but she didn’t bother looking up. 

“I know them…  _ lovely couple _ .” 

As the person beside her spoke, she froze. She didn’t even want to look at him. Of all places, he had to be there.  _ What was he even doing there? _ When she decided to look at him, she was met with the usual cocky smirk of his. 

He held a lit cigarette in between his index and middle finger. And brought it to his lips. 

“We match.” He pointed out. They did in a way. Her tight black dress complimented her figure, as did the monochromatic black suit he was wearing. A complete coincidence. After all black was a very common color people wore. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I’m here for a new piece I’m looking forward to adding to my collection.” 

_ As though being born into affluence warranted him a pat on the back _ . If anything, she wanted to slap that smug smile off of his face. 

“I’d love to stay here and hear you talk, but lately I have a low tolerance for people who get on my nerves.”

She gave him a fake smile, as she took another sip. At the pace she was going at, she knew she was going to be tipsy soon. 

“Is that why you’re hanging out with Sharon Carter these days?” 

Her head turned towards him instantly. How much did he know? She didn’t dare to ask. 

“Are you keeping tabs on me?” 

“No, but it’s cute you think so.” She didn’t know if he actually meant it. She was never sure with him. He said he’d be in Spain for a while, and whilst a while had passed since she had last seen him, it wasn’t enough time. To be honest, she could’ve gone off a few more weeks without his presence. But he had a way of being annoyingly charming. “I’d be careful if I were you.”

“You know something about her?”

“Probably.” He shrugged. “ _ But I know you have a low tolerance for people who get on your nerves _ .” 

She let out a dry chuckle. Repeating her same words. Clever. 

“You think you’re charming don’t you?” 

“I don’t think, I know.” 

“And what makes you think I want to know dirt on Sharon Carter?” 

“Because I know she’s been bothering you.” 

That was all he said, but she knew he knew more than he led on. She wouldn’t be surprised if he knew every single detail. 

“You really know everything.” 

“Come with me.” 

“No thanks.” 

“I know you’ve come here with James Barnes.” He told her. He had been observing her. “And that he’s been ignoring you. I don’t know what hand he’s playing here, but he shouldn’t let someone as beautiful as you out of his sight.” 

Beautiful. James hadn’t even called her that. She figured it was implied from the way he looked at her, but it would’ve been nice for him to acknowledge it. And the effort she made in looking good for him. 

“Fine, but it’s just because I don’t know anyone else here, and I don’t want to get drunk off of champagne.” She rolled her eyes. “And definitely not because of that cliche line you just used right now.” 

Despite being overused, she had to admit his accent made it sound better, she wasn’t going to tell him that though. 

She followed him, immediately knowing she had made a mistake. But she felt seen by him. Even though he was kind of a pervert, he still had his smouldering looks and his panty dropping accent. Besides, she kind of liked his attention, no matter how much she annoyed him. 

“This is Y/N.” 

He introduced her to an older gentleman, who had started a conversation with him. She was being introduced to his acquaintances? So far he had made far more progress than James. And they weren’t even sleeping together. 

Speaking of James, she had no idea where he was. 

“And what do you do?” 

“I’m a nanny.” 

“And an up and coming model.” That was the bottom line. He wanted her to be someone else. Which was why she had to stop getting involved with egotistical assholes. “She’s amazing.” 

“Well if anyone has good taste, it’s him.” The man started praising Loki, and all she could do was smile. An invite to his villa in Tuscany later, he left to join someone else. 

“ _ I don’t know why you lied to him _ .” 

She said frankly. Was he ashamed of her too? She had no idea what she did to be so shame worthy. 

“I wasn’t lying.” 

He always smirked as though he knew something more than she did. And she knew he did, she just didn’t know what that was.  _ Yet _ . 

“Right.” 

She pulled out a cigarette out of her clutch bag, and placed it in between her lips. She had promised herself she’d stop, but lately she hadn’t been smoking because of her job. She was thankful taking care of children kept her away from the untouched pack in her bag. She’d smoke one every once in a while, but that was when she was out.

And since she hadn’t been smoking, she replaced it with an entirely different habit. Not like reeking like sex was better than reeking of smoke. But it was somewhat healthier.

“You’re stressed.”

“You think?” She had an urge to roll her eyes at him. 

“I know. You’re smoking.” 

He pointed out. Of course he’d remember that about her. As if that warranted him some kind of prize. 

“ _ What do you want from me? _ ” 

“Everything.” 

She had to applaud his confidence (and his audacity). The only reason why he wanted her was because she was hard to get, and turned him down most of the time. He wasn’t as hard to read as he wanted her to think. 

“I thought you were staying in Spain for a while.” 

“I thought so too. But I figured you were missing me.” 

She blew out a cloud of smoke, and chuckled.  _ Damn she felt cool _ . “You couldn’t be any more wrong.” 

“Am I?” 

“Yes.” 

“I’ll tell you what.” He started, as he looked at her as if he wanted to devour her. “ _ I stay away from you, and you stay away from me.”  _

“ _ Easy _ .” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure princess. But it’s cute you think so. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some art to purchase.” 

“ _ What if i dont excuse you?” _

She challenged, and he chuckled, as he was handed a paddle with a number on it. Leaving her alone. Finally. 

But that feeling was very short lived. 

Everyone’s attention was diverted to the ongoing auction. As some people took their seats, others opted to stand, with their glasses in hand. It looked informal, though she couldn’t have known as she had never attended an auction before. 

  
  


**_22:32_ **

“The next item on the list is a new piece from photographer Alek’s new collection.” 

Her eyes glanced over at the piece that was being auctioned. A photograph, printed on canvas. Nothing special.  _ Wait… _ she had seen that before. Maybe at the Tate? Or somewhere else? Or maybe that day she went to Alek’s studio.  _ Alek’s studio _ .

_ Fucking shit.  _ Realization struck her like a brick. Upon careful observation. The outline of the body, the breasts, the shoulders, collarbones… were all familiar because they belonged to her. 

Her naked picture. 

She wanted nothing more than to disappear at that very moment. The thought of suing everyone that was involved with her privacy being breached, though she recalled signing what she remembered to be release forms she hadn’t taken the time to read. 

A mistake on her part. A very stupid one. She hadn’t considered the consequences for one second. She never did for anything. All she seemed to be doing at that point was making one stupid mistake after the other. 

_ Well… at least it was a good picture, and her face had been cropped off.  _

Though it looked like James didn’t see it the way she did. Immediately recognising her as well. She expected him to. After all, he had been seeing her naked a lot. So much that he had memorized every part of her. 

“What have you done?” 

“I didn’t think it was going to be auctioned.” 

“You thought wrong.” He was disappointed in her. She had no clue as to why she cared. “How could you be so irresponsible?” 

“I don’t know… I was trying to do something new.” 

“Thank God no one else knows who that is.”

She quietly agreed. She didn’t know anyone there. She guessed it was the perk of being unknown. No one would’ve known who that was. Much to her luck. And the fact that the photograph didn’t reveal her identity relieved her. 

“ _ We’ll start the bid at £450.” _

Four hundred fifty? That was how much a picture of her body cost? Though in all honesty she had no idea what the price of large scale photographs was. 

“I’m only four-fifty?” 

“It’s overpriced. Aleks rips people off.” 

“You’re saying that because he’s your girlfriend’s ex.” She retorted. Probably not a smart moment to start a discussion. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you.” 

“Wanda’s not my girlfriend.” Thank God he clarified that. She needed to hear it from him. And since they hadn’t slept together, it meant they were as good as acquaintances. The press just liked to twist everything. “Does that bother you…?”

“Not at all.” 

“Good. Because might I remind you, you broke up with me. And you cheated.” 

She could’ve let it slide.  _ Could’ve _ , being the key word. But the fact that he thought she had done something he was so used to doing bothered her. She didn’t cheat. She thought things were open between them. As back then they didn’t have a clear set of rules. 

Which in turn gave her the freedom to sleep with whomever she wanted. Including with strange men she had just met. 

“Technically. It’s much more complicated than that.” 

“Really? Because you slept with someone else whilst we were together. It doesn’t get any simpler than that.”

And because of their little argument, they had completely forgotten about what was happening around them. Petty conflicts had a way of doing that. Distracting people from the real pressing issue. 

“ _ A thousand _ .” A voice interrupted their little conversation, and whatever animosity was between them, quickly vanished. When they both realized who it was. 

Much to their horror,  _ Loki _ . No way.  _ No. No. No. _ It couldn’t be. He turned towards them with the smuggest grin she had ever seen on him, as he kept his paddle raised. 

_ Everyone but him.  _

“We have Mr. Odinson with a thousand pounds. Do we have eleven hundred?” The man at the podium asked. “Eleven hundred?” Still… no answer. Fuck. She was screwed. “Going _a_ _thousand_ once, twice….” 

“ _ Fifteen hundred _ .” James exclaimed, making certain people turn their heads towards them. She couldn’t help but smile, cockily. A woman holding the paddles handed him one.  _ It was on _ .

“Fifteen hundred to the gentleman in blue.” She could see something awoke within James. Something that had a lot to do with ego more than her. After all, Loki had pursued both her and his sister. She couldn’t imagine how he was feeling at the moment. “ _ Do we have sixteen hundred?” _

Several paddles raised frequently after sixteen hundred. Apparently seeing other people fight for something made others want to jump in on fun as well. As the number got higher, she watched impatiently. 

She hoped someone who wasn’t Loki would win. But she knew him well enough to know he wasn’t one to back down from a fight. He wouldn’t rest until he got what he wanted. 

And it looked like people had no intention of stopping. No matter how high the price got. Though around thirty thousand, it ended up just being Loki and James competing against each other in an obscenely expensive dick measuring test. 

“ _ Fifty thousand. _ ”

She couldn’t believe the number that was just uttered. Fifty thousand for a photograph. To prove some sort of point. She could tell James was giving up, though he didn’t show it. After all, fifty thousand was a lot to spend on one photograph. No matter how big it was.

“Fifty thousand. Going once…” She silently begged for someone to step up and bid more money. “ _ Twice… _ ” but it looked like she was fucked. Her body was in a way going to be owned by him and there was nothing she could’ve done about it. “Sold for  _ fifty thousand _ , to Mr. Odinson.” 

Everyone applauded him. As though he had made a significant contribution to society. When he had just spent fifty thousand on a photograph. Though spending an exorbitant amount of money just to prove some kind of point was very on brand for him.

He turned towards her, with a shit eating grin on his face.  _ That dirty bastard _ . He knew all along. That was why he was there. And now he was going to have her naked picture in his home, and was probably going to jack off to it. 

_ She didn’t like it at all.  _

  
  


**_23:03_ **

She found him later surrounded by sycophants, praising him for whatever impressive thing he had done. She had no time for it. Though she had time to put on a polite front, and dragged him not so subtly away from everybody else. She was impressed at her attempt at trying to be civil, as that was the last thing she wanted to be. Especially towards him. 

“You knew all along.” 

“I heard through the grapevine, that you were going to be the centerpiece of this auction.” He told her, thoroughly entertained. Everything was a game to that man. And tonight had proved that. “I simply had to come and see for myself.” 

“You’re going to give it back.” 

“No can do hotness.” His cocky smile mocked her. “Why would I be giving up an important piece in my art collection?” 

To men like him, she was just another object. And now, in a way, he owned her body. James was no better, and seeing them trying to one up each other whilst offering exorbitant amounts of money made her feel even more insignificant. 

She wanted to be in control, but whenever men like them were around she found herself without a voice. None of them cared what she wanted. All they cared about was themselves. 

So why couldn’t she do the same? 

“Why settle for art... when you might get the real deal?” She slowly ran a finger up his arm. She was looking out for herself. That was the only way men listened. Even the strongest willed men couldn't resist temptation. 

“Do not tempt me...” 

She couldn’t deny she was sexually drawn to him. Unlike with James, she knew exactly what to get from him. It was purely transactional. 

“ _ I’m not... _ ” She could feel the heat travel through her body, she suddenly had the urge to take her clothes off. “Besides, I’m not wearing any panties.” 

Her lips curled into a cheeky smirk. There were far worse ways to get to what she wanted, and turned out seducing him was the easiest. And the most enjoyable. 

And  _ God _ ,  _ she needed it _ . Not the sex, but the attention. Whereas she didn’t want to be attached to one person, she wanted to be the air that they breathed. Was it selfish to ask that of someone? Extremely. As she wouldn’t have done the same for someone else. 

It was morally grey, sleeping with someone to get what she wanted. But it wasn’t like she hadn’t done that before with him. It was their twisted little game. And she was starting to understand why he loved it so much. 

His pupils dilated, as he let out a low chuckle, that took the air out of her. She couldn’t deny she was enjoying herself. He was really fucking sexy, and he made her wet. So what if he was kind of cocky, and a bit of a douchebag? His eyes scanned her body from top to bottom. “You always know exactly what to say... don’t you?” 

She didn’t respond to him, but the lack of answer made much more of an impact than if she had given him an actual answer. She bit her bottom lip, as she turned away from him. Giving him one more look over her shoulder before heading off. 

She made it past the main part of the gallery, where people were socializing. She walked past everyone, towards the back entrance. A glass door leading to the garden behind the estate. Whoever the estate belonged to, was a fan of roses. As there was a path of pink, and peach colored roses, leading to a gazebo in the distance. 

It was straight from a romantic novel or something. 

Her hand slid the door open, as she looked back once more. Loki had been held back by someone who had started a conversation with him. Though he seemed much less interested than the other person. His eyes were on her, as he waited for the conversation to end. 

She smirked to herself, as she stepped outside. The chase excited her. Perhaps that was the part that she missed the most. To be pursued or to pursue someone was her favorite part in getting to know someone. It was all a game to her, and so was it to the aristocrat who was following her. He had nearly caught up to her, as he was walking at a fast pace. He was a lion, and she was a gazelle. Though in her case, she wanted to be caught up to and ravaged. 

She finally reached the gazebo. It was such a pretty place. She could’ve seen herself reading there, or enjoying an unbearably hot summer day under there. It would’ve been perfect. 

But her mind had much more pressing issues to tend to. Such as the man who took a seat, on the wooden bench. With his legs spread wide. It was extremely suggestive. If any other man would’ve acted so brazenly towards her, she wouldn’t have paid him any mind. 

He might have been a blue blooded asshole, but he was also  _ so beautiful  _ she could not resist him. 

She approached him with caution. When it came to him, she didn’t know what to expect. He was completely unpredictable. Which was why she found him so interesting. She stepped into the space in between his legs, whilst the whole time undressing him with her eyes. She wanted to do something so badly, but she wanted to be the one to come first. 

His hand travelled under her dress slowly, and yet rapidly. He didn’t want to show her he was eager to feel her under his fingertips. And just watching him give into his desire was a treat in itself. 

The power dynamic shifted once his fingers came in contact with her folds. And a small smile of satisfaction appeared on his lips, at the realization that she hadn’t lied.  _ She hadn’t worn anything underneath _ . As he teased her folds, she was unable to keep a grip on herself. Her breathing was less controlled, as she tried not to show anything on her face. She’d be damned if she was going to give him the satisfaction so soon. 

_ Lord- _ his hand. Hands.  _ Plural _ . She had no idea what an effect they had on her until they were on her. One was underneath her dress, feeling how wet she was. How wet he had made her. She could already imagine them wrapped around her neck, or slapping her ass until it ached. 

She knew she’d think of them for a while. He didn’t speak, he just took whatever he wanted, as he watched her with lust blown eyes. His finger traced along her slit at a languid pace exactly twice. From her sopping wet entrance to her throbbing clit. 

_ What a fucking tease _ . 

It seemed like he had no intention of giving her any sort of satisfaction.  _ Or… fuck _ . 

He plunged two fingers inside of her, making her let out obscenities out of her mouth. His fingers were long and thick, filling her up well. She was ashamed to admit she still remembered the last time he had made her feel that way. And if memory served her well, he was going to split her open. 

She hated how her voice sounded. Too breathy, and desperation clinging to every word. He played her like a violin, and he was a virtuoso. 

“ _ Yes… Like that _ …” Words of praise slipped out of her lips unintentionally. Though they worked to her favor, as it appealed to his ego, which made him speed his actions. 

He was a  _ fucking _ sex God and he knew it. Each stroke was perfect, making her putty in his hands. She really wanted to take control but she had the sense to acknowledge he was too much to handle. All she wanted was to relinquish her power and let him fuck her as hard as he wanted. 

She didn’t like the way she sounded. The way he made her sound. But she would’ve been lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying it.  _ Holy- _ that thing with his fingers… his beautiful, long fingers, curved just  _ perfectly _ . 

She began to lose focus, as her mouth fell open though she tried her hardest to stifle her moans. He continued as she rode out her climax. The man made coming into art. And she was ashamed to say that wasn’t the first time he made her come like that. 

She whimpered at the sudden loss of his fingers from inside her. Fuck she wanted more. How was it possible to want more? But she did. It was a question she didn’t know the answer to. She might have hated him. 

He was pompous, arrogant, too cocksure. But he had a way of pleasing her that was attentive, yet passionate, and mind blowingly amazing. 

“You’re sensitive aren’t you?”  _ Not an actual question, more of a statement _ . He knew exactly what he did to her. Her legs felt shaky, and she was very clearly still sensitive from her orgasm. Oh, but she wanted to do it again, and again… until she couldn’t feel her legs anymore. 

He brought his fingers up to nose and took in her scent.  _ Fuck _ . Why did he have to do that? His fingers then went down to his lips, and he gave them a taste, by wrapping his lips very sensually around its tips. 

It didn’t matter to him that they were outside, in public. Anyone could’ve walked in on their private moment, but that was exactly what he wanted. He wanted to be watched. He was so confident of himself that he didn’t mind others judging him, as he had nothing to be judged for. Only praised. 

He undid his belt, and pulled out his cock. Making her lick her lips at how delicious he looked.  _ That was why he was so confident _ . 

She straddled him, a little too eagerly, lining him to her entrance, tipping his chin upwards with her index, angling her face to kiss him. A passionate kiss, a foreplay to what they were about to do. 

A thank you of sorts. 

The wind blew reached her sex, teasing her folds and making her impatient. That was her favorite moment, just right before she sunk down on a man. The waiting, even if it was just mere seconds, it felt like hours. After all, that was what everything up until then built up to. 

That single moment. A small gasp left her lips, as his tip made past her entrance. Fuck he was big. And thick, and perfect… and just as she thought she had everything under control, he pushed down on his cock, all at once. 

“ _ Go on. Move _ .” He instructed. He was perfectly calm. A juxtaposition from her neediness. Her cunt was snug around him, and she knew he wasn’t even fully inside her. 

She ran a hand through his dark hair balling it into a fist, making him let out a moan.  _ A moan _ . A delicious moan that she felt right in her core.  _ Fuck he felt good _ . He reached deep within her, making her lose her mind. Her hand stayed in his hair, tugging it a little, making him thrust up to meet her movements. 

She rode him like her life depended on it. His large hands ended up on her ass, guiding her up and down his aching member.

And in that moment, she imagined what would’ve happened if someone was passing by, and spotted them fucking in the gazebo. Would they have turned around, or would they have stayed, transfixed by what was going on in front of them? A display of pure carnal desire. 

She would’ve kept fucking him for sure. Made them watch as his thick cock split her open over and over again. Just that thought turned her on, made her moan louder, she wanted someone to see them. See how good she was feeling. 

God she was a complete mess. She couldn’t even recall as to why she even seduced him in the first place. All she knew was that it was a really good idea, to an otherwise ok day. 

“I know you have one more left in you princess.” 

The way he said it, down to the involuntary growl at the end. It was filthy, he just had the right buttons to push to make her go crazy. 

If she were in her right mind, she would’ve been ashamed of herself. But she was too cock drunk to care. She knew well she would’ve felt him up tip until she went to sleep that night. Perhaps even the day after. 

“You… disgust me…  _ fuck _ .” She managed to whisper right before her words turned into an incoherent string of moans and chants. “ _ Right... there _ .” 

She came as she impaled herself on him. Her forehead rested against his as she came down from her high. She was spent. Though he didn’t look so. As all he did was chuckle. Probably at her desperate attempt at trying to get her photograph back. 

  
  


**_23:16_ **

He had every right to be angry. At that moment, he hated Loki Odinson with a burning passion. And he couldn’t say he hated anyone that much. He disliked a lot of people. But not hated. He had always been a thorn on his side, but ever since he had slept with Y/N, and then with his sister, he had become insufferable. Perhaps he had always been that way, but back then he couldn’t care any less. 

As his actions never affected him directly. 

Y/N. He needed to find her. He was sick of being there. It had been a bad idea to attend the event. He was so in his feelings that he slightly bumped into someone passing by. 

“ _ Fuck _ .” He cursed, as he attempted to walk away. “Sorry.” 

“Is that how you greet an old friend?” 

Connie. She looked barely recognisable. He already knew he was expecting another child, but seeing her there surprised him. She was dressed elegantly, a floral patterned dress stretched over her large belly. 

In just a couple of years, from the end of their doomed relationship, she had built something entirely new by herself. 

Something he had failed to do himself. 

“James, this is my husband. Phillip.” She introduced a man older than himself. Connie was way out of his league. But the way he looked at her assured him , he was very much in love with her. “Phillip, this is James. An old friend.”

An old friend. He had been demoted to friend. Which was understandable. He could’ve done more for her. But just like he was now, he wasn’t ready back then. Four, nearly five years had passed and yet he was at the same point he was back then. Hiding someone he cared about. Someone he knew he could never be with, but was trying to ignore the fact when in reality he was just wasting his own time.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

It seemed like everyone was moving on. At one point in time, she used to be the love of his life. Someone he could see himself building a future with. And now she had found someone else to make her happy. 

It was curious how one encounter from a ghost of his past could make him change the course he was about to undertake. But that was exactly what happened. As exactly fifteen minutes after his interaction with Connie ended, he found himself in his Audi, heading back to the city. 

_ All by himself.  _

**_23:34_ **

She had a feeling that people knew what had happened. But chose not to say anything, because of the man she had been with. But she saw the eyes some cater waiters were looking at her with.  _ Oh they knew. _ She didn’t know how. But she had given them a live show. 

She needed to find Loki. She adjusted her dress a little, as she had become almost inappropriately short. She needed to speak to him, to make sure he wasn’t taking home the  _ fifty thousand _ pound photograph of her. He had proved his point, and he had her in a gazebo during a public event. 

She didn’t know what else he would've wanted from her. He surely would have conceded her fifty thousand. After all, to him that wasn’t a large number. 

“Loki.” 

She said relieved, that was the only time she would’ve said his name in relief. 

“I’ll be heading home now.” He spoke, as he looked down at his watch. “With my new purchase.” 

“You will do no such thing. That wasn’t the deal.” 

“I made no such deal. You tried to manipulate me with your feminine wiles, and I didn’t fall for them, but I did take you up on the offer to please you. And it seems I succeeded.” 

She really wanted to slap him. He was playing her all along. From the moment she stepped foot in that mansion. He knew her photograph was going to be there, and that he was going to trick her into seducing him. 

His plan was almost too perfect. 

“You used me.” 

“ _ So did you _ . Which makes you just as bad as I am.” He pointed out. “As always, it was a pleasure running into you. We should make this a habit.” 

“Never again.” 

“You say that now, but you will give in to me eventually. It’s only a matter of time.” 

It was the second time that day that she felt shame. But she meant it.  _ Never again.  _

  
  


**_23:45_ **

“ _ James…?  _ What are you doing here?” He was met with Wanda’s confused face as she opened her hotel room door. What could he have said? That he came to his senses whilst talking to his ex? That he thought whatever he was doing with the woman he thought he loved was a waste of his time? 

That he wanted to know what could be between them? Him showing up there was completely premeditated ever since he stepped inside his car. Without Y/N. He didn’t mean to leave her there. 

And he didn’t think things through well enough. 

“I was in the neighborhood… do you want to go out for a walk?”

“ _ Now _ ?”

Perhaps it was a stupid idea for him to show up at her door unannounced like that. But he would’ve been a fool if he decided not to explore his options with her. Just exploring. There was no harm in that. 

“Yes.” 

“Sure. Let me grab a jacket.” 

  
  


**_00:18_ **

Alone. That was how she felt. She had never been the type of person who hated to be alone. In fact there were times she preferred loneliness. But James leaving her at the mansion was something different. He texted her, apologising and telling her something important had come up, but she didn’t know whether to believe him. 

She should have. He wasn’t a good person, but he wasn’t bad either. 

She scrubbed her body clean, from both the smoke and Loki. Even after she was done, she stayed under the water, letting it wash over her. 

Thought started to cloud her mind. She couldn’t keep James forever. He would’ve eventually moved onto someone else. Someone who could give him exactly what he wanted. 

Maybe that was the reason why he needed space from her. And she couldn’t blame him. She would’ve done the same too. If she knew where she stood. But she didn’t. And it was unfair to ask him to wait for her until she was ready. It was something that worked well in movies only. 

She always thought that part to be incredibly unrealistic, albeit romantic. No one, no matter how much they loved someone would’ve waited forever for them. 

  
  
  


**_00:29_ **

She laid in bed, still plagued by the same thoughts she had in the shower. She still loved James. Despite all the men that had come into her life, he was still the one she wanted. And somehow her feelings never translated well into her actions or her words. 

Should she have told him about Loki? Or could she avoid that awkward conversation? As it was nothing serious? Even though two people agreed sex was just sex, there were times one changed their views on it. What happened with Loki was purely for her gain, despite her failure. She didn’t want him thinking there was more to it. 

“Hey… is everything alright?” Maria knocked, and opened the door, interrupting her mid thought.

“Everything is.” She replied, as she stood up. She was still her boss after all. “Tomorrow… Can I take the girls to the park? I kinda promised them.” 

“Sure. They adore you.” 

“I adore them too. I’m starting to miss having them around, now that they’re in school.” 

“I felt the same exact way when they started.” She replied with a soft smile.“George wants them to send them to boarding school once they’re older, but I don’t think I can let go.” 

“I mean… teenagers can be a nightmare. So that doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.” 

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.” She handed her the Manila envelope she held in both hands. The one she had her eye on ever since she entered the room. But pretended not to look at it in the eventuality it wasn’t destined for her. But it was. “This came for you today. Very ominous. A stocky man in an Italian suit delivered it.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah. Kinda hard to believe. I was scared at first, but he told me he had a special delivery.” 

“Why did you even answer? I would’ve slammed the door in his face.” 

“I thought to do that too… but he had this envelope, and I was morbidly curious as to who sent it. I didn’t look at it, I just put it aside and waited for you to come home.” 

She ripped off the immaculately folded note that was taped onto the folder. Clearly it was from someone she knew. And since she didn’t know a lot of people in the city, she had an idea who might have sent it. 

The note was written perfect cursive, with some sort of family crest instead of a signature at the very top. She instantly knew who it belonged to, as not so many people were pompous enough to include one, much less have one. 

_ ‘Now we’re even.’ _

It said ominously. 

She stared at Maria, who stood above her, just as confused as she was. She could tell she wanted her to give her some answers, but she didn’t know what to tell her, as she knew as little as she did. 

That was until she inspected the envelope. It was heavier than it looked. She had a strange feeling about it. Especially since behind where the note was attached, it had a name written in all capital letters on the light brown paper. 

  
  


_**SHARON CARTER** _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Loki’s back I guess.

**Author's Note:**

> ITS BACKKKK!


End file.
